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Women blamed for husbands straying

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banned8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
Thoughts, please, on this!

An author has claimed that women are to blame if their husbands stray.

The counsellor turned author, Gary Neuman, is likely to incur the wrath of every wife whose husband has cheated, saying that women should make certain changes in themselves, to avoid their partner's eyes from wandering.

Psychotherapist Neuman has written a guide for women advising them to always forgive their other halves, ensure sex is on tap and take an interest in their partner's hobbies.

His book, entitled Advice in The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It, has seen Neuman appear on Oprah Winfrey's show as well as in Time magazine. Neuman claims his relationship advice manual is 'dedicated to helping wives'.

Not surprisingly the book has been received badly by plenty of women across the globe.

'This is an appalling book,' said relationship psychologist and author, Susan Quilliam. 'It's more like dog-training than being in an honest, successful, adult relationship.'

Meanwhile Dorothy Ramsay, chairman of the Association for Family Therapy dubbed the book something of a joke. 'It depends whether you see marriage as so worthwhile that it's worth sacrificing one human being to sustain it.'

Mr Neuman's response is that he is simply trying to give women some useful advice. The book is based on his questioning of 25,500 men who have either remained faithful to their partners or strayed.

He found that nearly 90% of those who cheated put it down to 'significant dissatisfaction' in their marriage.

Mr Neuman said frankly: 'Men will eventually find their way into the arms of another if they are not getting enough sex at home.'
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banned8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
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#1
omg what????? does the same apply to men whose women stray?
i would say though that most men slob and dont make an effort UNTIL they have an affair which is quite amusing ..
#2
louloo
omg what????? does the same apply to men whose women stray?
i would say though that most men slob and dont make an effort UNTIL they have an affair which is quite amusing ..


lol. Yeh, u know if your hubby's having an affair coz he's smartened up and started shaving again :giggle:
#3
what about the women who cheat? are their men not keeping them happy?
banned#4
Didnt he sing 'Cars'?
banned#5
ODB_69
Didnt he sing 'Cars'?


LOL. Now I wil be signing that all afternoon.
banned#6
90% of those who cheated put it down to 'significant dissatisfaction' in their marriage


I agree :thumbsup:
#7
ODB_69
Didnt he sing 'Cars'?


And crash planes ??
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f160/ordinaryphotos/numanair2.jpg

Oh and as for the real Author...........................DUMB :x
banned#8
Foosball Chum
I agree :thumbsup:


Afternoon, Foosball Chum.

Have you not found the front door yet :p
#9
Typical of todays blame culture, no one takes the responsibility for their own actions. Blame the parents, blame the teachers, blame society, but the person who's committed the crime? Not their fault! Crazy world!
banned#10
berni888;2869242
Typical of todays blame culture, no one takes the responsibility for their own actions. Blame the parents, blame the teachers, blame society, but the person who's committed the crime? Not their fault! Crazy world!



its your fault!:p
#11
I wonder if Mr Neuman' is married?!!:whistling: Bet he's got a real NICE personality!
IMHO people can fall out of love as easily as they can fall into it! :roll:
banned#12
DLM
Afternoon, Foosball Chum.

Have you not found the front door yet :p


Nope, got some things to sort before I go babes xx :thumbsup:
banned#13
murie;2869257
IMHO people can fall out of love as easily as they can fall into it! :roll:



IMHO they werent in love in the first place if that happens....but maybe I'm just naive
banned#14
DLM
Afternoon, Foosball Chum.

Have you not found the front door yet :p


The thing that gets me though, is you girls say, if my man was to stray, I would want him to end it before he did.

