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    Does this sound ok?

    Its for a job in customer services:

    A successful Business Account Developer with experience delivering high levels of customer service. A determined and highly organised individual, with a strong work ethic, and proven ability to drive repeat spend through customer satisfaction. Both internal and external clients will be impressed by my professional manner and tenacious approach.

    10 Comments

    Don't start two sentences with A.

    Impressed in a job application.....IMO a non no!!

    Good luck though :thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    choc1969;8446565

    Don't start two sentences with A.Impressed in a job application.....IMO a … Don't start two sentences with A.Impressed in a job application.....IMO a non no!!Good luck though :thumbsup:



    Thanks.

    Any ideas on how I could re-word it?

    Banned

    Can you make tea and work 23 hours a day?

    kelly1987;8446590

    Thanks.Any ideas on how I could re-word it?



    Difficult without seeing job spec........but maybe move the words around,

    Original Poster

    jubbyme;8446597

    Can you make tea and work 23 hours a day?



    Yes :thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    choc1969;8446607

    Difficult without seeing job spec........but maybe move the words around,



    Thats the problem I don't have it, a friend is recommending me for the job

    Do you have a comma before 'and' ? (feeling really pedantc now, but you did ask)

    kelly1987;8446590

    Thanks.Any ideas on how I could re-word it?



    Just put 'I'm' before the first A.

    go with

    kelly1987 is successful Business Account Developer with experience delivering high levels of customer service. She is a determined and highly organised individual with strong work ethics and has proven ability to drive repeat spend through customer satisfaction. Both internal and external clients are always impressed by her professional manner and tenacious approach.

    Hows that?

    ah.. it was the middle of the statement.. not like the opening... dont do 3rd person :P
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