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what would you do if your child was getting bullied?

vinylandtrinkets Avatar
7y, 2m agoPosted 7 years, 2 months ago
ok here we go, my son is getting bullied in school by his so called best friend and his mate, it all happened last week when i was ill so my son wouldnt tell us. we only found out Saturday by chance that a little girl in my boys class told my husband.
Ive spoken to the boys mother a few times about her boy hitting my boy and she blanks it and calls my boy a liar , then she sets her drunken ex on me in the yard in front of all the kids and other parents, ( I gave as good as i got ) so today she called me over and started shouting about my complaining to the head mistress about the bullying ,and why did i tell other mothers her son had hit my son, i told her how long its been going on, why the other mothers knew ( they phoned me to tell me about the bullying monday this week) and that the other lad was involved too, she starts screaming that my boy is a thug , liar ect, so i told her i did not appreciate her shouting at me in the yard or setting her drunk husband on me last time as its clear where her lad gets his attitude from and walked off, now my son was in tears and her boy is laughing and pointing at my son, shes still shouting for her lad not to play with mine , then she storms off to see the head mistress again,
I got in the car and phoned the school to speak to the head who was out ( again) but the deputy would keep an eye on them today, and then she told me that the lad mother had been in shouting. so ive got to speak to the head after school today.

i am fuming that this women had the cheek to stand there and shout in front of the kids let alone the other parents, anyone who knows my son would tell you he is too quiet and would never in a million years hit anyone its just not in him. But it is in the other lad .

i am sick with worry that my boy will be hurt , hit or abused in school today.
any one else had these problems with bullies or schools?? how did you handle it?
i want my son to be happy in school and not frightened to go in which it is now getting too
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vinylandtrinkets Avatar
7y, 2m agoPosted 7 years, 2 months ago
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banned#1
im, going through this at the mo, it is heartbreaking, for my little one it is happening every day by different kids, now got to keep a diary for a week with childrens names, who he has reported it to and go from there, but its breaking my heart, he is a very placid kid and is an easy target, after this week if it is not dealt with i will be removing him from the school, this has been going on since he started there
banned#2
vinylandtrinkets
oh my god! why do you have to keep a diary? its up to the school to keep an eye on the kids that are bullying, how old is your little one Sassie?
i am heart broken about my son he is doing so well in school and this bullying has been happening since last term


he is 7 and entered juniour school in september, up till now we where not sure what was going on and i spoke to the school before half term and they said they would speak to him, obviously he isnt making a big deal out of it so they arent, well i am, he is kicked or punched everyday, i went to school yesterday to watch from a distance and although i didnt really see much of him i saw what other where doing in the play ground and it was not nice, the dinner ladies call it playing around, yes it may be playing around by those throwing the punches and kicks but not by those on the receiving end, im totally appalled and letters will be going to the education authority next week
banned 1 Like #3
vinylandtrinkets
oh sassie your poor little lad, my son is 8 , its beyond me why the dinner ladies dont stop the kids when they see it, and im sure they see it . I think its getting to the point now that we will be sending letters to the board of governors and education department. My boy comes home with bruises around his private area and ive told the head this and that it can cause permanent damage, but they dont listen. Sassie i really hope you are able to stop whats happening to your son, it is truely heart breaking


now back in tears again :oops:

i speak to him everyday about it and he says its not bad mum, he has started to twitch his eyes so obvioulsy a nervous thing, but dont have any trouble getting him to school as he likes school, but i will not have him being used as a punchbag by anyone, playful or not, he is a loner and tends to be by himself so it isnt playful by any means as he doesnt really play with anyone, also as he is such an easy target i am now considering sending him to some marshall art classes to get him more confident and hopefully as he gets older able to defend himself in the right way, but as i have said i will pull him from the school and lets see how fast its dealt with then


