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    Anyone know of any software that will record MSN/windows live messenger conversions, please? update - did record his convo's last night.

    As per title,

    I need some software i can put on my step's son PC without him knowing its on there. I know its not nice but he his lying to us & i think he is getting in to trouble & i want to know 100% what's going on before i start talking to him

    Cheers

    85 Comments

    low...

    Don't do it, if he finds out you will never be forgiven for snooping.

    Original Poster

    kungfu;4833688

    low...



    If you mean its a low thing to do yeah it is, BUT he has already tried running away once before & we are worried he might do that again

    +1

    How old is he anyway?

    mrfun1981;4833695

    If you mean its a low thing to do yeah it is, BUT he has already tried … If you mean its a low thing to do yeah it is, BUT he has already tried running away once before & we are worried he might do that again



    and him finding out you now record his converstions on msn is the way to gain some trust and security? :?

    msn has a built in history recorder (turned off by default iirc) also there are plenty of key logging software around that will record all activity on a pc which can then be emailed to another machine for investigation. i've used this for a number of clients when they suspect an employee of something. they've added a clause to the employee's contracts saying that all pc activity can and may be monitored.

    i would think twice about spying on my children in this maner though

    That's wrong. If he can't be trusted don't let him have a pc.



    But not this...

    Yea loads of software to do this, just google it.

    just talk to him,get him a hobby or a part time job, dont spy on him. how would you feel if he put a spy camera in your bedroom?

    you know it's actually illegal to record conversations without the other person knowing

    -spend the energy thinking about something to do with him... take him to a football match or something

    Original Poster

    He is 15 years old, he has runaway once before. He has stole from us & lied about it even tho there was proof he did it

    He has got a s g/f who is 14 years old He has been told to keep his bedroom door open but yesterday it was shut & i heard them having sex!! I banged on the door & told them to stop it which i believe they did. When he worked his g/f home he didnt say he was going out which was not normal for him. AN he is noraml back with in 30 mins but 2 hours later not a call or text from him so i had to call him & he came back home.

    I talked to him this morning & he admitted they were having sex & his g/f got the condom for them to use. He said it was the 1st time they did it. An he promised not to do it here again. But while i was in his room he was talking in txt words on MSN to someone he said it was he mate but as soon as a long message come on the screen he turned it back off with out reading it all, but i court the 1st line about packing some bag. After he went out i checked his MSN & match up the msn name from that convo & it was his girlfriends email address.

    So he was lying to me again even tho he said he would be honest with me about it.

    So for give me if i want to try & monitor his convo's with this girl at the mo.cos with him running away once before whats to say that he wont try & do it again & take this girl with him!!!

    Im for one is not ready to be calling the police over a runaway boy + i dont want to have some man knocking the saying that he has got this girl pregnant.

    So at least if i monitor the convo but not bring anything up to him what iv read at least if they do try to plan or actaully run away il know about it & can try stop them or know where they have gone ot

    He's 15 sorry I still think it's out of order if you do it.

    Banned

    You don't need to justify yourself to faceless people on here, If you have a reason for this, your question was 'how' not 'should I'?

    It's not something I'd do, but I'm not in your position so who knows what I'd do. People are too afraid to discipline their own children these days and, as a teacher, we see the consequences daily. At least you are being vigilant...as a 15 year old your son could be prosecuted for underage sex, tarring his work prospects for life.

    I hope that your son will recognise that you are only trying to help him.

    What does his mom say and do you get on alright like.

    He might not want to talk if he doesn't see you as his dad.

    Sorry, Ive gone off topic and not helping ill keep out

    Original Poster

    jtx;4834076

    What does his mom say and do you get on alright like. He might not want … What does his mom say and do you get on alright like. He might not want to talk if he doesn't see you as his dad.Sorry, Ive gone off topic and not helping ill keep out



    His mom is not happy about them having sex & dont want it happening in her house & she is worried if we stopped them doing it here that they might run off or find a ally way or go down to the local woods to do it & if they do it outside somewhere & get court she worried the police will get involved.

    You are right he dont see me as dad, iv been with his mom for nearly 7 years, but there is only a 12 year age gap between me & him & its never been a dad/son relatenship its more of a casual mate thing he talks to me when we wants some new PS2 games, PC games or music etc

    Buy a parenting book.

