Found 1st Mar 2009
Can anybody remember when Arthur Fowler in Eastenders ha a nervous breakdown following months of unemployment?

No doubt the news we hear today isn't much better on that front......

I guess some of you may have, by now inkling as to what is in this 'dire' post....

As there is no 'Deal' and it is in Misc or nonsense, hopefully it wont bother you too much....

I'm educated - JUST!
I'm clever enough to 'know better'
I'm intelligent enough to read, write, and spell, and so on...
I have been employed for a long time - but not always with the same Financial Institution...
I have suffered a loss (like I am sure a lot of us have) of my mummy when I was a baby....
That led to insecurity problems throughout the future....
I found a lovely job with great people and was really good at it...
Then - the job relocated - I chose (on my own fruition) to take 'voluntary redundancy' because I couldn't face leaving my dad on his own (I still live locally to him)

From that day - (in 2003) everything went from bad to worse.....
The few jobs I have had in between did nothing for my self esteem - I went and got some counselling - but - to be honest - it told me realistically nothing that I didn't really know myself anyway....

My best friend, started to see somebody that I was EXTREMLY close to - and they now don't speak to me because of the hurt....

The same friend - is now running a really successful business and has gone from strength to strength... At the time my friend was unemployed - and renting a place and had just gone through a nasty divorce, so, as I was working I tried everything I could to get him a job... I let him stay with me at mine, and use my computer and hey presto! The idea was sprung to start his own business - while we were having a chat....

Guess who he employed to help him?

Somebody else...

However, I digress.....

So during one of my recent roles at a large FT-SE based company within Compliance, I started to get bullied at work........

Now, I know what I would have said if somebody came up to me and said that they were being bullied, but believe me - it isn't that easy when it happens to you....

Eventually, I spoke to one of the Directors about my plight and he said to me words to the effect of ...

"If it was down to me - I would never have employed you in the first place!"

Needless to say that did my confidence no end of help... He went on to say - 'If I were you, I would look for another job sooner rather than later....'

So, I did, and I eventually found another role.....

You know what is coming don't you?

I started my new role in November - it was a great role (on paper) and gave me the opportunity to ?? Well, I don't know - History started to repeat itself....

The company I was working for weren't playing by the book - I was dealing with complaint after complaint, and watching as people were literally being raped of their Investments and money... The advice that was being given was nothing short of 'Mis-selling' the practices that were being undertaken on a daily basis broke every single Principal of the FSA's Rules and Regulations.....

I told them of my grave concerns for the business and especially the service proposition vs. the delivery......

Do you know what happened next - they made me redundant......

You know what else? I recently bought a NW house and increased my mortgage on the back of it - the Mortgage Payment Protector was soooo expensive, I couldn't afford to take it out - then the Halifax reduced the price, so I took it out - but I haven't been employed by the company for 6 months continuously so - it doesn't kick in.....

I have little or no savings - hence me always being on here I guess?

I have been let down by my own brother too -we no longer talk as he is far too aggressive for me.....

My dad is really grumpy - again - probably no fault of his own - but he is....

I have two lovely cats that are totally unaware of the pain inside me......

And do you know what else?

I am shaking with fear as I type this with tears rolling down my cheeks - I have never been so scared in all my life.....

I am PETRIFIED that I am going to lose EVERYTHING I have ever worked for - I have NOTHING left to offer anybody, and if I was totally honest with all of you I REALLY TRULY JUST WANT TO END IT ALL.....

I want to be with my mum, or I want to be a peace - I KNOW I am a REALLY REALLY REALLY nice person, and I know I have sooooo much to give and offer the right people but my own lack of self esteem has been my own downfall, and that isn't something that you can just change over night. As people get soooo frustrated with you - because they don't understand that your constant question asking or whatever is because you are looking for positive reinforcement techniques or similar, and the more you look for it, the more it doesn't happen and the more upset you make yourself and the more you hate yourself for it....

I don't know why I am writing this - or what in the world I expect?

I really do want to just end it all though because I am soooo desperately sad, and feel such a loss and waste of space and as low as anybody could possibly feel....

There was a client I was trying to help recently who has lost THOUSANDS of pounds at the hands of this company and I only wish that I could have done more to stop it - now as irony has it - I have ended up losing not only my job, my EVERYTHING.

This computer, the room I am sitting in, my house, my cats and soon to be my life probably and do you know whats worse - people say that those of you who talk about it rarely do it...... My biggest fear is that I am sad and stupid enough to actually DO IT ......

I have thought about nothing else for such a long time now as I have battled with depression and loss of everything......

I'm soooo sorry to put this on here if I shouldn't have - I just started typing while I was looking on the site and it all came out....