Then when we try to do the right thing by finishing the relationship before going out and straying, you then throw on the waterworks and plead with us to stay with the line 'I'll change, I promise' attached to the conversation. :roll:

So it results in an unhappy man, then you wonder whats up with us.....PS the changes never happen :roll:

Simple answer: [SIZE="5"]DONT GET MARRIED![/SIZE]
banned#15
Most people that have affairs are pretty unhappy in their relationship, and use every excuse in the book why they cant leave, they are just gutless, nobody holds you into a relationship only yourself, then there are a few that just cant help themselves no matter how well things are going
#16
sassie
Most people that have affairs are pretty unhappy in their relationship, and use every excuse in the book why they cant leave, they are just gutless, nobody holds you into a relationship only yourself, then there are a few that just cant help themselves no matter how well things are going


but if a person is a serial philanderer it is only cos the o/h allow them to do it surely? Women are frequently the victim (not you and me sassie;-) ) and allow men to behave badly.
Anyone else watch Fionas story last night and get v annoyed?? i wanted to thump the woman!
#17
ODB_69
IMHO they werent in love in the first place if that happens....but maybe I'm just naive


I believe that we are influenced by what is around us and that sometimes we grow at different pace to our partners. A relationship has to grow and develop, and if the two involved develop at a different pace then problems can set in.

I don't think its naivety, I think its a sweet attitude to have- its just a shame everyone doesn't share the same definition of love:thinking:
banned#18
louloo
but if a person is a serial philanderer it is only cos the o/h allow them to do it surely? Women are frequently the victim (not you and me sassie;-) ) and allow men to behave badly.
Anyone else watch Fionas story last night and get v annoyed?? i wanted to thump the woman!


If a partner is aware of the situation then really thats up to them, im sure like everything else they have theor reasons for ignoring the situation. Sadly we all think we are special enough to change the leopards :w00t:
banned#19
sassie
Most people that have affairs are pretty unhappy in their relationship, and use every excuse in the book why they cant leave, they are just gutless, nobody holds you into a relationship only yourself, then there are a few that just cant help themselves no matter how well things are going


It would be nice if both men and women could realise when the relationship has run its course, and just let go. Instead of trying to keep the relationship going (usually for the sake of the kids).

People change over time, their attitudes and feelings are effected by the different lives the separate partners lead. Its inevitable that the relationship is going to get to a point where the 2 partners have different directions in which they want to go, at that stage if one partner wants out surely it makes sense for the other partner to realise the unhappiness and act accordingly.
banned#20
murie;2869363
I believe that we are influenced by what is around us and that sometimes we grow at different pace to our partners. A relationship has to grow and develop, and if the two involved develop at a different pace then problems can set in.

I don't think its naivety, I think its a sweet attitude to have- its just a shame everyone doesn't share the same definition of love:thinking:



The way I see it if you love someone truly you can get through anything together and you grow as 1 unit...

the word is chucked around a lot and sometimes people dont mean it, I have been guilty of this SO many times which I'm really not proud of and HUGELY regret...but the 2 occasions I have meant it I know we could get through anything cause the emotion is stronger than us both, but like you said shame others share the same definition
#21
sassie
If a partner is aware of the situation then really thats up to them, im sure like everything else they have their reasons for ignoring the situation. Sadly we all think we are special enough to change the leotards :w00t:

[SIZE="4"]
Excuse me but I don't wear a leotard !
[/SIZE]

[COLOR="Gray"][SIZE="1"](But if I did I'd be happy for you to change it hun !)[/SIZE][/COLOR]
banned#22
Foosball Chum
It would be nice if both men and women could realise when the relationship has run its course, and just let go. Instead of trying to keep the relationship going (usually for the sake of the kids).

People change over time, their attitudes and feelings are effected by the different lives the separate partners lead. Its inevitable that the relationship is going to get to a point where the 2 partners have different directions in which they want to go, at that stage if one partner wants out surely it makes sense for the other partner to realise the unhappiness and act accordingly.


Yes, totally agree, my last relationship i hung on to because i so wanted it to work, i didnt want to be a single mum again, and somehow still loved him, but i loved the person i fell in love with, not the person he was now, eventually it did end, and even now i suppose i still love him, the him that i fell inlove with, the new him i could smack straight up the moosh
banned#23
murie
I believe that we are influenced by what is around us and that sometimes we grow at different pace to our partners. A relationship has to grow and develop, and if the two involved develop at a different pace then problems can set in.

