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What's you favourite joke?

r4ge Avatar
6y, 2m agoPosted 6 years, 2 months ago
Need to have a good laugh tonight folks, so tell me yout favourite jokes.

Let me start

Why did the hedghog cross the road?

To see his flat mate.

(sorry animal lovers)
r4ge Avatar
6y, 2m agoPosted 6 years, 2 months ago
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banned 1 Like #1
i was watching countdown the other day with my daughter whilst she got fingered.

8 letters, not bad i said.

Edited By: DangerGod on Oct 02, 2010 23:01: l
#2
A chap called RFC posted -

1. theres been a powercut in the largest department store in dublin.....


many customers have been stuck on the esculators for five hours!!!

2. FIVE SECRETS TO A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP:

1.its important to have a woman who helps at home,cooks cleans has a job.

2.its important to have a woman who makes you laugh.

3.its important to have a woman you can trust and would never lie.

4.its important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.

5.its absolutely vital that these four women do not know each other......................


3. heres my concern....
three years ago,chinese calander year of the cow.....mad cow disease!
two years ago,chinese calander year of the bird.....avain flu!
last year,chinese year of the pig....swine flu!
this year is the chinese year of the ****.........
anybody else worried!!!
#3
Whats the definition of beans on toast...........skinheads on a raft!!
#4
if you popacherry with a white girl whats it called with an indian girl...popadom....:)
1 Like #5
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees"!

"What powerful rivers"!

"What beautiful animals"!

He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right On top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was still.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the Voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through **** our Lord, Amen."
banned#6
if that lot is peoples favourite jokes i'd hate to hear the worst
#7
This baby polar bear was sat with his mum on an ice berg.

"Mum," he asked, "am I a real polar bear?"

"Yes darling, of course you are." his mother answered.

"Yeah but, am I a proper polar bear, you know, a real one?"

"Yes dear," his mum replied, "You're dad is a polar bear, I'm a polar bear and your sister's a polar bear."

"I know that mum," he said, "but am I a proper polar bear?"

"Of course you are" said his mum, "now shut up and eat your penguin."

A minute later the baby polar bear asks "Mum, I know what you've said, but am I really a proper polar bear?"

"Look," she says, "you are a proper bloody polar bear alright. What's wrong with you? Why do you keep asking me that?"

"Well," he replies, "I'm **** freezing"
banned#8
My Neighbors, the lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for my
birthday.
I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,
“I wanna watch.”
#9
whatsThePoint
if that lot is peoples favourite jokes i'd hate to hear the worst


Now you gone and done it :D, everyone is wondering what your fav is ...
drum roll ..........................
#10
whatsThePoint
My Neighbors, the lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for mybirthday.I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said,“I wanna watch.”
yeh but a bet you did wanna watch! :)
banned#11
Joey Bloggsy
whatsThePoint
if that lot is peoples favourite jokes i'd hate to hear the worst
Now you gone and done it :D, everyone is wondering what your fav is ...drum roll ..........................

umm (insert old rolling eyes smiley here)
#12
This ones only funny cos its so offensive...


3 Pregnant women sitting knitting...
The first takes a handful of pills and continues.
The second asks what are the pills you are taking?
Vitamins she replies so my baby has wonderful skin, nails and hair.
The second keeps topping up a glass with milk.
The first asks why are you drinking all that milk?
The second replies, so my baby has strong bones and teeth.
The third is knitting and listening and all the while scoffing tablets.
The first asks what are you taking?
She replies Thalidomide tablets.
The first yells "Why would you take Thalidomide?"
Oh, replies the third " I can't knit sleeves"
banned#13
i had a burger for tea.

Food.
#14
the PC! people will see these soon and most will be taken down..
banned#15
r4ge, what are the chances, your last 2 favourite jokes are next to each other on sickipedia
#16
why did the burglar take a bath?





to get a clean get away!
1 Like #17
A pregnant woman goes to the doctors for a scan.
The doctor says "I have good news, and I have bad news".
"The bad news is your baby's ginger."
"The good news is it's dead."
banned#18
r4ge
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQe-SNpL_qQbDEl8Vo-3z53uUriLhI0dI1jo9Bg0LfBGT8Zkg0&t=1&usg=__Ksk5MK8ZQDzAQwP9Ygvd10o-yPU=http://www.hotukdeals.com/images/avatars/avatar56149_158.jpg


the last thing going up that ass would be my foot.
#19
what do you call an italian man with a rubber toe? Roberto (said in an italian accent)
#20
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the dead one.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.

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