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    CLEAN jokes wanted (suitable for an 11 yr old)

    will regret asking,but here goes
    my son needs some jokes to tell at his school leavers show.
    MUST be suitable for children
    and short so he can remember the punchline.lol.
    thanks x

    27 Comments

    Camilla Parker-Bowles: Okay, we'll play 20 Questions. I'll think of something and you have to ask me questions and guess what it is.

    Prince Philip: Is it bigger than the bread bin?

    Camilla: Yeah.

    Charles: Is it something I can put in my mouth?

    Camilla: Yeah.

    oh wait this joke isnt acceptable

    Q: If you have referees in football what do you have in bowls?



    A: Soup

    Arghhh my son did this a couple of years ago, told the one about the skoda the guy offering him sweets to get in the car..maybe someone could post the whole joke? i dont remember it all but he did it in assembly and it was funny and acceptable if a little close to the edge for kids lol

    david hasselhoff has changed his name by deed poll to david hoff.

    he just cant be bothered with the hassel anymore!

    So I was walking down the road, and a car pulls up next to me. The windows winds down, and a voice says "Son, I'll give you a sweet to get into my car!"
    "No!" I said and walked off.

    The car pulls up again.. "Come on little son, I'll give you a football magazine if you'll get in my car!" "NO WAY"

    The car pulls up a third time, and the guy said "Look son, I'll give you any magazine you want, and as many sweets you'd like if you'll get in the car!"

    At this point I just got annoyed LOOK DAD "You bought the Skoda, you live with it!"

    That was how my son told it :-/


    Original Poster

    aah thanks snowflake,sounds perfect

    underthestairs

    aah thanks snowflake,sounds perfect



    No problem he said he's got a couple more that are appropriate if you're stuck let me know and i'll get him to write them down for me and pm them if you need them ;-)

    this is hard to write but here goes....
    why did the lobster get barred from the pub?
    cos he was giving it all that ( and you have to hold your hands like when you say someone chatters alot and like a lobster... does that make sense?? both hands doing the chit chat thing.... not so funny written down but makes me laugh) x

    Whats brown and sticky? A stick..

    Whats brown and green and if it fell out of a free it would kill you? A snooker table.

    Why did the washing machine laugh? It was taking the **** out of the knickers...

    Original Poster

    kirsty1981

    this is hard to write but here goes....why did the lobster get barred … this is hard to write but here goes....why did the lobster get barred from the pub?cos he was giving it all that ( and you have to hold your hands like when you say someone chatters alot and like a lobster... does that make sense?? both hands doing the chit chat thing.... not so funny written down but makes me laugh) x



    yea thanks forgotten that 1,but to be honest your ramblings were more funny than the joke.lol.
    thanks for going to all the effort !!!

    What do you call an exploding monkey?

    A Babboom.

    My three year old loves it, and frequently shares it with his teacher.

    Original Poster

    haha deffo got to go with vengod's washing machine 1.
    that'll go down a storm with the teachers.
    (not going to tell him that 1 just in case,you never know he might be feeling brave!)

    A man walks into a bar.......ouch!
    An englishman, an irishmen and a scots man walk into a bar, the barman says is this some kind of a joke?
    What's red and invisible? No Tomatoes

    did you hear about the Mexican firefighter that named his kids Hose A & Hose B

    What do you call a vicar on a motorbike? Rev

    What are an Arabs favourite crisps? Sultan Vinegar

    Whats do you call a dentists xrays? Tooth Picks

    Whats black, white and read all over? A sunburnt penguin

    Wont let me edit my comment above - Supposed to say

    Whats black, white and red all over? A sunburnt penguin

    Whats black , white and read all over? A newspaper

    Original Poster

    going to write all of these down,and get him to do the lot.think he'll be the star of the show now.
    thanks everyone
    anymore ???

    Why do Fiat cars have heated rear windows?

    To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.

    Whats brown and sounds like a bell?

    Dung

    David Beckams form is dipping and the manager asks him whats the problem, he replies that he's staying up late trying to finish a jigsaw that's driving him crazy, the manager says bring it in tomorrow and we'll do it together and nip the problem in the bud. The next day Beckham arrives in his Ferrari and goes to the bosses office immediately with a box in his hand, the manager's face drops and says "David, that's a box of Frosties!!!!"

    Original Poster

    ei8hty5ive

    David Beckams form is dipping and the manager asks him whats the problem, … David Beckams form is dipping and the manager asks him whats the problem, he replies that he's staying up late trying to finish a jigsaw that's driving him crazy, the manager says bring it in tomorrow and we'll do it together and nip the problem in the bud. The next day Beckham arrives in his Ferrari and goes to the bosses office immediately with a box in his hand, the manager's face drops and says "David, that's a box of Frosties!!!!"



    OMG love it !!! rofl

    underthestairs

    yea thanks forgotten that 1,but to be honest your ramblings were more … yea thanks forgotten that 1,but to be honest your ramblings were more funny than the joke.lol.thanks for going to all the effort !!!




    I'm glad it got some kind of a giggle even if it was just how I told it lol x

    This is my favorite none rude joke!! Here goes (Sorry if youve heard it, I've written it 100s of times!)

    Father potato is getting old and one day he say to his 3 daughters that he wants to share out his land between them after he retires but on the condition that the marry a good husband. The first daughter pips up that she has been secretly dating a potato and when probed she says "Father, he is a King Edward..." Her father is ecstatic, then daughter number 2 says "Father, I've secretly been dating someone too, he's a Royal Jersey" Tears of joy rolled down from his eyes and daughter 3 pipes up "Father, I too have been secretly dating someone, it's Gary Linaker!" Furius her father shouts "GARY LINAKER, GARY LINAKER!?!? I'M NOT LETTING YOU GET MARRIED TO A COMMON-TATER!!"

    what do you call a deer with no eyes? ans no idea
    what do you a call a dead deer with no eyes ans still no idea

    boom boom tish
    I'm here all week

    Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.
    I nearly choked on my latte.

    A man goes to a zoo and there is only one dog
    It was a shitzu

    I had just got myself ready to go out. I thought I looked pretty good.
    In fact my goldfish thought so too because when I looked at him he went
    "WOW"

    If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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