as it is more than one child doing it this is why they have asked for a diary, i doubt this will help but have to give the school the benefit of the doubt, although this week as been the hardest ever, back prowling the grounds at half 12
1 Like #4
hello, i am a parent governor at both my childrens schools - primary and secondary - and if when you speak to the head today you dont get anywhere go straight to the chair of the governing body (you should find their name on your schools website or local council website) they WILL listen to you and chase this up straight away as they have to deal with any complaints like this immediately. gave this same advice to bossyboots on hukd a few weeks back and i think when she spoke to the head and mentioned about seeing the chair of governors they sorted it out immediatley as they dont want the governors involved in particularly as it causes embarrassment to staff. let me know how you get on or if i can help any further - quite knowledgable when it comes to these sort of things. love julie xxx
banned 1 Like #5
I was always taught to fight back. It's depends on your morals though. If someone punches you and nothing ever happens to them, they're not going to stop. If you fight back then chances are they will stop eventually. I know the scenario of teachers doing nothing, saying your only messing around, no one likes a tattle tale, the only other route like suggested is to go to the higher authorities they'll soon be keeping a close eye on him if you do, they're hired to look after the kids if they don't why are they there ?
1 Like #6
sassie
now back in tears again :oops:

i speak to him everyday about it and he says its not bad mum, he has started to twitch his eyes so obvioulsy a nervous thing, but dont have any trouble getting him to school as he likes school, but i will not have him being used as a punchbag by anyone, playful or not, he is a loner and tends to be by himself so it isnt playful by any means as he doesnt really play with anyone, also as he is such an easy target i am now considering sending him to some marshall art classes to get him more confident and hopefully as he gets older able to defend himself in the right way, but as i have said i will pull him from the school and lets see how fast its dealt with then


as it is more than one child doing it this is why they have asked for a diary, i doubt this will help but have to give the school the benefit of the doubt, although this week as been the hardest ever, back prowling the grounds at half 12


Sassie, please read my post a bit further up but if i was you i would do as i recommended and hopefully you will get somewhere too - i really do feel for the both of you. my neighbours boy had this last month but he was worse with a full blown tic where he could help bending right over - this was to do with being bullied soon sorted it out though when the bullying stopped. let me kknow how you get on and if there is anything i can do to help you to babe.
banned 1 Like #7
juliesbargains
hello, i am a parent governor at both my childrens schools - primary and secondary - and if when you speak to the head today you dont get anywhere go straight to the chair of the governing body (you should find their name on your schools website or local council website) they WILL listen to you and chase this up straight away as they have to deal with any complaints like this immediately. gave this same advice to bossyboots on hukd a few weeks back and i think when she spoke to the head and mentioned about seeing the chair of governors they sorted it out immediatley as they dont want the governors involved in particularly as it causes embarrassment to staff. let me know how you get on or if i can help any further - quite knowledgable when it comes to these sort of things. love julie xxx


thanks for that julie, i know i appreciate it and very damn sure vinyl does too:thumbsup:
ryman1000
I was always taught to fight back. It's depends on your morals though. If someone punches you and nothing ever happens to them, they're not going to stop. If you fight back then chances are they will stop eventually. I know the scenario of teachers doing nothing, saying your only messing around, no one likes a tattle tale, the only other route like suggested is to go to the higher authorities they'll soon be keeping a close eye on him if you do, they're hired to look after the kids if they don't why are they there ?


i dont want to encourage this and do feel this is what alot of children are doing, unfortunately fighting back cna turn into the bullied become bullies, but he does need to be able to protect himself something i am looking into, thanks :thumbsup:
[mod][Moderator] 1 Like #8
My son was held down in the playground by 4 boys when he was 8 and had both eyebrows shaved off, the head explained the boys did it for a joke, and had been told off and kept in for a lunchtime as punishment, when I explained that it was actually assault the head accused me of making trouble, I took my child out of the school, got him into a tae kwon do class to give him confidence.
The police were informed by another parent whose son had been bullied by the same 4, and to their credit they took it very seriously, visiting the kids parents etc and they put pressure on the school and after a couple more incidents 3 of the boys were suspended and eventually excluded totally.
My son is now a well adjusted 17 yr old and at least 2 of the bullies have been to prison, don't give up and don't take any rubbish from the school!
banned#9
op if you have any sense you will get this thread locked up or removed, it will now go nowhere other than downhill, good luck with sorting it and you ever waan chat my pm box is the way to go


