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Would you give him another chance ?

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Wont go into it but its the 6th chance today that the ex has said he will be here to collect the little uns to see them and not turned up, he should have been here for them at 9 I feel so bad for the… Read More
mumzyleah Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
Wont go into it but its the 6th chance today that the ex has said he will be here to collect the little uns to see them and not turned up, he should have been here for them at 9 I feel so bad for them and feel as if its my fault for giving the fool so many chances
Would you allow any more chances? or would you tell him were to go ?
mumzyleah Avatar
7y, 11m agoPosted 7 years, 11 months ago
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banned#1
6th chance.. you must be mad.. 1 and out ....
#2
sack him off
#3
:-( you're poor kids!! give them loads of hugs & attention & have a right go at their dad :x
banned#4
boothy
sack him off


good slacking fella :thumbsup:
#5
cheerleader
:-( you're poor kids!! give them loads of hugs & attention & have a right go at their dad :x


i will do , And as for have a go i will when he decides to answer the phone and give me the 1001excuses
#6
Complete waster hun, the children know this so time for you all to let go. His loss xx
#7
Tell him if he wants to see the kids in future then to go through a solicitor as he sounds like a waste of space.
#8
choc1969
Complete waster hun, the children know this so time for you all to let go. His loss xx


thanks x
#9
amcol
Tell him if he wants to see the kids in future then to go through a solicitor as he sounds like a waste of space.


I totally agree with this:roll:
#10
amcol
Tell him if he wants to see the kids in future then to go through a solicitor as he sounds like a waste of space.


agreed
#11
Also another suggestion is you go a see a solicitor, get them to write a letter stating what he has to do to see the kids, i would maybe suggest involving a contact centre he could pick them up from because if he fails to turn up then they ball is in your court as you have evidence from other people he isnt turning up!
#12
amcol
Also another suggestion is you go a see a solicitor, get them to write a letter stating what he has to do to see the kids, i would maybe suggest involving a contact centre he could pick them up from because if he fails to turn up then they ball is in your court as you have evidence from other people he isnt turning up!


thanks for the advise in the past i said about going to court ect and he said he wouldnt bother as would cost him to much money should of know then to just stop all contact but wanted to try for my lil ones x
#13
Yeah its hard as you want to do whats best dont you!

But i guess he had his chances now and if he isnt willing to fight through court for them he doesnt think all that much of them as we would fight till the end even if it took loads of debt really wouldnt we.
#14
Speaking as I do as a single dad with 2 wee girls (I've been a single dad for almost 7 years now) I know exactly what you are going through.

My ex, my girls mum, is behaving exactly the same way as your ex. They show no respect towards you or their chidlren and the best thing you could do for your sake and your children is never to give him another chance.

It might be difficult or awkward to do so now but the rewards in the future for you and your children are worth it.

From now on, if you havent done so already, write everyhting down, contact times, arrangements etc and when he breaks them. That way, in the future if he tries to contest anything you have it written down.

Hope that helps.
#15
Ahh poor kids, its really unfair letting them down. I wouldnt give him any more chances, seems as if he thinks 'its ok she will give me another chance'
Put your foot down x
#16
krs
Speaking as I do as a single dad with 2 wee girls (I've been a single dad for almost 7 years now) I know exactly what you are going through.

My ex, my girls mum, is behaving exactly the same way as your ex. They show no respect towards you or their chidlren and the best thing you could do for your sake and your children is never to give him another chance.

It might be difficult or awkward to do so now but the rewards in the future for you and your children are worth it.

From now on, if you havent done so already, write everyhting down, contact times, arrangements etc and when he breaks them. That way, in the future if he tries to contest anything you have it written down.

Hope that helps.


thanks wish i had thought of that sooner
1 Like #17
Don't let them know when he is supposed to be coming. Get their stuff ready, and if he turns up all is well, if he doesn't, then they know nothing.
No good will come of stopping contact. You will be the "bad guy".
#18
the children are the priority here and it is not fair for them to go through this every time he lets thems down. Yes its best for kids to have both mum and dad around however not at any cost its best to have no contact with dad unless he can keep his promises
banned#19
thesaint
Don't let them know when he is supposed to be coming. Get their stuff ready, and if he turns up all is well, if he doesn't, then they know nothing.
No good will come of stopping contact. You will be the "bad guy".


