A Wee Scottish Joke

35
Found 25th Feb 2009
A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn (stream).

All of a sudden a Gamekeeper shouted, 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's fu' ae coo's shiite an pish!'

The man replied, 'My Good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that in English for me'

The keeper replied, 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!!!
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30 Comments
:giggle: LMFAO!!
:giggle:
Meh



Stand-by for the english hate
classic
Hate!!!
ROFL :lol:


sad though...if this was AGAINST the Scottish, you'd be infracted :-(
hehe!
ha ha nice one x x
classic, but just to even up the odds for the english(never thought i'd say that). here's a billy connolly one....

scotch fella was walking down the street........dropped 50p........bent down to pick it up and it hit him on the back of the head.....hahaha
ODB_69;4485278

ROFL :lol:sad though...if this was AGAINST the Scottish, you'd be … ROFL :lol:sad though...if this was AGAINST the Scottish, you'd be infracted :-(



+1
How do you disperse an angry Scottish mob?
Just take up a collection.
How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?

Tell him that the drinks are on the house.
jellybaby22;4485455

reported...enjoy your ban :-D( Only joking..in case anyone takes … reported...enjoy your ban :-D( Only joking..in case anyone takes offence.....:roll:)



:-D
Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a***holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!"
oxter;4485732

Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in … Two Englishmen - businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked, "What are you selling here?"One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a***holes."Without skipping a beat, the Scotsman said, "You are doing well. Only two left!"



Brillant:thumbsup: :giggle:
nice one
The Scots are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of the Scottish pound and rising prices. In England, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.
mcnally32;4485390

classic, but just to even up the odds for the english(never thought i'd … classic, but just to even up the odds for the english(never thought i'd say that). here's a billy connolly one....scotch fella was walking down the street........dropped 50p........bent down to pick it up and it hit him on the back of the head.....hahaha



A Glaswegian staggers home from the pub ****** one night, with three cans of paint. He immediately sets about painting the living-room red, blue and white.

His wife eventually comes downstairs and says, "For f***s sake, you think more of Rangers than you think of me!"

He says, "Honey, I think more of f***ing Celtic than I do of you!"
A keen Scottish soccer supporter was watching a match at the World Cup. Beside him was the only empty seat in the entire stadium. " Whose seat is that ? " asked the man on the other side.
" It's my wife's." " But why isn't she here ? "
" She passed away."
" Why didn't give your ticket to one of your friends ? "
" They're all at the funeral."

A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn … A man was cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn (stream).All of a sudden a Gamekeeper shouted, 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's fu' ae coo's shiite an pish!' The man replied, 'My Good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that in English for me'The keeper replied, 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!!!



LOL
I posted almost the same joke hotukdeals.com/ite…=82 and got away with it..:-D
Yeah, but who speaks Welsh anyway?
oxter;4486524

Yeah, but who speaks Welsh anyway?



That's why there was a bit in brackets...:roll:
edna_clouds;4486624

That's why there was a bit in brackets...:roll:



What is Welsh for "That holiday home looks as though it will burn a treat" ?:whistling:
The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to America and make his fortune, coming back to share with the rest of them.

The youngest, Ian, was chosen for this task. Off he went, and he worked hard in America, and earned himself a fortune over a few years, and wired his brothers that he'd be returning with it.

When he came back to Scotland he got off the boat, and looked around for his brothers, but could not see anyone who looked familiar.

Finally, a group of bearded strangers approached. "Ho, Ian, are ye not knowing yer own brothers?" asked the first one. Then Ian realized his brothers had grown beards.

"Fer heaven's sake, laddies, what would ye be growin' them beards for, now?" he asked.
"We had to, lad, ye took the razor wi' ye!"
Spod;4487417

The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to … The MacTavish brothers decided that one of their number would go to America and make his fortune, coming back to share with the rest of them. The youngest, Ian, was chosen for this task. Off he went, and he worked hard in America, and earned himself a fortune over a few years, and wired his brothers that he'd be returning with it. When he came back to Scotland he got off the boat, and looked around for his brothers, but could not see anyone who looked familiar. Finally, a group of bearded strangers approached. "Ho, Ian, are ye not knowing yer own brothers?" asked the first one. Then Ian realized his brothers had grown beards."Fer heaven's sake, laddies, what would ye be growin' them beards for, now?" he asked."We had to, lad, ye took the razor wi' ye!"



That's it! Racist jokes are not allowed on this site:w00t:
Is it true that copper wire was invented by two Aberdonians fighting over a penny?
Aaah, our friends the English - well sort of

The 2012 Olympics in London, England, are going to be an amazing cultural experience. Imagine the hordes of international fans - Poles, Czechs, Russians, Hungarians, Latvians, Africans, Jamaicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Iraqis, Turks, Greeks, Thais, Australians, South Africans - all of whom will have travelled as many as 10 miles to watch these games.
What do you call a Welsh Muslim?

Ramalam
Aye laddies,

This yin'll gaur ye' laugh?

An English lawyer and an Scotsman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Scotsmen are so dumb that he could put something over on them easily. So the lawyer asks if the Scotsman would like to play a fun game.

The Scotsman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The English lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only £5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500, he says. This catches the Scotsman's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?' The Scotsman doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-pound note, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Scotsman's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Scotsman and hands him £500. The Scotsman pockets the £500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Scotsman up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Scotsman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer £5 and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with the Scots.
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