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    Advice from parents or professionals required

    Family next door have two children. The eldest being probably no older than two. For about a week or so now, several times a day there have been times when there has been screaming. Not just crying but screaming. Its making me feel really uncomfortable. There may be a perfectly acceptable reason but have been wondering whether to alert anyone. At the same time I dont want to cause the family problems if I am worrying unduly.
    I have thought about knocking several times but I have been ill and looking ill recently and if all is ok the family may be more concerned about me getting near their kids. There would also be language issues as they do not speak much English.

    What if anything would you do? How long would you be prepared to let screaming continue before you did anything?

    46 Comments

    Leaving kids screaming.... leave them as long as it takes. 2 year olds are generally pushing the barriers and will scream and scream until they get their own way.
    p.s you sound like a good neighbour and parents will often feel worse about their kids' screaming than you do. After all they are in the same room as the nipper.The time to start really worrying is when the parents are screaming too.

    Banned

    Baby P ?

    Hard to say the youngest could be crying when not being entertained etc,I used to nip out back to hang out washing and my eldest would scream like mad worried I'd left him or something,even if I left the back door open he become frantic.
    It's hard to tell in these situations,but think if something happened and you didn't report it then how would you feel?
    Social Services would be who need to be informed.

    Original Poster

    I have thought about putting a note through the door asking if all is ok . But even with that theres a fine line between causing some offence and getting things right (if they can read it due to language issues).

    I am so greatful we don't have neighbours at the mo, but when we did i was stressed the baby was crying, but also stressed what the neighbours would think. Its probably a baby that wants its own way possibly....like mine!!!
    Good that your even acknowledging they may be a problem though.

    Yep, very likely tantrums trying to get attention as there is a younger baby there. If the family have always seened happy and coping otherwise, probably just a good idea to keep an eye on things from a distance for awhile?

    if its only been a week or so, maybe he/she is poorly, its a tough one to call though

    When my eldest was almost two she was quite poorly and up screaming for nights on end, one day our neighbur knocked cos she was so worried, I felt awful that we had disturbed her.:oops:

    Banned

    I would be more worried about them not screaming. I think its completely normal for kids to be screaming. If the parents start screaming back and they are screaming back all the time then get in contact with someone.

    Original Poster

    loupomm;5537896

    if its only been a week or so, maybe he/she is poorly, its a tough one to … if its only been a week or so, maybe he/she is poorly, its a tough one to call though



    I cant be sure how long it has gone on exactly but probably for about a week at least. I thought it was possibly a child being ill so dismissed it. Its just that with screaming it makes me wonder if pain is being inflicted. When I see them with the children all appears ok so maybe I am worrying unnecessarily. Hopefully.

    Most 2 year old children scream and have tantrums so you can't really base much on that alone. Do you see the family out and about having fun - do the kids smile and laugh as well as having tantrums? If you still feel uncomfortable and are losing sleep then phone up childline or NSPCC for some confidential advice. They are experts in their field, and can arrange for a health visitor to make a routine call if needed just to check out a situation.

    loupomm;5537896

    if its only been a week or so, maybe he/she is poorly, its a tough one to … if its only been a week or so, maybe he/she is poorly, its a tough one to call though



    yup little babs could be poorly or getting their back teeth, terrible two's spring to mind, but your concern is great, just keep listening and i think if you hear raised adult voices at the same time as the screaming you should ring the authorities

    Wow, i scream and shout louder than babes, when watching Barney and hi-5....better prepare myself for the child abuse claims :?

    Have you any other reasons to be concerned?
    As explained, the screaming can be perfectly "normal", as a neighbour, you'd have a better idea of any untoward going on.

    I would knock and ask, they may be grateful that you are concerned. Doing "nothing" isn't really an option.

    WoolyM;5537943

    Its just that with screaming it makes me wonder if pain is being … Its just that with screaming it makes me wonder if pain is being inflicted.



    Well I reckon you've unearthed den of paedos, get onto The Sun quick.

