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    Any good ideas for dealing with lack of motivation in 17 year old son.

    My son has just been told that he should consider dropping out of school when he has finished this year. He is doing his AS levels at the moment and has put almost zero effort in. The head of his sixth form rang me today and said he really needs to consider doing something else as he has been given so many chances and is just not doing the work. I just cannot motivate him to do anything he is not inspired by anything I suggest and has no idea what he wants to do for a career. Does anyone have any ideas I am really worried he is going to end up a lay about which is a shame because when he has gone and done casual work for his grandfather he tells me that he is a great worker.

    96 Comments

    Throw him out on the street

    Banned

    A Levels really are only for people who have no idea what they want to do or for those wanting to go to University. If you're not going to Uni I consider them a waste of time.

    Find out what interests him then look for a career in that area.

    Banned

    Offer to get him something if he pulls his socks up? Car, bike etc

    Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it himself.

    Sink or swim I'm afraid

    Original Poster

    That was my first thought. I have told him that I am not prepared to support him if he is not studying. I will not be renewing his phone contract which conveniently runs out next month which will hit him hard as he is constantly texting. Other than that and providing a taxi service I don't actually give him much money. I don't think I could throw him out though he has too many grandparents etc locally who would feel sorry for him and take him in.

    choc1969

    Throw him out on the street



    bassman_uk

    Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it … Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it himself.Sink or swim I'm afraid


    Unfortunately a spoilt youth makes for a lazy one.

    Does he do any chores around the house?

    Take him down the dole office then off to a local factory, then some decent business park and ask him where would he like to be in years to come. Point out that the factory jobs won't be there for him as immigration will have solved any recruitment issues there and well the dole is the dole but a business car park with a selection of nice motors may give some encouragement.
    Edited by: "simplyjimbo" 10th May 2011

    Does he have a weekend/evening job? If so, does he work hard whilst he's there? I found 6th form difficult - same school, same teachers etc whilst it seemed my friends that were at college were having more fun. To be honest, the school probably won't be particularly motivated to help him - they will mainly be interested in results, so it will be easier for them if he drops out so that they don't have to publish his (potentially) poor A level results! Would he find some work/work experience over the summer break just to give him an idea about what it's like in the "real" world? He may then realise that 6th form is not so bad/get motivated into a particular career path so that his exams seem worthwhile. Good luck!

    Original Poster

    I totally agree with your point about A'levels, I tried to get him to get an apprenticeship or something last year and he refused saying he wanted to stay on at school. He is mainly interested in photography, movie making and drumming not really many openings for that kind of thing around here.

    master_chief

    A Levels really are only for people who have no idea what they want to do … A Levels really are only for people who have no idea what they want to do or for those wanting to go to University. If you're not going to Uni I consider them a waste of time.Find out what interests him then look for a career in that area.


    choc1969

    Throw him out on the street



    bassman_uk

    Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it … Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it himself.Sink or swim I'm afraid



    no and no def not..

    I have been here and the last thing you need is to throw him out..as long as he is no threat to anyone its purely his choice in life.
    See if you can go to careers advice with him? help to get him motivated in the path he wants to follow?
    i know you think its a waste of his life but he will make his own way no matter how it frustrates you. The fact you have asked here shows you are unsure of your next move-please consider carefully.

    choc1969

    Throw him out on the street

    bassman_uk

    Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it … Kick him out. Give him no money to do anything so he has to earn it himself.Sink or swim I'm afraid



    In that case cut him off, provide him a roof over his head, provide him with food and wash his clothes. Get him to do jobs to pay his way for this, and tell him if he wants the luxuries then he will have to show he is committed by getting a job to pay for them.

    Things don't come for free in life - you work for what you have - big life lesson.

    Armed Forces

    How about ask him what he wants to do. If he wants to go to uni help him find a way to deal with the work. If not help him find a decent job. A bit of support and help goes a long way in these scenarios

    Original Poster

    I Agree he has been spoilt and has everything he thinks he needs in life, he used to do chores when he was younger but I let him get away without doing them when he started his GCSE's and he never started them again.

    choc1969

    Unfortunately a spoilt youth makes for a lazy one.Does he do any chores … Unfortunately a spoilt youth makes for a lazy one.Does he do any chores around the house?


    break his fingers with a hamer, then tell him "now you cant do f all can you, you lazy git"

    Maybe get him to join this site, and send his C.V. to Admin about becoming a Mod here.

    cw9652

    Maybe get him to join this site, and send his C.V. to Admin about … Maybe get him to join this site, and send his C.V. to Admin about becoming a Mod here.



