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Doctor doctor jokes

Post your worst ones here.

"doctor doctor,I think Im a dog"

"lie on the couch please"

"Im not allowed on the couch"

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Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.
When did this first happen?
Next Thursday.

Doctor, Doctor
I can't stop stealing things
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!
Doctor, Doctor
What can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains?
Pull yourself together man!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bridge?
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm god?
How did that start?
In the beginning there was darkness......
Doctor, Doctor
Every bone in my body aches!
Just be glad you aren't a herring!
Doctor, Doctor
Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I've broken my neck?
Don't worry - keep your chin up!
Doctor Doctor
My daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do?
Use a pencil!
Doctor Doctor
What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
I find that very hard to believe!
Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a pack of cards?
I'll deal with you later!
Doctor, Doctor
You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, Doctor
I feel like a spoon?
Still still and don't stir!
Doctor, Doctor
Every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye!
I suggest you take the spoon out!
Doctor, Doctor
My irregular heartbeat is really frightening me.
Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!
Doctor, Doctor
Please help me. I think I'm invisible
Next Please!
Doctor, Doctor
I've just swallowed my mouth organ
Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
Doctor, Doctor
I think I'm a cat?
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!
Doctor, Doctor
I've got insomnia
Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!
Doctor, Doctor
Is there anything wrong with my heart?
After a thorough examination I can confidently say it will last as long as you do!!
Doctor, Doctor
I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
Doctor Doctor
I'm not well - can you give me something to make me better?
Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal?
But Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?
Doctor to Dumb Blonde
Well Miss, I've discovered your problem - you are pregnant!
Oh! Is it mine?

KINGMUZZZAUK;6245226

Doctor, DoctorI can't stop stealing things Take these pills for a … Doctor, DoctorI can't stop stealing things Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!Doctor, DoctorWhat can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains? Pull yourself together man!Doctor, DoctorI think I'm a bridge? What's come over you?Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.Doctor, DoctorI think I'm god? How did that start?In the beginning there was darkness......Doctor, DoctorEvery bone in my body aches! Just be glad you aren't a herring!Doctor, DoctorCan I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow!Doctor, DoctorI think I've broken my neck? Don't worry - keep your chin up!Doctor DoctorMy daughter has just swallowed my pen - what shall I do? Use a pencil!Doctor DoctorWhat can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar? I find that very hard to believe!Doctor, DoctorI feel like a pack of cards? I'll deal with you later!Doctor, DoctorYou've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking! Do you drink a lot?Not really - I spill most of it!Doctor, DoctorI feel like a spoon? Still still and don't stir!Doctor, DoctorEvery time I drink a cup of coffee I get this stabbing pain in my eye! I suggest you take the spoon out!Doctor, DoctorMy irregular heartbeat is really frightening me. Don't worry - we'll soon put a stop to it!Doctor, DoctorPlease help me. I think I'm invisible Next Please!Doctor, DoctorI've just swallowed my mouth organ Well look on the bright side, at least you weren't playing a grand piano!Doctor, DoctorI think I'm a bell? Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!Doctor, DoctorI think I'm a cat? How long has this been going on? Oh, since I was a kitten I guess!Doctor, DoctorI've got insomnia Just sit on the edge of the bed. You'll soon drop off!Doctor, DoctorIs there anything wrong with my heart? After a thorough examination I can confidently say it will last as long as you do!!Doctor, DoctorI've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!Doctor DoctorI'm not well - can you give me something to make me better? Take 2 teaspoons of this after every meal?But Doctor, I've only got one teaspoon?Doctor to Dumb Blonde Well Miss, I've discovered your problem - you are pregnant!Oh! Is it mine?



your Mum wasnt very strict at potty training was she? ;-):-D

Doctor, doctor. I think I'm a moth.
But this isn't the doctor's surgury.
I know, but I saw your light on...

KINGMUZZZAUK;6245226

Doctor, DoctorI can't stop stealing things Take these pills for a … Doctor, DoctorI can't stop stealing things Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!Doctor, DoctorWhat can I do? I think I'm a pair of curtains? Pull yourself together man!Doctor, DoctorI think I'm a bridge? What's come over you?Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.Doctor, DoctorI think I'm god? How did that start?In the beginning there was darkness......Doctor, DoctorEvery bone in my body aches! Just be glad you aren't a herring!Doctor, DoctorCan I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow!Doctor, DoctorI think I've broken my neck? Don't worry - keep your chin up!.................................................................................................



one word

GOOGLE

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that's a lot of calories

Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?

Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
Yes!
The ones you put butter on?
Yes!
Oh, You're Crackers!

Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.

doctor doctor i got a strawberry stuck up my ****, dont worry i got some cream for that
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