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What Should I expect From My Boys?

snowflake Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
16 and 14. one in 6th form one in college... HUKD is my family as I have none so parental advice please :-)
snowflake Avatar
7y, 4m agoPosted 7 years, 4 months ago
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#1
Ok,
1: 16 year old needs new kit for his BTEC sports bought him kit already but needs 2 new tops @ £8.50 each tomorrow
2: 16 year old needs £20 for coursework book which I have given him the money for
3: 16 year old needs to pay £9.50 a week in transport fares to 6th form but Im lifting him so costing him nothing
4: 16 year old has started to receive £30 EMA
Question

What do I ask as his contribution to the directly related costs incurred here, ok I've paid for the coursework book and some kit and he isnt paying for any travel costs.


2nd lot of questions

14 year old
Good at helping around the house as son no 1 doesnt do hardly anything but son no 2 will empty bins, hoover load dishwasher wash car etc

Ive started naggin neither do enough, mainly aimed at eldest but want to be general and let them think about it together. Son no 2 says 'you're well strict none of my friends have to any of the things we have to do'


Yeah right lol

so What kind of chores do you 14 and 16 year olds do and what kind of chores do you expect your 14 and 16 year olds to do?

Thankyou HUKD Mum and Dad :-)
#2
snowflake
Ok,
1: 16 year old needs new kit for his BTEC sports bought him kit already but needs 2 new tops @ £8.50 each tomorrow
2: 16 year old needs £20 for coursework book which I have given him the money for
3: 16 year old needs to pay £9.50 a week in transport fares to 6th form but Im lifting him so costing him nothing
4: 16 year old has started to receive £30 EMA
Question

What do I ask as his contribution to the directly related costs incurred here, ok I've paid for the coursework book and some kit and he isnt paying for any travel costs.


2nd lot of questions

14 year old
Good at helping around the house as son no 1 doesnt do hardly anything but son no 2 will empty bins, hoover load dishwasher wash car etc

Ive started naggin neither do enough, mainly aimed at eldest but want to be general and let them think about it together. Son no 2 says 'you're well strict none of my friends have to any of the things we have to do'


Yeah right lol

so What kind of chores do you 14 and 16 year olds do and what kind of chores do you expect your 14 and 16 year olds to do?

Thankyou HUKD Mum and Dad :-)


Chores...

Hmm...

You know how teens are hun, the most they can get away with they will do and a liddle bit more.

Their studies come first obviously but I dont see why the EMA shouldnt be used to help out with food and meals during lunchtimes and any extra bits of stationary etc they need, books, pens, paper, whatever.

As for chores around the home, bare minimum I would expect is help with the washing/ironing etc at that age.

My 15 and 12 yr olds vaccuum, put their own clothes away, keep the room tidy, have babysitting duties, uhm, clean their own room and also the living room kitchen etc if i'm out at work or busy with something xxx

My 12 yr old is way more reliable than my 15 yr old lol

At that age, I think its just about cutting through their selfishness ( for my ones anyway ) and unhooking them from the internet/games machines etc and making them help xxxx

What do you feel they should be responsible for?x
1 Like #3
our 16 year old gets ema-he doesnt contribute anything but we dont give him anything either.

our 14 year old gets 10 pounds pocket money,only If he walks the dogs for an hour every day,keeps his room tidy,takes his turn doing dishes. If he needs extra cash he has to cut grass or similar-dont give him anything for nothing-personally think it teaches a valuable life lesson.
#4
vinylandtrinkets
lucky lads i think when i was 14 i used cook, do the washing then the ironing, clean house plus lots of other things, ive just got my 7 year old to clean his room.
I would ask the eldest for a half towards anything he needs for 6th form as that is what i thought the EMA was for, or make him earn his money also this for your youngest one


Thankyou hun, whenever I go down the road of 'I used to....' they roll their eyes and retaliate with 'things aren't like that now' or 'my firnds dont have to'
I just want some valid backup here and I'm going to prove to them I think they should move their butts :roll:
1 Like #5
When i were 14 I cooked dinner some nights, did the household cleaning, did some of the laundry, always mowed the lawn, often cleaned the car and too care of the cat, 14 is the right age for those kind of responsibilities I'd say and later on in life they wont struggle to cooked themselves proper meals and keeping their own dwellings clean and tidy.
#6
ClarityofMind
Chores...

Hmm...

You know how teens are hun, the most they can get away with they will do and a liddle bit more.

