Anyone know of any good jokes, stuff to cheer you up? :D

    Started off today ok, now it's slipping lol, I was going to go to town today and spend some cash but the weather is rubbish and my feet are covered in blisters, after 3 hours up the gym last night, I think I need some new trainers.
    Hubby went at 3 this morning for another week, kids are at school, baby is asleep, housework done
    Now I am bored and a bit down, so any good jokes, or debates I can stick my nose into


    Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

    When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

    His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

    When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

    The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. "

    Johnnie said "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

    "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

    "That's great", said Little Johnnie," coz he'd be f****d if he needed glasses".

    Have a look in ]here, it's quite amusing

    i have one but not sure if its allowed it contains sex but nothing explicit?

    i only know rude funny stuff and wont be allowed on here soz x x x

    check out sikipedia - it's got tonnes of funny jokes on there


    I keep getting splinters but am hoping not much longer....touch-wood.


    My ex has vertigo.
    I keep phoning her up and shouting "Hi"!


    My dad would say "We've made lots of sacrifices for your education"

    They were Druids.... :-\


    A band of Basque Seperatists tried to rob a bank but when they ran through the revolving door it spun too fast and they could not get out and were arrested.

    The moral of the story is......

    Don't put all your Basques into one exit....;-)


    A south Sea Island prince was studying at Oxford when his dad, the King died.
    He was called back to be King.
    Being used to western comfort he took a very comfy "King" sized bed.
    The prob was...the only place it would fit in the King's grass hut was where the stone throne was.
    The witch doc said the throne must not be moved or a dreadfull calamity would befall the king.
    The new king, being westernised now, didn't believe him but to placate him, told him to stow it in the loft.
    This was duly done and the bed put in it's place.
    That night, the king was in bed with his 5 wives when the throne was shaken loose by the love making and fell on and killed them all.

    The moral of the story is...People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...:-D


    Home hints for the handyman no 37...How to make a bird bath.....Give it a towell and a bar of soap.....


    Home hints for the handyman no 37...How to make a goldfish bowl......Dress it in while flannels and send it to Lords....


    If you work at the checkout in a hand grenade shop....dont say "Can I have your pin please?"


    Do you give in yet? :-D


    ok then.

    Bruce Willis is in a new film about a bloke who enters lots of food eating contests.

    It's called......Pie Hard. :-D

    Thanks I needed a smile.
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