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    A question of protocol - advice needed (serious)

    Sorry to be on a downer, really need some advice on this.

    see next post

    31 Comments

    Original Poster

    Basically, one of my staff members has had a loss in the family.
    Funeral is on monday (mass, then cremation).

    Can anyone advise on protocol here?

    He is a fairly new member of staff, and I don't know him that well, but I would like to show my support.

    Is it the done thing? I'm really not sure.

    Any advice greatly appreciated.

    Banned

    Show what support you feel is necessary

    Though dont be so soft, else he may milk it.

    Give him the day off, and the standard time required, and mention that if he needs to talk you will be available for him, other than that leave it

    Banned

    what do you mean support, like going to the funeral or how much time to give them off work?

    I goggled some information here..hope this may help..whilst not being standard protocol it may give you some guidelines on how to approach the situation.

    ]http//ww…htm

    Hope this helps.

    Original Poster

    sassie;2852529

    what do you mean support, like going to the funeral or how much time to … what do you mean support, like going to the funeral or how much time to give them off work?



    Sorry, I'm really just wondering as to what the accepted protocol is re attending the funeral/cremation.

    Do I go to just the service/both/neither?

    In terms of support, my company is really quite good in terms of leave and even provides counselling.

    Banned

    grex9101;2852563

    Sorry, I'm really just wondering as to what the accepted protocol is re … Sorry, I'm really just wondering as to what the accepted protocol is re attending the funeral/cremation.Do I go to just the service/both/neither?In terms of support, my company is really quite good in terms of leave and even provides counselling.



    errrrm i dont think that is right, this is a work employee and his family members funeral is nothing to do with his work

    grex9101;2852563

    Sorry, I'm really just wondering as to what the accepted protocol is re … Sorry, I'm really just wondering as to what the accepted protocol is re attending the funeral/cremation.Do I go to just the service/both/neither?In terms of support, my company is really quite good in terms of leave and even provides counselling.



    I don't want to appear rude as you sound like a very caring person, but if you don't know this member of staff very well I should say that he/she wouldn't really want you at the funeral which is a very private affair. Just a card and a few words would mean loads.

    Why would you attend the funeral of someone you didn't know ?

    Banned

    Annie1508;2852579

    I don't want to appear rude as you sound like a very caring person, but … I don't want to appear rude as you sound like a very caring person, but if you don't know this member of staff very well I should say that he/she wouldn't really want you at the funeral which is a very private affair. Just a card and a few words would mean loads.



    you put it much better than me, this is what i was trying to say:oops:

    Original Poster

    sassie;2852576

    errrrm i dont think that is right, this is a work employee and his family … errrrm i dont think that is right, this is a work employee and his family members funeral is nothing to do with his work



    choc1969;2852584

    Why would you attend the funeral of someone you didn't know ?



    Annie1508;2852579

    I don't want to appear rude as you sound like a very caring person, but … I don't want to appear rude as you sound like a very caring person, but if you don't know this member of staff very well I should say that he/she wouldn't really want you at the funeral which is a very private affair. Just a card and a few words would mean loads.



    Totally,

    Although the website GerryG linked to does suggest a company representative attends, and I guess that's me.

    I feel really awkward about this as I also believe that funerals are a private affair, but I'm torn between what actually should be done.

    Banned

    A company rep should go if it was an employee then yes, but not for an employees family member. Allow them the time off they feel they need, within reason, and like said a card to offer your condolences (however the heck you spell it)

    yep just a card if you feel the need but not to go to the funeral...and depending how close family member one or two days off.

    Maybe you should check with HR

    Original Poster

    sassie;2852661

    A company rep should go if it was an employee then yes, but not for an … A company rep should go if it was an employee then yes, but not for an employees family member. Allow them the time off they feel they need, within reason, and like said a card to offer your condolences (however the heck you spell it)



    I'm agreeing with everything said here (and will rep accordingly).

    What's really getting me stressed out is that all your advice is conflicting with what my friends etc are saying....

    Also, my equal number at the same location went to another one of the guys wife's funeral, did this perhaps set a precedent? for the record, i didn't agree with them going then either.

    sassie;2852661

    A company rep should go if it was an employee then yes, but not for an … A company rep should go if it was an employee then yes, but not for an employees family member. Allow them the time off they feel they need, within reason, and like said a card to offer your condolences (however the heck you spell it)



    Totally agree, if you're in any doubt why don't you just ask the member of staff? Just say to them something like "obviously you will be given the time off to attend the funeral, I can also get time off to attend but if you would rather it was kept private then please just say and I will stay away". I agree with Sassie that a company rep should go if it's the actual employee that has died and you are respresenting the company to show your condolensces but not for an employees family member that you've never met, that would just be really awkward. My mum died suddenly just over 5 years ago and I'd have been mortified if there had been a complete stranger at the funeral watching me crying, it needs to be kept private.

    grex9101;2852690

    I'm agreeing with everything said here (and will rep accordingly). What's … I'm agreeing with everything said here (and will rep accordingly). What's really getting me stressed out is that all your advice is conflicting with what my friends etc are saying....Also, my equal number at the same location went to another one of the guys wife's funeral, did this perhaps set a precedent? for the record, i didn't agree with them going then either.



