Epic numpty moments

52
Found 15th Dec 2017
what have you done today that made you feel a bit of a numpty ?

I'll start ,

I went out to scrape my car windows this morning. The windscreen needed more than just a scraper so I went to open the door to start the engine and use the fans etc. The door was frozen shut , I got a jug of water to pour around the seals , it still wouldn't open. after wrestling with it like a crazy person for a few mins I realised I hadn't unlocked it 🙈. oh and there were witnesses 😁

It's your turn now

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shabbird1 h, 45 m ago

lol. reminds me 10+ years ago. I was on the tube (train). Came out of the …lol. reminds me 10+ years ago. I was on the tube (train). Came out of the station and realised I had left my bagon the train. Rushed back in panic and it was on my shoulder


Ah well, if we can go back ten years I reckon I can drag mine out again

Apologies in advance for those who have already heard it a few times

About 20 years ago me and my hobgoblin went out to the local pub. Saturday night they used to have a few turns on. We enters the pub foyer where there were both the ladies and gents loos. Wife says she wants to go before we go in. I say 'ok, I'll wait here'. Afters she's gone in I think I may as well go too. I go in our toilet, have a pee and go out again to wait for missus. After 5 mins there is no sign of her so I open the ladies bog door about an inch and shouts her name. No answer. 'She must have gone through to the concert room' I thinks to myself.
Anyway, I didn't have my glasses with me which I wear for distance, and at night I'm like Mr Macgoo at best. I goes to the concert room, opens the door and walks in. I'm stood there looking around to see if I can see her. It's really dark and I'm leaning forward and squinting, wandering slowly into the room "Jesus, where the **** is she?". All of a sudden I hears someone say "can I help you mate?" I got up from my stooped, squinting position and looked around to find that I was stood on the stage about 2 feet in front of the comedian, who was in the middle of his act and must have thought it was christmas come early. The place just went up in laughter.

Needless to say, we went straight home and I've never been out since.

Had a few drinks with friends in London, raced across to Kings X and just managed to get my train all good, next thing I remember was I was rudely awoken by the train guard who advised I should get off.

I gathered my bags and stepped off the train and thought this doesn't look right.
I checked my phone and saw 8 missed calls and a bunch of texts from the wife demanding to know where I was.

Edinburgh was my somewhat embarrassed reply only 220 miles away from where I should have been.

Where do I start ? I have done thousands of stupid things. Like the time I thought it would be a good idea to clear the snow off the window in the car door. I was sitting in the drivers seat at the time. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to wind the window down. All the snow fell on my lap.

After a bit of a sesh the night before I did a horrific poo at work which literally stunk out the entire corridor. I couldn't find any air freshener, all I could find was some furniture polish so I liberally sprayed that because it smelt quite nice and masked the stink a bit.

All day I kept hearing thuds as people slipped over on the carpet that now resembled an ice rink ...
52 Comments

Well done you clutz lol
Wake up on the wrong side of bed?
Thanks for cheering me up

Original Poster

lamboo10 m ago

Well done you clutz lolWake up on the wrong side of bed?Thanks for …Well done you clutz lolWake up on the wrong side of bed?Thanks for cheering me up


I have a lot of moments like this these days and you're welcome ☺

lol. reminds me 10+ years ago. I was on the tube (train). Came out of the station and realised I had left my bag
on the train. Rushed back in panic and it was on my shoulder

Had a few drinks with friends in London, raced across to Kings X and just managed to get my train all good, next thing I remember was I was rudely awoken by the train guard who advised I should get off.

I gathered my bags and stepped off the train and thought this doesn't look right.
I checked my phone and saw 8 missed calls and a bunch of texts from the wife demanding to know where I was.

Edinburgh was my somewhat embarrassed reply only 220 miles away from where I should have been.

DKLS17 m ago

Had a few drinks with friends in London, raced across to Kings X and just …Had a few drinks with friends in London, raced across to Kings X and just managed to get my train all good, next thing I remember was I was rudely awoken by the train guard who advised I should get off. I gathered my bags and stepped off the train and thought this doesn't look right.I checked my phone and saw 8 missed calls and a bunch of texts from the wife demanding to know where I was. Edinburgh was my somewhat embarrassed reply only 220 miles away from where I should have been.


Reminds me of my brother who would always fall asleep on the tube after a night shift if he was an hour late we knew he's slept to the end of the line

Expensive numpty moment!, they made me buy a new ticket at £140.

Original Poster

DKLS31 m ago

Expensive numpty moment!, they made me buy a new ticket at £140.


Ouch

Turned up at airport for a weekend away to Stockholm a week early.

