Found 7th Jul 2008
Hi all, Need a pick me up. Has any1 out there been separated from there children due to an irrational parent! and if so how did they make them come to sence without the means of courts! Looking for some good news stories too. Cheers all

I should of said parents rights soz

  1. Misc
Groups
  1. Misc
32 Comments

Good luck mate, havent been through it but feel for you!

Banned

Sympathize with you mate. No personal experience sorry. Good luck :thumbsup:

Banned

If you ex is irrational then i doubt there is anyway other than court she will allow you access. It is a crying shame this happens, children should always come first no matter what the adults feel

any mother who stops her kids seeing their father without good reason dont deserve them, i have wanted to at times, through sheer frustration as my ex contributes absolutely nothing and is constantly letting my kids down, but i know stopping him seeing them is not the way as it would hurt them more than him, so i live with the fact they will see how things are when they are older

good luck with it and dont give up, without good reason she has no right to stop you!

Get a mutual friend / someone with influence to speak with her, if this fails i recon court is ur best bet.

Banned

How any woman can do this to the father of her children is beyond me. Unless the children are at risk, then there is no reason to do this. Sadly alot of women use their children to score points.

Just because parents split up shouldn't mean the mother is automatically the one to decide what happens with regards to the children. There are plenty of bad mothers about.

Maintain as much contact as you can and keep up with payments. Then it will just be her in the wrong.

Good luck.

I would say, in all honesty and based on experience that if she really is irrational and inconsistent, the courts are really not going to help. Your best bet is to keep in touch with your children, make sure they know that you love them and want them in your life, set up some routines so they know when you're going to call or come round, take the **** from the ex on the chin and ignore it if you can and just have a great time when you see them, do things your way not hers during that time, so they get used to the different environments, atmospheres and attitudes. Over time they will grow to love and appreciate the two different ways of life.:-D

Banned

MrGrumpyman;2475258

I would say, in all honesty and based on experience that if she really is … I would say, in all honesty and based on experience that if she really is irrational and inconsistent, the courts are really not going to help. Your best bet is to keep in touch with your children, make sure they know that you love them and want them in your life, set up some routines so they know when you're going to call or come round, take the **** from the ex on the chin and ignore it if you can and just have a great time when you see them, do things your way not hers during that time, so they get used to the different environments, atmospheres and attitudes. Over time they will grow to love and appreciate the two different ways of life.:-D



Well put.

If not, start planning a patio and leave your roller skates at the top of the stairs:thumbsup:

Have been through it myself (fortunately not to the court stage) & have seen many instances of it through volunteering at a contact centre for separated parents. The best advice I can think of is to hang in there - even if you can't see them in the short term, hopefully it will become easier eventually. And also, bite your tongue if you're tempted to be drawn into an argument! It's very difficult, I know, in the face of someone being cruel if they feel they have the power to stop you seeing your children, but if you can appear calm and supportive of the children it may change her mind a little. Family Mediation may be an alternative to court:

familymediation.org.uk/

I hope you get to see them again soon (& regularly).

Sloth/Mod

Whatever you do.........don't wear a Batman/Spiderman suit and start scaling buildings etc. People will just hate you then. lol

Banned

Syzable;2475415

Whatever you do.........don't wear a Batman/Spiderman suit and start … Whatever you do.........don't wear a Batman/Spiderman suit and start scaling buildings etc. People will just hate you then. lol



Human Torch would be so hot though.

kevskiuk,

I have done quite a lot of work with Fathers in regards to their Children's rights(Fathers/Mothers don't really have any). Do you have a specific problem?

hi there, i just wanted to say don't give up hope, my brother had to fight for his little one for quite a while before he got her, but it is worth it in the end. my brother now has full custady of his little one. :thumbsup: good luck!

if you can sort it out between you it would be better but sometimes the law and courts can be the only way and still then is a mountain to climb. had to fight for months to get my boy back and yet it was his mum putting him and me through hell. only you no your situation and sometimes its hard to get people in authorities to listen but stick with it try to keep a cool and clear head and fight for what you believe is right...good luck :thumbsup:

Original Poster

Well we are 3 months separated. My relationship and my children have came predominantly 1st. I have organised my working life round about my family to meet the needs required in being a supportive parent and loving father and partner. The problem i have is that i have a very very close bond with my children and intend on being a father and not just a dad eg supporting my children in all aspects of life. My ex ended our relationship without any reason (i have heard there is another man) but chinese whispers, dont belive anything unless you hear it from the horses mouth. Im looking to move on with my life and have my children as a predominant fixture which i would like to have joint coustody . My ex has messed me about in this 3 months 1 day i get to see them then the next she dosent ,and there have been periods that i have not seen them for 2 weeks. There was an inital agreement between ourselfs for 3 days per week but when it came down to it she decided to change her mind. I have been distraught by this nightmare senario she has put me through. She is aware that i am a kind loving caring person who wants the best for my children. I left her with everything eg house money to make sure my children did not go without. So i have had to start from scratch. Now i have got back on my feet she will not entertain me in relation to the children. All she wants to do is argue and prevent me seeing my children, she is making me beg to see them! I dont really want to go to court as i dont want to put my children through any anguish or pain! but what do i do lol that got a bit off my chest.
By the way every1 cheers 4 the support nd comments

Banned

Do you mind me asking how old the children are, it seems your ex is being totally uneasonable and putting her own needs before her childrens. Have you spoken to your ex about going to court for access? This does not involve the children just you and her, once an access order has been made between yourselves and the court, she can be pulled back to court if she starts messing about with this order. It is really important your children are not part of her game and it seems they are, she should be ashamed of herself if her actions are not for the welfare of her children