I really don't know what I am going to do I am soooo worried.

:'(

xxxxxxxxx

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138 Comments

Banned

cry??


nah seriously... dude wtf... just chill lots of people are in this position... ride it out.. build a closer bond with your father and when the economy picks up then the jobs will be plentiful... you might have to sell up and downsize though or move in with your dad..

Banned

can i have ur address so i can call the cops? seriously.

theres alot you can do, but its gonna take a one on one consultation. i cant go on about it here.

but honestly...can i have your name?


mods...if you can...track the IP please and get in touch..

im sure you all read the story of that boy about 2-3 months ago who commited the selfish deed live on the web through his webcam when people egged him on to do it..on a rather popular site too.

Banned

kapows;4520949

can i have ur address so i can call the cops? seriously.theres alot you … can i have ur address so i can call the cops? seriously.theres alot you can do, but its gonna take a one on one consultation. i cant go on about it here.but honestly...can i have your name?mods...if you can...track the IP please and get in touch..im sure you all read the story of that boy about 2-3 months ago who commited the selfish deed live on the web through his webcam when people egged him on to do it..on a rather popular site too.



what did the boy do?


op call samaritans

Banned

imranmaz;4520972

what did the boy do?op call samaritans




what the OP is thinking of doing....havnt you figured that out already???

sweetie, i feel so sorry for you, please don't so anything rash. there are lots of ways you can turn this around and make something better of life than all that you feel at this moment.

Would you like someone to talk to? There are many people trained to help when you are feeling down like this. You can call the samaritans I know they are open 24/7

samaritans.org/?gc…7mw

Please look at this site.

I feel for you, you will get hardly any to no sense on here, people will just take the **** like above...... ring, get in touch with professional people who understand. I wish you all the luck in the world x

Banned

Don't worry about other peoples money, it's only money at the end of the day it comes and goes, they chose to take a risk and they lost.

Where abouts do you live I'm sure you're near someone off here who can pop over for a shoulder to cry on.

cc you were lovely to me a while back when i wa upset over something - please let me return your kindness - i am here for you hon
xx

Banned

kapows;4520977

what the OP is thinking of doing....havnt you figured that out already???



oh sorry skim read "a selfish deed" not the :thumbsup:



op DONT DO ITTTTTTTTTT

Banned

I had a great councillor she encouraged me to use up all my leave and travel round Europe it was amazing. You need to go out and do something different out of your normal day to day routine, since I had a relationship break up 4 years ago I've been Snowboarding, Kayaking, Rugby, Football, Rock climbing, DIY just doing loads of different things that keep your mind ticking over and off anything that might be making you sad.

there are many other places you can get support also. You need to realise that you have many skills you can share with others. All these things that have happened to you, will have given you sympathetic qualities that many people in the little cotton candy towers never even glimpse at. You'd be wonderful at helping others. Have you ever thought about doing some volunteer work with others who have also experienced difficult times?

There are many things you can do RIGHT now to help yourself feel a little better.

Make a cup of tea. Sit and drink it.
Cuddle a warm soft blanket. It is comforting.
Is there anyone you trust you can sit and talk to?
If you would rather speak to a stranger, I cannot encourage you to call samaritans enough. They are really helpful and understanding and will just LISTEN to you.
Have you thought of keeping a diary so that you can write out your thoughts and feelings as you travel through them?
What hobbies do you have? Can you interest yourself in doing something interesting to you?
Have you ever thought of getting a pet, something to love that will always love you back and value you, no matter what.

I hope some of these suggestions may help.

If you would like to speak to me privately please send me a message x x

ohhhhh post yourself down here to me.i'll take care of you.
dont do anything you'll regret.i think you'll find there are lots of people with huge problems too.
i felt really low like you everything was going wrong,then i voluntered to help in a special needs school.the experience made me feel really humble.
sending hugs x

Always remember, everything happens for a reason.....life is just one big test to prove you can cope x

Banned

its friggin hard man. im in depression but dont want to accept im in depression even though deep down i know im in depression.

make sense? it doesnt when ur depressed. its so hard just to get out or to do something different

Please remember, this feeling will not last FOREVER. Get through it and you'll be the stronger for it, and time passes. You will never have to live through this moment again. Each moment comes fresh and new and is as promising as you will allow it to be. You have a future, and it is in YOUR hands what you make of it. Forget all the troubles of the past for now and work on the present moment by moment.