Their studies come first obviously but I dont see why the EMA shouldnt be used to help out with food and meals during lunchtimes and any extra bits of stationary etc they need, books, pens, paper, whatever.

As for chores around the home, bare minimum I would expect is help with the washing/ironing etc at that age.

My 15 and 12 yr olds vaccuum, put their own clothes away, keep the room tidy, have babysitting duties, uhm, clean their own room and also the living room kitchen etc if i'm out at work or busy with something xxx

My 12 yr old is way more reliable than my 15 yr old lol

At that age, I think its just about cutting through their selfishness ( for my ones anyway ) and unhooking them from the internet/games machines etc and making them help xxxx

What do you feel they should be responsible for?x


Thanks babes, I dont expect them to do anything tbh, I want them to 'see' and try that first and foremost, like yesterday I cut the grass, had to move a big table with benches, and then obviously cut grass lol, had no offer of help from either of them and it just annoyed me, when it came to sweeping the grass up I asked for one of them to get the broom, brush and dustpan and binbags, in 'can one of you get them for me' from outside...neither responded and I just thought it quicker to do myself.
Situation today just done sunday dinner after football for youngest this morning/afternoon, just blown a fuse when they couldnt even be bothered to load the dishwasher and I went into kitchen and all plates etc were just left on the side :x
1 Like #7
snowflake
Thanks babes, I dont expect them to do anything tbh, I want them to 'see' and try that first and foremost, like yesterday I cut the grass, had to move a big table with benches, and then obviously cut grass lol, had no offer of help from either of them and it just annoyed me, when it came to sweeping the grass up I asked for one of them to get the broom, brush and dustpan and binbags, in 'can one of you get them for me' from outside...neither responded and I just thought it quicker to do myself.
Situation today just done sunday dinner after football for youngest this morning/afternoon, just blown a fuse when they couldnt even be bothered to load the dishwasher and I went into kitchen and all plates etc were just left on the side :x


oh you're just like me hun... we're too soft for our own good! x x x
#8
kapows
obviously your kids are ignorant and not mature enough to be reasoned with. dunno what kind of childhood they had, probably coveted by their mummies.

so theres no point trying to 'prove' to them and 'asking' them to move their butts.

how do you make someone responsible for themselves?? THEMSELVES being the key word here.
stop doing what you do for them. yes it is harsh, but they will learn in the long run and they may start off bitter but will appreciate you later.

stop babysitting them like they are ten and leave them on their own now. yes might sound like ruthless parenting, but thats because youre a softy. this stuff is carried out by parents everywhere. who are thankful of their move into being cruel to be kind


and for the love of heaven, STOP USING YOUR 14 YEAR OLD. he obviously is more soft hearted rather than the eldest who is hard hearted. but dont make the 14 year old take the brunt of the work.

also making them 'think' is not gona work when they have no direct responsibilities to think about. if you dont want the 14 year old to turn out worse than the eldest, i suggest you break down the responsibilities to both, and stop doing things for them both until they buck down.



I agree with you

i didnt get on with my parents very well still dont really because of the same reason everything was expected of me, im not just talking chores here either

i used to do loads of chores when i lived at home my younger brother did nothing, even when i started working and he was unemployed i still did lots of chores.

Now all my parents do is moan to me about it "he doesnt help, he doesnt do anything" blah blah blah

ive told them stop doing things for him, stop washing his clothes, ironing his stuff etc etc but they dont ever follow out their warnings drives me insane coz they never used to do it for me :roll:

He is a mommas boy always has been always will be he doesnt respect them for it, oh hes now 25 and has a job now but does nothing at my parents

you need to be harsher on the boys let them see how much you do, do for them and maybe they will appriciate you more, it may take time but it will be worth it
#9
oh kapows comments gone :?
banned#10
yeah i give perfectly sound advice but as usual some women on here only want to hear what they want 'oh baby im so sowee it'll work out blah blah'

and im guessing ascottishbloke has been around to work his dastardly deeds.

the OP didnt even bother to think that maybe there are people who have had to work since high school and went through college and uni without any spending money or EMA..how lucky are these kids?

there is no point making the OP understand...its like drawing blood from stone - impossible. yet OP feels they can 'instill' duty and make them instinctive and at the same time cuddle and covet them :roll:
1 Like #11
My boys 20, 14 & 12 (20 year old has left home) have had a jobs rota since the youngest was 6 years old. It requires them to empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, empty the tumble dryer, tidy their rooms, set the dinner table & clear the dinner table on a daily basis. For this I give them both £5 per week pocket money that is theirs to do as they wish.
On top of their chores I expect them to equally share responsibilty in keeping the house as tidy as they find it.
My 14 year old has a paper round that pays him £12 per week. Any new xbox games he wants he saves this money to pay for them, the 12 year old will be having a paper round when he is 13.
We arent overly strict but have standards and rules that they are asked to respect......it doesnt all go to plan....dependant upon testosterone outbursts.....but on the whole they both pull their weight equally.

