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    Family feuds? Advice wanted x

    Wanted some advice from a neutral background, all my family and friends have agreed with me but of course they are biased because they love me!

    The engine on my car blew (astra 2002) and my step dad works in vauxhall and offered 2 fix it with a new engine for £1000 but i didn't have that money, he did some work on it but still no luck.

    When i told my biological dad he offered 2 get it fixed at a garage that he regularly uses (he buys cars, fixes them, sells them on) for £400 which was still a lot of money but a lot cheaper than what my step dad could do it for which i appreciate as it was vauxhall direct. Well 3 months later after constantly asking where the car was i was getting worried! Well a couple of wks bk he said the car was ready ... Horray ... 4 months later at a cost of £1000!!!! At no point did he tell me that there had been any problems and that it may cost more or bother to consult me before he carried out the work.

    Me and my dad have not had the best of relationships (i was bought up by my grandparents) and i have always tried 2 bury the past and what he put me through as a child as i wanted my dad in my life. Anyway its a long story but i guess i should of known better than to trust him.
    I was not happy to say the least and told my dad i did not have the money, i am a 24 year old working mum with 3 kids to provide for. I cant magic £1000 out of my ass and if i had that money i would of got my step dad to do it in a vauxhall dealership!? He basically told me tough and its my problem!? Ever since i have had abusive and threatening msgs off him and his wife and i really dont know what to do. My car is only worth about £1500 in todays market thats if i am lucky.

    Any advice appreciated.

    Thanks guys xxx

    32 Comments

    unbelievable - I would treat this as he told you it was going to cost X amount but now it has increased by a huge amount to £1000 - You did not authorize the extra cost - if he will not do it for £400 then he can take the engine out and put the old one in - that way get it take to your step dad

    I agree he really should of consulted with you first before going ahead & spending over DOUBLE what he had first told you it would be............
    however the damage so to speak is now already done so how about offering to pay him what you can now & the balance by installments?
    Has he still got your car?
    Do you want it back?
    .. or are you prepared to let him keep it? It sounds as if the situation is ''pay up or loose your car''?
    You could consult a solicitor but I doubt this would get you anywhere!
    Very sorry to hear this has happened to you btw.

    Banned

    bit naughty should have told you it would have cost more, but at worst tell him your skint and that if he wants the cash you will pay him as and when you can afford it, or as the other poster said replace the old engine, sell for scrap and get a new ish motor

    Banned

    say he should pay it for being a ****** dad
    ask to see the reciepts aswell, sounds like he is either trying to make some money out of you or just keep your car

    He probably didnt know the garage was going to charge him extra (garages do do that kind of thing!), or HE didnt know there were going to be further problems. Thing is, your step dads quote, might not have been the true price either, that may have doubled if additional work was needed. You real dad was trying to help you, probably because he cares, and sounds like your step dad cares also. I would be glad to have 2 dads like that. pay it, move on, learn for next time.

    Quote :- Ever since i have had abusive and threatening msgs off him and his wife

    Not sure that shows him off as being a nice dad though !!!

    Write him cheque for £1000, ask for a full breakdown of the costs, Stop the cheque and offer to pay the original £400. Or event the £400 + make a payment plan of £50 a month for the next 12 month to pay the rest off!

    Jez15;4506167

    Quote :- Ever since i have had abusive and threatening msgs off him and … Quote :- Ever since i have had abusive and threatening msgs off him and his wife Not sure that shows him off as being a nice dad though !!!



    Also would you now trust him not to sabotage the car when /f you get it back ?

    I think this is where you stand regardless of relationship :

    thesite.org/hom…man

    Completely agree with everyone - your real dad should never have done extra work without consulting you

    As for costs, not sure even if you had it would have been worth paying £1,000 to fix a car worth only £500 more as next MOT if anything goes wrong you could pay more again - never want to have spent more on a car than it is worth

    I cant magic £1000 out of my ass



    Quote of the month.

    Personally, I would pay him what you can now, and then make regular payments until it's all paid off.
    Knowing you did the "right" thing is ultimately more satisfying, and will lead you to a healthy conclusion.

    You sometimes have to look at the bigger picture.

