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    Any tips I can give my 16 yr old started new 6th form?

    I know there are quite a few 'youngsters' on here, and wondered if you could give me any tips to help him.

    He messed up his GCSE's and didn't get the grades he needed to do 6th form in his school, not a great school anyway, but he had solid friends there.
    Anyway, ironically, the best school in the Borough/Area has offered him the 3x A level Btec course he wanted based on interview and his outlook.

    He started today and is a fairly quiet boy, he doesn't know anybody, at all, he's had the obvious 'give it time' from me, but he is seeing all the negative and I just don't know what to say to him anymore. I want to say 'dont be stupid it'll be fine in a couple of weeks' but he's really sad and alone, so am just trying to reassure him.

    So, I'm just wondering if any of you are going through or have gone through the same and can give me some advice for him x

    Just to add, he isn't a quiet boy when he's with his friends etc, he just doesn't make friends easily.

    60 Comments

    Banned

    He will be like will from the inbetweeners. Wills mums fit

    Hes doing a btec national diploma level 3( pretty good course but its still hard, You need atleast MMM or MMP do get into an okayish uni course thats like 240 points).

    If hiz class is fairly big, he will gradually become friends with people. But hes gota do it himself as well cos at dat age if u dont talk to no1 , he will stay a loner. So make him talk to people etc.

    Give it a few days, and there will be probably be groups formed in the class(es) Someone will more than likely seem him as in outsider and invite him in.

    He needs a car.

    peodude;6234873

    Give it a few days, and there will be probably be groups formed in the … Give it a few days, and there will be probably be groups formed in the class(es) Someone will more than likely seem him as in outsider and invite him in.



    this

    Abvance;6234876

    He needs a car.



    He gets a car everyone will wana be his mate lol(if its an okayish car nothing like a banger)

    ahh he will settle in, but will take time, its only his 1st day I would say it would take about a week to start to get to know the others on his course, its more than likely the change and the fact he has had to go to another 6th form than his friends, but give it a few weeks and he will be absolutly fine.

    today was proberly just the boring stuff anyway give him time

    He needs to get involved with some sports or what ever his hobby is, best way to find friends, is it a school or a college?

    Original Poster

    MarzBarz;6234868

    Hes doing a btec national diploma level 3( pretty good course but its … Hes doing a btec national diploma level 3( pretty good course but its still hard, You need atleast MMM or MMP do get into an okayish uni course thats like 240 points).If hiz class is fairly big, he will gradually become friends with people. But hes gota do it himself as well cos at dat age if u dont talk to no1 , he will stay a loner. So make him talk to people etc.



    Yep, he can do the work, he just needs to focus, He did the level 2 at school , at the moment he says he's more distracted about not knowing anyone or the school etc and hates the thought of being the loner as he had good friends at his school..14 others in his class, bad uneven number but small class and am trying to convince him he will make friends if he just stops worrying about it so much :?

    peodude;6234873

    Give it a few days, and there will be probably be groups formed in the … Give it a few days, and there will be probably be groups formed in the class(es) Someone will more than likely seem him as in outsider and invite him in.



    Hope so (thank you) x

    Abvance;6234876

    He needs a car.



    Only just 16 so not an option at the moment but have started teaching him, said he can use my car when he gets his licence but think thats a mistake lol (bm :roll:) so yes, hopefully get him a car but a long way off yet

    It's a common enough story these days unfortunately.

    Children / teens repeat behaviour that wins them kudos/attention/ respect/ friends. For some it is doing well in exams, for others it is being the class entertainer as well as everything in between.

    Boys can often get into a situation where they repeat behaviour that gets attention but is not helpful for passing exams, eg larking about in class, making a point of not studying etc.

    The chances are however that he'll thrive in the new environment because he's away from his friends and therefore doesn't have to stay in that behaviour loop.

    The interviewers obviously saw something in him that counted more than just his exam results. Great! It's a new opportunity, a fresh start. He just has to believe in their judgement and make the choice to believe in himself.