I dont know how old your children are, but agree with the above if they are little ones, no court in the land can make a father turn up to see their children, if your children are older and he is making arrangements with them direct its a hard one
#20
mumzyleah;5311039
i will do , And as for have a go i will when he decides to answer the phone and give me the 1001excuses

how old are your kids? it's such a difficult situation as you want them to know that both mummy & daddy love them but when he decides not to show it must be so hard for them :-( as already said if you just stop visitation he will make you out to be the bad guy when they get older unless they are old enough to really understand at the moment.

take them out for the day or something to take their minds of of him :thumbsup:
#21
mumzyleah
thanks wish i had thought of that sooner




You are very welcome.

x
#22
sassie
I dont know how old your children are, but agree with the above if they are little ones, no court in the land can make a father turn up to see their children, if your children are older and he is making arrangements with them direct its a hard one


there only young
oldest is nearly 4 and understands and is the one who gets up set and asks to see him.
then i have my lil 2 years old
and then my 12 day old bubba
#23
This happened a million times with my ex's ex husband letting the kid down on countless occasions, including hardly ever turning up after getting him ready, letting him down on special occasions such as birthdays and christmas and after promising him an xbox 360, he'd turn up with a fiver weeks after the event etc.

Every time my ex used to have a go at him about letting his son down, it would actually push him further away and the only person that misses out, is the Dad if you stop all contact, whereas the kid will feel crap about the situation.

I would advise avoiding contact centres, although they can be beneficial, if the Dad really can't be bothered t the moment, he's hardly going to attempt to meet up at a contact centre, as he'll look at it as extra hassle.

I would recommend treating the kids as adults and letting them know about the situation without going into too much detail (otherwise they'll feel like there Dad doesn't love them) and maybe book appointments without getting there hopes up.

Note down all the dates and mention how many occasions he's turned up against how many times he's let them down and ask if he thinks the reason he's letting them down is fair on his children.
Don't put too much strain on him though, otherwise he'll back off even further, as when my ex did this, the Dad completely backed off for 6 months but after speaking to him calmly about it on several occasions, he decides to go through spells where he doesn't let the kid down at all, so there has been some improvement.

Unforunately with people like this, it'll take a while to get it into his head and he'll just back off completely with any stress.
banned#24
mumzyleah
there only young
oldest is nearly 4 and understands and is the one who gets up set and asks to see him.
then i have my lil 2 years old
and then my 12 day old bubba


Its very sad when a parent thinks its ok to do this to children, but sadly there is very little you can do, what are you going to do when he turns up to see them, show your 4 yr old that it is you that stops them seeing him, i really do feel for you and your children, could you an your ex not go for mediation, i dont mean about the relationship but to go to some agreements on the children, sorry if this has already been done
#25
Oh ok, I just realised that they're too young to understand...I would suggest just taking them out to the park or something to make up for the big Dad not turning up...at that age, they don't exactly notice too much, as they're wrapped up in playing. :)

Other than talking them through the situation (because they're too young) I would advise you do everything else I mentioned though and see how it goes...as they're still very young, hopefully he'll realise the error of his ways over time and will play an active part in their lives at an age where they'll notice. :thumbsup:
#26
sassie
Its very sad when a parent thinks its ok to do this to children, but sadly there is very little you can do, what are you going to do when he turns up to see them, show your 4 yr old that it is you that stops them seeing him, i really do feel for you and your children, could you an your ex not go for mediation, i dont mean about the relationship but to go to some agreements on the children, sorry if this has already been done


he would never do a thing like that he really is selfish and sometimes all he really thinks about is himself ,its such a hard position to be in and i really dont know what more i can do ive been so nice to him and its so hard when he gives nothing back
#27
mumzyleah
there only young
oldest is nearly 4 and understands and is the one who gets up set and asks to see him.
then i have my lil 2 years old
and then my 12 day old bubba


With such young children, it's very easy to make them unaware that he is supposed to be coming to take them out. Of course you shouldn't have to make excuses for him, but as a parent you should do your best for the children to have a relationship with the other parent.

There will come a time when they learn that he is a waste of time, or he changes his ways.

You're the one that chose him, and they shouldn't suffer because of choices you and their father make.
#28
realfriendlyman
Oh ok, I just realised that they're too young to understand...I would suggest just taking them out to the park or something to make up for the big Dad not turning up...at that age, they don't exactly notice too much, as they're wrapped up in playing. :)

Other than talking them through the situation (because they're too young) I would advise you do everything else I mentioned though and see how it goes...as they're still very young, hopefully he'll realise the error of his ways over time and will play an active part in their lives at an age where they'll notice. :thumbsup:


thanks for the advise
#29
thesaint
Don't let them know when he is supposed to be coming. Get their stuff ready, and if he turns up all is well, if he doesn't, then they know nothing.
No good will come of stopping contact. You will be the "bad guy".