    Read the OP - he's a lazy sod who does nothing. Sounds like he is over qualified for a Mod job here

    not this either!!!!!!!

    I thought this and my son wanted to go-everyone said it would make a man of him...almost all his ship slept with prostitutes on their tour of duty..got VD...its not the life it once was! And he is no moe disciplined now than then 7 years on! I met a lot of his friends who faired similarly sadly

    boothy

    Armed Forces


    Lack of motivation is often a sign of depression.

    The feeling that nothing is worth it, whats the point etc etc.

    If he has personal problems, or there are family problems, it could all be affecting him.

    Of course there is the "throw him out of the street" approach, or the "carrot" approach.

    With the carrot approach he needs encouraging to see where his life may be going. That the better job he has the more money he will earn, the better house and car he will have, the better pension he will get and so on.

    Ask he were he thinks he may finish up when you are not around to provide a roof over his head, and feed and clothe him.

    When HE has to earn the money to pay for his rent and council tax and so on, where does he think the money is going to come from.

    Maybe write down a list of everything you have to pay for (rent/mortgage, gas, electricity, council tax etc etc) and let him know how much it costs a year just to survive, let alone have any luxuries.

    Of couse many teenagers go through this sort of phase, so he will eventualy come out of it.
    Edited by: "guilbert53" 10th May 2011

    Original Poster

    I have asked him and he has no idea. The only thing he is definite about is that he does not want to go to university. He just shrugs his shoulders and give the impression that he doesn't care about anything. I have tried over the last few months to get him to apply for apprenticeships but he looks at what is available and says he is not interested in them. I can't apply for him.

    gbspurs

    How about ask him what he wants to do. If he wants to go to uni help him … How about ask him what he wants to do. If he wants to go to uni help him find a way to deal with the work. If not help him find a decent job. A bit of support and help goes a long way in these scenarios


    Im 20 at the moment, sounds a bit like me 3 years ago haha, i didnt do much at school, got my highers etc and went to university (due to pressure from family) but hated it, didnt work much in my second year as i had given up on it by then ended up dropping out out of choice so i wouldnt try and force uni or anything on him. Ive been working two jobs the last year, barman and shop assistant, just to pay my rent and live reasonably comfortably. Make him decide what he really wants to do, motivation will come easy. Im in the application process for joining the army at the moment, its all ive ever wanted to do, motivating myself to get up on 5 hours sleep and go to the gym and a run before work is easy now since im working towards what i really want to do. I think making him realise the life he would have if he dosses about and making him decide what he really wants to do will sort the motivation problem out.

    I blame the parents

    Original Poster

    I definitely would not want him to join the forces either although I would not try and stop him if it was his choice.

    plumberman01

    not this either!!!!!!!I thought this and my son wanted to go-everyone … not this either!!!!!!!I thought this and my son wanted to go-everyone said it would make a man of him...almost all his ship slept with prostitutes on their tour of duty..got VD...its not the life it once was! And he is no moe disciplined now than then 7 years on! I met a lot of his friends who faired similarly sadly


    Sounds like your son needs to get laid.

    Joking aside. I dropped out of school. Had no interest in anything. 15 years later I still have very little interest in anything and find it very hard to get motivated. I have doctorate and two other degrees from top UK universities, have a good a job and have travelled the world. There is hope for him.

    No doubt his interests lie in something artistic like music and he probably feels as if he is not being encouraged in those areas.

    Original Poster

    I did think he may be a bit low. He had a bit of a breakdown over his GCSE's so I think it may be a bit of that

    guilbert53

    Lack of motivation is often a sign of depression.The feeling that nothing … Lack of motivation is often a sign of depression.The feeling that nothing is worth it, whats the point etc etc. If he has personal problems, or there are family problems, it could all be affecting him. Of course there is the "throw him out of the street" approach, or the "carrot" approach.With the carrot approach he needs encouraging to see where his life may be going. That the better job he has the more money he will earn, the better house and car he will have, the better pension he will get and so on.Ask he were he thinks he may finish up when you are not around to provide a roof over his head, and feed and clothe him.When HE has to earn the money to pay for his rent and council tax and so on, where does he think the money is going to come from.Maybe write down a list of everything you have to pay for (rent/mortgage, gas, electricity, council tax etc etc) and let him know how much it costs a year just to survive, let alone have any luxuries.Of couse many teenagers go through this sort of phase, so he will eventualy come out of it.


    Original Poster

    Me too...

