Posted 26th May 2023
Hello everybody,
This could be a bit of a different one!
I recently got engaged ( yeahhh congratulations to me and commiserations to him - as my friends loved to comment when they got to know the news ) and as the wedding will be in less than a year I found myself all of a sudden completely overwhelmed by so many things to know and so many things to plan and so many things I will have to pay for, that I was close to cancelling everything and elope to a desert island, have a fish curry and call it a day...
Instead, I decided to chill for a second and understand what to prioritise and what we could actually do without.
I spoke to a couple of friends that are already married, and a family member that is a party planner (yup it is a very remunerative job apparently... I had no idea how many people actually hire professionals for any kind of party, from weddings to graduation parties to first communions... literally so many different streams of income for this type of job — I was actually stunned!)
After a couple of months of researching and drafting, I think I have a pretty clear idea of a few unnecessary things that the wedding industry tries to sell as absolute must-haves but that — believe me — you really don't need to drop a stupid amount of money on.
I put it into a top 10 for writing purposes, but I would love for you to comment if you have any more pieces of advice, tips or tricks so that I can update the copy as we go!
A General Tip that seems to put everybody in agreement is : MAKE A WEBSITE!
Having a hub that people can refer to when they need information about the wedding is a great idea but making a website it is also a practical trick that will save you a chunk of money as everything you and the guests need will be digitalised and budget won't get wasted into printing, DIYng, shipping, and so on.
A Couple Of Examples Of Free Websites You Can Use:
Now for the other ones:
1 - Paper Invitations
You really don't need to create and print 100+ paper invitations to tell people you are getting married and you definitely don't need the stress of dealing with postal services (wherever you are in the world they are currently all a bit of a mess).
Use the website to give people all the information they need to come to the ceremony and send nice e-mails with the link to direct them to the site.
2 - Wedding Favours
At the beginning I was really set on the idea of having some cute nice gifts to give to my guests but let's be honest: how many wedding favours did we actually end up keeping? You will end up paying a pretty hefty price for something than it is quite often left behind.
If you want to leave your guests with something, you can always give them a little parchment paper with the receipt of a small donation you made in their name for a charity of your choice (and maybe encourage them to donate as well).
3 - Bridesmaid Dresses
If you decided to have bridesmaids at your wedding, you will probably know about the price of having them set up: proposal boxes, dresses, shoes, makeup and hair during the party and so on.
What can you cut off your budget? How about renting their dresses instead of buying them?
As wearable as you want them to be, bridesmaids dresses are not practical and as they can be very expensive, they might end up in the back of a closet and never see the light of day again.
There are loads of renting services that will allow you to rent the garments for the day and then just simply send them back.
A Few Examples:
4 - Wedding Cake
Now... I know this could be controversial but hear me out!
I love desserts and I know I want them to be a big party of my wedding reception but re-wedding cake... do we really need to spend £600 for a cake that a lot of guests might just not like the flavour of?
Loads of different people told me the same thing:
5 - Expensive Designer Shoes
Me and my partner are both sneaker-heads so the idea for us is to probably get married in Jordan 4s, but if you are a normal person you are probably looking at buying a pair of heels / brogues for the day.
I know that Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big set stupidly high expectations regarding your wedding shoes as Manolo Blahnik and Prada cost basically the same as a month of rent (if you don't know who Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big are you are probably too young to get married so leave me alone ). But you really don't need to spend more than £1000 on a pair of shoes.
A Couple Of My Favourites Bridal Shoes From The High-Street:
6 - Guest list
Believe me, inviting your 6th cousin to the wedding it really is not necessary. Unless you have an unlimited budget, most of your money will be spent on food and the open bar (if you want one).
Not only from an "I-want-a-drama-free-day" perspective, but also practically, having a contained guest-list will save you an insane amount of money.
Invite your immediate family and your friends by any means, but before sending that invitation e-mail ask yourself: will I really be upset if these people won't end up attending my wedding?
If the answer is "meh, not really", then they should probably not be invited in the first place.
7 - Wedding Planner
I got this advice from that one party planner friend (kudos to her as it pretty much goes against her own monetary interest): if your wedding isn't huge, you probably don't need a wedding planner, but you could do with a free wedding-organisation app.
In all honesty, I didn't even know these apps existed but they are basically digital hubs that you can use to keep everything under control from your budget to the guest list.
Some of them have also a search engine that will help you search for wedding venues.
I did a brief research and the one that keeps popping up is Bridebook. I just made an account so I will report back on how do I get on with it.
8 - Weekday Wedding
Everybody wants a weekend fairy-tale like destination wedding but is it really mandatory to tight the knot on a Saturday or Sunday? The answer is not only is "no of course not", but it will be also so much cheaper booking a weekday for your celebration.