    Original Poster

    queenlush;5537971

    yup little babs could be poorly or getting their back teeth, terrible … yup little babs could be poorly or getting their back teeth, terrible two's spring to mind, but your concern is great, just keep listening and i think if you hear raised adult voices at the same time as the screaming you should ring the authorities



    There are often raised adult voices at the same time as the screaming but cos I dont understand their language I may be misinterpreting things. When I started the thread there was screaming but all sounds ok now and there are happyish sounds. I am not listening at the walls btw. The walls are quite thin. I really wanted to get second opinions so Thank You all

    Original Poster

    thesaint;5538032

    Have you any other reasons to be concerned?As explained, the screaming … Have you any other reasons to be concerned?As explained, the screaming can be perfectly "normal", as a neighbour, you'd have a better idea of any untoward going on.I would knock and ask, they may be grateful that you are concerned. Doing "nothing" isn't really an option.



    I may be able to catch them as they go into the garden. That may seem more informal.

    castortroy;5537804

    Leaving kids screaming.... leave them as long as it takes. 2 year olds … Leaving kids screaming.... leave them as long as it takes. 2 year olds are generally pushing the barriers and will scream and scream until they get their own way.p.s you sound like a good neighbour and parents will often feel worse about their kids' screaming than you do. After all they are in the same room as the nipper.The time to start really worrying is when the parents are screaming too.



    +++++ 1million

    my lttle boy is just over 2 and love of my life but he is screaming like he's been shot at the mo ,do what you have to do just incase id rather be investigated and proven ok than someone else wishing someone had been reported

    thats why they call it the terrible two's

    even worse when they have dads that back down to tantrums


    yes im 1 of them

    Shengis;5538033

    Well I reckon you've unearthed den of paedos, get onto The Sun quick.



    10k worth of posts and thats what u offer up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    idiot

    WoolyM;5538069

    There are often raised adult voices at the same time as the screaming but … There are often raised adult voices at the same time as the screaming but cos I dont understand their language I may be misinterpreting things. When I started the thread there was screaming but all sounds ok now and there are happyish sounds. I am not listening at the walls btw. The walls are quite thin. I really wanted to get second opinions so Thank You all



    a lot of foreign languages sound aggressive ...if they are young parents it can be quite frustrating ....they might be shouting and bawling but doesn't necessarily mean they are abusing the child...just keep a sensible ear out and like someone said ...smile at them in the street and make a fuss of the little one, make them aware that you are there..you will either make friends or save a child

    jamstaruk1972;5538175

    10k worth of posts and thats what u offer up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!idiot



    Sarcasm is obviously unknown to you:thumbsup:

    ....they might be shouting and bawling but doesn't necessarily mean they are abusing the child

    another + 1 million

    do you have kids youself op?

    reason im saying is i get mad when my boy hurts himself whether its from climbing or doing something silly as they do as a child

    but i get mad and blame myself somtimes shout even tho i know i shouldnt but when its the most precious thng in the world o u its hard not to

    would love to wrapp my son in bubble wrapp but people have told me they grow up inspite of you not because of you


    again if you have concerns tell some1 no one will have a go at you

    Shengis;5538308

    Sarcasm is obviously unknown to you:thumbsup:





    Sarcasm has no place in a thread where op has concerns over a childs welfair:x

    Original Poster

    jamstaruk1972;5538337

    ....they might be shouting and bawling but doesn't necessarily mean they … ....they might be shouting and bawling but doesn't necessarily mean they are abusing the childanother + 1 milliondo you have kids youself op?reason im saying is i get mad when my boy hurts himself whether its from climbing or doing something silly as they do as a child but i get mad and blame myself somtimes shout even tho i know i shouldnt but when its the most precious thng in the world o u its hard not to would love to wrapp my son in bubble wrapp but people have told me they grow up inspite of you not because of youagain if you have concerns tell some1 no one will have a go at you



    No children myself. But have been around children and aware enough to interpret different sorts of cries. Cries not really the issue but screams are. Had already considered teething and tantrums as a possibility and could be so. Just wondering what others thought.