Nothing

shabbird1 h, 45 m ago

lol. reminds me 10+ years ago. I was on the tube (train). Came out of the …lol. reminds me 10+ years ago. I was on the tube (train). Came out of the station and realised I had left my bagon the train. Rushed back in panic and it was on my shoulder


Ah well, if we can go back ten years I reckon I can drag mine out again

Apologies in advance for those who have already heard it a few times

About 20 years ago me and my hobgoblin went out to the local pub. Saturday night they used to have a few turns on. We enters the pub foyer where there were both the ladies and gents loos. Wife says she wants to go before we go in. I say 'ok, I'll wait here'. Afters she's gone in I think I may as well go too. I go in our toilet, have a pee and go out again to wait for missus. After 5 mins there is no sign of her so I open the ladies bog door about an inch and shouts her name. No answer. 'She must have gone through to the concert room' I thinks to myself.
Anyway, I didn't have my glasses with me which I wear for distance, and at night I'm like Mr Macgoo at best. I goes to the concert room, opens the door and walks in. I'm stood there looking around to see if I can see her. It's really dark and I'm leaning forward and squinting, wandering slowly into the room "Jesus, where the **** is she?". All of a sudden I hears someone say "can I help you mate?" I got up from my stooped, squinting position and looked around to find that I was stood on the stage about 2 feet in front of the comedian, who was in the middle of his act and must have thought it was christmas come early. The place just went up in laughter.

Needless to say, we went straight home and I've never been out since.

Original Poster

deeky2 m ago

Ah well, if we can go back ten years I reckon I can drag mine out again …Ah well, if we can go back ten years I reckon I can drag mine out again :DApologies in advance for those who have already heard it a few times :DAbout 20 years ago me and my hobgoblin went out to the local pub. Saturday night they used to have a few turns on. We enters the pub foyer where there were both the ladies and gents loos. Wife says she wants to go before we go in. I say 'ok, I'll wait here'. Afters she's gone in I think I may as well go too. I go in our toilet, have a pee and go out again to wait for missus. After 5 mins there is no sign of her so I open the ladies bog door about an inch and shouts her name. No answer. 'She must have gone through to the concert room' I thinks to myself. Anyway, I didn't have my glasses with me which I wear for distance, and at night I'm like Mr Macgoo at best. I goes to the concert room, opens the door and walks in. I'm stood there looking around to see if I can see her. It's really dark and I'm leaning forward and squinting, wandering slowly into the room "Jesus, where the **** is she?". All of a sudden I hears someone say "can I help you mate?" I got up from my stooped, squinting position and looked around to find that I was stood on the stage about 2 feet in front of the comedian, who was in the middle of his act and must have thought it was christmas come early. The place just went up in laughter.Needless to say, we went straight home and I've never been out since.


Classic

Not today, but I went to start my car the other day, battery was dead it seemed.

called Green Flag, they came out and car started straight away, bloke switched off interior light...seems I was draining the battery further by having the blowers on and the heated windscreen and rear!!!

We both agreed that we should never speak of it again!!

Original Poster

davewave12 m ago

Not today, but I went to start my car the other day, battery was dead it …Not today, but I went to start my car the other day, battery was dead it seemed.called Green Flag, they came out and car started straight away, bloke switched off interior light...seems I was draining the battery further by having the blowers on and the heated windscreen and rear!!!We both agreed that we should never speak of it again!!


Ha ha great

left my phone on top of car and drove home about 12 miles phone was still there

After a bit of a sesh the night before I did a horrific poo at work which literally stunk out the entire corridor. I couldn't find any air freshener, all I could find was some furniture polish so I liberally sprayed that because it smelt quite nice and masked the stink a bit.

All day I kept hearing thuds as people slipped over on the carpet that now resembled an ice rink ...

Had not long pased my driving test ,was out when the oil warning light came on stopped the car spent an hour trying to get oil into it .it was all over road but still low stopped an aa patrol for help .once he had stopped laughing he explained that you dont put oil down the dipstick hole Numpty

Original Poster

flojo14 m ago

Had not long pased my driving test ,was out when the oil warning light …Had not long pased my driving test ,was out when the oil warning light came on stopped the car spent an hour trying to get oil into it .it was all over road but still low stopped an aa patrol for help .once he had stopped laughing he explained that you dont put oil down the dipstick hole Numpty


Oh dear me , ha ha

where my comment go?

Where do I start ? I have done thousands of stupid things. Like the time I thought it would be a good idea to clear the snow off the window in the car door. I was sitting in the drivers seat at the time. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to wind the window down. All the snow fell on my lap.