Obviously, a weekend might be easier for guests that don't have to take time off work, but if invitations are sent accordingly with a fair amount of time to spare, it should't be to difficult for them to make arrangements.
A couple of little things I learnt recently:
9 - Open Bar
Your friends can drink? Yeah mine too
An open bar is probably already a cost-effective way of managing the alcohol situation at the wedding but I got a tip that could actually make a lot of different as open bars can be incredibly expensive to have.
Book your open bar but make a list of selected cocktails/spirits/beverages you will serve so that the venue/catering can bulk-order ingredients at a cheaper price.
Plus, having a signature cocktail at your wedding is cool AF, and will earn you points from your friends.
10 - Paper Menus
Everybody wants to know what they are about to eat but do we need to print 100 menu cards to put on each table that will be read for about 25 seconds and never picked up again? Probably not!
You can create a QR code with the menu and put it on each table so that the guests can scan it and go straight to your website where the full menu will be displayed.
If you are not sure how to make one, below you will find a quick guide on what a QR code is and how to make one and a Qr Code Site Generator:
This could be a bit of a different one!
I recently got engaged ( yeahhh congratulations to me and commiserations to him - as my friends loved to comment when they got to know the news ) and as the wedding will be in less than a year I found myself all of a sudden completely overwhelmed by so many things to know and so many things to plan and so many things I will have to pay for, that I was close to cancelling everything and elope to a desert island, have a fish curry and call it a day...
Instead, I decided to chill for a second and understand what to prioritise and what we could actually do without.
I spoke to a couple of friends that are already married, and a family member that is a party planner (yup it is a very remunerative job apparently... I had no idea how many people actually hire professionals for any kind of party, from weddings to graduation parties to first communions... literally so many different streams of income for this type of job — I was actually stunned!)
After a couple of months of researching and drafting, I think I have a pretty clear idea of a few unnecessary things that the wedding industry tries to sell as absolute must-haves but that — believe me — you really don't need to drop a stupid amount of money on.
I put it into a top 10 for writing purposes, but I would love for you to comment if you have any more pieces of advice, tips or tricks so that I can update the copy as we go!
A General Tip that seems to put everybody in agreement is : MAKE A WEBSITE!
Having a hub that people can refer to when they need information about the wedding is a great idea but making a website it is also a practical trick that will save you a chunk of money as everything you and the guests need will be digitalised and budget won't get wasted into printing, DIYng, shipping, and so on.
A Couple Of Examples Of Free Websites You Can Use:
Now for the other ones:
1 - Paper Invitations
You really don't need to create and print 100+ paper invitations to tell people you are getting married and you definitely don't need the stress of dealing with postal services (wherever you are in the world they are currently all a bit of a mess).
Use the website to give people all the information they need to come to the ceremony and send nice e-mails with the link to direct them to the site.
2 - Wedding Favours
At the beginning I was really set on the idea of having some cute nice gifts to give to my guests but let's be honest: how many wedding favours did we actually end up keeping? You will end up paying a pretty hefty price for something than it is quite often left behind.
If you want to leave your guests with something, you can always give them a little parchment paper with the receipt of a small donation you made in their name for a charity of your choice (and maybe encourage them to donate as well).
3 - Bridesmaid Dresses
If you decided to have bridesmaids at your wedding, you will probably know about the price of having them set up: proposal boxes, dresses, shoes, makeup and hair during the party and so on.
What can you cut off your budget? How about renting their dresses instead of buying them?
As wearable as you want them to be, bridesmaids dresses are not practical and as they can be very expensive, they might end up in the back of a closet and never see the light of day again.
There are loads of renting services that will allow you to rent the garments for the day and then just simply send them back.
A Few Examples:
4 - Wedding Cake
Now... I know this could be controversial but hear me out!
I love desserts and I know I want them to be a big party of my wedding reception but re-wedding cake... do we really need to spend £600 for a cake that a lot of guests might just not like the flavour of?
Loads of different people told me the same thing:
- Go simple, you don't need a 5 tiers-architectural sculpture with six different flavours of butter cream
- Use small businesses to prepare the cake
- Invest some of the budget into a variety of small desserts for an end-of-the-night-dessert-spread.
- Have a bake off! Get your friends to make a cake and make a competition of it — you will be surprised at how many people make one.
5 - Expensive Designer Shoes
Me and my partner are both sneaker-heads so the idea for us is to probably get married in Jordan 4s, but if you are a normal person you are probably looking at buying a pair of heels / brogues for the day.