    queenlush;5538199

    a lot of foreign languages sound aggressive ...if they are young parents … a lot of foreign languages sound aggressive ...if they are young parents it can be quite frustrating ....they might be shouting and bawling but doesn't necessarily mean they are abusing the child...just keep a sensible ear out and like someone said ...smile at them in the street and make a fuss of the little one, make them aware that you are there..you will either make friends or save a child




    Good points made. Good idea to make friends anyway, they will probably be very happy to know they have a good neighbour in you. It can be difficult for parents of young chidren at the best of times and takes the pressure off being on good terms with neighbours:thumbsup:

    tinkerbell28;5538406

    I think it was sarcastic, *edit* ^^ yes it was. I don't know if he meant … I think it was sarcastic, *edit* ^^ yes it was. I don't know if he meant the same as what I was thinking but here is my 2p anyhow. Abuse of kids is so sensationalised now in the media etc, so much so that everyone has become a potential abuser. That was my take on the comment, and it's a valid point.People just going about their everyday business can be so easily accused. Kids scream, sometimes parents raise their voices, it does not mean people are being abusive to their kids, see my point?Generally if you had a suspicion kids were being beaten black and blue then you would not think twice and be straight on the phone, the problem comes when everyone is viewed as a potential abuser. Believe me, it's so sad now parents are AFRAID to bring their kids in to hospital for fear of being labelled and abuser or negligent if their child has had an accident, it's sad.



    Spot on:thumbsup: Monkeydust;-)

    god i dread to think what my neibours think.
    My 2 yr old has a good gob on her.
    when i send the others to sit on their bed if they are naughty, you would honestly think i was killing them.
    And shout, oh i shout all right lol.

    Its a hard call cos i wouldnt like m,y neibour butting they're nose in.
    You can be tactful though, and say hi like it was said. in the garden. Ask if hes been ill?

    You cant go by how they are when out of the house cos obusing act like perfect parents in public.

    That said if i honestly had worrys over a child an anonymous tip off to ss is what i would do.And have in the past.

    Original Poster

    MAIA;5538407

    Good points made. Good idea to make friends anyway, they will probably be … Good points made. Good idea to make friends anyway, they will probably be very happy to know they have a good neighbour in you. It can be difficult for parents of young chidren at the best of times and takes the pressure off being on good terms with neighbours:thumbsup:



    They are a family that seem to want to keep themself to themself. If thats what they want so be it. When I see the children they appear well cared for. Its just that the screaming cuts through you and has made me wonder if all is ok

    Original Poster

    cherishu2;5538453

    god i dread to think what my neibours think.My 2 yr old has a good gob on … god i dread to think what my neibours think.My 2 yr old has a good gob on her.when i send the others to sit on their bed if they are naughty, you would honestly think i was killing them.And shout, oh i shout all right lol.Its a hard call cos i wouldnt like m,y neibour butting they're nose in.You can be tactful though, and say hi like it was said. in the garden. Ask if hes been ill?You cant go by how they are when out of the house cos obusing act like perfect parents in public.That said if i honestly had worrys over a child an anonymous tip off to ss is what i would do.And have in the past.



    Yeh but see kids with a grandparent who lives with them quite often and they appear relaxed. Both the kids and adult.

    if in doubt op let it out no responsble parent would be annoyed any longer than after the shock of visit ,if youve got nothing to hide youve got nuthng to worry about

    oh hon, kids at 2 are just hitting the tantrum stage... my lil three year old sounds like he is being murdered if -
    a) I brush his teeth
    b) I brush his hair
    c) someone gets inbetween him and scooby doo

    tinkerbell28;5538655

    I did lol out all of those, you have boys too?



    I have two boys and two girls sweetie.