Original Poster

psychobitchfromhell4 m ago

Where do I start ? I have done thousands of stupid things. Like the time I …Where do I start ? I have done thousands of stupid things. Like the time I thought it would be a good idea to clear the snow off the window in the car door. I was sitting in the drivers seat at the time. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to wind the window down. All the snow fell on my lap.


I'm now wearing my mouthful of coffee , thanks for that

haritori53 m ago

where my comment go?


It was there I read it.

loumar765 m ago

I'm now wearing my mouthful of coffee , thanks for that


Once got half way to work and had a sudden panic that I had forgotten my car keys. I was driving the car at the time.

looked round for my glasses the other week for over an hour until i realised i was wearing them!!

Original Poster

psychobitchfromhell5 m ago

Once got half way to work and had a sudden panic that I had forgotten my …Once got half way to work and had a sudden panic that I had forgotten my car keys. I was driving the car at the time.


You just want to drown me in my coffee 😜

I once walked from Salisbury town centre to my barracks in Bulford (17 miles away roughly) at 2am because my mates had gotten a taxi and left me with no money

I got into my room and got undressed for bed... took my socks off and a £20 note dropped out... emergency taxi fund!!! FML

Original Poster

arcangel1113 m ago

I once walked from Salisbury town centre to my barracks in Bulford (17 …I once walked from Salisbury town centre to my barracks in Bulford (17 miles away roughly) at 2am because my mates had gotten a taxi and left me with no moneyI got into my room and got undressed for bed... took my socks off and a £20 note dropped out... emergency taxi fund!!! FML


Nightmare 😁

loumar769 m ago

You just want to drown me in my coffee 😜


Another time I got half way home from work and realised I didn't remember logging off my computer. It bugged me so much I went back and checked. Drove all the way home, exhaust blew on the car on the way, got home, sat down and it dawned on me that I hadn't been sitting at the computer I had checked but the one next to it. Decided it was fate if I was still logged on. As for my cookery epic fails, I could fill a book with those

Original Poster

psychobitchfromhell3 m ago

Another time I got half way home from work and realised I didn't remember …Another time I got half way home from work and realised I didn't remember logging off my computer. It bugged me so much I went back and checked. Drove all the way home, exhaust blew on the car on the way, got home, sat down and it dawned on me that I hadn't been sitting at the computer I had checked but the one next to it. Decided it was fate if I was still logged on. As for my cookery epic fails, I could fill a book with those


You missed me that time . That sounds like something I would do ☺

Not been riding long, first incident was getting off my bike without putting the side stand down first. Second one, not too long after, was getting recovery out because it wouldn't start. Just as he arrived I realised the kill switch was on.

loumar768 m ago

You missed me that time . That sounds like something I would do ☺


Gone on a night out wearing a black leather shoe on one foot and a blue suede one on the other

Original Poster

psychobitchfromhell5 m ago

Gone on a night out wearing a black leather shoe on one foot and a blue …Gone on a night out wearing a black leather shoe on one foot and a blue suede one on the other


You're crackers

loumar763 m ago

You're crackers


My late husband always said he only kept me for the comedy value

School days - french teacher asked us to name film genres - i said
sky-fi (sci-fi) everybody burst out laughing, was well emb. Although I have seen Sky use it for their sky cinema adverts recently

Original Poster

psychobitchfromhell7 m ago

My late husband always said he only kept me for the comedy value


He was a wise man , I've been cracking up at your comments ☺

Not me this time but my son. Walking behind him in the airport this morning I couldn't help thinking there was something wrong with his jeans. They are my jeans. I'm five foot tall and he is just shy of six foot. Wondered why they looked short. And a bit tight. Anyway, we've got to the hotel only to find it has a no shorts policy in the restaurant. He'll be wearing my jeans to dinner every night for a week.

loumar762 m ago

He was a wise man , I've been cracking up at your comments ☺


I told you there were loads. Merely scratched the surface

My other comment vanished and cant be bothered re-typing..

so here is a simpler one..


At school, my English teacher pointed out that on my textbook I had spelt it Ingerlish, It hasnt gotten much better.

I'd not long had my daughter....we went to Morrisons for some shopping, myself with her pram and the fella had the shopping trolley.
We got to the checkout, I was loading the shopping onto the conveyor and the fella was packing it into the trolley. He started to walk off while I was paying, so I finished up paying and walked after him, by the time I got about 5 checkouts over heading to the exit I hear the 17 year old girl cashier squealing "excuse me!! You forgot your baby!!" I thought the fella was pushing the pram!! 100 eyes on me at that moment! Soooo embarrassed!! Never lived it down

Why do you people even need to speak just find a hole like me !
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