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    Boy there are some stupid people out there

    Which is great 'cause we need someone to laugh at :giggle:

    QUIZMANIA (ITV)
    Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with 'T'.
    Contestant: Doctor.
    Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango. 'T' for Tintinnabulation.
    Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) . . . Doctor.


    DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)
    Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?
    Contestant: I don't know, I need a clue.
    Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?
    Contestant: Cartons?


    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant: Leicester.


    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant: Arm.
    White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . . .?
    Contestant: Strong.
    White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant: Louis.
    White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
    Contestant: France.
    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
    Contestant: Paris.


    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
    Contestant: Homosexuals.

    Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.


    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?

    Contestant: The Conservative Party.


    BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
    DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?


    THE WEAKEST LINK
    Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
    Contestant: Jool carriageway?


    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
    Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant: Goosey, goosey?


    GWR FM (Bristol)
    Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.


    RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
    Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
    Caller: Mohicans.


    QUIZMANIA
    Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
    Contestant: Grandfather.
    Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
    Contestant: Panda.


    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
    Phil: What's 11 squared?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
    Contestant: Is it five?


    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    A: Forrest Gump.


    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes bread .. .
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes cakes .. .
    Contestant: Kipling Street?



    MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
    Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
    Contestant: Erm .. .
    Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
    Contestant: 1965?


    SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
    Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
    Contestant: Six.
    Tufnell: Higher!
    Contestant: Five.


    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Q: What's the Prince of Wales's Christian name?
    A: Err . . .
    Q: Here's a clue: he was married to Diana.
    A: Err . . .
    Q: It begins with a 'C'.
    A: No idea.


    MAGIC FM
    Graham Dene: What was the name of Tony Blair's chief spin-doctor who resigned last year?
    Contestant: Iain Duncan Smith.


    FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
    Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.
    Team: Chedpit.


    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant: Barcelona.
    Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.


    RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
    Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
    Contestant: 23.


    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
    Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
    Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?


    THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
    Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
    Contestant: Ghana.
    Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
    Contestant: New Zealand.


    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Question: What is the world's largest continent?
    Contestant: The Pacific


    ROCK FM (PRESTON)
    Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
    Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant: Magna Carta.


    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er . . . er . . . three?


    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
    Contestant: Jelly.


    RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
    Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
    Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg's?


    BLIND DATE (ITV)
    Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
    Boy: Charlotte Bronte.


    STEVE PENK BREAKFAST SHOW (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Steve Penk: What is the name of the French-speaking Canadian state?
    Contestant: America? Portugal? Canada? Mexico? Italy? Spain?


    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
    Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
    Caller: Japan.
    Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller: Er . . . Mexico?


    THE VAULT
    Gabby Logan: What is the county town of Kent?
    Contestant: Kentish Town?


    DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
    Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
    Contestant: Enid Blyton


    DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)
    DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?
    Contestant: Wales.


    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
    Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.


    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . .. what?
    Contestant: Basketball.


    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
    Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
    Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?


    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant: Holland?
    Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
    Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
    Contestant: No.


    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
    Contestant: Blimey?
    Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant: (Silence)
    Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant: Walked?


    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea: a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
    Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

    THE VAULT
    Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant: Nostalgic.


    LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
    Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
    Contestant: Jewish.
    Presenter: That's close enough.



    BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
    Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
    Contestant: Ummm .. .
    Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
    Contestant: Shark.


    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
    Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
    Contestant: Jesus.

    8 Comments

    lol, love it, thanks

    Admin

    :giggle: That made me smile Thanks

    Thanks, I enjoyed those

    Lol

    thers alot there! very funny

    Enjoyable read, thanks! :giggle:

    Thanks, I love stuff like that.

    It doesn't include the classic Family Fortunes one though:

    "Name something that makes you scream?"
    "A squirrel."

    HAHA they were good
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