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    Does Counselling work?

    After 14 years of marriage, and three kids my wife has decided that she wants to seperate ;-(
    We've had our ups and downs, like any marriage, but recently we've grown apart. Communication breakdown being one of the contributing factors. I've asked her that maybe we should take up conselling but she says that the marriage is beyond repair.
    Just wanted to hear from people who may have been something similar and tried counselling and it worked and they've come out the other side stronger etc.

    HELP!!!

    TIA

    27 Comments

    Banned

    no advice but good luck anyway..

    not if you dont want it to - you need to decide is it better together or apart - and to be honest i dont thinki anyone other than you and your wife can decide on that

    Banned

    save counselling air your personal issues on here and get the hukd Samaritan service to help you both.. cheap option

    I know it isn't nice to think of but has your other half maybe found someone else and thats why the counselling isn't ideal for her. I'm not trying to be a dick here just another thing to maybe talk to her about.
    Edited by: "munkynutz" 31st Jul 2010

    Seeing as you are keen to make the marriage work, there is atleast 50% success rate in any effort you take. Goodluck.

    I was told by a counsellor that there has to be a wanting by both parties to make the marriage work in order for counselling to be successful.

    Original Poster

    dog_cop

    save counselling air your personal issues on here and get the hukd … save counselling air your personal issues on here and get the hukd Samaritan service to help you both.. cheap option



    Thanks - I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I'm not trying to save money.

    All I wanted to know was if counselling has worked for some people. Deep down I know its over but need to convince myself and that we've tried all available options.

    Unlikely to work as clearly she was another bloke.

    I know it isn't nice to think of but has your other half maybe found … I know it isn't nice to think of but has your other half maybe found someone else and thats why the counselling isn't ideal for her. I'm trying to be a dick here just another thing to maybe talk to her about.


    Just cos she thinks her marriage over dont mean she is cheating.
    Dear me.
    Op it wont work unless she wants it to as well.
    Councelling can be good but not if she feels that way.

    First of all, most of the people on here are not capable of giving you a mature answer, so it will not help. Secondly, I would say that counselling would do something, because it will make you both realise why you are the way you are. It is always worth a try. And don't for one minute thing you wife is having an affair. That will destroy all the hope you have left.

    A relationship massively depends on compromise, you need to make that extra effort to reignite the flame you once had. Try to keep in-law's out of the picture because they can sway your wife if the wrong thing is said, try not to point score. It is about you, your wife and your children.

    Banned

    anything that could save your marriage has got to be worth a try, hope things work themselves out for you

    There is a chance of it working if both of you are committed to making the marriage work.
    It has to be a two way thing though and unless you can convince her that it's not beyond repair there's not much hope imo.

    All I'll say is good luck - I went to lots of counselling before (finally) realising that my marriage was over - my OH didn't bother going (or coming with me) to any counselling at all. That in itself spoke volumes!!!

    If communication is one of the contributing factors, surely conselling can help you with this. If you can get her there and it doesn't work, at least you know you have tried. I must admit when I read about the marriage being 'beyond repair' I did wonder if perhaps there is someone else. I would have thought if u've been married 14 years, you would have an inkling if this were the case tho. Could try just asking her straight out if there are doubts, but be prepared in case it's an answer you don't want to hear.

    From a female perspective (I have been married ten years with two children), maybe she just needs some attention and some genuine appreciation - any way you can spend some time together with no kids? Arrange something like a weekend away, you work out every detail and make an effort, ask for no promises and if she will agree to go see what happens.

    Just try what you can and then at least if it is over you know you have tried. Good luck.

    Sorry, No advice but I hope you can sort things.

    I'd recommend watching the movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron. Start there and then perhaps get The Love Dare book. May you both grow towards & remain with each other stronger & happier.

    My wife and I decide we want to split every few weeks, hasnt happened yet, hang in there buddy.

    Can it work? Yes.
    Will it work? Maybe, maybe not.
    Will it work if one party has no interest? Almost certainly not.

    Talk to your wife and not strangers on the interwebz.

    Hope everthing work out for you.xx

    pinkleponkle

    Unlikely to work as clearly she was another bloke.


    I think the op would know if she had a sex change.

    Ex and I went to Relate ....... their counsellors are really good and we got a lot of talking done ..... unfortunately for the marriage it helped me see more clearly that I wanted out ..... but it did give us the tools to talk more openly and to keep things civil for the sake of the kids.

    Try whatever means you can OP, as you can then know later that even if things don't work out, that you at least have no regrets at not trying things you could have tried. Good luck, and know that time really does heal ..... cliches are cliches for a reason - there's usually some truth in there somewhere !

    Why don't we be honest here?
    At the end of the day, she doesn't want to know.
    It's over.
    No counseling is going to change it ( Doubt if she would go anyway. )
    You shouldn't post on here either.
    Just move on.
    I know it's hard, but you now have to let go.

    http://www.funforever.net/wp-content/plaster_atypyk2.JPG

    For your heart.

    Banned

    I Wish You both and your children the best of luck for the future. Whatever the outcome.

    Chin up mate.

    my first marriage broke down and i can honeslty say, even though i dont particularly think it would have worked, i wish we had given counselling a go, sometimes you just need to go through the process in order to allow your brain to realise what's what, otherwise regrets/uncertinatly creep in down the line which may have nasty effects on new relationships etc.

    i wish you all the best whatever happens, its a horrid thing regardless of circumstance.
    Edited by: "dt_matthews" 1st Aug 2010

    Sometimes a bit of space is what she thinks she wants, and then realises what she's potentialy throwing away. Good luck mate.
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