thank you to those who have offered help x
#10
sassie
thanks for that julie, i know i appreciate it and very damn sure vinyl does too:thumbsup:


i dont want to encourage this and do feel this is what alot of children are doing, unfortunately fighting back cna turn into the bullied become bullies, but he does need to be able to protect himself something i am looking into, thanks :thumbsup:


your son will then be the one getting into trouble though - i would go through the proper channels first - i KNOW they will listen to you and rectify - its their job. Give the head one more chance - if you can make an appointment today to see her and if you dont feel she/he has listened go straight to chair of governing body. their phone number and address is normally included in your school website if not definitely on your council website. let me know if you need anymore help babe.
banned#11
juliesbargains
your son will then be the one getting into trouble though - i would go through the proper channels first - i KNOW they will listen to you and rectify - its their job. Give the head one more chance - if you can make an appointment today to see her and if you dont feel she/he has listened go straight to chair of governing body. their phone number and address is normally included in your school website if not definitely on your council website. let me know if you need anymore help babe.


i am talking about teaching my son to protect himself, not hitting back :thumbsup:
banned#12
sassie
op if you have any sense you will get this thread locked up or removed, it will now go nowhere other than downhill, good luck with sorting it and you ever waan chat my pm box is the way to go


thank you to those who have offered help x


why will it go downhill? Just report the trolls and the mods should sort it
#13
sassie
now back in tears again :oops:

i speak to him everyday about it and he says its not bad mum, he has started to twitch his eyes so obvioulsy a nervous thing, but dont have any trouble getting him to school as he likes school, but i will not have him being used as a punchbag by anyone, playful or not, he is a loner and tends to be by himself so it isnt playful by any means as he doesnt really play with anyone, also as he is such an easy target i am now considering sending him to some marshall art classes to get him more confident and hopefully as he gets older able to defend himself in the right way, but as i have said i will pull him from the school and lets see how fast its dealt with then


as it is more than one child doing it this is why they have asked for a diary, i doubt this will help but have to give the school the benefit of the doubt, although this week as been the hardest ever, back prowling the grounds at half 12


This sounds like me when I was younger. First of all as you already said take the grievances you have with the head teacher and teacher first. Also the idea of building confidence is a very good one. When I was younger I joined a local football team which help me to interact with kids the same age. So try to encourage your child what ever he likes and enjoys.
banned#14
vinylandtrinkets
i dont want it locked hun i wanted advice from parents in the same position, which i got from you and a few others


[FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkGreen"]I'm not a parent, but I was a real life 'inbetweener'. Sometimes I did the bullying, a lot of the time I got bullied! So I reckon I know enough to form an opinion.

Some bullying, you have to just accept. School is odd - everyone has their place, and as long as you control it, you have to take some of it on the chin.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
banned#15
wishihadadonkey
what? cos my son was tall and skinny? crumbs what a crime:?


[FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkGreen"]I was tall and skinny. Now I'm tall and fat, but thats by the by.

I got called a lanky streak of **** most days. Is that bullying? I say no. Does he get beat up for being tall and skinny?

You have to split it up into what is acceptable and what isnt.

Need more info in the thread - because BG1 is right - everyone gets bullied at school. Everyone.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
#16
internet bullying is rife
#17
i am sick with worry that my boy will be hurt , hit or abused in school today.
any one else had these problems with bullies or schools?? how did you handle it?

im going to be honest, you tell the school that you son is getting bullied, the school will have a word with the kids who have bullied him. They will then go and brag that they got in trouble with the headmaster and that "little Jimmy " got his mom involved. Knowing school bullys these days, even if you have a word with the school it wont change much.

Tell your son to stand up for himself and get him some lessons in martial arts, he will be more confident in defending him self in the need arises (hopefully not), and is a good confidence builder.

how old are they btw.
[mod][Moderator]#18
FilthAndFurry
Did I say it was a crime?

Bullies pick on weaknesses in other people - if you can identify them then you might be able to do something about it.