    Education is life-long not just confined to school years. Grab the chance with both hands and best of luck. :thumbsup:

    [COLOR="Red"]Tell him to make friends soon or he will find it very hard to make friends later.

    Over the years I've been at school there's been quite a few new kids come that haven't known anyone. The ones that have made friends with the cool cats (EG me) have been direct, confident and been the ones to make conversation etc. The new kids who have not spoken unless that were spoken to failed to make many friends and are not respected by the rest of the year, often bullied and picked on and had to result to make friends with the loser kids.

    Tell your son to go up to the cool cats of the year and start chatting to them otherwise he could find his time at school very hard.

    HTH.[/COLOR]

    Original Poster

    Ommid;6234903

    He needs to get involved with some sports or what ever his hobby is, best … He needs to get involved with some sports or what ever his hobby is, best way to find friends, is it a school or a college?



    Thats his subject lol :roll: its a school 6th form

    All boys talk about cars in 6th form, whether they drive or not. Give him a mag to take in and pass it round :-D

    Yeh as jfk said, tell him to make friends sooner than later.

    Ommid;6234941

    Give him a mag to take in and pass it round :-D



    What type of mag is this! Does it need a box of tissues?

    Banned

    The JFK;6234934

    [COLOR="Red"]Tell him to make friends soon or he will find it very hard … [COLOR="Red"]Tell him to make friends soon or he will find it very hard to make friends later.Over the years I've been at school there's been quite a few new kids come that haven't known anyone. The ones that have made friends with the cool cats (EG me) have been direct, confident and been the ones to make conversation etc. The new kids who have not spoken unless that were spoken to failed to make many friends and are not respected by the rest of the year, often bullied and picked on and had to result to make friends with the loser kids. Tell your son to go up to the cool cats of the year and start chatting to them otherwise he could find his time at school very hard.HTH.[/COLOR]




    Thats why he is the MVP ^^^

    +2

    Original Poster

    MarzBarz;6234946

    Yeh as jfk said, tell him to make friends sooner than later.



    I have and hoped I'd done the right thing, so appreciate that advice as I can keep on encouraging him to do that knowing it's not just 'mums' opinion

    fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what endz your from tho.

    JFK gave some good advice.

    black gerbil1;6234963

    fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what … fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what endz your from tho.JFK gave some good advice.



    wrong advice

    MarzBarz;6234971

    wrong advice


    tbh the skool hard knock back in my day had loads of mates, mabye its changed now a days?

    black gerbil1;6234963

    fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what … fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what endz your from tho.JFK gave some good advice.



    [COLOR="Red"]Yeah I was just about to say if the OP's son fails to make friends with any of the cool cats within the first month he should go up to the coolest cat, smack him in the face and KO him.

    Then he will be feared and therefore gain some respect.

    ^^That should be used as a last resort though^^[/COLOR]

    The JFK;6234977

    [COLOR="Red"]Yeah I was just about to say if the OP's son fails to make … [COLOR="Red"]Yeah I was just about to say if the OP's son fails to make friends with any of the cool cats within the first month he should go up to the coolest cat, smack him in the face and KO him. Then he will be feared and therefore gain some respect. ^^That should be used as a last resort though^^[/COLOR]


    well I think we pretty much sloved the OP problem. amirite?

    snowy, just tell him to start talking to people, maybe wear a football shirt to school, so then people will say "oh i support them too" etc etc convo starter.:thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    black gerbil1;6234963

    fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what … fighting someone and getting respect is one way to do it, depends what endz your from tho.JFK gave some good advice.



    He wont fight, he's doesn't like conflict at all, he can if pushed and is pretty tough, but not that sort of kid (unlike his younger brother) :x

    Biggest problem is he knows all the other kids already know each other and it's trying to get him to 'step out of his comfort zone' with confidence.

    His younger brother would be fine, totally confident and no problem at all in this situation, but the one in question is worrying so much over it all.