When you feel a little stronger, go see your GP and say you might benefit from some cognitive psychotherapy. It's just counselling. You can sit in a room and speak to a therapist about all that you have been through and is troubling you and hopefully come to terms with it in some way if at all possible x x

have u any friends you could talk to?

see your doctor (srs)

Man, your in a dark place at the moment, survive this my friend and anything is possible, getting through this will make you a better stronger and more empathetic person, There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel it's just obscured by the corner you have to turn. just remember the good times my friend.

Original Poster

kapows;4520949

can i have ur address so i can call the cops? seriously.theres alot you … can i have ur address so i can call the cops? seriously.theres alot you can do, but its gonna take a one on one consultation. i cant go on about it here.but honestly...can i have your name?Fanx so much for your concern - I PROMISE I wont do anything at the moment - I don't REALLY want to give out my name becaus eI am trying to hide it all from my other half and what not - I am being silly I know I am - I just can't stop worrying and I keep throwin up - nothing !? And what's more is I just can't seem to be realistic.... Im so sorry I really amFanx xxxmods...if you can...track the IP please and get in touch..im sure you all read the story of that boy about 2-3 months ago who commited the selfish deed live on the web through his webcam when people egged him on to do it..on a rather popular site too.

I hate reading things like that, as I don't have any answers, I'm afraid... Just know that you WILL get through this. Keep your chin up, OP - don't give in to it.... some of what you described happened to a family member of mine a few years ago. I don't want to go into details, but now, 10 years on, she is fine

Ignore the daft posts, but heed the others - try talking to someone else that is qualified to help you through this.

Hope you'll be OK....

scousekop;4521090

Man, your in a dark place at the moment, survive this my friend and … Man, your in a dark place at the moment, survive this my friend and anything is possible, getting through this will make you a better stronger and more empathetic person, There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel it's just obscured by the corner you have to turn. just remember the good times my friend.



yes, empathy sensitivity and sympathetic understanding is the product of moments like these you have been through. Hon, please understand you have so much to live for in the future. If you were to harm yourself all that wouldn't possible. I hope you are able to read this and that you feel a little stronger soon x x

Banned

kungfu;4521073

shopping forum.see your doctor (srs)



stop being such a d***

if that were the case they wouldnt have this section..it would be labelled 'shopping only misc'

now leave this thread alone and stop bumping ur useless thread count.

See, This is what comes from watching Eastenders,

Banned

tonyg1962;4521144

See, This is what comes from watching Eastenders,




ive been saying that for yearsss LOL

It's a really good thing that you have done to write down and communicate your feelings. You have told yourself that you need help and you have identified all the reasons that you are feeling down. More than that, it is clear that you are suffering from depression. It is a good job that you have your cats, who will be your good companions through this horrible time.

Can I suggest that you go to your GP tomorrow, do not be fobbed off although it will be dreadfully difficult for you to go through this with your GP. You most probably need medication and talking therapy. Explain that you need a care and treatment plan and check these things out on-line in terms of current mental health services for your area.
You have the knowledge to sort out the financial situation one way or another and once you are on the slow road to recovery you will be able to handle that better.

As has been said, above, if you feel worse, then you must call the Samaritans.
But I see that you have an O/H. It serves no purpose to hide this from your partner and will not be doing you any good.

Here on HUKD you are a great member with a super sense of humour; let's hope that some of that comes into your 'real life' when you start to get better.

I wish you all the very best. There is no need for you to be sorry; we all need a helping hand once in a while.

kapows;4521113

stop being such a d***if that were the case they wouldnt have this … stop being such a d***if that were the case they wouldnt have this section..it would be labelled 'shopping only misc'now leave this thread alone and stop bumping ur useless thread count.



lets relax eh...what im trying to say is if you broke your leg would you come on here for help? ok maybe it sounded harsh ,,,was trying to get a point across sorry....is the OP is truthfull...they need to get off the internet right now and start seeking some help from the doctor imo

Banned

everyone of us has cack in life, some of us get away with the cack lightly whilst others dont, some suffer in silence whilst others speak of it, writing what you have is a start to dealing with it all,i am a firm believer in karma and that none of us really get away with anything in life. i am not going to say anything else apart from my pm box is always open and my msn is in my profile, i may not be able to help but will always listen, take care xxxxxxxxx

Banned

@kungfu

ok fair enough about the relax bit...but your logic does not make sense at all.

this is an emotional issue where the mind has a hold of the body in such a way you feel lost, out of control, useless, dont know what to do or where to go and how to do what you need to do. it is much much deeper.

reconsider your logic and way of seeing things and again, just dont make a post like that before giving it a good think over.

the state of the mind in this person right now is such, that even though they know they need to go to a doctor or seek immediate help...they feel helpless and cant do what needs to be done.

it might not make sense, but some people are lucky not to feel this their entire lives. which is why you probably dont feel what this person is going through right now.

