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    Do you feel you parents treat you equally to your siblings?

    I am increasingly getting frustrated and impatient with how unfairly my parents and my husbands parents are treating us compared to our siblings. I feel that because we don't make a fuss and demand their attention we get a rough deal.

    Anyone else in the same boat? or should i just get over this and be a grown up - at 35.

    58 Comments

    We always had this problem too. My husband's sister was 40 by the time she chose to have her first child. You would have thought nobody else had ever had a baby and our kids were totally ignored by the grandparents...it drove me mad!

    Banned

    i always felt growing up i wasnt treated the same as other two, now im grown up i realise i was but maybe just needed more, now i get naff all, because im a strong independant person and ask of nothing from any of them, no one to thank either

    Original Poster

    ClarityofMind;4363570

    We always had this problem too. My husband's sister was 40 by the time … We always had this problem too. My husband's sister was 40 by the time she chose to have her first child. You would have thought nobody else had ever had a baby and our kids were totally ignored by the grandparents...it drove me mad!



    that's one of the problems with my inlaws, ignores our kids and their daughters kids EVERY DAY.

    I really need to get over this, for my health.

    Yep I am in the exact same boat with my parents and whilst I love them very much they infruiate me sometimes.

    They have bought and paid for a house each for my brother and sister (both younger) whilst I am having to pay my share of the mortgage on my old house and the rent on my new house

    I moved this week abd needed their support badly as I have been struggling with the physical side of moving but they took 5 days before they even contacted me

    They always say I am the one who never gives them trouble - so far anyway

    It got so bad for me that I eventually got so upset with it I told them it was better they didn't contact us again. Overall it has been a huge relief to not have to bite my tongue every time they did or said something incredibly insensitive/unfair.

    I have 4 brothers.......say no more :x

    mum still does shopping and cooking for them and they all live with wives or partners :w00t:

    all I get is her moaning about it to me....WTF

    but I like being a strong independent gorgeous woman with assets :-D

    Original Poster

    vinylandtrinkets;4363597

    We have this problem with my Husbands dad and step mum, they favour her … We have this problem with my Husbands dad and step mum, they favour her kids and grandchildren and totally ignore our son and my hubbys sisters daughter, it hurts him a lot, to be honest it used to hurt me too but now i just think its their loss not ours or my sons. At the end of the day theres not much we can do bout it cos hubby wont tell them how he feels. have you spoken to both sets about how you feel?



    hubby's parents were told at christmas, but it has fallen on deaf ears and nothing has changed.

    can't tell my parents cos my brothers son has died, so can't go upsetting them. my brother has since split from the rest of the family, my parents have bought the family house for him and mum shops for him every week.

    yes yes yes

    my parents constantly mother my brother they help him out no ends financially he didnt work for a good few years never paid a penny in keep, but when i fell on hard times they still expected their rent every week, now he is working they still do it and it drives me mad, me and the OH could do with a bit of help but they never do

    My baby is 5 months old and the last thing they got her was £50 for xmas fair enough but thats it, shes the first grandchild for them and they make no effort to see her or buy her little bits and bobs its not that they are skint either they are very well off.

    OH's parents dote on DD thou, buy her little things like a teddy or teether rusks baby food etc and this is their 6th grandchild.

    im sick to the back teeth with them to be quite honest they can do what they want they are the ones missing out just makes me more determined to be a better parent to my DD

    Original Poster

    bloody hell. i have certainly opened a can of worms here.

    have we all got issues?

    but thank you everyone, its comforting to know i am not alone. i swear that i will NEVER be like this with my kids.

    I've always been a strong and independant person, even from such a young age. i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. my eldest sister is mentally disabled so the others have seen me as the eldest female. my parents love us all the same but i seem to be left to get on with things because they know i can be and sometimes i just want them there. my nan and grandad died 2 yrs ago within 6 days of each other when i was 7 months pregnant and everyone thought i could cope with it because i am such a strong character so it was me who ran around and phoned everyone telling them of the bad news and i just wanted to crumble :-(
    being a strong person is a good thing but there are times when i put a front on coz thats what everyone expects of me..... wow what a novel lol

    yeah get this all the time my brother aged 21 gets all the help going and is always getting bailed out by my parents was even handed £500 just before xmas as he had just lost his job. mum payed his car insurance for the year and bought him a van yet my partner gets made redundant and i struggle to pay the morgage etc (not like i would ever take anything from my parents.) but its welcome to the real world claire thats live!! but they could of offered to help us out if you know what i mean.

    Banned

    maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches

    choc1969;4363632

    I have 4 brothers.......say no more :xmum still does shopping and cooking … I have 4 brothers.......say no more :xmum still does shopping and cooking for them and they all live with wives or partners :w00t:all I get is her moaning about it to me....WTF but I like being a strong independent gorgeous woman with assets :-D



    there a 3 girls (1 mentally disabled) and 2 boys in our family..... when we were younger, there was a rota of housework and stuff drawn up which only included me and my lil sis coz apparently the boys didn't have to do it :x

    sassie;4363677

    maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have … maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches



    Not always, as i have got older i have realised wat a control freak my father is and how differently my mother acts when he is not around, he hates it when i confront him now im older as he knows i know, if you know what i mean:thumbsup:

    blackpeppa;4363656

    bloody hell. i have certainly opened a can of worms here.have we all got … bloody hell. i have certainly opened a can of worms here.have we all got issues?but thank you everyone, its comforting to know i am not alone. i swear that i will NEVER be like this with my kids.



