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Washing Your Cat

skusey Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed.

That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this
popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that
resembles soap flakes (with or without bleach).

Cats, like their nemesis, the dog .... do get dirty and have a
variety of odours... from smelling like the outhouse where you
camped last year to the same odour as your dog's breath. (Remember
... your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats
HATE water.

And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of
a bath is out of the question, so, the best approach is both
sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can
be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total
lack of concern for you .... you have the advantage of size,
strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is
suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.

2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a
shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about
3.5 seconds.

3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area
before hand. No ... blow drying the cat after the bath is not
suggested.

4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you
still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically
in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or
prone in the tub.

5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up,
nonchalantly, as if you were simply carrying him/her to the
supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your
strange attire...the cat barely notices you anyway.

6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom .... speed is
essential. In one single liquid motion shut the door to the
bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and
drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state
of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of
him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45
seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and
add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has
worn off and he's madder than a wet hornet.

7. As best, you can, wearing welder's gloves, try to field his
body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If
possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body
now fully exposed.

8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub
vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slides down
the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the
water, rinsing himself in the process.

9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The
cat will realise the lack of traction on the glass by then and
will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.

10. Next, the cat must be dried. No...this is NOT the easiest
part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just
become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest
here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat,
reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.

11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your
leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this
view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much
better position for wrapping the towel around him.

12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub
enclosure. Open bathroom door .... put towel wrapped cat on
floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not
open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.

13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom.
Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a
small hedgehog while plotting revenge.
skusey Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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#1
Lol, very good!! :-D
#2
my cat like to take bath sometimes. he not running away,as he know, that he have not choice and will be catched and washed anyway :-D
#3
I just bung my cat in the washing machine on half load for 5 mins..quick, simple and very effective...sorted :D haha

Kidding folks :)
#4
GerryG
I just bung my cat in the washing machine on half load for 5 mins..quick, simple and very effective...sorted :D haha

Kidding folks :)


Lol, you should't joke though!! My sister-in-law actually did this!!!! She was putting a wash on... the phone rang... she goes off to answer it! Dumb cat decides to take a nap in the drum, on top of the washing... she comes back non the wiser, finishes off loading up and switches it on!!!!:w00t:
#5
[FONT=Arial]How to thoroughly clean the Toilet and a Cat at the same time, with the minimum of effort.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.) [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]4. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse". [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]5. Have someone open the door to the outside - be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. [/FONT]
[FONT=Arial]7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean![/FONT]
#6
lolz, hilarious :thumbsup:

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