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    Divorce questions

    Does it matter who starts the divorce procedure, the man or the woman?

    34 Comments

    no dont think so

    Supermod

    It makes no difference at all as long as the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

    Original Poster

    ok thanks

    what if one party refuses to accept that marraige has "irretrievably broken down"? can the judge order the couple to go a marriage councilor or something like that?

    Don't think it matters. I'm almost at the end of doing my own divorce - just waiting for the Nisi to be pronounced. Done it all myself and the courts are quite helpful, if you fancy tackling the paperwork yourself.

    hassony;6286407

    ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has … ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has "irretrievably broken down"? can the judge order the couple to go a marriage councilor or something like that?



    i always think thats the best idea in the 1st place

    i know some countries force you to do that
    not too sure if its the same in the UK

    It makes no difference

    hassony;6286407

    ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has … ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has "irretrievably broken down"? can the judge order the couple to go a marriage councilor or something like that?



    Courts Guidance Form D186 says...
    If the respondent answers ‘No’ to the question ‘Do you agree with the statement of the petitioner as to the grounds of jurisdiction set out in the petition?’, the court will let you know if it is necessary for you to see the Judge. If you need to come to court, you should ask a solicitor to help you.

    hassony;6286407

    ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has … ok thankswhat if one party refuses to accept that marraige has "irretrievably broken down"? can the judge order the couple to go a marriage councilor or something like that?



    In England, divorce grounds are Adultery, Unreasonable behaviour or separation. Separation is easiest but you can only get this after two years if both parties agree to it. You have to wait for five years if either party does not agree. Adultery and unreasonable behaviour are both fraught with difficulties unless both parties want to get out of the marriage.

    Much as I dislike solicitors, you really need to talk to one unless either you both agree to divorce or you've been separated for five years.

    Original Poster

    thanks for the answers, I think we will try and agree on everything rather than waste money on solicitors.

    The main thing is to agree on what happens to our daughter, I will try and go for joint custody ( a 3/4 day split), I guess that I will have to pay for my daughter, which I don't mind, but will I have to pay any maintenance for my wife as well? (even though the marriage breakdown is totaly down to her?)

    if you take out a "hit" on her then she's not gonna be able to take half of anything is she????







    just sayin.

    hassony;6286676

    thanks for the answers, I think we will try and agree on everything … thanks for the answers, I think we will try and agree on everything rather than waste money on solicitors.The main thing is to agree on what happens to our daughter, I will try and go for joint custody ( a 3/4 day split), I guess that I will have to pay for my daughter, which I don't mind, but will I have to pay any maintenance for my wife as well? (even though the marriage breakdown is totaly down to her?)



    depends what she wants really
    getting married is the easiest thing to do
    getting divorced sadly is sometimes one of the most difficult
    only you two can make it easier
    if she wants maintenance she can ask for it
    if you want to give it then give it
    unless you fight for it

    i have no experience by the way
    just read lots of stories

    Original Poster

    MinstrelMan;6286686

    if you take out a "hit" on her then she's not gonna be able to take half … if you take out a "hit" on her then she's not gonna be able to take half of anything is she????just sayin.



    I've thought about it, but I wouldn't know where to start to look for a hitman

    maybe I should ask in the for sale/ trade forum!

    hassony;6286700

    I've thought about it, but I wouldn't know where to start to look for a … I've thought about it, but I wouldn't know where to start to look for a hitmanmaybe I should ask in the for sale/ trade forum!



    don't ask on here they always try and rip you off...... gumtree maybe?

    Original Poster

    jasonrat;6286694

    depends what she wants reallygetting married is the easiest thing to … depends what she wants reallygetting married is the easiest thing to dogetting divorced sadly is sometimes one of the most diddicultonly you two can make it easier


    she is already getting half of the house (which IMO is more than what she deserves!)

    I don't really want to pay her half of my salary on top of that

    Supermod

    If you are really struggling to come to a settlement you could be ordered to go to mediation. Many people have the misconception that mediation is trying to convince you to get back together but it is actually to help you come to a settlement regarding finances, living arrangements and children etc.

    This might be something to think about.

    hassony;6286700

    I've thought about it, but I wouldn't know where to start to look for a … I've thought about it, but I wouldn't know where to start to look for a hitmanmaybe I should ask in the for sale/ trade forum!



    MinstrelMan;6286716

    don't ask on here they always try and rip you off...... gumtree maybe?




    :giggle:


    OP: Sorry about your situation. I think solicitors, even though are expensive, will save you money in the long run if they could achieve what you're asking for in terms of maintenance payments.

