Was given a heads up a few hours ago that someone is reporting my step-son to the police......... - HotUKDeals
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Was given a heads up a few hours ago that someone is reporting my step-son to the police.........

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I dont really want to go in to the fine details of the matter but if he did it is a serious crime & could be facing Jail. He is 16 years old He dose have a history of getting angry & throwing th… Read More
mrfun1981 Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
I dont really want to go in to the fine details of the matter but if he did it is a serious crime & could be facing Jail. He is 16 years old

He dose have a history of getting angry & throwing things n running off when he gets told things he dont like. So if i warn him he could get angry & shoot off but if i dont warn him is that right or wrong?

Would you give your child a heads up as well or not?
mrfun1981 Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
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#1
no, do the crime do the time.
#2
You can go to jail at 16?

Why would you want him to not pay for his crimes?
#3
no i wouldnt give him a heads up
banned#4
Just wait for the police to knock on your door.
#5
what has he supposed to have done then?
#6
Has he shagged Wayne Bridge's misses as well?
#7
edjaned
no i wouldnt give him a heads up


+1 its not a nice situation to be in
#8
Let him find out the hard way.

He should have been kicked into touch before this stage surely ????
#9
Trickyjabs;7762996
Has he shagged Wayne Bridge's misses as well?

No, but i have :)
#10
are you frightened of him just sounds it by the way you say if you warn him he could get angry and shoot off.and if he has done the crime then he needs to pay for it maybe it would teach him some manners not being funny but he sounds like one very agressive young lad.
#11
choc1969

He should have been kicked into touch before this stage surely ????


am surprised that you have said that. You surely must know with being a foster parent that it isnt always the parents fault - kids can go off the rails for all sorts of reasons - much to the agony of the caring parents.

Maybe I have read your post wrong:thinking:
#12
im not saying i dont want him to pay for his crimes cos if he is guilty he should, but it could turn out to be one word against another & the person even offered to tell my step-son there self that they was going to report him but the only reason i didn't let them in to tell him as i didnt want a fight breaking out if he is guilty or even if he is not quilty my step son may of had a go back for being a accused of a serious crime.

But i just cant make my mind is fair of me to hold back information that he is being accused of a serious crime.....If some one was accusing you of something you would want to know, wont you?
banned#13
Come on, spill the beans, give us the juicy gossip. What's the naughty little chap gone and done?
#14
bossyboots;7763031
am surprised that you have said that. You surely must know with being a foster parent that it isnt always the parents fault - kids can go off the rails for all sorts of reasons - much to the agony of the caring parents.

Maybe I have read your post wrong:thinking:


no you haven't read me wrong

being a foster mum doesn't mean I don't discipline my little boy.........he used to get angry and violent but after sorting out the root causes he's a different child.......

OP stated that he's known for going off the rails......surely he should have been sorted out one way or another :?
banned#15
choc1969
no you haven't read me wrong

being a foster mum doesn't mean I don't discipline my little boy.........he used to get angry and violent but after sorting out the root causes he's a different child.......

OP stated that he's known for going off the rails......surely he should have been sorted out one way or another :?


I bet you are a lovely foster mummy.

You are so generous and kind :thumbsup:
#16
Lulu'sMammy
No, but i have :)


lol, photos/video or it's not true! ;-)
#17
mrfun1981
im not saying i dont want him to pay for his crimes cos if he is guilty he should, but it could turn out to be one word against another & the person even offered to tell my step-son there self that they was going to report him but the only reason i didn't let them in to tell him as i didnt want a fight breaking out if he is guilty or even if he is not quilty my step son may of had a go back for being a accused of a serious crime.

But i just cant make my mind is fair of me to hold back information that he is being accused of a serious crime.....If some one was accusing you of something you would want to know, wont you?


Isn't that what the Police will find out? If you tell him to scarper, then how will they know he is innocent?
#18
choc1969
no you haven't read me wrong

being a foster mum doesn't mean I don't discipline my little boy.........he used to get angry and violent but after sorting out the root causes he's a different child.......

OP stated that he's known for going off the rails......surely he should have been sorted out one way or another :?


Its very difficult. I have had many foster kids now and many improve but some dont. Yes I agree there is always a root cause and to find that is the hard part.