I think you need to crack down on the 16 year old to pull his weight around the house as much as the 14 year old or the younger may begin to resent the fact he does the majority share of chores.

I believe all of the EMA payment should be used towards schooling costs i.e. stationary supplies, books, dinner money etc.
#12
vinylandtrinkets
my friend has girls the same age as your children and she drew up a list of chores for all the family to do, with the kids she gave them like a £1.00 a chore and both did really well with them, the eldest did more cos she wanted money to go out with her mates..lol

I do think your eldest should contribute towards the things he needs for school though


Thank you for a good reply hun, they aren't particularily money orientated, the youngest has a paper round and the eldest now gets his EMA, what Im trying now to do is instill the 'duty' in them, where they instinctively feel the responsibility without being asked/told etc...so as they've always had duties the 'shift' has happened where their ages are making them more selfish/independent, its a funny old one lol
banned#13
Just be happy if the girlfriends don´t get pregnant. Tell em to spend money on condoms.
#14
bitseylango
My boys 20, 14 & 12 (20 year old has left home) have had a jobs rota since the youngest was 6 years old. It requires them to empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, empty the tumble dryer, tidy their rooms, set the dinner table & clear the dinner table on a daily basis. For this I give them both £5 per week pocket money that is theirs to do as they wish.
On top of their chores I expect them to equally share responsibilty in keeping the house as tidy as they find it.
My 14 year old has a paper round that pays him £12 per week. Any new xbox games he wants he saves this money to pay for them, the 12 year old will be having a paper round when he is 13.
We arent overly strict but have standards and rules that they are asked to respect......it doesnt all go to plan....dependant upon testosterone outbursts.....but on the whole they both pull their weight equally.

I think you need to crack down on the 16 year old to pull his weight around the house as much as the 14 year old or the younger may begin to resent the fact he does the majority share of chores.

I believe all of the EMA payment should be used towards schooling costs i.e. stationary supplies, books, dinner money etc.



Thanks Bitsey, you're on the nail here and there is a relation to my kids here with the ages and circumstances, thankyou, as always, for the great advice xx
#15
barky
our 16 year old gets ema-he doesnt contribute anything but we dont give him anything either.

our 14 year old gets 10 pounds pocket money,only If he walks the dogs for an hour every day,keeps his room tidy,takes his turn doing dishes. If he needs extra cash he has to cut grass or similar-dont give him anything for nothing-personally think it teaches a valuable life lesson.


I agree, my son is on a similar life lesson, he is 14 and only gets pocket money when he keeps his room tidy and does the dishes. They will never appreciate the value of things otherwise.
#16
another thing you can do if they have games consoles take away the controllers till they learn to help out more especially the elder boy, as bits said the youngest will resent the fact hes doing more
#17
I did nothing around the house for my mum n dad and I got about £20 at least pocket money a week and when I started working I paid no dig money! I was good with money though n that's why they let me keep it all as I bought a car and saved up to buy my house. Now that I have my own house I feel terrible that I didn't do anything but I was a lazy litte so and so. If your teenagers help out at all your lucky, I wouldn't push it makes them more ****** off and unwilling to help.
#18
main punishment in the bitsey household is xbox controller confiscation and internet access denied, if we threaten it.....we always follow it through.....and they both know this. They arent perfect angels, far from it at times, but we have their respect.....something that is often missing in families these days.
Above all Snow.....talk to them and make yourself heard and understood that things are going to change, they are both nearing adulthood and with that comes responsibilty.
banned#19
michellerfc
I did nothing around the house for my mum n dad and I got about £20 at least pocket money a week and when I started working I paid no dig money! I was good with money though n that's why they let me keep it all as I bought a car and saved up to buy my house. Now that I have my own house I feel terrible that I didn't do anything but I was a lazy litte so and so. If your teenagers help out at all your lucky, I wouldn't push it makes them more ****** off and unwilling to help.


you dont realise how much power you have. you give the power to them! they have a little huff and its back to the corner for you.

let them get miffed? whats the worst they could do? they will eventually realise they need you so much more when their clothes arent getting washed and food not being cooked etc.

so youll have an earful for a few days. just smile back at them :-D knowing youre the one in control
#20
michellerfc
I did nothing around the house for my mum n dad and I got about £20 at least pocket money a week and when I started working I paid no dig money! I was good with money though n that's why they let me keep it all as I bought a car and saved up to buy my house. Now that I have my own house I feel terrible that I didn't do anything but I was a lazy litte so and so. If your teenagers help out at all your lucky, I wouldn't push it makes them more ****** off and unwilling to help.