Basic social dynamics.


So being tall is a weakness? It's the bullies who are weak and spineless
[mod][Moderator]#19
Alfonse
internet bullying is rife


+1
banned#20
Sassie, you need to write in the first instance to the head mistress/master. If you dont get any satisfaction, you then write to the chair of governors and if you still get no joy, then to the LEA. Thats the correct route.


OP - Good luck.... I'd say the above route is how you should take it also. The Head will not take too kindly to displays of bullying in the playground and will act on it. I think that this issue and problem exists at most schools. It certainly was the case in my little's primary school. My eldest was always being bullied by one or two of the boys there. We could handle that. What was bad was the parents and the little clique groups they seem to form pointing fingers and sneering. As you said, you can understand where and how their offspring gain their poor atitude.

I'm wondering if one or two parents from members in this thread were in that clique!!!
banned#21
wishihadadonkey
If you'd read my post you'd have found out


[FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkGreen"]Theres no link between the OP and him being tall and skinny. We're we meant to guess that was the reason?

I'd also suggest there is more to it than that.

How old btw?[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
banned#22
FilthAndFurry
Stephen Merchant.

[FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkGreen"]
The goggled eyed freak!

Hehe, a good example of how to be successful despite almost certain relentless bullying at school! What a legend.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
#23
I remember If I ever had a problem with someone, although I am not proud of it when needed I went for punch to stomach or neck or knee to groin. As long as the people see you stand up for yourself I have never had a problem with repeats. My good wishes on you finding a solution to your problem.
#24
guv
Sassie, you need to write in the first instance to the head mistress/master. If you dont get any satisfaction, you then write to the chair of governors and if you still get no joy, then to the LEA. Thats the correct route.


OP - Good luck.... I'd say the above route is how you should take it also. The Head will not take too kindly to displays of bullying in the playground and will act on it. I think that this issue and problem exists at most schools. It certainly was the case in my little's primary school. My eldest was always being bullied by one or two of the boys there. We could handle that. [COLOR="Red"]What was bad was the parents and the little clique groups they seem to form pointing fingers and sneering. As you said, you can understand where and how their offspring gain their poor atitude.[/COLOR]

I'm wondering if one or two parents from members in this thread were in that clique!!!


+1

Some of the bitching you hear from the parents outside my boys' school is shocking :w00t: Because I'm one of the only men who pick their kids up from school, I don't interact that much with the mums, who all seem very 'pally'... this then seems to rub-off a little bit on my two boys as they never get invited to the birthday parties of the kids of this group of mums. They get on with these kids fine, but because I'm not in the little gang, it seems that my two miss out :roll:

As far as I'm aware, my kids aren't having any bullying issues at school. We've always tried to get them involved in groups from an earlyish age, which has given them confidence and helped them to mix well. Slightest sign of any trouble though, and I'd be doing exactly as Guv has said above.
#25
electriclinux
I remember If I ever had a problem with someone, although I am not proud of it when needed I went for punch to stomach or neck or knee to groin. As long as the people see you stand up for yourself I have never had a problem with repeats. My good wishes on you finding a solution to your problem.

very true, I dont recommend violence, but it stops alot of bullying in school if you stick up for yourself.
[mod][Moderator]#26
Well it's been well and truly hijacked, OP and Sassie really hope you get it sorted, it took time, effort and alot of tears to get it sorted for my son, but as I said we did in the end, anything I can do just pm me
#27
FilthAndFurry
Uncool dude - never in the nads.

But the parents in this thread don't seem to be interested in working out why their offspring is bullied - they just want to be made to feel better about themselves apparently.


I am not proud of it but when I am threatened it is simply a matter of disabling you, either winding them , forcing you to stop and try to breathe and/or black out.
banned#28
FilthAndFurry
Uncool dude - never in the nads.

But the parents in this thread don't seem to be interested in working out why their offspring is bullied - they just want to be made to feel better about themselves apparently.