    DAMNOME

    I blame the parents


    Original Poster

    I tried to encourage him to leave school last year and do a photography course at the local college but he didn't fancy that, I may try getting him to look again at what is available at other Colleges rather than his school. He does say he can't deal with any more morning assembly and being pulled up for not having the correct uniform on

    dungavel

    Sounds like your son needs to get laid.Joking aside. I dropped out of … Sounds like your son needs to get laid.Joking aside. I dropped out of school. Had no interest in anything. 15 years later I still have very little interest in anything and find it very hard to get motivated. I have doctorate and two other degrees from top UK universities, have a good a job and have travelled the world. There is hope for him. No doubt his interests lie in something artistic like music and he probably feels as if he is not being encouraged in those areas.


    I would suggest maybe retaking the year?

    Because I am doing A2 now and trust me if he has not revised until now...it will be very difficult when exams start in 2 weeks.

    Get him motivated to do enough work, E is still a pass and will get him through next year. But then he will have do loads of resit and start to work from summer.

    Any up to you best of luck A Levels are not for everyone. They are really difficult.

    I would do exactly that!! Buy him a suit, write him a CV an apply for any job that takes your fancy! If he wants control tell him that's fine you will stop applying asking as he is. Drive him to the interview if you have to. Seems a lot of work but it will pay off. Once his life has a purpose he will soon get out of his funk!!

    Banned

    Plenty of scope for employment in photography if that's an area he wants to go into.

    melcarroll

    I tried to encourage him to leave school last year and do a photography … I tried to encourage him to leave school last year and do a photography course at the local college but he didn't fancy that, I may try getting him to look again at what is available at other Colleges rather than his school. He does say he can't deal with any more morning assembly and being pulled up for not having the correct uniform on



    If he is like I was the thought of being educated probably doesn't appeal to him. Even in something that he has an interest in. And I think pushing him toward education isn't going to help. He'll have to find something on his own. Does he like music? Does he go out with his friends much?

    Force him to do chores etc, dont just let him do nothing.

    Maybe your looking too much for him? Let him make his own choices, but do not let him do nothing at all.

    Stop being so mumsy with him, make him "man up", do things around the house, his own washing, his bed clothes etc.

    When he next asks what is for tea, reply with "Whatever you cook". He will soon get the hang of it.

    Original Poster

    I have done the CV and bought the suit but I can't see how he will get a job if he not motivated by anything.

    gbspurs

    I would do exactly that!! Buy him a suit, write him a CV an apply for any … I would do exactly that!! Buy him a suit, write him a CV an apply for any job that takes your fancy! If he wants control tell him that's fine you will stop applying asking as he is. Drive him to the interview if you have to. Seems a lot of work but it will pay off. Once his life has a purpose he will soon get out of his funk!!


    melcarroll

    I have done the CV and bought the suit but I can't see how he will get a … I have done the CV and bought the suit but I can't see how he will get a job if he not motivated by anything.



    Why are you trying to force things on him? Hes 17 years old, old enough to be a dad etc, you need to let him do stuff for himself.

    Original Poster

    His record for not changing his bed clothes is about 4 months and when left to feed himself his meal of choice is coco pops, I would then be left with a bug infested 30 stone invalid rotting in the back bedroom.

    greenmachine12

    Force him to do chores etc, dont just let him do nothing.Maybe your … Force him to do chores etc, dont just let him do nothing.Maybe your looking too much for him? Let him make his own choices, but do not let him do nothing at all.Stop being so mumsy with him, make him "man up", do things around the house, his own washing, his bed clothes etc. When he next asks what is for tea, reply with "Whatever you cook". He will soon get the hang of it.


    Original Poster

    master_chief

    Plenty of scope for employment in photography if that's an area he wants … Plenty of scope for employment in photography if that's an area he wants to go into.



    I have no idea so any information would be welcome

    melcarroll

    His record for not changing his bed clothes is about 4 months and when … His record for not changing his bed clothes is about 4 months and when left to feed himself his meal of choice is coco pops, I would then be left with a bug infested 30 stone invalid rotting in the back bedroom.



    Instead of a 17 year old lazy dosser? Whats the difference?

    What do you expect from him when your doing everything? He knows that you do everything for him, he is probably thinking "O well, i wont do my bed clothes, mum will do it", "whats the point in me cooking food, mum will do it"

    Banned

    Are you a single mother....as you have made no mention of his father.

    Original Poster

    No although I do feel like one at times

    slamdunkin

    Are you a single mother....as you have made no mention of his father.


    slamdunkin

    Are you a single mother....as you have made no mention of his father.



    slamdunkin on the prowl lol
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