    Original Poster

    I would never put my child in a situation like this and expect them to pay up especially when he knows my children (his grandchildren) will go without.
    What makes me more angry is that i will suffer financially because of the situation he has put me in yet watch him swan around in one of his 4 cars, he is well off and holidays 2/3 times a year but has never offered to help out.
    I don't expect to be spoon fed, never have i have lived on my own since i was 17 and paid my mortgage. bills etc, never had a penny from the government, i am very independent, i just want an easy life not all this stress.

    Its come to the point where it is no longer amicable due to the texts i have received and i am at a loss as to what to do. Think my best option would be to try and get hold of the garage and explain the situation (not that i would give a hoot if it was my garage) but hoping that they will understand and give me time 2 sell the car and give them the money. Only other thing would be to sign the car off to the garage but i don't see why i should be at a loss because my father was too selfish to consult me.

    What 24 year old woman with 3 kids has £1000 lying around? He is on another planet! Sorry, rant other but i am old fashioned and believe that family are there to help and support each other and love them no matter what.

    Original Poster

    richardcotton;4506294

    Completely agree with everyone - your real dad should never have done … Completely agree with everyone - your real dad should never have done extra work without consulting youAs for costs, not sure even if you had it would have been worth paying £1,000 to fix a car worth only £500 more as next MOT if anything goes wrong you could pay more again - never want to have spent more on a car than it is worth



    This was also another reason why i did not want to spend £1000. I would be better off breaking the car as my wheels and exhaust cost £1000 alone so would easily sell for £400 second hand.

    Original Poster

    Mecoconuts;4506280

    Also would you now trust him not to sabotage the car when /f you get it … Also would you now trust him not to sabotage the car when /f you get it back ?I think this is where you stand regardless of relationship :http://www.thesite.org/homelawandmoney/askthesiteqandas/moneyqandas/repoman



    Thanks for the link, i am happy for the garage to keep the car until this is resolved just a shame that it has had to come to it.

    Original Poster

    Thank you for all your comments, will have a good think and see what i can come up with. I have had lots of abusive texts saying what a bad daughter i am calling me all the names under the sun and i was starting to doubt myself and if i was really in the wrong!?

    pay him the 400 quid, if he wont accept then let it go to court if thats what he wants, he made a verbal contract with you regarding 400 quid to get it fixed and didnt consult you to see if you wanted to pay more

    Banned

    Aimee1985;4506682

    Thank you for all your comments, will have a good think and see what i … Thank you for all your comments, will have a good think and see what i can come up with. I have had lots of abusive texts saying what a bad daughter i am calling me all the names under the sun and i was starting to doubt myself and if i was really in the wrong!?


    not at all. The law is definitely on your side here.

    Have you actually got the car back? Because regardless of anything else, thats theft. Get the police involved and see what comes of it.

    Original Poster

    vibeone;4506786

    not at all. The law is definitely on your side here.Have you actually … not at all. The law is definitely on your side here.Have you actually got the car back? Because regardless of anything else, thats theft. Get the police involved and see what comes of it.



    As far as i am aware the garage have the car unless my dad has taken it from there, i am going to get the details of the garage and ring them tomorrow, the number my dad gave me just goes dead!? Obviously as its my car i still have the log book etc.
    I was thinking the police but i don't want to upset my dads side of the family.

    Original Poster

    kungfu;4506776

    pay him the 400 quid, if he wont accept then let it go to court if thats … pay him the 400 quid, if he wont accept then let it go to court if thats what he wants, he made a verbal contract with you regarding 400 quid to get it fixed and didnt consult you to see if you wanted to pay more



    The problem i have is the verbal contract was with my dad not the garage, the garage were only doing what my dad told them to do, its not there fault in my eyes :thumbsup:

    Aimee, do you know how to "Multi-Quote"?

    Aimee1985;4506861

    As far as i am aware the garage have the car unless my dad has taken it … As far as i am aware the garage have the car unless my dad has taken it from there, i am going to get the details of the garage and ring them tomorrow, the number my dad gave me just goes dead!? Obviously as its my car i still have the log book etc.I was thinking the police but i don't want to upset my dads side of the family.



    Now I don't confess to knowing your dad so I apologise if this is below the belt, but could he be ripping you off? It's a bit suspicious that the number for the garage is dead, could he possibly only have been charged the £400 but is asking you for £1000 and he'll pocket the £600? I could be totally wrong but it doesn't sound like he gives a monkey about your financial situation which isn't typical "dad" behaviour, my dad goes out of his way to help me and my family if we're short of money (bless him).

