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Xmas Day Hell - Help Needed

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I'm sure I'm not alone with this predicament, but I am being forced to spend Christmas Day at my in-laws, and I'm having to drive there and back so no alcohol for me. During the tedium of my mother i… Read More
Humphman Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
I'm sure I'm not alone with this predicament, but I am being forced to spend Christmas Day at my in-laws, and I'm having to drive there and back so no alcohol for me.
During the tedium of my mother in law talking constantly are there any games I can play by myself (no not that one !!), to pass the time. Last year it was try to think of 100 ways to look the tiniest bit interested in what she was saying.
The woman is so ungrateful as last year I bought her a plot in the cemetery, and she hasn't even had the decency to use it !!!
Please, please is there any thing I can do to make the day go quicker ??
Humphman Avatar
8y, 5m agoPosted 8 years, 5 months ago
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1 Like #1
see you've got the Christmas spirit! :w00t: lmao :p
1 Like #2
Does your wife know much about cars?

Could Pull a lead out so the car wotn start? - then after a while you "fix" it therefore less time to spend with the woman
#3
lol - I will have plenty of xmas spirit when I get home
#4
vengod
Does your wife know much about cars?

Could Pull a lead out so the car wotn start? - then after a while you "fix" it therefore less time to spend with the woman


mmmmmm good idea, worth a try - thank you :thumbsup:
1 Like #5
claim a sudden case of Tinnitus
tell her theres no point talkin to you the ringing is too loud :p

loudly say what what what a few times and she will give up hehe
1 Like #6
a friend of mine just called to say she has CHICKENPOX!!!!! - there you go - stay at home
#7
onlyme23
claim a sudden case of Tinnitus
tell her theres no point talkin to you the ringing is too loud :p

loudly say what what what a few times and she will give up hehe


Another excellent suggestion - sounds like these are tried and trusted methods :thumbsup::santa:
#8
holly100
a friend of mine just called to say she has CHICKENPOX!!!!! - there you go - stay at home


Gotta fool the wife at same time though !!! :whistling:
#9
I'm afraid you are just going to have to grin and bear it :p It's part of your job as a husband :santa:
1 Like #10
Fill her full of Turkey.

It contains something called tryptophan in the dark meat that can make you sleepy.

That or lots and lots of booze in her glass.
#11
suze
I'm afraid you are just going to have to grin and bear it :p It's part of your job as a husband :santa:


Sorry, but I've rechecked the marriage vows, and nowhere does it say to have and to hold and listen to your mother-in-law rabbit all Christmas Day :p:-D:p
1 Like #12
Humphman
Sorry, but I've rechecked the marriage vows, and nowhere does it say to have and to hold and listen to your mother-in-law rabbit all Christmas Day :p:-D:p


I think you'll find it's an unwritten rule :whistling:
#13
Ungreat
Fill her full of Turkey.

It contains something called tryptophan in the dark meat that can make you sleepy.

That or lots and lots of booze in her glass.


I've also got some Tramadol that I could mix in with her xmas pud - you know I think we are getting somewhere - excellent !!!! :thumbsup::thumbsup:
#14
suze
I think you'll find it's an unwritten rule :whistling:


I should have got the anti ma-in-law prenup signed - damn !!! :whistling:
#15
Humphman
I should have got the anti ma-in-law prenup signed - damn !!! :whistling:


:giggle:
#16
Humphman
I've also got some Tramadol that I could mix in with her xmas pud - you know I think we are getting somewhere - excellent !!!! :thumbsup::thumbsup:


Why not just go the whole hog and chloroform her. :thumbsup:
1 Like #17
Spare a kindly thought for your father in law..he probably has to put up with that sh*te all year and will be as disinterested as you. Ask him what he does to 'switch off'.

If not...swig some soapy/salty water. Couple of good wretches down the pan - not nice...but even the missus will be convinced...

Or turn the tables on her- talk incessent rubbish all through dinner - she probably cant wait to get rid of you by the time The Queen comes on and the chances of you getting invited back will be reduced.

:santa: :thumbsup:
#18
Hahahahahaha
Years ago my dad went to the pub in the morning then came home and creeped back in and hid in a wardrobe...think his was going to jump out and scare my mum but ended up falling asleep...all the in laws had left after dinner and my dad was still nowhere to be seen...well until my mum heard the snoring...LEGEND..
One of the many things my dad as done to escape...all of which you wouldn't get away with unless you were married to my super chilled out mother lol!!
1 Like #19
Can I assume it is just your mother in law and that there is no one else around to hind behind / talk to (father in law, other sisters, brothers etc).

If so, and you are tired of hearing the life stories of distant relatives that you have never met, this is my 'trick'.

Take up smoking !.

My once a year cigar just happens to coincide with such visits. I stumbled across this one xmas when I was given one at a work doo. I didnt know when to smoke it and it just happened, like a door opening for me.

Make sure it is a big one, and a decent make so it doesnt burn down too quickly. A decent cuban can easily last an hour or so. With cigars, you are not supposed to inhale just puff it about a bit. I then have to go outside to smoke this thing and often have a pleasant hour with my MP3 player or similar and to be honest, I think my wife and her mum can talk a lot more freely without my presence and get onto a favoured topic - my faults.

everyone's happy.
#20
Ungreat
Why not just go the whole hog and chloroform her. :thumbsup:


:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
#21
Rockhound
Spare a kindly thought for your father in law..he probably has to put up with that sh*te all year and will be as disinterested as you. Ask him what he does to 'switch off'.