I know full well why my eldest was bullied. He is Autistic, making him very different from the norm. With that in mind, were you bullied at School?
#29
electriclinux
I remember If I ever had a problem with someone, although I am not proud of it when needed I went for punch to stomach or neck or knee to groin. As long as the people see you stand up for yourself I have never had a problem with repeats. My good wishes on you finding a solution to your problem.


+1 if it results to this, or punching them on the nose.
banned#30
guv
I know full well why my eldest was bullied. He is Autistic, making him very different from the norm. With that in mind, were you bullied at School?


I was - I got the 'boffin' taunts in primary school and the put on weight when I joined secondary school.

I lost weight, played rugby and learnt to respond to jibes and moved on.

It's about identifying personal weaknesses and exploiting your strengths.
#31
Wasn't going to reply at first but some nonsense being posted here as well as some sound advice.
First - no child should be bullied, it is not some right of passage as youngsters go through school. It's not just part of growing up. It is illegal in the workplace and not acceptable in schools.

Next, the things to do;

Go to school and get them involved.
Speak to Headteacher, not class teachers or dinner ladies etc., because HT has responsibility for the care and welfare of pupils.
Ask for a copy of school's anti-bullying policy - all schools should have one in writing.
Ask HT what steps they personally will take to stop bullying. This should include keeping you up to date, initially perhaps, on a day to day basis so that you are reassured.
If it is not fixed or you don't see signs of progress immediately, go back to HT right away and at the same time contact both the Governors and the Local Authority. They all have a collective responsibility to fix the problem to your satisfaction.
The suggestion of keeping a diary is unfortunately a good one, however upsetting it may be to do, because it gives a sense of scale and duration to the problem and it means that the school has particular examples with dates, times, names, etc to investigate.

Now the things not to do;

Don't tell your child to hit back/teach them karate/boxing etc.
I know how hard that will be but it really is important because otherwise this muddies the water when the school is investigating the background.
It also give the bully grounds for escalating their attacks.
Your child must be squeaky clean.
Don't get involved yourself for the same reasons.

As someone with a long history of dealing rigorously with this in education I'm really sorry that you and your family are going through this and I hope that you can resolve the situation really soon.

OP PM me if I can help further
#32
I notice the ones coming up with the usual troll replies are NOT parents themselves......
[helper]#33
ChipSticks
I notice the ones coming up with the usual troll replies are NOT parents themselves......


Was just about to say the same. OP must be appalled by some of the responses in this thread. Bullying is dreadfully serious and and shouldn't be used as some excuse to continue petty arguments on an internet forum.

I'll report it and ask mods to remove off-topic posts.
#34
cannyscot
Wasn't going to reply at first but some nonsense being posted here as well as some sound advice.
First - no child should be bullied, it is not some right of passage as youngsters go through school. It's not just part of growing up. It is illegal in the workplace and not acceptable in schools.

Next, the things to do;

Go to school and get them involved.
Speak to Headteacher, not class teachers or dinner ladies etc., because HT has responsibility for the care and welfare of pupils.
Ask for a copy of school's anti-bullying policy - all schools should have one in writing.
Ask HT what steps they personally will take to stop bullying. This should include keeping you up to date, initially perhaps, on a day to day basis so that you are reassured.
If it is not fixed or you don't see signs of progress immediately, go back to HT right away and at the same time contact both the Governors and the Local Authority. They all have a collective responsibility to fix the problem to your satisfaction.
The suggestion of keeping a diary is unfortunately a good one, however upsetting it may be to do, because it gives a sense of scale and duration to the problem and it means that the school has particular examples with dates, times, names, etc to investigate.

Now the things not to do;

Don't tell your child to hit back/teach them karate/boxing etc.
I know how hard that will be but it really is important because otherwise this muddies the water when the school is investigating the background.
It also give the bully grounds for escalating their attacks.
Your child must be squeaky clean.
Don't get involved yourself for the same reasons.

As someone with a long history of dealing rigorously with this in education I'm really sorry that you and your family are going through this and I hope that you can resolve the situation really soon.