    A teenager having sex and lying is not desirable but normal.
    Two wrongs don't make a right.

    mY msn records conversations. might already been there. Not for me to judge whether it is a good idea but desperate times cause for some mesaures other people dont approve of. I also have messenger plus which has different features. Hope you manage to sort things out. Im sure i would be worried sick if it was my son or even a friends child and would want to do all I could.

    This could work but havent tested it but have msn set to record conversations but make the file it records to hidden or in some place he wont look. Alternatively buy some keylogger software that way if he thinks youre recording his convos on msn and goes onto an online msn or contacts people via facebook, myspace etc then itll still be recorded.

    wow strong stalk.

    Key Logger, google it from google. At 15 he is breaking the law and this is an issue of morality. All those who are saying its wrong not to check what he is doing dont have moral understanding. It is not acceptable to lie and you as a parent has a responsibility to keep him in order.

    whilst I personally don't have a problem with what your asking, the issue I do see is that if your relationship is more of a mates one and you've never really had a father/son relationship, you can't suddenly try to step in and be 'dad', it just won't work, sorry. It might be better if his mum sorts it out.

    I have this same issue at home, my OH is only 11 years older than my daughter and has never played 'dad' and there's no way he could start with her now. Personally I like it, I get to call all the shots with my daughter lol.

    Hope you find a solution soon, hun, I know it can be scary when things appear to being downhill.

    abuyusra;4834198

    Key Logger, google it from google. At 15 he is breaking the law and this … Key Logger, google it from google. At 15 he is breaking the law and this is an issue of morality. All those who are saying its wrong not to check what he is doing dont have moral understanding. It is not acceptable to lie and you as a parent has a responsibility to keep him in order.



    They already know he is nailing his girlfriend, what do they want to find out by looking at his convo's?

    Anyone who thinks this is a good idea, and will lead to a better relationship between the OP and his stepson is deluded beyond belief.

    Original Poster

    thesaint;4834158

    Buy a parenting book.A teenager having sex and lying is not desirable but … Buy a parenting book.A teenager having sex and lying is not desirable but normal.Two wrongs don't make a right.



    Two things dont make a right,

    but the way i see it is if i dont do something now & let them have sex & she gets pregnent that would be my fault. If i lay the law down & they run off some where & iv got no idea where.

    What do i say to my OH if the police show up with some bad news becuase they found them to late in some doggy area. But if i monitor there convo's & know where they have gone they can be easily & be brought back home.

    Im in a NO win situation here, i want to do things to make sure they are safe & make sure there is no baby. but keeping children safe seams to be wrong in this day & age

    Original Poster

    ChipSticks;4834219

    whilst I personally don't have a problem with what your asking, the issue … whilst I personally don't have a problem with what your asking, the issue I do see is that if your relationship is more of a mates one and you've never really had a father/son relationship, you can't suddenly try to step in and be 'dad', it just won't work, sorry. It might be better if his mum sorts it out. I have this same issue at home, my OH is only 11 years older than my daughter and has never played 'dad' and there's no way he could start with her now. Personally I like it, I get to call all the shots with my daughter lol.Hope you find a solution soon, hun, I know it can be scary when things appear to being downhill.



    Iv tried to lay the lie down before but it works now & again but it dont always work

    His mom has just got over a long peroid of depression but after another issue last week she had a relapse with her drink problem, so iv got to make sure she dont go back downhill with her depression.

    SInce the about September/October last year there relationship has slowly been going down hill, even tho he lived in this area for about 7 years he has no started saying he wants to move back to where his grandparents live which is about 150miles away.

    She wants me to try & talk to him when he just lied to me, she wants to make sure everyone is safe but she is really worried if we are to hard on him that he might runaway again but if we dont lay the law down there could be a baby on the way



    thesaint;4834233

    They already know he is nailing his girlfriend, what do they want to find … They already know he is nailing his girlfriend, what do they want to find out by looking at his convo's?Anyone who thinks this is a good idea, and will lead to a better relationship between the OP and his stepson is deluded beyond belief.



    If you have read all this thread you will know that he has already run away in the past, so if i monitor his convo's at least if he runs away with his g/f i might have a idea where they have gone

    If you're worried about your son it's your duty as a parent to find out what is going on. I will admit to having read my son's text messages when I am worried about what is going on in his life, and hubby has read DDs MSN chat log with certain friends when we have been concerned. I think you are just right. Both mu kids have been told if they password the computer or shut down conversation windows when we come into the room the computer will be moved back into the living room, and there will be no privacy.

    Maybe your son is 15, but he's still a child, still living under your roof, and you are still responsible for him. do what you have to. If only more parents were as concerned as you are. good luck!