    Good luck.

    magicjay1986;6286818

    If you are really struggling to come to a settlement you could be ordered … If you are really struggling to come to a settlement you could be ordered to go to mediation. Many people have the misconception that mediation is trying to convince you to get back together but it is actually to help you come to a settlement regarding finances, living arrangements and children etc. This might be something to think about.




    +1 mediation helps you both see this more clearly, a third party input sometimes help iron out any outstanding issues.

    You can deal with everything yourself if you can reach an amicable agreement which in the long term will free up more of the finances to rehome you and money for your daughter etc. You will have to complete a Statement of Arrangements for Children up begining divorce proceedings so if you can agree that it can contained in a Consent Order by the Court together with all financial agreements/arrangements.

    Good luck

    Original Poster

    The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have slept in seperate rooms since January, and we seem to get on well together most of the time!

    Its just that she has got in her head that she wants a divorce, I think we are more or less in agreement about our daughter, and about the house, there isn't a lot more to worry about splitting up, I'd just much rather we agree on a one off settlement at the start rather than end up paying her maintenance for few years

    I guess mediation is the way to go

    hassony;6287110

    The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have … The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have slept in seperate rooms since January, and we seem to get on well together most of the time!Its just that she has got in her head that she wants a divorce, I think we are more or less in agreement about our daughter, and about the house, there isn't a lot more to worry about splitting up, I'd just much rather we agree on a one off settlement at the start rather than end up paying her maintenance for few yearsI guess mediation is the way to go



    Sorry to hear you are facing this whole issue.

    I wish you both well in all you decide to do x

    im not sure if u will have to pay alot of csa if u can have joint custody
    good luck x

    hassony;6287110

    The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have … The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have slept in seperate rooms since January, and we seem to get on well together most of the time!



    If you are still happily-ish co-inhabiting, then why not get a divorce and then carry on living together? No arguments over custody for a start, and little will have changed for your child.

    Original Poster

    peodude;6287277

    If you are still happily-ish co-inhabiting, then why not get a divorce … If you are still happily-ish co-inhabiting, then why not get a divorce and then carry on living together? No arguments over custody for a start, and little will have changed for your child.



    Thought about it, and its what we have been doing for the last 6 months or so

    I wouldn't mind personally but I think it might be difficult to get on with our lives if we still share a house

    yes - a bit awkward when either wants to start 'dating'

    Original Poster

    loupomm;6287369

    yes - a bit awkward when either wants to start 'dating'



    Fo' Sho'

    loupomm;6287369

    yes - a bit awkward when either wants to start 'dating'



    just do it the o0ld fashioned way like a car or a field

    hassony;6287110

    The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have … The wierd thing is that we are still living together, althoguh we have slept in seperate rooms since January, and we seem to get on well together most of the time!Its just that she has got in her head that she wants a divorce, I think we are more or less in agreement about our daughter, and about the house, there isn't a lot more to worry about splitting up, I'd just much rather we agree on a one off settlement at the start rather than end up paying her maintenance for few yearsI guess mediation is the way to go



    You may well have to still pay her maintenance depending on both your financial situation both now and during the length of your marriage, i.e. does/did she work, etc.

    But as mentioned, mediation will guide you through these and other issues

    jasonrat;6287394

    just do it the o0ld fashioned way like a car or a field



    ive never done it in a car :oops:

    last thing i would be considering would be a relationship after a divorce anyway

    lust is another matter

    loupomm;6287429

    ive never done it in a car :oops:



    was that an admission about the field? lol xxx

    ClarityofMind;6291740

    was that an admission about the field? lol xxx



    :oops: actually no, ive let a sheltererd life!

    loupomm;6291875

    :oops: actually no, ive let a sheltererd life!



    :giggle:

    You mean a bus shelter??? ;-):-D

    Was it glass or perspex... lol x

    ClarityofMind;6291887

    :giggle:You mean a bus shelter??? ;-):-DWas it glass or perspex... lol x



    ummm.... i used to have a fantasy of doing it in my shed....but times not been kind, it now has more holes than a pair of fishnets....so best not :w00t:

    loupomm;6292011

    ummm.... i used to have a fantasy of doing it in my shed....but times not … ummm.... i used to have a fantasy of doing it in my shed....but times not been kind, it now has more holes than a pair of fishnets....so best not :w00t:



    The holes might be handy lol :w00t::-D;-)

    is ur wife not interested in trying relate/marriage guidance or anything?
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