Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

Found 17th Sep 2009
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting as it implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can burn a DVD by just staring at the underside for 7 seconds.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris survived abortion.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die...

Chuck Norris doesnt have any pubic hair. Pubes dont grow on steel.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Chuck Norris heard their music.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.



Who the heck is Chuck Norris?

He was the subject of some funny statements/jokes (like those in the OP) about 5 years ago :whistling:

unlike skuseys copy and paste jobs from 5 years ago(although every now and again chuck does appear as a twitter trending topic) I can't get tired of hearing these. HIGHlarious.


Who the heck is Chuck Norris?

how old are you?


chuck norris is a god!!!


chuck norris is a god!!!

+1 but the cult chuck norris facts are 5 years old..... even older than the hoff ones.


hoff another god

chuck norris was in the Way of the Dragon with Bruce Lee

if chuck norris has £5 and you have £5, chuck norris has more money than you

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+1 but the cult chuck norris facts are 5 years old..... even older than … +1 but the cult chuck norris facts are 5 years old..... even older than the hoff ones.

Chuck Norris does not get old, old gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Chuck Norris...

... the only man to slam a revolving door!

Chuck Norris one ate a whole lion

for dessert

Chuck Norris' keyboard has no control key, Chuck Norris is always in control

i so lol'd at the chuck norris survived abortion!

Wally (from "Where's Wally?") is hiding from Chuck Norris.

When Chick Norris plays Hungry Hippos he plays with real hippos.

if it looks like chicken, smells like chicken and tastes like chicken, but chuck norris says its pork

its pork

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.

They are now just 'The Islands'

Chuck Norris jokes are the only GUARANTEED way to make me laugh. love em.

I especially like..

Before the bogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for chuck norris.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.


the awesomeness in this thread is very high

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this is legendary material


chuck eats these and these only


dont forget that sitcom he was in

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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.



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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

You loon!!



I have never heard of him!!!!

he's sexy:-D


Yea, Walker, Texas Ranger

Kind of like Bruce Lee from southern America. But double hard

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down



Hmmmmm..........................Is he offa telly programme?

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany.
Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

he is a true legend

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and hit himself in the back of the head

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. Only another fist


Yea, Walker, Texas RangerKind of like Bruce Lee from southern America. … Yea, Walker, Texas RangerKind of like Bruce Lee from southern America. But double hard

Bruce kicked his ass good and proper :thumbsup:

Original Poster

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.


So I was right it is a "man" thing!

Chuck Norris is no man, Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris

Chirstopher Walken > chuck norris
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