Debt Advice, don't know where to turn

24
Found 13th May
Hi,


I'm really sorry if I have posted this in the wrong place.


To try and keep it as short as possible here goes.


Was with my husband for 15 years, we struggled for a few years, he had terrible credit and I helped by getting a large loan in my name for him. Car broke down and needed fixing amongst other things.


Not long after he left me for someone else with my 3 children, he kicked me out and moved her in and wanted me to take the kids with me. His new girlfriend is barely older than my eldest so I don't think he wanted kids around.


I was left homeless with 3 children no money from him, I moved in with my mum for a while until I saved up money for a deposit, first months rent and fees for a little house for us to live in. Its close to work and school so no travel expenses.
I moved in with nothing so I felt like my only option was to furnish the house using credit cards. I didn't go overboard, just bought everything we needed, beds for my kids, fridge, washing machine etc. I didn't even get a bed for me. I sleep on the sofa.
Anyway I thought I would be able to manage to pay off the cards and the loan but I can't. I'm struggling so much its affecting my life. I can't sleep, I can't eat and I feel like I'm not being a good mum to my kids because i'm just so down all the time.


With one of my debts I just couldn't afford to pay, I contacted them to see if I could set up an arrangement with them, they said no and told me to contact someone called step change.


I've had a look into it and looked into some stories and forums etc but its just a minefield, there is so much contradicting information. One person says one whilst on another site someone says something else and I'm just lost.


I put my details into the website and it says someone will call me to discuss.
Do I need to do anything in the meantime? On one forum someone was saying to cancel all your direct debits for your creditors whilst its being sorted out. I assume that can't be right? That terrifies me. Another website said not to do that. What do I do?


I don't want to get any deeper into debt but that is all that is happening at the moment, i'm paying off all my debts with my wages and then using credit cards to essentially live off because there is nothing left.
Debts are around £20,000


Any help or advice would really be appreciated. Apologies that it is actually way longer than expected.


Thank you in advance
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KemCol13th May

With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. …With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. Then go bankrupt and start all over again with a clean slate.


Strongly suggest you ignore this advice until a professional helpline gives you a better understanding of your options.
This guy sounds like a ***. I hope it all works out for you.
Edited by moderator: "potty mouth" 13th May
24 Comments
Step change are brill for advise over debts.
This guy sounds like a ***. I hope it all works out for you.
Edited by moderator: "potty mouth" 13th May
Yeah, a debt charity like that should help you.

They will contact your creditors and negotiate. Interest will be frozen etc.

Your credit file will take a bad hit so there is that but definitely speak to them... They probably will want you to do a detailed list of your outgoings etc. as the first thing to see how much you can afford to realistically repay a month.

Generally speaking, before lenders consider freezing interest and so on you need to default on payments... I don't feel like telling you to stop paying. Just get the charity's advice before you do anything. It's the best thing for now IMO.
Edited by: "hearts22" 13th May
Absolutely go through step change. They can help you draw up a budget and a repayment plan. Do it as soon as you can. You aren't the first one to get in over your head and you won't be the last. Also check you receiving all the benefits you are entitled to and make sure ratbag husband pays child support. Good luck and try not to worry too much.
Just to say I have been there myself in debt on my own, I used a fee chargeable service what was then financial specialist, but found when things got tougher they just left me in the ****. I then worked out all my debts exactly, worked out what I had coming in and what outgoings I had exactly, adding in amounts for food, clothing, bills etc. The remaining amount I then calculated and offered a proportion of the amount based on the debt I had with each place. I then wrote to them all with the summary which showed how much debt I had explaining I had no assets of value (my car was worth like £100 it would be uneconomical for them to take it away as it wouldn’t even cover removal costs) and most accepted the payment plan (except next who I have never forgiven them for and I didn’t owe them very much). The debt was loans and credit card/overdraft catalogues. The companies froze interest and charges and I stuck to my payment plan and paid it off in full.

Lived on very little and didn’t go on holiday for 10 years but got through it, it’s not the end of the world and I’m a homeowner now, got a good job and wife.

One other tip is to move your current account to a bank with which you don’t owe anything to (be aware though some groups own multiple banks), as they will just take the money from your account if you stop paying.
It can sometimes feel like your in over your head but you just have to be realistic, focus on the problem and work hard to get out of it. There is always a way out of money problems and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

There are options such as an IVA or even bankruptcy as a last resort but trying to come to an arrangement and sticking to it is the best way, I found when talking to them and they weren’t being helpful I just told them either you accept or I file for bankruptcy as I said everyone accepted apart from Next, I had to borrow the money to cover that one from a family member and pay them back the amount I had offered to next instead.
Edited by: "cmdr_elito" 13th May
First things first - going off your username dont bury your head in the sand - might seem like you are over your head but your not alone - dont be ashamed or embarassed.