I know that Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big set stupidly high expectations regarding your wedding shoes as Manolo Blahnik and Prada cost basically the same as a month of rent (if you don't know who Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big are you are probably too young to get married so leave me alone ). But you really don't need to spend more than £1000 on a pair of shoes.
A Couple Of My Favourites Bridal Shoes From The High-Street:
6 - Guest list
Believe me, inviting your 6th cousin to the wedding it really is not necessary. Unless you have an unlimited budget, most of your money will be spent on food and the open bar (if you want one).
Not only from an "I-want-a-drama-free-day" perspective, but also practically, having a contained guest-list will save you an insane amount of money.
Invite your immediate family and your friends by any means, but before sending that invitation e-mail ask yourself: will I really be upset if these people won't end up attending my wedding?
If the answer is "meh, not really", then they should probably not be invited in the first place.
7 - Wedding Planner
I got this advice from that one party planner friend (kudos to her as it pretty much goes against her own monetary interest): if your wedding isn't huge, you probably don't need a wedding planner, but you could do with a free wedding-organisation app.
In all honesty, I didn't even know these apps existed but they are basically digital hubs that you can use to keep everything under control from your budget to the guest list.
Some of them have also a search engine that will help you search for wedding venues.
I did a brief research and the one that keeps popping up is Bridebook. I just made an account so I will report back on how do I get on with it.
8 - Weekday Wedding
Everybody wants a weekend fairy-tale like destination wedding but is it really mandatory to tight the knot on a Saturday or Sunday? The answer is not only is "no of course not", but it will be also so much cheaper booking a weekday for your celebration.
Obviously, a weekend might be easier for guests that don't have to take time off work, but if invitations are sent accordingly with a fair amount of time to spare, it should't be to difficult for them to make arrangements.
A couple of little things I learnt recently:
- Saturday is the most expensive day to book, Wednesday is the cheapest.
- Loads of wedding venues require a minimum spend for you to book them on a weekend, they don't apply this policy on a weekday.
9 - Open Bar
Your friends can drink? Yeah mine too
An open bar is probably already a cost-effective way of managing the alcohol situation at the wedding but I got a tip that could actually make a lot of different as open bars can be incredibly expensive to have.
Book your open bar but make a list of selected cocktails/spirits/beverages you will serve so that the venue/catering can bulk-order ingredients at a cheaper price.
Plus, having a signature cocktail at your wedding is cool AF, and will earn you points from your friends.
10 - Paper Menus
Everybody wants to know what they are about to eat but do we need to print 100 menu cards to put on each table that will be read for about 25 seconds and never picked up again? Probably not!
You can create a QR code with the menu and put it on each table so that the guests can scan it and go straight to your website where the full menu will be displayed.
If you are not sure how to make one, below you will find a quick guide on what a QR code is and how to make one and a Qr Code Site Generator:
Community Updates
72 Comments
sorted byBuy your own alcohol by estimating how many bottles of wine etc you think you would need.
One type white dry, one type white sweet, one type red & one type sparkling. Obviously choose decent wine but you can buy this for a at least 50%-75% lower than the bar price .
Ask the venue if that is ok. They might say yes it is fine & you have saved a fortune. If not they will want to charge corkage (a charge for each bottle they open) or you could suggest a one off fee or wages paid for bar staff.
Depending on the deal you can make you will save money. It is just a case of how much. If you have a lot of people coming it will save you a fortune.
Oh & buy cava or prosecco for the wedding dinner.
We have all seen the big american weddings in the movies where they have 20 bridesmaids and it has become a bit of a trend over here to see large bridal parties too. The difference is, traditionally in the UK, the bride's family pays for all the dresses and that will also include alterations. In America, bridesmaids are usually expected to pay for their own outfits and alterations. That's why they are able to have such large bridal parties. If you want to have a massive entourage of bridesmaids then discuss with them the option of covering their own costs when you ask them to be a bridesmaid.
We are also seeing a big trend of mix'n'match outfits which is great! Tell your bridal party the colour scheme and let them pick their own outfits. If they have to pay for it themselves then they won't mind if they get to choose what they wear.
I'll be honest, the more bridesmaids you have, the more problems you will have. Be selective and don't just ask someone so as not to offend them. It is your day and it is not about them.
Also, I totally agree with the point about designer shoes. If you are wearing a full length gown then noone will see your shoes anyway. Also, it's a long day to be in heels, you will likely be kicking off those shoes as soon as you hit the dancefloor. Many brides will use a wedding as an excuse to splash out on the shoes they have always wanted. You don't need a wedding to do that. If you want the shoes get the shoes, but wear them when you will get to properly show them off.
