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Disciplinary boot camps for kids with behavioral problems
Hi HUKD people. I have a niece age 14 misbehaving and cannot be controlled by her mother. The mother is having a nervous breakdown and due to stress her hair is falling out. Can anyone send me details of boot camps for kids in Manchester or nearby.
Thank you people
Thank you people
If you want to really help out, you need to to get to the root of why your niece is misbehaving.
There could be many reasons why but until you identify the root cause, you won't find a long term solution.
Original Poster
Thank you very much for this. The link you posted also have a skype counselling program.
Original Poster
Send our problems abroad and let 'them' deal with it??? You may be having a laugh and a joke but the issue is serious and not only for me. We need to deal with our own issues ourselves. Your methods might have worked on kids back 20-30 years ago, or it may work for you because you are from a primitive background. You try that now and you will get done for child abuse and neglect. And the rest of the kids, if any, can be taken away from you.
The problem as stated by Grill is to get to the root cause. But am not sure if that alone is enough. The percentage of kids rebelling is increasing year after year because the technique of being a parent has changed. Grill also stated that boot camp is not a long term solution. I just need the solution to last another 4 years and then the kid can be curbed if she still carries on.
There is some great websites to check out traits for these conditions also
Yeah. Send them abroad to family to sort out or ship them to Manchester with a bunch of kids who have the same issues and make her feel like you hate her. Bootcamp may have some benefits but tbh you need to find the underlying reasons of her behaviour. All bootcamp is is a load of physcologists trying to change behaviour for the better. It's on par to child torture.
My remarks were light hearted but tbh, it's down to parenting skills. Yes, I understand in the UK it's difficult to control your kids especially as you can't give them a good back hander if they are out of control - used to work back in the days. Obviously not beating the crap out of your kid - no - simply a gentle but to the point kinda thing.
Nowadays kids are spoilt as they know they get away with anything. They rob shops, punch elders in the face, do grafiti and all they get from the police is 10 hours community service and a telling off and maybe an ASBO.
It's up to the parent to take control of their kids. To bring them up with love, affection and manners. If the kids go out of control then this is the parents fault. Obviously it's not easy in today's society to fully control your kids, as friends and what they are doing is a big influence on the way they behave - lot's of kids do things just to fit in.
You also have a wrong attitude when you say you can't wait to get rid of the baggage after 4 years. Family is all about bringing trust, love and good values. Making sure you support each other in times of need and also making sure each other understands.
Kid's nowadays lack empathy. They have little remorse for the actions they undertake. Don't get me wrong, there are lot's of kids out there that are very well bought up. Again it comes down to the parent. As a parent it's your responsibility to take care of your child. You need to nuture them to follow good rules, to make them sprout into something beautiful. It reflects on you.
Now I don't know why your niece is behaving as she is or what she has done to deserve you thinking about putting her in a child's equivalent of jail. She need's help obviously. You need to have a sit down, as a family and sort things out. Obviously as she is 14 her age is very fragile. She is learning new things, getting mixed into different crowds at school, wanting to fit into society and also wanting to be treated as herself.
First of all talk to her before making any set actions such as bootcamp. Yes bootcamp has it's place but so does a family.
Good Luck and I apologise if there is any harshness in the above mentioned things. Just trying to help.
Original Poster
You hit the nail on the head there.
The mother is a single parent with 2 more younger kids and the 14 year old thinks she can get away with it all. Sitting down talking is not working. Like I said before the mother is having a nervous breakdown and due to stress her hair is falling out. To me her health and the 2 younger kids health comes before the 14 year olds family bond. Next stage would be counselling. If still no progress then I have to consider the camp.
Thanks for your help.
Yeah give her a label, That'll help. Amazing that in the 70's the kids didn't have adhd, Yet today it seems 50% of the kids have adhd, Did it really have much of an impact on our parents or is it merely an excuse for bad parenting?. I think with things like supposed adhd their are usually other underlying issues like bad parenting, Dyslexia or other learning difficulties that frustrate our kids and leads to bad behaviour.
Lot's of things have changed, The first 5 years of a kids life are the most important, It's when they learn most of the rights and wrongs, It's frustrating because I know as a parent myself their is a lot of pressure but most of these rebellious teenagers turn out fine.
How rediculous, my brother has ADHD and certainly never had bad parenting or has any other underlying issues, I believe you are now labelling.
I agree that the first 5 years of a childs life are important, however we have no background information to know how this was, because of this I suggested maybe an underlying issue.
Im a single parent of a 14 year old. I got him when he was 3 because his mother couldnt control him.
Parenting isnt hard. All they need is love, aims, rules and structure.
They are not adults. They will try to push boundaries. Let them win sometimes and other times leave no room for them to manouvre.
My son is polite, courteous and very very happy. He is always laughing which is a sign you are doing something right.
