An Alternative Medical Dictionary !!!

    ..An Alternative Medical Dictionary
    .Artery : The study of paintings
    Barium : What Doctors do when patients die
    Caesarean Section : A neighbourhood in Rome
    Cauterize : Made eye contact with her
    Colic : A sheep dog
    D&C : Where Washington is
    Dilate : To live long
    Enema : Not a friend
    Fibula : A small lie
    Genital : Not a Jew
    Impotent : Distinguished, well known
    Labour Pain : Getting hurt at work
    Morbid : A higher offer
    Nitrates : Cheaper than day rates
    Node : Was aware of
    Outpatient : A person who has fainted
    Post-Operative : Letter carrier
    Recovery Room : Place to do upholstery
    Seizure : Roman Emperor
    Tablet : Small table
    Terminal Illness : Getting sick at the airport
    Urine : Opposite of 'you're out'


    Original Poster

    Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation

    Earlier this year Winston lost his ear. Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place.
    Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons.
    When he did, Winston complained bitterly, 'Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in. 'The doctor, totally unconcerned answered, 'Don't worry, its just a bit of crackling.'

    A man is sitting in the doctor's waiting room with jelly and fruit in one ear and custard and cream in the other.

    When called by the receptionist he ignores her until she comes over to him.

    Then he explains, 'Sorry dear, I'm a trifle deaf!' :whistling:

    Innuendo - an Italian suppository :w00t:

    Original Poster


    Innuendo - an Italian suppository :w00t:

    v. good :giggle:

    Original Poster

    Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During Surgery

    [*]Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
    [*]Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
    [*]Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
    [*]Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
    [*] ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
    [*]Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
    [*]Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
    [*]FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out![/LIST]
    [CENTER] :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D[/CENTER]


    v. good :giggle:

    brilliant - still laughing:-D:-D

    What's the difference between and oral and a rectal thermometer?

    The taste! :evil:

    Original Poster


    No nurse, I said remove his spectacles!
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