+ 1 :thumbsup:
#30
agree with sainty here, My eldest was let down badly by his dad on many, many occasions and I just stopped telling him that his dad was coming. If he turned up then off they would go, if he didnt, my son was never the wiser.
He then just stopped all contact after 12 years of being in and out of his life with no explanation of why and I was left to pick up the pieces. Feel for you hun x
banned#31
mumzyleah
he would never do a thing like that he really is selfish and sometimes all he really thinks about is himself ,its such a hard position to be in and i really dont know what more i can do ive been so nice to him and its so hard when he gives nothing back


then the best way forward is to carry on trying your best with what you are doing, i know it must be hard but there really isnt much you can do, stopping a father seeing his children purely because hes unreliable is not the wisest thing for any parent to do, and believe me your hild very soon will be seeing for themself who their father is, best of luck xx
#32
thesaint
With such young children, it's very easy to make them unaware that he is supposed to be coming to take them out. Of course you shouldn't have to make excuses for him, but as a parent you should do your best for the children to have a relationship with the other parent.

There will come a time when they learn that he is a waste of time, or he changes his ways.

You're the one that chose him, and they shouldn't suffer because of choices you and their father make.


ive never been nasty to him ect and have always said he can see them but he chooses not to, i have had a go at him when he lets them down and theres alot more to it but cant really say and i really do hope one day he changes
#33
sassie
then the best way forward is to carry on trying your best with what you are doing, i know it must be hard but there really isnt much you can do, stopping a father seeing his children purely because hes unreliable is not the wisest thing for any parent to do, and believe me your hild very soon will be seeing for themself who their father is, best of luck xx


thanks hun x
#34
bitseylango
agree with sainty here, My eldest was let down badly by his dad on many, many occasions and I just stopped telling him that his dad was coming. If he turned up then off they would go, if he didnt, my son was never the wiser.
He then just stopped all contact after 12 years of being in and out of his life with no explanation of why and I was left to pick up the pieces. Feel for you hun x


Did you stress at him for letting him down, as with those personality traits, they normally just back off completely.

My dad eventually did the same after my Mum kept making it difficult to visit me and because of that, I didn't get to know my Dad until I became an adult, which went as far as I didn't recognise him at one point. :oops:
#35
bitseylango
agree with sainty here, My eldest was let down badly by his dad on many, many occasions and I just stopped telling him that his dad was coming. If he turned up then off they would go, if he didnt, my son was never the wiser.
He then just stopped all contact after 12 years of being in and out of his life with no explanation of why and I was left to pick up the pieces. Feel for you hun x


thanks hun i know myself what its like to be let down as a child and then dad just up and leave and not bother as my dad did it to me and i never wanted it for my lil ones x
#36
realfriendlyman
Did you stress at him for letting him down, as with those personality traits, they normally just back off completely.

My dad eventually did the same after my Mum kept making it difficult to visit me and because of that, I didn't get to know my Dad until I became an adult, which went as far as I didn't recognise him at one point. :oops:


I did have a moan to start off with but soon realised that it was never going to make a difference. This was in the first few years of my sons life, and I never argued with his dad infront of him and NEVER stopped him from seeing him.
After a couple of years, when I had met my OH and we had 2 more children the visits went from every other weekend to one weekend a month on a "sort of" regular basis. We went to court to increase his maintenance and he declared himself bankrupt and stopped payments altogether and hasnt been in touch with my son since he was 12........he is 20 in August.
#37
bitseylango
I did have a moan to start off with but soon realised that it was never going to make a difference. This was in the first few years of my sons life, and I never argued with his dad infront of him and NEVER stopped him from seeing him.
After a couple of years, when I had met my OH and we had 2 more children the visits went from every other weekend to one weekend a month on a "sort of" regular basis. We went to court to increase his maintenance and he declared himself bankrupt and stopped payments altogether and hasnt been in touch with my son since he was 12........he is 20 in August.


Sorry to hear that...it sounds like your son would be better off not to hear from someone like him...my brother never saw his Dad from the age of 2 onwards and after searching for him to invite him to his wedding, we foundout he had already past away, which hurt my brother because he never got to know his Dad. :oops:
#38
Id definitely suggest not telling the kids he's coming and play it by ear if he turns up. Suggest telling him you will wait in until say 9.45 if he is due at 9 and then if he isnt there by then you wont be either. Dont put your life on hold because of him but dont cut him out either. If little one wants to see him get him/her to phone daddys phone and leave a message saying they want to see him then if he doesnt sort anything they know he knows they want him
#39
Aquatic
Id definitely suggest not telling the kids he's coming and play it by ear if he turns up. Suggest telling him you will wait in until say 9.45 if he is due at 9 and then if he isnt there by then you wont be either. Dont put your life on hold because of him but dont cut him out either. If little one wants to see him get him/her to phone daddys phone and leave a message saying they want to see him then if he doesnt sort anything they know he knows they want him


Are you serious? We are talking about a four year old.
#40
awww hun i really feel for you, my ex just comes round whenever he wants without notice and starts arguments in front of my two (aged 2 and 1) and always promises to take them out but never turns up :(
but i dont really know what to say as i didnt want to read and run :)
remember your not alone though :)

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