Parenting is definitely the HARDEST job out there I think - but the best one also.
#19
yeh i think if he has been like this for a while then really it should have been looked into and help given in the proper areas and if he has done a serious crime then i think it may be easier for the police to deal with him if he has anger issues and face up to what he has done and to prevent it happening again.
#20
thesaint
Isn't that what the Police will find out? If you tell him to scarper, then how will they know he is innocent?


would agree with this - he has to face the music and get to the bottom of it all.
#21
choc1969
no you haven't read me wrong

being a foster mum doesn't mean I don't discipline my little boy.........he used to get angry and violent but after sorting out the root causes he's a different child.......

OP stated that he's known for going off the rails......surely he should have been sorted out one way or another :?


we have tried to get to the bottom of his problems we have spoke to social services a numbers of times but they dont want to help cos of his age. got him to go to doc's before cos of his angry & low moods with not talking the doc set on a CAMS appointmet but then we couldnt get my step-son to agree to go.
#22
DLM;7763090
I bet you are a lovely foster mummy.

You are so generous and kind :thumbsup:


thanks sweet, blame my mum

she had five kids then fostered loads too as well as being a nurse for children/adults with learning difficulties.......

think I spoil him though :w00t: but love that he is always happy with me and he told me he loved me a few months back..........I had to turn my back as i burst into tears :oops:

autistic children are the best
#23
thesaint
Isn't that what the Police will find out? If you tell him to scarper, then how will they know he is innocent?


I wouldnt tell him to scarper, i would just maybe tell him what he has been accused of & the police will prob be around to see him tonight or tomorrow
#24
mrfun1981
we have tried to get to the bottom of his problems we have spoke to social services a numbers of times but they dont want to help cos of his age. got him to go to doc's before cos of his angry & low moods with not talking the doc set on a CAMS appointmet but then we couldnt get my step-son to agree to go.


Social Services will help with children and adults, so someone is pulling yours off mate.

mrfun1981
I wouldnt tell him to scarper, i would just maybe tell him what he has been accused of & the police will prob be around to see him tonight or tomorrow


So he can go and intimidate a few witnesses, or do you to expect him to wait indoors for the dibble?
#25
choc1969
thanks sweet, blame my mum

she had five kids then fostered loads too as well as being a nurse for children/adults with learning difficulties.......

think I spoil him though :w00t: but love that he is always happy with me and he told me he loved me a few months back..........I had to turn my back as i burst into tears :oops:

autistic children are the best



Is it respite care you do? I have unfortunately never had the same child twice...........some we have had for one night - others for up to 4 months before they either go back home or go live permanently with a relative.
#26
mrfun1981;7763153
we have tried to get to the bottom of his problems we have spoke to social services a numbers of times but they dont want to help cos of his age. got him to go to doc's before cos of his angry & low moods with not talking the doc set on a CAMS appointmet but then we couldnt get my step-son to agree to go.


wish you all the best , its a shame they can't be forced into counselling, :roll:
#27
I don't see any positives from telling him.

1. He's guilty, he's not going to sit and wait for the police, he'll do a runner
2. He's guilty, and wants to get the person who "grassed him up"
3. He's innocent and wants to get the person who's spreading lies around.
1 Like #28
bossyboots;7763191
Is it respite care you do? I have unfortunately never had the same child twice...........some we have had for one night - others for up to 4 months before they either go back home or go live permanently with a relative.


long term respite, have had him on a regular basis for 3 years, 2 weekends a months a half of all school holidays

i also do emergency care for remand children/teens now, everyone thinks I'm mad but i do have great support from my family
#29
thesaint
Social Services will help with children and adults, so someone is pulling yours off mate.


Iv sat in the room with the social services when they have been talking to his mom, about my step-son & the problems with had with him, running away, bad language, wont listen upsetting the house hold & we have 4 girls 7 years & under to think about, but they just didnt want to help us out.

An they would say come back to us if things get worse n we go back speak to some diff but get the same replie
#30
Heads up or not, the Police will catch up with him regardless; unless he's off to Brazil.

Giving him the heads up only gives him the opportunity to get an alibi sorted. Don't torture yourself :thumbsup:
#31
choc1969
long term respite, have had him on a regular basis for 3 years, 2 weekends a months a half of all school holidays

i also do emergency care for remand children/teens now, everyone thinks I'm mad but i do have great support from my family


No wonder you both are so close - family support is a huge thing and I know I couldnt have done it without my parents - also my lovely mother-in-law is a photographer and takes lovely proper pics of them all too.