If not...swig some soapy/salty water. Couple of good wretches down the pan - not nice...but even the missus will be convinced...

Or turn the tables on her- talk incessent rubbish all through dinner - she probably cant wait to get rid of you by the time The Queen comes on and the chances of you getting invited back will be reduced.

:santa: :thumbsup:


Father in law swigs whiskey and grunts occasionally, the man is my hero :whistling:
#22
Humphman
Father in law swigs whiskey and grunts occasionally, the man is my hero :whistling:


Now you know why!
1 Like #23
Buy her a rude present (will leave it to your imagination!), it may leave her speachless or just too embaressed to speak. Maybe ask your wife if she will drive, do you do it every year? If not, 'hurt' your arm or leg so you can't! Failing everyones suggestions, live with it and such on a bah humbug!

:p
#24
ianstanley
Can I assume it is just your mother in law and that there is no one else around to hind behind / talk to (father in law, other sisters, brothers etc).

If so, and you are tired of hearing the life stories of distant relatives that you have never met, this is my 'trick'.

Take up smoking !.

My once a year cigar just happens to coincide with such visits. I stumbled across this one xmas when I was given one at a work doo. I didnt know when to smoke it and it just happened, like a door opening for me.

Make sure it is a big one, and a decent make so it doesnt burn down too quickly. A decent cuban can easily last an hour or so. With cigars, you are not supposed to inhale just puff it about a bit. I then have to go outside to smoke this thing and often have a pleasant hour with my MP3 player or similar and to be honest, I think my wife and her mum can talk a lot more freely without my presence and get onto a favoured topic - my faults.

everyone's happy.


I would probably be sick if I smoked a large cigar, which might solve my problem as she won't want me back !!!!!!:thumbsup::whistling::thumbsup:
#25
Banana79
Buy her a rude present (will leave it to your imagination!), it may leave her speachless or just too embaressed to speak. Maybe ask your wife if she will drive, do you do it every year? If not, 'hurt' your arm or leg so you can't! Failing everyones suggestions, live with it and such on a bah humbug!

:p


Nice thought, but trust me NOTHING could leave that woman speechless :whistling:
#26
Banana79
Buy her a rude present (will leave it to your imagination!), it may leave her speachless or just too embaressed to speak. Maybe ask your wife if she will drive, do you do it every year? If not, 'hurt' your arm or leg so you can't! Failing everyones suggestions, live with it and suck on a bah humbug!

:p
1 Like #27
A nice big glass full of epson salts first thing on Christmas morning.. should kick in just after lunch then after a mad rush to the loo and explaining to your wife you can leave early and leave your mum in law feeling as guilty as whatever about what her cooking has done to your tum.. back home for the queens speech!!
#28
one of my favourite ways to amuse myself when I'm with people I don't like is to glare blankly at them, dismembering them in my mind. Ever wondered what someone would look like if they were the recent victim of christmas cracker with a standard banger exchanged for C4? That'll keep you going for hours.
#29
Captain Hook
A nice big glass full of epson salts first thing on Christmas morning.. should kick in just after lunch then after a mad rush to the loo and explaining to your wife you can leave early and leave your mum in law feeling as guilty as whatever about what her cooking has done to your tum.. back home for the queens speech!!


I could try, but it's a long drive home and thought of stopping on the A12 every two minutes is a bit scary, especially for all the other drivers on the road lmao :thumbsup:
#30
dxx
one of my favourite ways to amuse myself when I'm with people I don't like is to glare blankly at them, dismembering them in my mind. Ever wondered what someone would look like if they were the recent victim of christmas cracker with a standard banger exchanged for C4? That'll keep you going for hours.


Like that idea - thank you ( think C4) :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
#31
dxx
one of my favourite ways to amuse myself when I'm with people I don't like is to glare blankly at them, dismembering them in my mind. Ever wondered what someone would look like if they were the recent victim of christmas cracker with a standard banger exchanged for C4? That'll keep you going for hours.


OMG - my son's girlfriend stares blankly at me.. I always thought she fancied me :oops:
#32
Captain Hook
OMG - my son's girlfriend stares blankly at me.. I always thought she fancied me :oops:


This deserves a separate thread :p.
#33
I recommend you retreat to the bathroom, drop some class As and play with your lovelies!!
#34
Trickyjabs
I recommend you retreat to the bathroom, drop some class As and play with your lovelies!!


Nothing new there them lmao :whistling::whistling:
#35
I'd wait till you're in a room with her alone, then make a pass at her/threaten to chop her into tiny lil pieces. She'll be too shocked/horny/scared to speak. lol
#36
ChipSticks
I'd wait till you're in a room with her alone, then make a pass at her/threaten to chop her into tiny lil pieces. She'll be too shocked/horny/scared to speak. lol


But what if it backfired and she tried jumping my bones - my street creds out of the window, along with the wife,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, mmm have to think about that one !!:whistling:
#37
You could join me at work. I am here 7am-7pm :x
#38
darren9030
You could join me at work. I am here 7am-7pm :x


I'm a Chelsea fan, so no chance - Zola la la la la Zola:thumbsup:
#39
Humphman
But what if it backfired and she tried jumping my bones - my street creds out of the window, along with the wife,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, mmm have to think about that one !!:whistling:


Then you scream blue murder and say she made a pass at YOU... home before the turkey's even out of the oven! lol
#40
ChipSticks
Then you scream blue murder and say she made a pass at YOU... home before the turkey's even out of the oven! lol


That's a better option, I thought about going down the sniffle I'm coming down with flu route, but I've pulled that one a couple of times before so don't think it will work again.

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