    Wow so you would go to this extent to do that to him? I find this very harsh and way too impersonal your his parent yes? Why dont you have a proper chat to your son, You'll never gain his trust by doing this. This is just wrong, What if all your movements were watched over by someone every thing you said to your friend personal to you would be broadcasted back to someone? I find this a sick way to understand your child.

    Marky, do you have kids? I'm thinking not.

    tessb;4834820

    Marky, do you have kids? I'm thinking not.



    Not sure what that has to do with it?

    A difficult situation for you. Can you not try and build on your relationship with him? It may be a better way forward. Then hopfully he would feel he could talk to you more openly.

    Good luck mate - cant offer advice as my kids are 3 and 4 and I havent reached that stage yet - all I can say is you have a lot on your plate and whatever you decide to do, try and improve relationship with your son, and him with his mum. From memory with my stepdad and my brother its hard. My brother ended up moving in with my gran - was supposed to be cos we were moving from country back to city and was better for him to move at start of term rather than wait till the house sold..but he ended up staying there till he joined the army.

    How is his relationship with his grandparents? maybe with easter coming up he could have a week up there with his mum if she doesnt work, or on his own seeing as how he talked about wanting to move back there? Do you guys do a lot of family stuff together or are you letting the friction with the lies and his behaviour marr the chances of that? have you asked him things, let him say his side without jumping in and saying why its not feasable or why its wrong? If he is not good at face to face you could ask him to write down whats on his mind or even try chatting via msn as he seems to like that method of communication - let himknow you are woried about him and you and his mums relationship with him. He's a teenager so may not listen but maybe something in there will work or give you an idea of a new angle to try?

    Original Poster

    Thank you every one that has offered there advice & opinion.

    As for people are calling it spying, would your views be the same if you expected your child was doing drugs would you just stand back with out knowing for sure if he/she was or wasnt, or would you do eveything in your power as a parent to make sure they were safe & NOT breaking any laws & was not going to be ruining there lives.....The case is the same if i let them just carry on they both will be ruining there lives if she was to get pregnant +there would the chance the police would get involved


    nikkiandmidgets;4835727

    Good luck mate - cant offer advice as my kids are 3 and 4 and I havent … Good luck mate - cant offer advice as my kids are 3 and 4 and I havent reached that stage yet - all I can say is you have a lot on your plate and whatever you decide to do, try and improve relationship with your son, and him with his mum. From memory with my stepdad and my brother its hard. My brother ended up moving in with my gran - was supposed to be cos we were moving from country back to city and was better for him to move at start of term rather than wait till the house sold..but he ended up staying there till he joined the army.How is his relationship with his grandparents? maybe with easter coming up he could have a week up there with his mum if she doesnt work, or on his own seeing as how he talked about wanting to move back there? Do you guys do a lot of family stuff together or are you letting the friction with the lies and his behaviour marr the chances of that? have you asked him things, let him say his side without jumping in and saying why its not feasable or why its wrong? If he is not good at face to face you could ask him to write down whats on his mind or even try chatting via msn as he seems to like that method of communication - let himknow you are woried about him and you and his mums relationship with him. He's a teenager so may not listen but maybe something in there will work or give you an idea of a new angle to try?



    He is going to see his grandparents this week sending half a week at there & the other half with his Auntie & cousins. It was a agreement we made with him after he runaway last time that he could go there every school holiday.

    We do try & involve him in family things but he says he dont want to do them as they are to childish, there is a big keep in age to the other 4 children they are all girls 6, 3 & twins at 17 months.

    He has never been one for talking when every we try, he just answers i dont know, nods or shacks his head or a little grunt or groan.

    Maybe one of you need to spend qaulity time with him to let him know he is important (just with being a teenager he is at that strange messed up stage in life! and may feel left out even though you are trying your best?!)- how does he get on with his siblings? I know its hard when you have other children, probably work, and your partners health probs at moment...maybe he needs some family responsibility - its difficult as teens are different and what works for one wont work for another? Maybe when he goes away his Auntie\Cousin\Gran or grandpa can get him to open up a little cos he will feel they are not 'the enemy'...thats if you feel you can discuss your worries with them without them judging you guys?

    I think the trouble is, if he's started having sex, he's unlikely to stop just because you've asked him to, so it's important that he understands about safe sex so that if he is lying to you and still seeing the gf the chances of pregnancy is at least reduced.

