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What would you do if your child was being bullied?

Predikuesi Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
I know someone whose child is being bullied because he has a small birthmark on his left cheek. The authorities have suggested that maybe a way could be found to cosmetically cover up this mark so as to avoid bullying. To my mind the problem is not with the one who is being bullied but with the bullys. I have told my friend to stick in there until the issue is really solved rather than glossed over.
Another approach suggested was to remove the child and place him somewhere else, but again that solves nothing. I realise that there are bullies in all walks of life, but I believe it should be dealt with. Hopefully not all school bullies will grow up to be bullies as adults.
Because it is a child involved, your heart tells you to protect it by removing it from the problem, but in doing so it may develop fear and an inferiority complex. What would you do in this situation.


By the way, some people have suggested that I have put religious content in my latest avatar and are offended by it, thinking that I am shoving religion down their throats. They are mistaken in this case, it simply says, "Have a great day today". Google this from English to Greek and see.
Predikuesi Avatar
8y, 8m agoPosted 8 years, 8 months ago
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banned#1
I think bullying is difficult to deal with.
Schools do not know what to do, teachers would rather ignore it.
I would deal with it yourself, speak to the child's parents, yes its difficult and may cause problems but if there a good family they'll understand.
#2
the best way to combat bullying is to get the whole school community involved to watch out for each other bullying only works because its done in secret without anyone knowing about it eg. parents, teachers, etc or people are too scared or weak to stand up for people or them self so turn a blind eye about whats happening if you can somehow get the whole school community get involve it would really help combat bullying in the school
#3
They are mistaken in this case


But not the others eh? ;-)

Anyway, I agree it's down to the authorities to sort at the root. What happens if you take one bullied kid away from the bullies? They move onto the next one, then the next..... Yet again it seems to be a case of 'we don't want to have to deal with this problem'.
#4
[quote=Shengis;1705485]But not the others eh? ;-)quote]

Good point. I suppose it is the way it was regarded by others. Anyway, should be no problems from now on (crosses fingers very tightly)
#5
Predikuesi;1705487
[quote=Shengis]But not the others eh? ;-)quote]

Good point. I suppose it is the way it was regarded by others. Anyway, should be no problems from now on (crosses fingers very tightly)


Ooh, you said cross, now you're for it :whistling:

Ok, back on topic.......:thumbsup:
#6
Ask the school what they intend to do about it , it should be up to the school to sort this out ....why tell you to cover up the childs birth mark? i would be offended at that comment.

Ask them what there policy is on bullying , tell them they are not doing enough.

Im surprised bullying still goes on , obviously some schools are just not cut out to deal with bullies or know what to do....... if this kid what bullies your child has been told to stop and had a firm warning and been suspended & parents called in , then the next action would be to throw the bully out of the school.

Bullying really needs to be stamped out nationwide , it is possible , but needs alls schools to have a firm action plan and to stick to it and maybe send some Teachers on courses so they know how to deal with certain situations like this.

Bullying is quite easy to stamp out of Schools its just a shame some Schools don't play ball, but it is down to the school to let you child learn in a stress ,trouble free environment.
#7
A-n-d-y;1705491
Bullying is quite easy to stamp out of Schools its just a shame some Schools don't play ball, but it is down to the school to let you child learn in a stress ,trouble free environment.


I agree. My wife is a primary school teacher in the same school for 26 years. It vtook a little while, but after nipping bullying in the bud, the school has had no serious or prolonged bullying for many years. In fact, it is the best school in that area according to OFSTED. So, yes, it can be done with persistence.
#8
My husband has a very large birthmark on his face and to ask anybody to cover up what is part of them is not only insensitive but offensive, luckily he was never bullied but he has a fiery temper and stood his ground.

This situation however is disgraceful I too was bullied and was taken away from the situation rather that the problem being resolved, if it were my child I would tackle the school head on all guns blazing, try asking the school to set up a playground buddy system which is what we have at my sons school, this is where 5 or 6 of the older children monitor the playground and wear distinctive highly visable caps so they can always be seen and other children can approach them if in trouble, the school found this stopped bullying as the younger children found other children more approachable than the teachers and there was a bigger presence watching over them, also you can always try to talk to the parents of the bully they may not know what their child is up to and could stop it from home.