One last thing, be aware of alterations costs. It is the thing that people always forget about and then you end up getting a shock when the bill comes. The more detailed your outfit then the more it will cost to alter. Don't think that buying a dress at a bargain price will mean your alterations will be cheap too. It's something that is based on time and skill, not how much you paid for the outfit. Also, that sale dress that is 3 sizes too big isn't so great when your alterations end up costing 4 times as much. (edited)
Just go off and get married. Just the 2 of you. Your day to yourselves.
Celebrate with family and friends with a knees up when you get back.
No one to please but yourselves.
Selfish? No. It’s your day. And it will still be special.
Totally agree, so many people spend weeks and months planning a wedding and finish up with family arguments, stress, worry etc.
Also note you don't NEED to spend £10,000 or more on a wedding. Put it towards a house if you have not got one.
A number of people I know have spent thousands on a wedding then split up after a couple of years.
Article about it here
dailymail.co.uk/new…tml (edited)
Anyway, these days everyone will be clicking away and videoing away, just ask people if there are any bits you particularly want to capture. Also, worth researching wedding poses and groupings for the formal pix.
Fair enough if your against marriage, that's fine, but your point doesn't really make sense, you wake up the next morning the same people, not sure how the marriage paper ruins your friendship!
If you want to spend then spend.
We had fireworks display for just shy of £1k, this was some time ago because I like fireworks.
You have 20-30 years to save, travel, buy a house and car etc.
You only get married once... well, some of you anyway. Go all out and have the celebration of your dreams.
But on a pessimistic outlook, what you don't want is to be left in the lurch on any service, or lose out on money. ALWAYS try and pay where possible via credit card ( but remember to weigh up any interest charges / credit history before doing so), doing so gives you section 75 protection if a supplier does go into administration. It seems like since COVId , insurance brokers don't offers any kind of wedding insurance, so really just to be wary that businesses do tend to go into administration and you have backup ideas.
Here's a rundown of examples and what you might consider plan b:
Cake supplier goes bust > ask around the family / friends who may be able to make a cake or get creating using supermarket cakes like Colin the caterpillar m&S.
Photographer goes into administration ( now this is actually more concerning after the event too as they may close down any hosting / storage from your special day) > if the photographer has already taken the photos, immediately offer to grab them all via USB stick. If the photographer hasn't shot the event. Asking the guests is a good plan b, as well as setting up a tripod where a guest may want to set up their own cameras / phones. An idea I had recently was purchasing a few android phones that were capable of photo , video , selfie and voice recording. So you could dot five around the venue, load it with SD cards and get guests to do the shooting or recording themselves. Later in the night might get funnier results
*Chair covers
*Matching the colour of napkins with the bowties on chairs
The thing that really makes a good wedding are your guests wanting to celebrate the day with you. Rarely will something "ruin the whole day". The memorable bits are the "I do" bit, the speeches, and people falling over (though less memorable if that happens at the end of the night).
When guests are included in the day rather than invited to be spectators, everyone will enjoy themselves.
(being a tight hukd'er I'm still smarting at the drinks prices )
But we quite enjoyed the change from the traditional routine.
But we do a lot more than just photos, I single handed gather everyone together get those photos you need and want, then the rest of the day/night you’ll forget I’m there at I’m snapping away getting more photos!
had a relation here been together 20 plus years just nice to say that no fuss
Unless someone else is going to pay for it (even then, just take the cash use it for a deposit on a house, world tour etc!).
Perfect day and same outcome as someone spending thousands on one day. My mate £35k separated within the year divorce soon as legal . It’s the person your marrying nothing else. Now if I ever wanted to divorce him it’ll cost more than actual wedding
I'd not think twice about married on 9/11, other than the fact I'm already married!
I would not recommend doing this as at the time I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us but I now 13 years on regret not having any family or friends their. If you do get married abroad invite your loved ones it really is a lonely day without them. Even paying for them to join you is cheaper than a big wedding in the UK.
Congratulations to you and I hope you have a happy and healthy marriage.
thetrainline.com/boo…Bc=
As for people attending, it’s not their wedding so they don’t need to compromise.
Her hubby a cynical yorkshireman would report back this seasons funny trends - the chair wrapping, the matching chair bows etc etc - when it got to dentistry - you must get your teeth done before... he gave up!
Have a budget and stick to it - and watch out for venues that increase bat prices as the day goes on!
Our honey moon cost us more than our wedding. And our honeymoon cost us around £1700
*maybe slightly more, I can’t remember the exchange rate for the £ at the time, and was 11 years ago, so whatever inflation has done to that. (edited)
Can I just say, as a guy who is gatecrashing the wedding planning thread, these are words I live by.
Just playing, this is all mean in good spirits, and I wish you all the very best with the big day, and the start of a long and happy life together. Also the cake competition is a great idea, I won one a long time ago.