    Perhaps you could just print all these pages off and show them to the bosses at work as back-up!!!!!

    Banned

    grex9101;2852690

    I'm agreeing with everything said here (and will rep accordingly). What's … I'm agreeing with everything said here (and will rep accordingly). What's really getting me stressed out is that all your advice is conflicting with what my friends etc are saying....Also, my equal number at the same location went to another one of the guys wife's funeral, did this perhaps set a precedent? for the record, i didn't agree with them going then either.



    I know if it was my family member that had died i wouldnt want an almost complete stranger there, i know there will always be eople there you dont know because we cant know everyone involved in others lives, but at least they would be strangers morning the same person you are, not just strangers there to cover protocol

    I think it is was the employee's wife it would be fairly appropriate.

    Original Poster

    what makes it slightly more awkward is that the chap is currently off work, I really don't want to phone him about this, i feel that would be rather insensitive.

    in terms of time off, my company is quite generous in giving 5 paid days off for the death of close relatives.

    where it's not so good is advising supervisors and managers in how to deal with these situations.

    grex9101;2852735

    what makes it slightly more awkward is that the chap is currently off … what makes it slightly more awkward is that the chap is currently off work, I really don't want to phone him about this, i feel that would be rather insensitive. in terms of time off, my company is quite generous in giving 5 paid days off for the death of close relatives.where it's not so good is advising supervisors and managers in how to deal with these situations.



    Maybe you can change that, now you know it is a missing part of your company's support structure.

    Original Poster

    sassie;2852725

    I know if it was my family member that had died i wouldnt want an almost … I know if it was my family member that had died i wouldnt want an almost complete stranger there, i know there will always be eople there you dont know because we cant know everyone involved in others lives, but at least they would be strangers morning the same person you are, not just strangers there to cover protocol



    perhaps protocol was the wrong word. i'm not just considering out of a misguided sense of duty, but rather just trying to do what is best for all concerned.

    i'd really hate for the guy to be angry with me for appearing not to bother if you see what i mean

    Original Poster

    pghstochaj;2852749

    Maybe you can change that, now you know it is a missing part of your … Maybe you can change that, now you know it is a missing part of your company's support structure.



    if you knew the industry, you'd probably understand.

    military style, male dominated and rooted about 75 years in the past.

    ain't a workplace where feelings are discussed.

    I don't think you should attend the funeral really, at the end of the day the deceased was a total stranger to you. If it had been an employee different matter though.

    I would send a sympathy card.

    Hope this helps.

    There was one time at work when one of the line managers husband passed away, on our floor we had around 60 employees that went to the church service but we never went to the actual graveside as we thought it was a private family affair..but we showed our respect to the line manager even though not one single employee knew her husband.

    grex9101;2852760

    i'd really hate for the guy to be angry with me for appearing not to … i'd really hate for the guy to be angry with me for appearing not to bother if you see what i mean


    I personally think the card and a quick call to ask if there was anything you could do to help him in a difficult time would suffice. I'm sure he wouldn't be angry with that.

    May I reiterate, your HR policy should detail this by LAW.

    grex9101;2852760

    perhaps protocol was the wrong word. i'm not just considering out of a … perhaps protocol was the wrong word. i'm not just considering out of a misguided sense of duty, but rather just trying to do what is best for all concerned.i'd really hate for the guy to be angry with me for appearing not to bother if you see what i mean



    I would suggest a card as mentioned earlier, I wouldn't attend the funeral but would have a word in private on or before their return to work offering whatever support you can, just to let them know the company cares for their welfare and would be prepared to arrange counseling or further time off if required.

    I take my hat off to you for caring, it's good that you would even consider attending a funeral in order to support an employee, although in my opinion it would not be your responsibility (moral or otherwise) to do so.

    If I were you, I wouldn't attend the funeral but would give the guy a ring - express your sympathies - and tell him that the office is having a whip round and would the family prefer flowers at the funeral or a donation to charity. That way, he knows you have been supportive.

    choc1969;2852849

    May I reiterate, your HR policy should detail this by LAW.



    Policy should state what the procedure is in relation to time off etc. Dont think any policy will need to go into such detail and 9 times out of 10 matters like this would be discretionary in my opinion.

    Original Poster

    choc1969;2852849

    May I reiterate, your HR policy should detail this by LAW.



    There's a lot of things my company should do by LAW, but certain things they don't.

    Everything that I'm responsible for is up to date and by the book, but we sorely lack the niceities that the modern companies seem to provide without a thought.

    I'll go down the card route, will just send one from everyone at the location, maybe have a collection too.

    grex9101;2852938

    I'll go down the card route, will just send one from everyone at the … I'll go down the card route, will just send one from everyone at the location, maybe have a collection too.



    I agree
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