I hope there is some quick resolve to this problem as it is a horrible, scary and upseting situation for all involved, good luck.
#9
Insist that the school deal with the bullying or you will take the matter further (i.e. to the LEA). Be firm & insistent but polite & they will eventually deal with it.
#10
i got bullied in my first primary school, my mum took me out of that school and placed me into a new one the best thing she ever did for me i was so happy the techers knew what happened in the old school so they looked out for me, my first school was a catholic school and told us because it was catholic there was no chance i was being bullied, so i guess it depends on the situation and what the school is like
#11
Who are the "Authorities" that have suggested the birthmark be covered up?
banned#12
how old is the child? and how long has this been going on? what impact has this had on the child?
#13
The School and the LEA will have an "Equal Opportunity Policy" and a Anti-Bullying Policy. First step is to find out from school and LEA what they have or will do about this bullying. Then further steps may be to consult and discuss with the parents if there is parents' association and finally to the parents themselves. There is always this problem in human beings in that there is constant strive between conformity within similar kind and individualism. I am afraid that the brain nervous reaction that causes bullying of other people persist into adult hood if not treated. Even when treated these bullying behaviour may still exist though not so easily identified. The signals are generated by the brain to discriminate and in young people these often manifest themselves as verbal or physical attacks. However as they become adults , unless they overcome just prejudices, they have far sophisticated way to mask the bullying actions generated by their brains' nervous activity. Bullying must be stamped on hard and no child should feel excluded. Every Local Authority now has a plan for "Every Child Matters", find out who will do something about your situation. There should be a working plan and there is a government web site about this and a huge amount of money was put in place to action this plan/policy too.
#14
thesaint;1705870
Who are the "Authorities" that have suggested the birthmark be covered up?


School
#15
sassie;1705903
how old is the child? and how long has this been going on? what impact has this had on the child?


Primary. For a couple of months. The child understand what is going on. He is good natured, and amazingly taking it in his stride, but it does cause grief sometimes.
banned#16
Predikuesi
Primary. For a couple of months. The child understand what is going on. He is good natured, and amazingly taking it in his stride, but it does cause grief sometimes.


I am not condoning what is happening, but the majority of primary school children are not bullies, children can be spiteful and do no realise the hurt they cause with their comments, i have a 5 year old who is very placid and most things go over his head (bit like his mother) but at times he has said some things that can cause hurt to those that he speaks of, he isnt being malicious or a bully, he just states the truth as most little ones do without realising that his comments can hurt. You havent really made it clear by your post exactly what is going on so will not go any further, some people see what they want to and im not saying this is the case here, but 5 years olds arent usually bullies, and even those from a bad upbringing arent usually aware of the consequences
#17
The problem is that 'bullying' has always gone on and will continue to do so,it can never be eradicated,it's part of the growing up process.

I was 'bullied'(or picked on,as it was known in my day) at 3 different stages of my school life.Some cases are worse than others it has to be said,it can range from being picked on because you are different in some way(glasses,hair colour,buck teeth etc etc) to the more physical and emotional intimidation.When it gets to the stages of the latter then adults need to interevene,but for the milder stuff it's down to how the kid handles it with their peers.
So the child is a bit different because he has a birthmark,that should be his attitude to the other kids,"so what it makes me kinda special!"

In my personal experience of this sort of stuff,it was sticking with my friends and ignoring the silly comments of others that meant,eventually,they soon got tired of picking on me.Eventually those who are mean and nasty run out of people to be friends with,because they end up turning on their own friends.

Not really much advice,I'm afraid,because it's difficult to know the extent of the bullying,just my own personal perspective.

P.S.Predikuesi,put what you like in your avatar!You have been honest in regards to your personal beliefs and have in no way been forcing it down people's throats in my opinion.I have read many of your posts on the subject(though not commented) and have found them very thought provoking,though I don't necessarily concur with them.Just my tuppen'orth really.:)
#18
Predikuesi
School


Okay, thanks for that info.

Since your friend has had talks that have included talk of removing the child from school, it sounds like the school have accepted that there is a serious problem.

If they are taking it as serious as this suggests, your friend should have written correspondence from the school confirming what they suggest.

I would have a look at this with your friend, and contact the local education authority with the findings, as it seems like the school is acting improperly.
#19
sassie;1706027
I am not condoning what is happening, but the majority of primary school children are not bullies, children can be spiteful and do no realise the hurt they cause with their comments, i have a 5 year old who is very placid and most things go over his head (bit like his mother) but at times he has said some things that can cause hurt to those that he speaks of, he isnt being malicious or a bully, he just states the truth as most little ones do without realising that his comments can hurt. You havent really made it clear by your post exactly what is going on so will not go any further, some people see what they want to and im not saying this is the case here, but 5 years olds arent usually bullies, and even those from a bad upbringing arent usually aware of the consequences


Yep i do agree with you about that age range sorry i thought we was talking about an older child.