    Good advice so far though and thank you all x

    Original Poster

    black gerbil1;6234986

    well I think we pretty much sloved the OP problem. amirite?snowy, just … well I think we pretty much sloved the OP problem. amirite?snowy, just tell him to start talking to people, maybe wear a football shirt to school, so then people will say "oh i support them too" etc etc convo starter.:thumbsup:



    Football shirt is a good idea actually, he may get away with that in the first few days as he hasnt been told yet what kit he needs for the practical lessons :thumbsup:

    Tell him to stick with it at least a month, at the moment he might feel that he made the wrong decision going to college, at least if he sticks it out a month he will have had time to see how the classes are going and to see if he finds any friends.
    Give him a month and i reckon he'll have fitted in with a group of some kind of like minded individuals and will feel so much happier about the choices.

    From experience - He's gotta make sure he does all the work, up front and on time.

    Don't wait til the last minute and rush it.

    Spend the time up front.

    Make a proper job of everything he does.

    He's gotta act as if his life depends on it.

    Which, in a way, it does.

    Give 110%

    and if in doubt - ASK!

    Fluffykins;6235014

    From experience - He's gotta make sure he does all the work, up front and … From experience - He's gotta make sure he does all the work, up front and on time.Don't wait til the last minute and rush it.Spend the time up front.Make a proper job of everything he does.He's gotta act as if his life depends on it.Which, in a way, it does.Give 110%and if in doubt - ASK!



    [COLOR="Red"]This thread is about helping the OP's son make friends. It's not about school work.

    HTH.[/COLOR]

    If he's doing sports then hopefully he'll make friends without too much effort when he starts being put on teams etc. If you encourage him to try and start simple conversations, say like asking what teachers are like and things like that, hopefully he can get chatting from there. :thumbsup:

    tell him to be confident and dont shy away, speak to everyone even if its gibberish

    Original Poster

    Charlie&Lola;6235056

    [COLOR="Red"]If he's doing sports then hopefully he'll make friends … [COLOR="Red"]If he's doing sports then hopefully he'll make friends without too much effort when he starts being put on teams etc. [/COLOR] If you encourage him to try and start simple conversations, say like asking what teachers are like and things like that, hopefully he can get chatting from there. :thumbsup:



    Thanks hun, stupid as it sounds I didn't think about that, Im guessing he hasn't either, just focussed on the negative :roll:

    muffin247;6235062

    tell him to be confident and dont shy away, speak to everyone even if its … tell him to be confident and dont shy away, speak to everyone even if its gibberish


    [COLOR="Red"]
    Good advice this.

    Someone joined my school last year and only knew one or two people however he was ultra confident and took time to speak to pretty much everyone in the year.

    He's now one of my best mates and respected by the cool cats as it took a lot of balls to just go and hit up a conversation with everyone which gained him a lot of respect.[/COLOR]

    another thing is not sure people have noticed is if u give off a confident cool vibe people will be instantly drawn to you and want to strike up convo, easy to make friends then
    in a sense u gotta be the man!

    just get him to talk to people, dnt matter who, friends sooner will make life much easier for him, sports is a great way of doing it, if hes on the skl team etc he will be an instant hit, at my school in 6th year (tht last year at high skl in scotland) all the social boundries kinda dissapeared, everyone ws mates with everyone so if he makes good friends soon, he will have loads by next year

    Banned

    Moved schools when I was 14 found it so hard to make any friends, didn't help that I had the worst hay fever even to this day never seen anyone else with it as bad as I got it. Had to look at the ground my eyes were so sensitive to the light.

    Messed up my GCSEs at 16 had NO guidance from anyone on what I should be doing after, shaved all my hair off had a 'start of life' crisis. Ended up doing 6th form started on a foundation GNVQ was quickly moved onto the advanced Business GNVQ which would have got me into a university but 3 months till the end of the 2yr course I quit.

    That's my experience now my advice....sounds like you're a very supportive Mum unlike mine so just keep encouraging him and DO NOT let him quit. :thumbsup:

    Sorted my life now btw but not where I wanted to be :-( if I had the confidence I have now when I was younger who knows the world would have been my oyster!