    As for monitoring his conversations, I don't have kids so I can't really comment. I'm sure you wouldn't stoop to it unless you felt it was absolutely necessary, but it may make him more secretive. I guess it's whether the advantages outweigh the risks or not!!

    I know you have your reasons for this and fsait enough but you are taking away your sons basic rights, He has a right to privacy by law, its an offence to open his letters as well no matter how suspicious you think they maybe.

    Original Poster

    torapoole;4837987

    I think the trouble is, if he's started having sex, he's unlikely to stop … I think the trouble is, if he's started having sex, he's unlikely to stop just because you've asked him to, so it's important that he understands about safe sex so that if he is lying to you and still seeing the gf the chances of pregnancy is at least reduced.As for monitoring his conversations, I don't have kids so I can't really comment. I'm sure you wouldn't stoop to it unless you felt it was absolutely necessary, but it may make him more secretive. I guess it's whether the advantages outweigh the risks or not!!



    I know what you are saying & iv told him to make sure they have safe sex but im not sure that they will always go out & get a condom. So a very small part of me is saying well go & get some condoms for him as i know he wont be honest but at least if im given them to him i know he has got them ready BUT if i do that a big part of me is saying that here you go son have some condoms & go enjoy yourself but i dont want to be seen giving him our approval for having sex for a 14 year old cos it is completely wrong!

    shosie;4838054

    I know you have your reasons for this and fsait enough but you are taking … I know you have your reasons for this and fsait enough but you are taking away your sons basic rights, He has a right to privacy by law, its an offence to open his letters as well no matter how suspicious you think they maybe.



    Yeah right to privacy agreed, but does he have a right to go & brake the law & have sex with a 14 year old girl, if the police were to ever find out its him that will get in to trouble not her!

    I also have a right as parent to look after & point my children in the right direction in life if they are heading down a dangerous path & could end up in big trouble!

    Yeah, fair point, I can see why you don't want to condone it.
    What a tricky one.... putting me off having kids!!

    mrfun1981;4838316

    I know what you are saying & iv told him to make sure they have safe sex … I know what you are saying & iv told him to make sure they have safe sex but im not sure that they will always go out & get a condom. So a very small part of me is saying well go & get some condoms for him as i know he wont be honest but at least if im given them to him i know he has got them ready BUT if i do that a big part of me is saying that here you go son have some condoms & go enjoy yourself but i dont want to be seen giving him our approval for having sex for a 14 year old cos it is completely wrong!

    Original Poster

    I know some of you are against the idea of recording the convo's but i did it anyway.

    It started off with his g/f saying that you got to tell me & his mom whats happen or her mom & dad will some around when he is away & talk to us.

    he told them that HE had spoken to us but we didnt saying anything to him which is a LIE!!! Cos i did tell him it was all wrong & the Police could get involved & he would be in trouble.

    Then the convo moves on to his trip to his grand parents with her asking if he defo coming back & him saying maybe, then she moans at him saying if you wanted to be with me you would of said that you were coming back. So after him saying he thinking about it he changes his mind & says he will be back.

    This morning convo's between them, starts off saying that she feels used & that she has had the morning after pill today (so im guessing now he lied about using a condom) & if that dont work she will get abortion if need & she has told her family EVERYTHING!! She goes on to say that she no longer wants to be with him & that they both should get professional help.

    He turns around around and says that he will die soon, she tells him to get help & he replies that is his help!!!

    He has now gone out iv got so much running around in my head now, its clear my step-son needs help, but how if he want talk to us & when he does talk it all lies!!!

    With him going on the train by himself we are worried he might not go all the way there & get off some where else.
    Has he gone out now & going to do something stupid?
    Do i tell him i know he was lying all this time but that could make it all worse?

    Im glad i record the convo so i know a bit more of what is going on in his life right now but its left so many more questions & answers.

    We dont know where this girl lives the only sort of contact i iv got for her is her email address. I thinking of asking her to meet up & tell me the truth whats going on but would she or would she go & tell me step-son that we been spying on him which would make everything so much worse

    I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

    mrfun1981;4842161

    I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!



    That has been evident from the start.
    I suggest you seek professional guidance.

    what would i do in ur situation; a runner.....

    Banned

    magicbeans;4843233

    what would i do in ur situation; a runner.....



    Strangely I had thought someone above you would have been able to given this info in the blink of an eye. Its the sort of thing I'd expect him to install on Juniors toys!

    Oh how I LOL.
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