I don't think its naivety, I think its a sweet attitude to have- its just a shame everyone doesn't share the same definition of love:thinking:


No see I still love my wife very much. I have a lot of respect and look up to her in many ways for the special person she is.

We just want different things right now, and if we were to seperate I would not suddenly stop loving her, that would still remain. If anything I think my love for her would grow stronger, as I would respect her even more by realising the state of our relationship.

I would love my kids as much as I do now, I would spend as much time with my family as I do now, the only thing to suffer would be our living arrangements. Love would still remain
banned#24
hottoshop
[SIZE="4"]
[B]Excuse me but I don't wear a leotard
![/B][/SIZE]

[COLOR="Gray"][SIZE="1"](But if I did I'd be happy for you to change it hun !)[/SIZE][/COLOR]


Not what i heard :whistling:
banned#25
sassie
Yes, totally agree, my last relationship i hung on to because i so wanted it to work, i didnt want to be a single mum again, and somehow still loved him, but i loved the person i fell in love with, not the person he was now, eventually it did end, and even now i suppose i still love him, the him that i fell inlove with, the new him i could smack straight up the moosh


So you are in love with an image in your head of him in the past. Its hard I know, I could not ever stop loving my wife, I do hold what we have had and what we feel for each other so dear. I would just like the release to be able to go and do what I please, as what I want to do in life and what she wants have gone in 2 different directions
banned#26
I suppose by looking at the diferent responses, the answer to this thread is not only are women to blame, so are the men, and so are those around them both influencing the decisions that they ultimately make.

So everyone is to blame, even the other woman, or other man, that they cheat on with :roll:
banned#27
Foosball Chum
So you are in love with an image in your head of him in the past. Its hard I know, I could not ever stop loving my wife, I do hold what we have had and what we feel for each other so dear. I would just like the release to be able to go and do what I please, as what I want to do in life and what she wants have gone in 2 different directions


yes, i suppose i am, please dont think im any kind of victim in our relationship i wasnt, i didnt treat him too well, and when i realised it was too late. He changed from the person i met into someone else, and i found it hard to fall inlove with the new guy whilst still inlove with the old one, if that makes sense:w00t:

It isnt people staying in ended realtionships that bother me, its the ones that stay in them and play the victims
banned#28
This all sound interesitng let me read through your discussion and would you mind anothe rperson jumping in....
banned#29
sassie
yes, i suppose i am, please dont think im any kind of victim in our relationship i wasnt, i didnt treat him too well, and when i realised it was too late. He changed from the person i met into someone else, and i found it hard to fall inlove with the new guy whilst still inlove with the old one, if that makes sense:w00t:

It isnt people staying in ended realtionships that bother me, its the ones that stay in them and play the victims


I'm certainly not a victim, if anything my wife is. My problem being that I cant convey to her what i feel. Sometimes I feel like showing her this forum
#30
One person can make another feel so bad that they want 'out' of a relationship. I agree with that point. But nobody can make a person stray into the arms of another. Surely there is a degree of personal choice and/or lack of willpower/restraint/respect in that.
banned#31
WoolyM
One person can make another feel so bad that they want 'out' of a relationship. I agree with that point. But nobody can make a person stray into the arms of another. Surely there is a degree of personal choice and/or lack of willpower/restraint/respect in that.


Its the lack of respect for the other partner that causes it I think :roll:
#32
LOL class post
banned#33
Foosball Chum
Its the lack of respect for the other partner that causes it I think :roll:


or the lack of respect for oneself ;-)
#34
If a partner strays once possibly that could be put down as an aberation or need for comfort. More than that and it indicates behaviour trait. Maybe indicating a wish to be with another but it could also highlight a lack of responsibility. Maybe they are unable or unwilling to commit to anybody. In such circumstances the honest thing would be to stay single. Maybe in such cases they want the prospect of regular sex so lie about their real feelings and are constantly hedging their bets taking comfort whever they find it.
#35
Thought for the day - married men statistically have more sex than single men, so the grass probably isn't greener anyway!:)

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