Some funny, some not so funny, some awful.....have a read!
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).
Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the wife gives and the husband takes.
A woman was telling her friend , 'It was I who made my husband a millionaire.'
'And what was he before you married him?' asked the friend.
The woman replied, ' A multi-millionaire'.
There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - 'If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.'
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!
Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied,
'Yes I am, I married the wrong man.'
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to
get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know, son, I'm
still paying for it.'
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was
a fool when I married you.' And the husband replied, 'Yes, dear,
but I was in love and didn't notice it.'
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job,
he still ends up with the same boss.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Grooms! Once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: 'Yes dear.'
My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead.
An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced, 'It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!'
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
'If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart,' said the newlywed bride, 'breakfast will be ready.'
'Good, what are we having for breakfast,' said the new husband.
'Toast and juice,' she replied.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, 'I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive
'She did,' he replied. 'But where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?'