Dear Cloudcat
I know we are all just faceless people sitting at our computers, but I also know that there are many people reading this that have been really affected by what you've said and desperately want to help you in anyway we can. If cyber hugs had any real effect you'd be inundated...
Writing everything down as you have done there is actually really positive. You're probably looking at it and thinking it will be as impossible to get over as a huge mountain. Treat it that way. You can only take one step at a time, not a giant leap to the top. You need to be prepared, so maybe a talk with your doctor and the CAB about your mortgage will help. You have a OH, that's like warm clothes, not what you'd think of first when you need to climb, but invaluable and a great back up. Talk to them.
You need oxygen, think of that as taking a breather. I know you're probably feeling consumed by everything and it's always racing around your head. Maybe there is something that relaxes you for just 5 minutes... coming on here, stroking your cats, everyone needs a few minutes break, but as often as you need.
You can make it to the top and you will be able to look back down and see the route you came. It's not easy, but you can do it.

I am a clinic depressant i also Overdosed a few years ago, so yes i know where youa re right now.
Firstly it not whats happening to you thats causing you to feel this way, its how you are coping with life.
You need help and you need it now.
What you really should do is go to hospitial, (i wish i had at the time). You need to do this. Anything else would be totally selfish and thoughtless.
There is a tunnel with a light at the end. On the proper meds and help you can rise out the other side.
I am happy to talk to you if you om me.

Just take one day at a time & try to do things so you are always occupied.
As mentioned change your daily routine & do different things everyday.
Please remember as you mentioned you are looking after your father so for his
sake keep your chin up.Try & join local clubs or volunteer so you are always
busy.Where abouts you live? You are most welcome to come to my house or contact me
just for a chat.All the best mate:thumbsup:

You may not realise it yet but you have made a big break through by posting this, you need to get some help start with your GP and samaritans, Show this to your family help them to help you.
Stay strong things will get better I am nt going to put my situation here but i can relate if you need to chat pm me anytime

Original Poster

ClarityofMind;4521028

there are many other places you can get support also. You need to realise … there are many other places you can get support also. You need to realise that you have many skills you can share with others. All these things that have happened to you, will have given you sympathetic qualities that many people in the little cotton candy towers never even glimpse at. You'd be wonderful at helping others. Have you ever thought about doing some volunteer work with others who have also experienced difficult times?There are many things you can do RIGHT now to help yourself feel a little better. What an apt user name! Thanx. xxMake a cup of tea. Sit and drink it.Cuddle a warm soft blanket. It is comforting. Is there anyone you trust you can sit and talk to?If you would rather speak to a stranger, I cannot encourage you to call samaritans enough. They are really helpful and understanding and will just LISTEN to you. Have you thought of keeping a diary so that you can write out your thoughts and feelings as you travel through them?What hobbies do you have? Can you interest yourself in doing something interesting to you?Have you ever thought of getting a pet, something to love that will always love you back and value you, no matter what.I hope some of these suggestions may help.If you would like to speak to me privately please send me a message x x

If you are not already on anti depression tablets , see a doctor have a talk with them about starting a course, avoid seroxat though.

Muddle through the best you can, cry a bit then a bit more find something to keep your mind occupied.

Hope you feel better soon

know that your not alone,

im pretty depressed at the moment to, cant seem to find a job that doesnt make me feel misereble, i feel like im stuck in a rut. I know it cant last forever though....
good luck

Go visit a doctor or family. speak to someone real. For gods sake dont put this stuff on an internet forum. That will not get you any real help.

shanecr;4521764

For gods sake dont put this stuff on an internet forum. That will not … For gods sake dont put this stuff on an internet forum. That will not get you any real help.



Normally i would agree with that sentiment, but if the OP felt he had nowhere to turn and was really stuck i think the good advice and compassion shown to him on this thread would at least show him that people who have never met him understand and Emphasize with his predicament.
#off to watch it's a wonderful life#

Original Poster

allstar2;4521057

have u any friends you could talk to?


I think that is half the problem - they all let me down really badly... Basically it is jus little ole me myself and I...

But ... I am TRYING to be positive now!
xxx

scousekop;4521883

Normally i would agree with that sentiment, but if the OP felt he had … Normally i would agree with that sentiment, but if the OP felt he had nowhere to turn and was really stuck i think the good advice and compassion shown to him on this thread would at least show him that people who have never met him understand and Emphasize with his predicament. #off to watch it's a wonderful life#



My hubby always watches that at christmas! You got the wrong time of year!

OP, how are you doing hon? I am worrying for you today xx

Banned

but by posting, the op might find the experience very cathartic
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