OP I hope you get it all sorted and let us know the outcome
#32
mrfun1981
Iv sat in the room with the social services when they have been talking to his mom, about my step-son & the problems with had with him, running away, bad language, wont listen upsetting the house hold & we have 4 girls 7 years & under to think about, but they just didnt want to help us out.

An they would say come back to us if things get worse n we go back speak to some diff but get the same replie


You are contradicting yourself, as you said that they won't help because of his age. :?


You need to be assertive with them.

If you keep getting different people, then request the same person. Write all phone calls with them down, and get deadlines. When the deadline passes, call them the very next day to find out why they haven't responded.

If you get no joy, speak to the team manager, service manager, director, etc. Or whatever the hierarchy is in place.
#33
Seek proper advice, not from certain people on here.
banned#34
choc1969
thanks sweet, blame my mum

she had five kids then fostered loads too as well as being a nurse for children/adults with learning difficulties.......

think I spoil him though :w00t: but love that he is always happy with me and he told me he loved me a few months back..........I had to turn my back as i burst into tears :oops:

autistic children are the best


Aw, I have been tempted loads of times to foster.

It is a great thing you are doing and your mum sounds lovely too x x
#35
thesaint
You are contradicting yourself, as you said that they won't help because of his age. :?


You need to be assertive with them.

If you keep getting different people, then request the same person. Write all phone calls with them down, and get deadlines. When the deadline passes, call them the very next day to find out why they haven't responded.

If you get no joy, speak to the team manager, service manager, director, etc. Or whatever the hierarchy is in place.


We have been told they dont want to help cos of his age but then get told if problems get worse talk to them again. But they have never given us a proper social worker for him as they have not been arsed when we have gone in. We only get to talk to the duty social every time we go in & who say they will talk to the team manger etc.
#36
DanJackson
Come on, spill the beans, give us the juicy gossip. What's the naughty little chap gone and done?


lol
#37
bossyboots
Is it respite care you do? I have unfortunately never had the same child twice...........some we have had for one night - others for up to 4 months before they either go back home or go live permanently with a relative.


I do short term and have done some respite. I've had the same one 3 times for respite, and one since November. Hardest and best job in the world :)
#38
DLM
Aw, I have been tempted loads of times to foster.


Do it!!! I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it....it makes such a difference to children to know that someone really does care...go for it! :thumbsup:
banned#39
let him hit the cell

think of the money you will save in food bills etc
#40
am not a parent so disregard this if you want but its down to accountability.
if he HAS done something, he must be held accountable for it. How much of that accountability will be determined by the jury.

if he hasnt but he's been behaving badly and it could've been him in this situation, maybe it'll be the massive shake that he needs to settle down a bit.

too many teens blame society for their problems, too many parents don't take responsibility for their children.
not saying by any stretch, that I mean you personally.

I personally think we'd have a lot less mistaken cases of ADHD and Autism if kids werent fed from a young age on micro chips, blue pop and masses of sweets to keep them quiet.

my gf is the middle one of 9 kids from 3 marriages, at 16 she was both raped by a former boyfriend who was never prosecuted and she had to undergo brain surgery, during which, her heart stopped and she was clinically dead.

now at 21 she's the only member of her family so far to actually finish school, college and move on to university.

my view is that its down to parenting, knowing and CARING where your kids are and who they're with and what they're up to.

I wasnt ever allowed to hang around on the streets with gangs of older and younger kids from my estate. my parents found me things to do and made sure I was doing them.
When I was a little kid, it was gymnastics, then trampolining, eventually I moved into Martial Arts.

As has been said already, giving him the heads up is not advisable.
he WILL be angry when he finds out you knew and didnt tell him tho.
hopefully he will forgive you.

if he hasnt done anything, he shouldnt be scared about it. however fear presents itself in things like huge adrenal dumps which can trigger the fight or flight syndrome in everybody.

the best way is to keep a very close eye on his whereabouts and if/when the police call, it'll look better than he didnt run.

revenge is an empty crime. if he goes after whoever has put him in this situation, there is no end to it.

in the end, if he's committed a serious crime, he needs to take responsibility for his actions.

how much of that responsibility lies with him, you, his upbringing, his peers etc, isnt for you to decide.

like I say, feel free to disregard my opinion.

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