    If he is doing the PE BTEC then he will HAVE to prove he can teamwork etc - it's essential in the coursework!

    He is possibly taking the easiest subject to be able to "converse" to his peers in (apart from the theory sessions of course), it will certainly be easier to make friends on a court/pitch or whatever than in a Classical civilization classroom!!! Cannot take part in team games without talking (I assume he is not specialising in some purely individual sport??). He can let his fitness and ability in sport do the "talking" for him initially and the rest will follow as long as he is proactive to initiate discussions and REACTIVE to respond to other class members

    Mine started 6th form yesterday - funny how you worry about them as much at 16 as you did when they started Reception. Relax - he'll be fine!!!!!

    I'm going through the same sort of thing with my 16 yr old, he has just moved up to live with me and knows no-one. I have told him that if he gets his head down and gives it a few weeks that i will buy him a scooter to get there on. I think this opens up the chance for him to make friends with other kids, gives him something to look forward too and also a bit more freedom.

    If this doesn't work i am going to 'borrow' my neighbours good looking 18 yr old daughter and get her to take him there and meet him after, surely the lads will want to be his mate when they see her!!

    Really Spooki? You really want his friends to be the shallow people that are only interested in him because he has a scooter and/or a 'hot bird'? They won't be true friends.

    The JFK;6235092

    [COLOR=red]Good advice this.[/COLOR][COLOR=red]Someone joined my school … [COLOR=red]Good advice this.[/COLOR][COLOR=red]Someone joined my school last year and only knew one or two people however he was ultra confident and took time to speak to pretty much everyone in the year.[/COLOR][COLOR=red]He's now one of my best mates and respected by the cool cats as it took a lot of balls to just go and hit up a conversation with everyone which gained him a lot of respect.[/COLOR]


    You'd have got knocked out at my school for using the phrase 'cool cats'...NOBODY cool would have said that! :whistling:

    Original Poster

    TAH-M;6235787

    If he is doing the PE BTEC then he will HAVE to prove he can teamwork etc … If he is doing the PE BTEC then he will HAVE to prove he can teamwork etc - it's essential in the coursework!He is possibly taking the easiest subject to be able to "converse" to his peers in (apart from the theory sessions of course), it will certainly be easier to make friends on a court/pitch or whatever than in a Classical civilization classroom!!! Cannot take part in team games without talking (I assume he is not specialising in some purely individual sport??). He can let his fitness and ability in sport do the "talking" for him initially and the rest will follow as long as he is proactive to initiate discussions and REACTIVE to respond to other class membersMine started 6th form yesterday - funny how you worry about them as much at 16 as you did when they started Reception. Relax - he'll be fine!!!!!



    Thanks for the advice everyone, had a chat again this morning, just trying to instill confidence in him.

    Thanks TAH, he is doing BTEC sports coaching its level 3 (3 A levels) and he did BTEC levels 1 and 2 at GCSE, it does require a lot of coursework (18 parts to it) and a lot of classroom lessons, he's also retaking a couple of subjects also.

    He's great when it comes to the practical, ie going to other schools organising games for other students etc, the subject is not his problem at all and he is really enthusiastic about it, its just he literally knows no one, at all, he doesnt know the school either, way round, where to go etc, what to do at lunchtime, all those kind of things. The other kids on his course all already know each other and I think he feels unable to approach them, hopefully that will come in time though. He did have a really good set of solid friends at his old school and I think he just feels out of sync now.
    Good luck with your 16 yr old, you're right, it feels like it did when he started school for the first time all those years ago! :roll:

    peodude;6235918

    Really Spooki? You really want his friends to be the shallow people that … Really Spooki? You really want his friends to be the shallow people that are only interested in him because he has a scooter and/or a 'hot bird'? They won't be true friends.



    No, not really, the scooter is just so he has something to look forward to if he stays at college, which hopefully means he will put more effort into studying.

    The second comment was more of a tongue in cheek joke.........
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