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Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge

snowtiger Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
.
.A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.

"Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over, the country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
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snowtiger Avatar
8y, 4m agoPosted 8 years, 4 months ago
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#1
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
#2
seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"
"Well...," starts the pirate, "...we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well...," said the pirate, "...that was my first day with the hook."
#3
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
#4
Hope you like the jokes :)

(It's raining here !! - NO BAR B Q :-( )
#5
[CENTER]http://www.geckoandfly.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/christmas_merry_santa_jokes_funny_yum.JPG[/CENTER]
banned#6
http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/Churchy2704/4.jpg


http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/Churchy2704/5.jpg
#7
snowtiger
Hope you like the jokes :)

(It's raining here !! - NO BAR B Q :-( )


And we ran out of gas for our's last night, so Taco's for tea today :p

Mike..
#8
:lol:
churchy2704;2466827
http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/Churchy2704/4.jpg


http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/Churchy2704/5.jpg



really loved these :giggle:
#9
http://rmur.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/toonwords.gif
#10
[CENTER]http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z39/ladywynne/jokes/frkn_lg.gif[/CENTER]
banned#11
snowtiger
[CENTER]http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z39/ladywynne/jokes/frkn_lg.gif[/CENTER]


Hehehehe! Only me and you on this thread mate! :thumbsup:
#12
love em-particularly the circumcision one!!:oops:
banned#13
http://i244.photobucket.com/albums/gg39/Churchy2704/8.jpg
#14
[CENTER]http://www.pierotonin.com/encounters.gif[/CENTER]
#15
http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii78/chesso_photos/alienlager.jpg

http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii78/chesso_photos/sillysausages.jpg

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