I asked some man once when i was 7 why he had holes in his face , didnt know at the time they were scars ...i wasnt being mean or think i was doing anything wrong when i asked him

Still kids at a young age can no right from wrong at its upto the School & Parent to teach the child that constant bullying is wrong , but there are many factors and i dont know the full story so only you know whats the best thing to do for your child.
#20
Agree. is hard to control. some people just like to bully. If you are kind and nice, you will b bullied. I knew a person who is totally a bully man. Hate her so much! She is mental right, but she keep saying other people mental...so hard.
#21
sassie;1706027
but 5 years olds arent usually bullies, and even those from a bad upbringing arent usually aware of the consequences


I did not give the age of the child, but as you know 10 and 11 year olds go to Primary School too. This is the age range.
banned#22
Predikuesi
I did not give the age of the child, but as you know 10 and 11 year olds go to Primary School too. This is the age range.


i assumed from your response the child had just started school, sorry i should nt have assumed but as you left the age out and said its been going on a couple of moths i wrongly jumped to the conclusion the child had just started school

I dont think anyone really can advise you here, as you still havent exactly said what is going on, is the child being called names? being hit? ridiculed? etc,etc, my 14 yr old daughter has een having a tough time at the mo by all the biys in her class, calling her horrid names, telling her shes ugly, etc,etc, and this has been going on for months, and for the majority of the time it doesnt bother here, but at times it gets to her, she has refused my help and said that things will only get worse, its a big school and they arent watched over at break times etc, etc, and i know the school isnt exactly great from earlier dealings with them but i have assured her that when it becomes too much, or she wishes me to step in i will be there for here, its heart breaking for me as it is my job to protect her, but as they get older you have to trust in them and reassure them you will step in when needed, i dont really know what else to say
#23
I had this type of problem last year with my daughter being "bullied" at age 10. She has now gotton out of the "crowd" so to speak and has had to learn to stick up for herself too. That is what i was told after 5 visits to the school. She is much happier now and has told all these girls that they can not tell her who to speak to and who to knock about with. I felt so frustrated when she came home each day and told me things that i wanted to wake her up that the world is not a nice place and to nip it herself and she did do eventually. I never once told her that these girls were bad. I told her they did not know how to act. I hope your friends little one learns to stick up for himself too because that what bullies need. Someone to stand up to them.:)
banned#24
it really is an awful time for everyone when this sort of thing happens, and i wasnt tryinhg to make lite of it, i dread the day when my daughters friends realise why the boys pick on here, cause girls are even worserer than boys, she only has two years left and she loves school but im counting down the days:oops:
#25
It's all good and well getting kids to stick up for themselves, but the schools need to do somthing about it. Too often schools will bury their heads in the sand, by saying there is nothint they can do about it. They can. Internal exclusion (naughty kids being kept seperate from everyone, but still in school) is a great place to start.
#26
It depends on the sort of bullying happening and whether the child bully is known as a bully. I agree with excluding kids that are not going to learn but head teachers nowadays have little control in that sense. They have to follow guidelines given to them and are no longer allowed to run their schools as they want. Its all about paperwork today. The head teacher at my daughters school is taking early retirement for just that reason. He started off teaching in the "old school" and now he feels he no longer wants to do his job as his hands are so tied. I went in to see him some time ago about the bullying with my daughter and after chatting to him for ages i felt like he was no help but upon reading "the teachers" guidelines i actually felt sorry for him and his staff that have to follow rules as to how to deal with this type of behaviour. Its all wrong and sometimes it does help to stand up to people. Not aggressively but assertively and it does work. If you learn in life that from a young age people can do as they like to you you will grow up a victim. I wanted to do something myself to these girls but i knew if i did i would be in trouble and had been in the school and talked to the parents but nothing helped. My daughter learnt by being assertive and understanding it was not her fault. It was the bullies and she ended up feeling sorry for them.
2 Likes #27
Bullying unfortunately is a part of nature, take the example of a litter of dogs, what happens to the weakest or runt of the litter, they are normally killed pretty soon after birth by either the mother or the other pups.
As humans we have to remember we are exactly the same, but we have changed our natural climate so much that we no longer really check our underlying feelings
There are normally two victims to bullying, the bullied and bully, yes the bully.
Most people think of the bully as who they have seen in TV programs, don’t forget these stereotypes are exaggerated, most people could not spot a bully if they were talking to them.
Most bullies do not know why they bully, it is an internal feeling much the same as the feelings people get when they criticize fat people, black people, polish people, white people, skinny people, short people, lanky people, school swots, scruffy child, poor child. We all have a bullying intention feeling to others we do not like, but as adults we normally suppress them, or at least don’t go around hurting these people.
Haven’t said that how much bullying goes on throughout the workplace, or the street you live on.
The person being bullied doesn’t generally have a strong fighting feeling, may be insecure, may have a problem with self esteem, may have something that makes them stand out from the crowd - in nature these people are the runt of litter - look at any tribe and what do you see - THEY all look the same, ok they did until somebody opened a sports soccer shop.
But what we will find is that making a change to that bullied child with not normally make a difference, as the feeling comes from within and is still likely to exist after any change unless it is addressed. VICTIMS can remain VICTIMS through life unless they alter the underlying feeling.
Children that have a bodily affliction are sometimes, coddled too much by their parents, because of how their parents feel about the affliction.
REMEMBER, small children will play with each other, regardless of creed, colour, handicap etc, until they are in someway informed of the differences between them, usually by an older person.
A change toward bullying has to treat the bully and the bullied, but it has to include the underlying reasons. It is not fair that in our society that we VICTIMISE the bully isn’t that BULLYING.
The parents of the bullied child need to check every detail of their Childs life, Are they insecure? Are they smothered by their parents? Do they have low self esteem?
It is possible to stop the bullying just by harassing the bully enough that they decide to stop; this can cure the bully as his underlying feelings are being attacked, and they therefore can change. But the bullied child has received even more soft attention, and coddling, their feelings will just become buried but shall remain unchanged. These feeling can re-emerge later at a time of stress in their life’s and will yet again attract another bully. Who do they turn to this time? As nobody helped them change they cannot sort it for themselves.
#28
I was bullied at school for a while and i flipped and hit one of the biggest kids that was doing it...stopped the rest of them then and was fine after that.also moving schools is a good idea, i did in year 10 and was the best thing i evcer did, not for being bullied but because i moved house. got so many friends from moving and being the "new kid!"
#29
My eldest daughter was having her chocolate biscuit stolen every day from her sandwich box in primary school (17 years ago!) the school knew who was doing it, but their answer was for my daughter to leave her box in the staff room to stop the thief!