You sound so like my eldest lol, he's brilliant with money, saves,deals, swaps but always has money, very very clever with it but generally lazy as sin, highly intelligent but messed up his GCSE's and got offered a BTEC A'level course that would have only otherwise been given if he'd got top GCSE results, down to his mensa membership, high IQ but lazy, he is actually making the effort now in sixth form which is all I wanted, just want to incite him to be more responsible, without nagging, blackmail etc etc


Loving the replies, thankyou all xx
banned#21
lol blackmail? nagging? why dont you include compromise, dignity, respect, appreciation etc etc in the same context?

think it has been proven more than once how pointless this is.
1 Like #22
we have a list for 18yr and 12yrs old sons.
18yr old empties and fills dishwasher, hoovers upstairs and does bathroom.puts his washing away. Mainly cooks for hiself as never in for meals
12yr old empties bins, does downstairs loo (sort of lol) and dusts living room.He puts his own washing away in wardrobe.
we have 2x 7 yr and 6 yr old olds they clean up their toys and tidy theyre own toys in garden. And tidy theyre own bedrooms and put theyre own clean washing away.

This is to teach them to look after themselves so they dont expect theyre mrs to do it lol.
Mainy the chores were chosen when i was blind and they have just stuck to them.
I think its so important that they learn this.
Mine dont really get pocket money as such.
The little ones just get things brought for them.
Id say the 12 yr old gets about 5 quid a week if i add up the money handouts he gets.
As for getting miffed i if ours dont do them they lose privlages.
My 12yr old has adhd and has a vile temper and throws a fit just at putting the bins out. Then its another tantrum at next chore. Tough he still has to do em when hes had his tantrum and sat on his bed for timeout.
#23
kapows
lol blackmail? nagging? why dont you include compromise, dignity, respect, appreciation etc etc in the same context?

think it has been proven more than once how pointless this is.


My 14 year old thinks youre funny lol
#24
I did have to do a few 'easier jobs when I was a kid.....never cooked or ironed but did have to make tea, do the dishwasher and get things that were asked for etc...
My kids are 3 and 6(today) and they do a few jobs around the house already.....lay the table, feed the cats, stick the tumble on etc...
I think it's important, teaches them responsiblilties etc...
#25
hannah19790
I did have to do a few 'easier jobs when I was a kid.....never cooked or ironed but did have to make tea, do the dishwasher and get things that were asked for etc...
My kids are 3 and 6(today) and they do a few jobs around the house already.....lay the table, feed the cats, stick the tumble on etc...
I think it's important, teaches them responsiblilties etc...


Hi Hann, and [COLOR="Magenta"]HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY MINI HANNAH[/COLOR] ;-)
#26
snowflake
Hi Hann, and [COLOR="Magenta"]HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY MINI HANNAH[/COLOR] ;-)


lol hey hun, and thanks.......he's soundo now, looooooooong day lol xx
#27
hannah19790
lol hey hun, and thanks.......he's soundo now, looooooooong day lol xx


Hannah I just thought, I have loads of brio and lego my kids have just boxed up and is packed away is immaculate, would you like it for your 3 year old, no cost. Just never had anyone to give it to and too good to sell if you get me and youve always been a good friend pm me x
1 Like #28
i have an 11 year old and a 19 year old - i don't expect them to do anything but now and again if i want help with something then i'll ask them for help and they give it (usually). My 19 yr old has just finished college and wasn't entitlede to ema cos of my salary therefore i paid for everything for him including his petrol costs. Kids don't get long as kids so let them enjoy it whilst they can and you can. My 19 year old will wash up aftewr dinner and will ring me to ask if i want him to peel potatoes etc before i get home. I don't ask him to do it he does it himself which means more to me than me asking or telling him to do it .
#29
Thank you all for your brilliant replies, I've let me boys read through them, both had loads of attitude at certain posts lol but I think you all backed me up generally so big thank you hukders my mums and dads xxxxx

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