    I'd definitely try to get hold of the garage yourself just to get to the bottom of it and they will probably be more helpful, and less biaised, than your dad. Good luck, I really hope you get it sorted out without too much hassle.

    Aimee1985;4506868

    The problem i have is the verbal contract was with my dad not the garage, … The problem i have is the verbal contract was with my dad not the garage, the garage were only doing what my dad told them to do, its not there fault in my eyes :thumbsup:



    that aint your problem its your dads, he said 400, the garage said otherwise, he didnt tell you, so in the eyes of the law you wouldnt be responsible..he would

    Original Poster

    thesaint;4506881

    Aimee, do you know how to "Multi-Quote"?



    lol sorry, consider myself told

    He is your dad and trying to maintain a decent(ish) relationship is worth it. So pay him the £400 straightaway and £50/month for the next year. He was really stupid not to check with you about the money - but if he's now out of pocket by £1000 you can understand that he's really upset, and he'll be sat at home thinking that he only tried to help you and that this is hte thanks he gets.
    You learn by your experiences and next time anything like this happens then I'm sure you won't be running to your dad for help - but remember his heart was in the right place.

    bluedave;4507008

    He is your dad and trying to maintain a decent(ish) relationship is worth … He is your dad and trying to maintain a decent(ish) relationship is worth it. So pay him the £400 straightaway and £50/month for the next year. He was really stupid not to check with you about the money - but if he's now out of pocket by £1000 you can understand that he's really upset, and he'll be sat at home thinking that he only tried to help you and that this is hte thanks he gets. You learn by your experiences and next time anything like this happens then I'm sure you won't be running to your dad for help - but remember his heart was in the right place.



    By the sounds of the texts she's been receiving though I don't think his heart is in the right place, all he had to do was say "I'm really sorry, I know I told you it would be £400 but they had to do X and I'm afraid the bill has risen to £1000" then sort out how it was going to be paid, not send abusive texts which I'm sorry, but I don't think that's something your typical dad would do.

    Just had a thought - are you her dad? :whistling:

    Original Poster

    Annie1508;4506904

    Now I don't confess to knowing your dad so I apologise if this is below … Now I don't confess to knowing your dad so I apologise if this is below the belt, but could he be ripping you off? It's a bit suspicious that the number for the garage is dead, could he possibly only have been charged the £400 but is asking you for £1000 and he'll pocket the £600? I could be totally wrong but it doesn't sound like he gives a monkey about your financial situation which isn't typical "dad" behaviour, my dad goes out of his way to help me and my family if we're short of money (bless him).I'd definitely try to get hold of the garage yourself just to get to the bottom of it and they will probably be more helpful, and less biaised, than your dad. Good luck, I really hope you get it sorted out without too much hassle.



    I really don't know what to believe to be honest, i am just cross that i have been put in this situation by a family member who calls himself a father, perhaps ill buy him a dictionary so he can look up the word. It certainly is not dad behaviour and its not the first time he has upset me but i have learnt my lesson this time.
    I am also a bit bewildered as to why the number is going dead, the garage is about 15 miles away so might drive down there tomorrow if i am brave enough. I am scared that the garage is going to go blame me after all they just want their money.

    kungfu;4506930

    that aint your problem its your dads, he said 400, the garage said … that aint your problem its your dads, he said 400, the garage said otherwise, he didnt tell you, so in the eyes of the law you wouldnt be responsible..he would



    I know but i don't know what to do in all honestly, lol i sound dumb don't i, who would i contact?

    You've learnt to multi-quote lol. :roll:

    I just found it suspicious that you say he uses this garage all the time and yet he doesn't know the correct telephone number!! Rather than going to the garage I would definitely try to find the right number and ring them, you don't really want to be going there if they're going to be funny, especially if you're on your own. Would your step-father go with you perhaps?

