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Wonder what answer I will get back?

davelfc Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
Dear Norwich Union,

My name is David ******* and for 7 years now I have been a customer of yours, paying for products including your house insurance cover. Not having made a claim in that time, I have yet to test the service properly, but I must say I did shop around and yours was by far the cheapest. You quoted me happy, and I shall never ever forget that.

I do have a query though. It has been brought to my attention by some reknowned academics that I regularly converse with on a scientific thinktank forum called the GF, that CERN, the European organisation for nuclear research, are about to activate a device which essentially (and without boring you with the finer detail) accelerates high energy particles to a quite preposterous velocity, then collides them with each other to see what will happen. I am reliably informed by my esteemed acquaintances that one of two outcomes is possible. Either it will create a black hole into which most matter will be sucked, thus effectively ending life as we know it, or it will create a portal, or gateway if you like, to an alternate dimension through which snake-headed aliens will be able to enter and enslave humanity for a period of not less than one eternity.

The reason I am contacting Norwich Union is that I have looked through my home insurance policy and cannot see that either of these events are covered? Admittedly, if scenario a occurs and it is the end of life as we know it, there will very little left to insure. On the plus side, I wont have to deal with the ******* builders, and your customer service helpline will probably actually be easier to get through to (and of more use when I do). However, scenario b worries me. My policy says my home must not be unoccupied for more than a continuous 30 day period? If Im away as part of an underground human rebellion against the alien invasion, will I have to return home once a month so as not to invalidate the policy? Also, if you send an assessor round, how will I know if he is a mechanical bloodsucking parasite, or one of the aliens (my dog barks at both, Im afraid)?

It appears we have until October 21st before they push the button, so I would appreciate an answer at your earliest convenience.

Yours truly,

Dave
davelfc Avatar
8y, 3m agoPosted 8 years, 3 months ago
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(11) Jump to unreadPost a comment
Comments/page:
#1
:giggle::giggle: very good!
#2
lol! hope you get an answer

are the aliens likely to be Vril or reptilians?
#3
Lol good one mate :thumbsup:
#4
lmao, i hope you get a reply
#5
Hilarious, and well worthy of a response. However, in my experience, Norwich Union are in general the most humourless bunch of people I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with....

(If you do get a reply, you must post it!)
#6
Fantastic! I foresee this being spread round the globe as an email in the future;-)!!! Just how long did it take you to come up with that?:-D
#7
:? computer says no
#8
littletiger;2738668
Hilarious, and well worthy of a response. However, in my experience, Norwich Union are in general the most humourless bunch of people I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with....

(If you do get a reply, you must post it!)


have you tried telling us a joke i would definately appreciate please ring and i hope it comes through to me
suspended#9
lmao! keep please us posted wth any (as highly unlikely as scenario a or b) updates :)
#10
just seen this - HILARIOUS!!!
Have you had any reply from them?
#11
aztech
just seen this - HILARIOUS!!!
Have you had any reply from them?


It was only 9 months ago, give them a chance LMAO! :p

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