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Waxing

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. Waxing . Hair Removal....This is funny. (I dont have a clue as to who wrote this, but................... Who cares it made me laugh!) All hair removal methods have tricked women with their pr…
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
.
Waxing
.
Hair Removal....This is funny. (I dont have a clue as to who wrote
this, but................... Who cares it made me laugh!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,razors, Nair, Immac and now...the wax.
Read on........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, cooked dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should
pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, Im not a genius, but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure
this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. (Cold wax, yeah.right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!

OK, so it wasnt the best feeling, but it wasnt too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am
She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my bikini line, covering the right half of my
hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip).

I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

Im blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that Ive only managed to pull off half the
strip. CARP! Another deep breath and RIPP!
Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious Do I
hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe
OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to
it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip!

Theres no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip..its not! I touch

I am touching wax!!

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I
make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the
toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself Please dont let me get the urge to poop. My head may
pop off! What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! Ill run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the
wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the
way, doesnt melt cold wax.

So, now Im stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented
myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who
had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the
bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. Its a very good
conversation starter So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the
bottom of the tub!

There is a slight pause. She doesnt know any secret tricks for removal
but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, Are we talking
cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?

Shes laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side
of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone elses night. While
we go through various solutions. I resort to
trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to
have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax,
glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the
sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not
working, dignity has taken a major hike and Im pretty sure Im going to
need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids
and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really
dont care. IT WORKS!!

It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs
up. I successfully remove the remainder of
the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.THE HAIR IS STILL
HERE.......ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, Im numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week Im going to try hair colour...................
snowtiger Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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All Comments

(13) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
lol, thanks for that. very funny :)
#2
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/0g4n6ge1la9k3/340x.jpg
#3
im cryin and think i need a tenna lady
#4
And that's why I use Immac!!!
#5
Soooo funny!!
I really did "lol"
#6
I canceled this months wax 'cos I got bruises last month - it's winter I'll just shave lol
#7
love it!!:lol:
#8
[SIZE=5]Wax on...................... Wax off [/SIZE]

[CENTER]http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/ap/ny10911251507.widec.jpg[/CENTER]
#9
ettam123;3141875
im cryin and think i need a tenna lady

oh no ... don't do that! :p
#10
omg that was so awesome and so TRUE...not that ive done the gluing my bits together bit... yikes!
#11
Thank you this just cheered me up after a s*** couple of hours:-D, have sent it to a few friends who i thouht might appreciate.
#12
This is the best I've read in ages, it had me in tears, I nearly croaked.:thumbsup:
#13
:giggle: was mint loved it

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