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    English

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    Can you read these right the first time?

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce .

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

    A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object..

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    15 Comments

    Original Poster

    Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
    slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
    And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    Original Poster

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
    PS. - Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’

    Banned

    Its an amazing language

    Heres another one

    The minute seemed to go so quickly that it would be considered minute.

    I did it but had to read slowly!

    Banned

    Banana79;3170344

    I did it but had to read slowly!



    same :thumbsup:

    y do they call it a building when its already built?

    Original Poster

    widstyle;3170416

    y do they call it a building when its already built?


    very true! :thumbsup:

    Another good'un ST, I did it quite easily - though my prior knowledge from your OP's warning meant I was on alert.

    Great post :thumbsup:

    the ol' classic:

    why is a pair of knickers reffered to as a pair?

    Socks yeah...

    Banned

    robtallica;3170472

    the ol' classic:why is a pair of knickers reffered to as a pair?Socks … the ol' classic:why is a pair of knickers reffered to as a pair?Socks yeah...



    2 leg holes

    if a fly is called a fly why isnt a fish called a swim:whistling:

    Intresting :thinking:

    Original Poster

    It is only in the English language that people recite at a play and play at a recital.

    No sooner had my eye fallen upon the tear in the painting, then this eye of mine began to shed many a tear.

    Original Poster

    http://www.twabae.co.uk/english.jpg


    good luck with the footie lads!

    Love it...

    Why does Phonetic begin with P?
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