He knows why he has rules. They are there to keep him safe, to keep him healthy and to keep his mind active.
Some parents do anything for an easy life when their kids are young. It inevitably comes back to bite them.
In tescos the other day a young child of about 5 was screaming because they wanted a toy on the shelf.
The mother said "if you stop that you can have these sweets".
My son looked at me and said, "she's (meaning the mother) gonna have some serious problems when that kid gets older.
At 14 he knows that rewarding bad behaviour will only increase bad behaviour.
Is my son perfect? Well to me, yes, but the reality is hes not. No one is. Hes a healthy normal lad and will always try it on given half a chance.
Its healthy for them to do that. Its expected.
He knows there is a line though. When he was little I took him to mcdonalds for a treat (Im not big into junk food), He kept leaving the queue. I told him if he did it again wed go home. He did it again.
We went home. He begged and pleaded to go back. He promised to behave. But he crossed that line. We didnt go back and he cried all the way home. He reaped what he sowed. Just as parents reap what they sow.
He never did it again. He knew if he misbehaved we would go home.
I make him go shopping with me. He hates it. He would rather be on his pc or out playing. It would certainly make my life easier if I let him just play.
I dont because its teaching him a life skill.
Seems like you have him in control. Not a bad thing. There always needs to be a balance of being 'harsh' and letting them be an individual.
I think the problem with some today is that they see parenting as a hassle whereas they should see it as a priviledge
Original Poster
Parenting would be a privilege If the government allows it so. A school in Stockport where my niece goes to (when not skylarking) ask every student what time they went to bed. They are monitoring parents on how they are parenting the kids, invading privacy.
what the parents need to do is give the kid a slap
Original Poster
I agree. Then you have to ask yourself how hard. And then ask your self can you measure how hard a slap is given.
By then the social service will be knocking on the door.
Original Poster
To me she used to be fine we got along laughing and joking. Recently she has become overly sensitive. starts crying if i have a laugh and a joke. I cant squeak a fart with out thinking twice if she is in the room. So I started to keep my conversation short and simple, making sure i dont say anything that may offend her. The main problems is taken out on the mother. Stealing from the mother of her last pennies of the day, foul language to the mother, graffiti in the house using bad language, self harm (not to the mother but to her self), running away from home until the police finds her.
The only change to her life from when she was a good kid to now, that I know of, is she has a new baby sister. Gelousy ?!?! Am not sure because I see she loves her sister.
Im 17 and strongly beleive you need too, see so many parents that are to scared to discipline, and there kids run round screaming and are brats, I do not want to live in this world in 50 years time
What about broken homes? Junk food? Games consoles? Ignorant parents? Society in general? Social media? Benefits? etc....
It's so easy to get a divorce these days, Women spitting kids out with several different partners, Fathers deserting their kids etc...
Is it any wonder our kids misbehave?
No it's not always strictly the parents fault but what we do and how we live our lives have big impacts on our children and we are responsible.
I've no doubt that 99.9% of parents want what's best for their kids but the reality is often that it doesn't turn out like you imagined, they don't raise themselves.
Also naturally everyone is different and some crave attention more than others in various different ways.
May be their are genuine cases where it doesn't matter how much or how perfect you've lived your lives they were always going to turn out that way.
To label a child adhd is more often than not ignorant of the facts imo.
I know it's not easy being a parent we can only try our best, Sometimes you have to try and rationalise things and put yourself in your childs shoes.
The only change to her life from when she was a good kid to now, that I know of, is she has a new baby sister. Gelousy ?!?! Am not sure because I see she loves her sister.
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From what you say I don't think it's a behavioural issue. It looks like your neice is experiencing Psychological issues. Looks like she is experiencing a form of deprression. She needs to see a doctor or specialist to talk about things. Especially as she is doing self harm. I'm sure someone will be nice to point you in the right direction on charities or organisations who'll help you in self harm.
Talk to her doctor and get her looked at. She needs love and support and I believe in the circumstances you've issued Brat camp is the last thing you want to do. If she is depressed or anxious then this will just feed it.
She needs a long heart warming conversation and someone to talk to. People who commit self harm are basically releasing their anger via pain.
What about her father? Where is he?
Seriously bro don't take her to Brat Camp.
It's good to talk. I see you are very angry by the responses you have given me and you also want this issue to be resolved. Your loyalties don't lie with your neice, I see that. It lies with the mother. But you need to see the mothers loyalty lies with her daughter. No matter how bad things do, she is a mother and has a daughter. TO make your sister better is to make your niece better. Talk to her. Even take her out shopping or a day out activity, something you know she enjoys doing. Lift her up. Give her something to show that you all care about her and that she does have a support network available. She needs help. Self harming is not to be taken lightly.
Good Look. I will do Dua for you.
Original Poster
Jazakallah
Original Poster
Homeopathic medicine sounds good. I might consult with the homeopathic doctor.
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