Stop paying your credit cards.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago, i was in catalogue debt - couldnt afford the payments due to hours being cut at work. I spoke to the catalogues and was advised my them to let it go to a debt collection agency where a payment plan would be able to be set up with them.

At 1st i was unsure as to let it go that far, but it did and i have about 4 debts (approx £4000) i pay £1 a week on each debt. My credit score is going up as well.
Yeah, they won't make deals with you if you are still paying normally.
First you have to default and ruin your credit file then they might be willing to accept a payment plan and freeze interest. That's the price to pay.
In addition to any advice you receive on here, if you haven't already, go and see the C. A. B.

Get their advice.
I've sent you a message, hope it helps.
hottoast7 m ago

In addition to any advice you receive on here, if you haven't already, go …In addition to any advice you receive on here, if you haven't already, go and see the C. A. B.Get their advice.



CAB is the best advice so far in my opinion. You'll probably have to make an appointment so I should do it asap and ask them all the questions you've asked on here. Good luck
With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. Then go bankrupt and start all over again with a clean slate.
Edited by: "KemCol" 13th May
KemCol13th May

With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. …With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. Then go bankrupt and start all over again with a clean slate.


Strongly suggest you ignore this advice until a professional helpline gives you a better understanding of your options.
The property that your husband and girlfriend live in, do you own that and if so have you thought about starting divorce proceedings to sell the property and free up any equity?there has to be provisions made by your husband for the children which might mean you getting the keys to move you and the children back in and then he would have to move out
Edited by: "Toptrumpet" 13th May
KemCol13th May

With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. …With debts of £20k. If you have nothing to loss like house, car, ex ex. Then go bankrupt and start all over again with a clean slate.


Going Bankrupt is a last resort in this situation, but can work for some people with no Assets to get a fresh start in Life, before considering anything seek legal advice, ie, CAB and Step Change.

For your own benefit and before seeing anyone do a Income and Outgoings Expenditure so you have a better understanding on whats going on, your Priority Outgoings are things like Rent, Mortgage, Utility Bills, Council Tax, Putting Food on the Table for you and your Kids, Kids Clothes, Travel to work, Insurance(s) and other Expenses that you need to spend in order to provide an Income, Work, etc and to support the Welfare of your Children. Then put other Debts like Loans and Credit Card Payments on a Separate Sheet as these will not be Priority Payments but will give you some idea with whats left over, if any from your Income and how much is available or to be considered as an offering.

Then go and see CAB and or Step Change for the Advice, doing the above will give you a better understanding of your Affairs and to a certain degree what to expect from there Meetings.
Edited by: "zirk" 13th May
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deleted79467
one post troll
Have a look at stoozing.com/cal…tor
It will at least let you quantify where you are at financially.
Certainly approach the credit help charities.

Also make sure you get the ex chased for support. Even if he pays nothing, it’ll be a hassle for him to be chased.

The forums in Moneysavingexpert would be a good place to look for advice.
Thanks so much for all of your advice, I'll go and speak to some of the suggested people and see what is best, I've never been in this position so hadn't a clue where to start. I really appreciate all your help. I hope you have a great week
inwayovermyhead1 h, 19 m ago

Thanks so much for all of your advice, I'll go and speak to some of the …Thanks so much for all of your advice, I'll go and speak to some of the suggested people and see what is best, I've never been in this position so hadn't a clue where to start. I really appreciate all your help. I hope you have a great week



I'm amazed that you and your 3 children were the ones who left the family home. Normally, its always the father who has to make other arrangements unless he is looking after the children.
inwayovermyhead2 h, 18 m ago

Thanks so much for all of your advice, I'll go and speak to some of the …Thanks so much for all of your advice, I'll go and speak to some of the suggested people and see what is best, I've never been in this position so hadn't a clue where to start. I really appreciate all your help. I hope you have a great week


Let us know how you get on, it would be interesting to hear what CAB have to say about your situation regarding the house.
Citizen's Advice Bureau, they are the best people to help you tackle this, it may take a little while to get an appointment so contact them asap, good luck
Run all the cards to the max if you can, then go bankrupt, make sure on paper rent, food, bills and say you need travel add upto what you earn. That way you won’t pay any back then 1 year later you will be clear and you can start again without his debt around your kneck. People will moan about comment but it makes financial sense.
Bargainhead15 h, 59 m ago

Run all the cards to the max if you can, then go bankrupt, make sure on …Run all the cards to the max if you can, then go bankrupt, make sure on paper rent, food, bills and say you need travel add upto what you earn. That way you won’t pay any back then 1 year later you will be clear and you can start again without his debt around your kneck. People will moan about comment but it makes financial sense.


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