Anybody got some funny movie or tv show quotes

12 replies

"What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair."

My Manwich!!!!


Mighty Boosh!!!!!

I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted.


Clever of me to use my spine to break my fall like that.

Darkwing Duck

and my personal fav

I've got it, a brilliant idea... That's what we need, a brilliant idea.

From the monkees!

Bendis: We're gonna die.
Mal: We are not gonna die. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!


(Wash is playing with plastic dinosaurs.)
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Yes...yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...this land. (as Allosaur) I think we should call it your grave! (as Stegosaurus) Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! (as Allosaur) Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE! (as Stegosaurus) Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven...


Jayne: Captain, can you stop her from bein' cheerful, please?
Mal: I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct-tape her mouth, and… dump 'er in the hold for a month.
[A grinning Kaylee gives Mal a peck on the cheek.]
Kaylee: I love my captain.


Zoe: I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.


Kaylee: I'd sure love to find a brand new compression coil for the seamer...
[Mal cuts her off.]
Mal: Yes, and I'd like to be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat.


[Badger refuses to take Alliance-branded cargo as was previously agreed upon]
Zoe: That ain't fair.
Badger: Crime and politics, little girl. Situation is always...fluid.
Jayne: Only fluid I see here is the puddle of **** refusing to pay us our wage!


(After Badger abruptly backs out of the deal, Mal, Zoe and Jayne discuss where they can sell the cargo.)
Zoe: So the border planets?
Mal: I'm thinking Whitefall, maybe talk to Patience.
Zoe: Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.
Mal: Why not?
Zoe: She shot you.
Mal: Well, yeah, she did a bit.
Mal: Been a long time since Patience shot me, and that was due to a perfectly legitimate conflict of interest. I got no grudge.
Mal: Did you send word to Patience?
Wash: Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?
Mal: Everyone's makin' a fuss.


[Shepherd Book is checking the port for a ship, and meets Kaylee sitting on a lawn chair outside Serenity]
Kaylee: You're gonna come with us.
Book: Excuse me?
Kaylee: You like ships. You don't seem to be lookin' at the destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest.
Book: She don't look like much.
Kaylee: Oh, she'll fool ya.


[Shepherd Book visits Inara in her quarters.]
Inara: So. Would you like to lecture me the wickedness of my ways?
Book: I brought you some supper, but.… if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepared. Sin, and hellfire… one has lepers.
Inara (smiling): I think I'll pass.


[Mal has finally opened Simon's box to see what he considered so valuable, and finds a naked, cryogenically-frozen River]
Mal: (after a long pause) Huh.


[Simon threatens not to treat a gutshot Kaylee unless Serenity flees an incoming Alliance cruiser]
Zoe: You let her die, you'll never make it to the Feds.
Simon: She'll still be dead.
Mal: You rich kids. You think your lives are the only thing that matters. What'd you do? Kill your folks for the family fortune?
Simon: I don't kill people.
Mal: Then do your job!
Simon: Turn the ship around!
Inara: Enough! Mal, do it.
Mal: [dangerously] Don't you ever tell me what to --
[Kaylee cries in pain]
Mal: Zoe, Change course.


[After Doctor Simon Tam treats a gun-shot Kaylee, Mal decides to "do the job" and continue to Whitefall.]
Simon: What about us?
Mal: Kaylee comes through, you and your sister get off at Whitefall.
Simon: If she doesn't come through?
Mal: Well, then you're gettin' off a mite sooner.


[The crew waits quietly as a Reaver ship passes.]
Simon: What happens if they board us?
Zoe: If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order.


[Dobson is tied up in his room]
Mal: I got to know how close the Alliance is, exactly how much you told them 'fore Wash scrambled your call. So I've given Jayne here the job of finding out.
Jayne: [draws a huge knife] He was nonspecific as to how.
Mal: [to Jayne] Now, you've only got to scare him.
Jayne: Pain is scary.


(Mal and Patience have just finished setting up a meet on Whitefall.)
Mal: You know, I do believe that woman is planning to shoot me again.
Jayne: Here's a little concept I've been working on. Why don't we shoot her first?
Wash: It is her turn.


Jayne (over radio): Cap'n, cap'n, can you hear me?
Mal: I'm standing right here.
Jayne: You're coming through loud and clear.
Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.

its cheating when you copy and paste them

Happy Gilmore

"I eat pieces of **** like you for breakfast"
"What, you eat pieces of **** for breakfst!?!"

look at you ya blue berk!


Monsters -------- Interview with a vampire ...

Nice Firefly quotes, but you missed my favourite!

Jayne: "I'm in charge here. Don't you know what the chain of command it? Its the big chain i am gonna beat you with until you realise i'm in command!"

my fav is pulp fiction

what country you from?
what aint no country ive ever heard of, they speak english in what?

That whole conversation is hilarious


Nice Firefly quotes, but you missed my favourite! Jayne: "I'm in charge … Nice Firefly quotes, but you missed my favourite! Jayne: "I'm in charge here. Don't you know what the chain of command it? Its the big chain i am gonna beat you with until you realise i'm in command!"


Jayne: He was crowdin' me, and I don't know him. I hit people that crowd me I don't know.
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