OP PM me if I can help further


I agree, however he has to stand up to their insults and that might lead to a "fight". As long as he doesn't "throw the first punch"
#35
vinylandtrinkets
the other thing thats annoyed me with my sons school is when he tells a teacher or dinner lady he is called a tattle tail, this winds me up


Thats the 'law' of the playground, always has been and always will be the case.

My only suggestion, is that the OPS lad, attends some form of martial art classes, not so much that he can learn how to kick butt, but to increase his confidence becuase unless he can start to tackle this, he may become a target for bullies for many years to come.

Or as I told me nephew a few weeks ago when he told me was being bullied by a group of lads, to go for the ringleader or the biggest and hardest lad there and go for it.
He did this, and whilst he did come of worse in the encounter, he is no longer being bullied and has "respect".
[helper]#36
The OP asked for help, some constructive advice and possibly some empathy and understanding of what she and her child is going through. If you can't do that I suggest you find another thread to comment in.....

OP you've had some good advice in this thread. Only thing I'd like to add that if the childrens parents are causing problems in the school yard the school can (and should) ask the parent to wait outside school premises.
#37
vinylandtrinkets
oh sassie your poor little lad, my son is 8 , its beyond me why the dinner ladies dont stop the kids when they see it, and im sure they see it . I think its getting to the point now that we will be sending letters to the board of governors and education department. My boy comes home with bruises around his private area and ive told the head this and that it can cause permanent damage, but they dont listen. Sassie i really hope you are able to stop whats happening to your son, it is truely heart breaking



My son came home from school a while back and told me he had detention 3 times that week and didn't know why. I rang the school to find out and it seems that all the boys bar two (my son included) had been going around punching others in the privates. One of the other little boys had been to the doctors and the doc had counted 16 bruises around that area!!! I was horrified the head didn't feel it was necessary to report this to the parents of the boys who had done this to him. She also asked me not to mention it to the other parents.

Needless to say I spoke to the parents of the boy injured and took my son round there to apologise the child. I will not allow my son to be a bully and he has not been involved in anything like that again. The head also said to me I did not need to punish him as this had been done by the school and they were dealing with their way!

I really hope you both sort out the problems your boys are having and I do recommend martial arts as I did this for my eldest son who suffered bullying from the age of 6.
[admin]#38
Cleaned the thread up, can the usual arguments be left out of this from now on please.
If we have to clean up again, we'll suspend those responsible.
banned#39
fireheaven
My son came home from school a while back and told me he had detention 3 times that week and didn't know why. I rang the school to find out and it seems that all the boys bar two (my son included) had been going around punching others in the privates. One of the other little boys had been to the doctors and the doc had counted 16 bruises around that area!!! I was horrified the head didn't feel it was necessary to report this to the parents of the boys who had done this to him. She also asked me not to mention it to the other parents.

Needless to say I spoke to the parents of the boy injured and took my son round there to apologise the child. I will not allow my son to be a bully and he has not been involved in anything like that again. The head also said to me I did not need to punish him as this had been done by the school and they were dealing with their way!

I really hope you both sort out the problems your boys are having and I do recommend martial arts as I did this for my eldest son who suffered bullying from the age of 6.


firstly thank to jb for clearing this thread up, most of it was not needed

my son is continually covered in bruises on the legs, he plays alone so is not getting it from rough play, hes getting them because the other kids kick him all the time, as for why he is being bullied he is being bullied because the children doing it can, but will most definately be looking into marshall arst as i think this would be good for him and not good so he can hit back, but good for his confidence and to teach him he can protect himself in ways other than kicking and punching, thanks for posting fireheaven
banned#40
juliet_bravo
Cleaned the thread up, can the usual arguments be left out of this from now on please.
If we have to clean up again, we'll suspend those responsible.


[FONT="Century Gothic"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkGreen"]and who do I complain to about the utterly random handling of this?

It's clear throughout the thread I'm not trolling, yet you have deleted a seemingly random selection of my posts, while left some of my others. Theres even a post that has been deleted that it quoted by the OP later, and who seems perfectly happy with its content, while clarifying some of my points.

Well done on utterly ruining the thread mods. I'm all for clearing things up, but the thread is now just a mish mash with gaping holes throughout.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

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