    this thread will run and run lol

    sassie;4363677

    maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have … maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches



    i am the only one out of my 2 bros and 2 sis's to have moved out and get my own house and stand on my own 2 feet. the rest live with either my mum or dad..... my lil sis is married and still lives with my dad and her hubby and my big bro has his partner and my neice living with him too :w00t: bit like the waltons :?

    lyndsbowes;4363685

    there a 3 girls (1 mentally disabled) and 2 boys in our family..... when … there a 3 girls (1 mentally disabled) and 2 boys in our family..... when we were younger, there was a rota of housework and stuff drawn up which only included me and my lil sis coz apparently the boys didn't have to do it :x



    I had the same......hence I hate housework of any kind :x

    even now, when my mum got really sick I had to fetch and carry for her even though one brother lives right next door .......gets tiring

    Banned

    lyndsbowes;4363705

    i am the only one out of my 2 bros and 2 sis's to have moved out and get … i am the only one out of my 2 bros and 2 sis's to have moved out and get my own house and stand on my own 2 feet. the rest live with either my mum or dad..... my lil sis is married and still lives with my dad and her hubby and my big bro has his partner and my neice living with him too :w00t: bit like the waltons :?



    i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol

    Original Poster

    sassie;4363677

    maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have … maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same as you, we all have different needs and all see things differently, especially our emotions and crutches



    I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.

    nope me and my 2 bro's all get away with blue murder and spoiled equally. although i do my own washing lol.

    Banned

    ilovepink;4363698

    Not always, as i have got older i have realised wat a control freak my … Not always, as i have got older i have realised wat a control freak my father is and how differently my mother acts when he is not around, he hates it when i confront him now im older as he knows i know, if you know what i mean:thumbsup:



    we cant choose our families, but as adults we can choose how to deal with it ;-)

    my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plastered

    go figure....

    Original Poster

    sassie;4363724

    i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they … i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol



    sassie - you are being too REASONABLE. you sound like my mother. i just want some love and attention.

    Banned

    blackpeppa;4363726

    I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our … I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.



    unfairness in your eyes maybe, and personally if you dig deep you will see who made the rod, i know i did

    my mum treats us all differently cos we all have differernt lives and needs, she does loads for me, helping with the kids etc, but hardly sees one of my brotheers as hes very independant as said everyone is different

    sassie;4363731

    we cant choose our families, but as adults we can choose how to deal with … we cant choose our families, but as adults we can choose how to deal with it ;-)



    :thumbsup:

    i deal with it by seeing as little as possible of them

    Banned

    ilovepink;4363732

    my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital … my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plasteredgo figure....




    oh trust me hun, i too have the stories, but they are who they are, as we are who we are :thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    sassie;4363738

    unfairness in your eyes maybe, and personally if you dig deep you will … unfairness in your eyes maybe, and personally if you dig deep you will see who made the rod, i know i did




    mum is that you? cos you're sounding like her.

    when i used to go to school my brother used to get more lunch money then me we went to the same school:?

    sometimes i think im adopted (seriously)

    sassie;4363724

    i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they … i would say by that there needs are far bigger than yours, hence why they get more, personally ide rather be me than any of the others, although at times it does pee you off a little - lol



    yeah i agree and thats why i dont whinge about it..... i have lived independantly for all my life and would never scoop so low to live off any of my parents

    Banned

    blackpeppa;4363756

    mum is that you? cos you're sounding like her.



    i am a mum, and im also someones daughter, my concern now is to provide for my two and let the past be the past you cannot change it, but you dont have to repeat it

    ilovepink;4363732

    my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital … my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plasteredgo figure....



    oh sweetie thats terrible x x

    sassie;4363752

    oh trust me hun, i too have the stories, but they are who they are, as we … oh trust me hun, i too have the stories, but they are who they are, as we are who we are :thumbsup:



    i know you are right sass, but it still infuriates me:cry:

    ClarityofMind;4363769

    oh sweetie thats terrible x x



    that aint the half of it :x

    My parents dont treat me and my brother the same

    Banned

    ilovepink;4363772

    i know you are right sass, but it still infuriates me:cry:



    i let it go along time ago now, i said my piece many years ago, and moved on

    sassie;4363768

    i am a mum, and im also someones daughter, my concern now is to provide … i am a mum, and im also someones daughter, my concern now is to provide for my two and let the past be the past you cannot change it, but you dont have to repeat it



    but would you ever treat any of your children differently??

    my boys get treat as equal because they are and i love them differently in their own ways but just as much as each other

    Banned

    lyndsbowes;4363787

    but would you ever treat any of your children differently??my boys get … but would you ever treat any of your children differently??my boys get treat as equal because they are and i love them differently in their own ways but just as much as each other



    you really think when they reach adulthood there not gonna have a hang up, that the youngest got away with more than the eldest etc,etc

    Original Poster

    ilovepink;4363732

    my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital … my parents got the hump when i asled for a lift home from the hospital after having an operation to remove my baby that had died, but they gladly pick my brother up from town when hes plasteredgo figure....



    sending you a hug :friends:

    blackpeppa;4363726

    I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our … I am sure that me and my husband are seen as a very strong couple. our motto has always been "its us against the world", but that is till no excuse for the unfairness.



    hon you will have to find a way to talk to them and see if you can improve the situation because if it upsets you that much it will effect the way you cope day to day and your health and sanity x x
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