It strikes me reading this thread nothing has changed in the last 17 years, i.e. its the vicitim having to make the changes not the bullies/thieves.

A little boy should not have to go through surgery just to stop bullying unless he or his parents feel that is the thing to do.
#30
suze

A little boy should not have to go through surgery just to stop bullying unless he or his parents feel that is the thing to do.


I don't think they were suggesting surgery.
#31
thesaint
I don't think they were suggesting surgery.



Sorry, you are right after I've re-read it. My mistake.
banned#32
great post pcfairs :thumbsup:
#33
Ok, I'm not going to read the thread as I'm running late as it is but

he authorities have suggested that maybe a way could be found to cosmetically cover up this mark so as to avoid bullying.


What a ****ing joke! This is just another 'not our problem' tactic used by schools to avoid having to deal with these real issues.

If you DID cover up a natural birthmark what kind of message would that send to the child? That he's inadequate and in order to be accepted in life and society he has to change who he is. Remember he has done NOTHING wrong!

The birthmark is not the issue here and for the school to say that is ridiculous. He'll continue to be bullied with or without changes to his appearance.

Good luck and don't let the school pull the wool over your eyes!!!
banned#34
Predikuesi;1706708
I did not give the age of the child, but as you know 10 and 11 year olds go to Primary School too. This is the age range.

My primary school was for ages 5-8. Middle school was for 9-12.
[mod]#35
i have a large birthmark on left hand side of my face red port wine stain.I myself was bullied at school and was hard at time. my parents had to come into school and talk to teachers. its a hard situation to deal with i feel sorry for the child but something should be done about the bullies,Schools these day want to avoid confrontation in anyway and it gets on my nerves.
i still get people starting and pointing but now i go up to them and say its a birthmark and they say 'oh' and dont know were to look.
ive even been in the ppaer about rasing money for my birthmark ive had 9 laser treatments if u want me to upload them for all to read i will :)
goonertillidie
#36
how ridiculous, to bully someone because of a birth mark. Just goes to show how sad some people are and how lacking in confidence and personality that they have to treat someone like this. It's not acceptable and it's not right to suggest cosmetic surgery to remove/hide it as a result. The bullys should be taught a lesson!!!
#37
the easiest thing is if the mark can be covered do it. why cause extra hassle to your child when it could be rectified easily?
yes in a perfect world no one would get bullied but kids will pick on anyone different.
only other thing i would say if you dont want to cover it up is to just tell your kid to punch the bullies. that will stop em.
[mod]#38
why cover it up when its a part of you?you shouldnt change because of some bully.Only change if you want to. Its the bully that needs to change he/she is the one with the problem.i used to hate my mark fair enough but now i would be lost without it.its a big part of me

http://www.loveyourmark.com/index.html
[mod]#39
[IMG]http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn181/danthearsenalfan2000/birthmark2.jpg[/IMG]
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn181/danthearsenalfan2000/birthmark5.jpg
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn181/danthearsenalfan2000/birtmark1.jpg
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn181/danthearsenalfan2000/birtmark3.jpg
http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn181/danthearsenalfan2000/birtmark4.jpg

just thought i would share my story
[mod]#40
and me now http://photos-g.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v289/191/120/601957946/n601957946_702526_3888.jpg

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