    Original Poster

    Annie1508;4507026

    By the sounds of the texts she's been receiving though I don't think his … By the sounds of the texts she's been receiving though I don't think his heart is in the right place, all he had to do was say "I'm really sorry, I know I told you it would be £400 but they had to do X and I'm afraid the bill has risen to £1000" then sort out how it was going to be paid, not send abusive texts which I'm sorry, but I don't think that's something your typical dad would do.Just had a thought - are you her dad? :whistling:



    lol that is what i was thinking! As you said thats all he had to say but more than double the bill? He has not even offered to help, not even until i sell the car and recoup some of the money. Just nasty texts, his wife has always been jealous of me but there is no need for her to get involved, he is a grown man :thumbsup:

    Aimee1985;4507033

    I really don't know what to believe to be honest, i am just cross that i … I really don't know what to believe to be honest, i am just cross that i have been put in this situation by a family member who calls himself a father, perhaps ill buy him a dictionary so he can look up the word. It certainly is not dad behaviour and its not the first time he has upset me but i have learnt my lesson this time. I am also a bit bewildered as to why the number is going dead, the garage is about 15 miles away so might drive down there tomorrow if i am brave enough. I am scared that the garage is going to go blame me after all they just want their money.I know but i don't know what to do in all honestly, lol i sound dumb don't i, who would i contact?



    how you proceed with this totally dpends on how you want to keep your relationship with your dad imo, as far as i can see he aint too hot a father figure, so i would ring him now..RIGHT NOW, and get the name of the garage, find the number and ring them, say your coming down in the morning to discuss the car and whats been done to it....explain the whole story to them and ask to see a reciept with breakdown of the work been done, next stop would be citizens advise for some erm advice lol , they will help you from there :thumbsup:

    Annie1508;4507026

    By the sounds of the texts she's been receiving though I don't think his … By the sounds of the texts she's been receiving though I don't think his heart is in the right place, all he had to do was say "I'm really sorry, I know I told you it would be £400 but they had to do X and I'm afraid the bill has risen to £1000" then sort out how it was going to be paid, not send abusive texts which I'm sorry, but I don't think that's something your typical dad would do.Just had a thought - are you her dad? :whistling:



    LOL
    Yeah her dad doesn't sound like your average dad, and I'm guessing the relationship won't be ever as good as most of us have, which is a real shame. However my brother in law had a similar thing happen to him which lead to the total breakdown of his relationship with his dad. At the time he thought that was for the best - a dad like his being worse than no dad at all. However, several years later his dad died without them ever making up, and it is my brother in law who now suffers and has huge issues with guilt etc.
    Is it worth risking her relationship with her dad over this? She'll have a better idea of whether he was trying it on with her money, or if he really thought he was being helpful, and didn't think about the consequences.

    What an awful sounding guy!! To send threatening text messages to your daughter because of a fault all HIS doing is beyond belief. If someone came to me, family or not, to do a repair on a car and more than doubled the repair bill without consultation, then it's THEIR fault and not mine!!

    If his side of the family fallout with you having heard what he's done to you, then they're not worth having as family and you'd be better off without them in my eyes.

    You're step-father could have put you a re-con engine in for a £1000, so what work on your existing engine would be worth the £1000 asking price? You definitely need to see receipts on parts and labour.

    Because he's sent the texts, they should be shown to his side of the family to let them know what a piece of work he really is.

    I'd also consider seeking advice from the Citizens Advice bureau as far as your case goes for getting the car back.

    Sad state of affairs. After what he's done to you, I wouldn't be calling him dad anymore, more like Authur (Daley)!!

    Hope it all goes well.

    feel so sorry for you sweetie. let us know how everything works out x x

    kungfu;4507147

    how you proceed with this totally dpends on how you want to keep your … how you proceed with this totally dpends on how you want to keep your relationship with your dad imo, as far as i can see he aint too hot a father figure, so i would ring him now..RIGHT NOW, and get the name of the garage, find the number and ring them, say your coming down in the morning to discuss the car and whats been done to it....explain the whole story to them and ask to see a reciept with breakdown of the work been done, next stop would be citizens advise for some erm advice lol , they will help you from there :thumbsup:



    Excellent advice :thumbsup: Get the name of the garage and take this up directly with them. Go and see them and explain to them that this has all come as a bit of a shock to you as your dad said it was £400 and is now demanding £1000, so you want a complete breakdown of what they've done. Also, so you know exactly what's gone on, ask them whether your dad authorised them to go ahead and do the extra work when they told him it was going to be more than £400, because if he did, then he had no right to just go ahead and spend £600 of your money without asking you. Yes, he's your dad but he's not acting like one so don't feel like it's anything you've done at all.
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