    Actually my 15 yr old is prolly the loudest she will scream OH MY GOD YOU HATE MEEEEEEEEE when she feels like it lol

    Prolly the scariest thing she did was to this poor waiter when we were out eating one night comes along to take the plates etc and she starts going, "omg, you're looking at me arent you? Do you KNOW thats child abuse... *stands up on her chair*.... I'm dying almost sliding under the table in embarressment and her Dad is rapidly trying to get her to see she's scaring the poor waiter's socks off... lol

    ClarityofMind;5538635

    oh hon, kids at 2 are just hitting the tantrum stage... my lil three year … oh hon, kids at 2 are just hitting the tantrum stage... my lil three year old sounds like he is being murdered if -a) I brush his teethb) I brush his hairc) someone gets inbetween him and scooby doo



    is that all he gets mad at lucky you :thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    tinkerbell28;5538648

    You are right there, however op if I may say honestly if you had a REAL … You are right there, however op if I may say honestly if you had a REAL concern earlier you should of phoned SS. I have only ever done it one time and that was when a mum turned up cut at half 3 in the afternoon to get the kids from school/nursery, one was a tiny baby and the teachers let them go. I phoned SS on the spot.



    It obviously was not an absolute concern or would have phoned SS already. But as time has gone on become aware that screaming which was not previously heard is now seemingly commonplace.
    There are happy sounds as well so dont want to get things out of proportion unneccesarily and that was why I posted. To get other viewpoints.

    jamstaruk1972;5538676

    is that all he gets mad at lucky you :thumbsup:



    I'm surprised we didn't get reported to the RSPCA today as we have a staffy who is the complete shadow of my 3 yr old, she goes everywhere with him, is so protective of him, and there he was in the garden today happily trying to sweeeeeeep her under the summer jasmine with my garden broom, she's yelping away and he's giggling and I'm going... BABEEE COME NOWWW to my husband lol

    WoolyM;5538723

    It obviously was not an absolute concern or would have phoned SS already. … It obviously was not an absolute concern or would have phoned SS already. But as time has gone on become aware that screaming which was not previously heard is now seemingly commonplace. There are happy sounds as well so dont want to get things out of proportion unneccesarily and that was why I posted. To get other viewpoints.



    Just ring the SS and be done with it. They won't tell them who called so it won't come back on you:thumbsup:

    WoolyM;5538723

    It obviously was not an absolute concern or would have phoned SS already. … It obviously was not an absolute concern or would have phoned SS already. But as time has gone on become aware that screaming which was not previously heard is now seemingly commonplace. There are happy sounds as well so dont want to get things out of proportion unneccesarily and that was why I posted. To get other viewpoints.



    I'd say my three year old screams several times a day hon... even if you say to him... you want a drink baby? He'll say No I DONNNTTTT want a DRIIIINK.. they just like to make a point I think...

    Thank God my neighbour is like 90 yrs old and stone deaf lol

    Original Poster

    ClarityofMind;5538760

    I'd say my three year old screams several times a day hon... even if you … I'd say my three year old screams several times a day hon... even if you say to him... you want a drink baby? He'll say No I DONNNTTTT want a DRIIIINK.. they just like to make a point I think... Thank God my neighbour is like 90 yrs old and stone deaf lol



    Would be easier if I could understand the language. But can often tell a lot from tone of voice and watching body language and interactions when they are out and about. Probably all ok but I think I will be a nosey neighbour on this one and keep alert for a while

    Plus, it's truly amazing the lengths kids will go to to get a bit of extra attention or just to stay up 5 minutes longer. Just had to have a word with my 11 yr old because at 9.30 she should be tucked up in bed with a good book but she's still downstairs deciding to have an argument with her Dad about his work routine this weekend ( he isn't gonna be home at all ). It wont really affect her in the least as she goes shopping with me on saturdays and sundays she goes out with her friends but just to raise hell for a little while she'll come down and argue... aint happening!!

    ClarityofMind;5538747

    I'm surprised we didn't get reported to the RSPCA today as we have a … I'm surprised we didn't get reported to the RSPCA today as we have a staffy who is the complete shadow of my 3 yr old, she goes everywhere with him, is so protective of him, and there he was in the garden today happily trying to sweeeeeeep her under the summer jasmine with my garden broom, she's yelping away and he's giggling and I'm going... BABEEE COME NOWWW to my husband lol





    i have a staffy 2 dotes on my boy and untill he was born was a total pussey not now protects him like he was the crown jewles

    but u dont see that in the papers

    just devil dogs
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