Original Poster

Samantha 5 Becca 3 Owen 2 all coming up for birthdays within the next couple of months! Ive tryed everything 2 reason with her but 2 no avail, she has stated to me if i was to try for any order she may run away with my children her family are very supportive to her but thats another dilemma lol

Banned

kevskiuk;2476332

Samantha 5 Becca 3 Owen 2 all coming up for birthdays within the next … Samantha 5 Becca 3 Owen 2 all coming up for birthdays within the next couple of months! Ive tryed everything 2 reason with her but 2 no avail, she has stated to me if i was to try for any order she may run away with my children her family are very supportive to her but thats another dilemma lol



What are her reasons for this, sounds like either she doesnt trust you or shes a control freak

she sounds like a right cow, and your probably better off without her.
As for the kids, I feel for you. However don't let her use them as weapons, remember, they are your kids and always will be. She cannot change that even if shes on the other side of the world. Good Luck

Original Poster

sassie;2476368

What are her reasons for this, sounds like either she doesnt trust you or … What are her reasons for this, sounds like either she doesnt trust you or shes a control freak



lol control freak is the right word, she has no reason she just trying to prevent me moving on. I think she ideally wanted 2 see if the grass was greener on the other side.

Banned

kevskiuk;2476416

lol control freak is the right word, she has no reason she just trying to … lol control freak is the right word, she has no reason she just trying to prevent me moving on. I think she ideally wanted 2 see if the grass was greener on the other side.



I really feel for you, and no matter how angry i have gotten with my ex over the poxy time he puts in, i would never stop my little one seeing him, he adores his daddy no matter how cack a parent i think he is. If it was me i would take her to court and show her you and your childrens relationship means more to you than her threats, good luck xx

Sorry to hear of your plight kevskiuk.

There is no "right" way to go about these sorts of matters. The best thing you can do is to do the right thing for your children. This could mean that you won't see them again if their mother doesn't play ball though.

Firstly, forget about joint custody (Residency), as a man, you will be extremely unlikely to get this if the mother is not willing. In your position, I would try and get a Parental responsibility order, and a contact order.

Whist you don't like the thought of going to court, if she is being unreasonable, this is the only way to go. In your position, send a letter explaining your position, and outline the times and days of the week that you would like your children to visit with you.

Explain in the letter why your children would benefit from this time with their father.

Whilst admirable, leaving the house and money probably let her think that you are a soft touch, and so is pushing you to see how far you will go, and what else you will relinquish.

Try and keep your cool when speaking to her, and if she can't be civil with you, you need to keep it to written correspondence only. This can be texts, e-mails, letters etc. If it does go to court, then the fact that you can prove that you did your best to keep it out of the courts will be looked on favourably.

Also, the children won't be 'dragged' through the courts, they will be spoken to briefly by a Court Officer (CAFCASS) and will not know anything about court unless one of you (Parents) tell them.

If a contact order is made, it would be extremely unlikely that anything would happen to her if she did not follow it, but the fact that there is one there usually spurs people into complying.

Original Poster

thesaint;2476657

Sorry to hear of your plight kevskiuk.There is no "right" way to go about … Sorry to hear of your plight kevskiuk.There is no "right" way to go about these sorts of matters. The best thing you can do is to do the right thing for your children. This could mean that you won't see them again if their mother doesn't play ball though.Firstly, forget about joint custody (Residency), as a man, you will be extremely unlikely to get this if the mother is not willing. In your position, I would try and get a Parental responsibility order, and a contact order.Whist you don't like the thought of going to court, if she is being unreasonable, this is the only way to go. In your position, send a letter explaining your position, and outline the times and days of the week that you would like your children to visit with you.Explain in the letter why your children would benefit from this time with their father.Whilst admirable, leaving the house and money probably let her think that you are a soft touch, and so is pushing you to see how far you will go, and what else you will relinquish.Try and keep your cool when speaking to her, and if she can't be civil with you, you need to keep it to written correspondence only. This can be texts, e-mails, letters etc. If it does go to court, then the fact that you can prove that you did your best to keep it out of the courts will be looked on favourably. Also, the children won't be 'dragged' through the courts, they will be spoken to briefly by a Court Officer (CAFCASS) and will not know anything about court unless one of you (Parents) tell them.If a contact order is made, it would be extremely unlikely that anything would happen to her if she did not follow it, but the fact that there is one there usually spurs people into complying.



It was a common law partnership we had so she would not be able to relinquish anything more i dont think!
I have kept all correspondence.
I think i will keep trying to build bridges meantime.
The law! I can understand why people scale buildings lol.
Thank you for the advice.

thesaint;2476657

Sorry to hear of your plight kevskiuk.There is no "right" way to go about … Sorry to hear of your plight kevskiuk.There is no "right" way to go about these sorts of matters. The best thing you can do is to do the right thing for your children. This could mean that you won't see them again if their mother doesn't play ball though.Firstly, forget about joint custody (Residency), as a man, you will be extremely unlikely to get this if the mother is not willing. In your position, I would try and get a Parental responsibility order, and a contact order.Whist you don't like the thought of going to court, if she is being unreasonable, this is the only way to go. In your position, send a letter explaining your position, and outline the times and days of the week that you would like your children to visit with you.Explain in the letter why your children would benefit from this time with their father.Whilst admirable, leaving the house and money probably let her think that you are a soft touch, and so is pushing you to see how far you will go, and what else you will relinquish.Try and keep your cool when speaking to her, and if she can't be civil with you, you need to keep it to written correspondence only. This can be texts, e-mails, letters etc. If it does go to court, then the fact that you can prove that you did your best to keep it out of the courts will be looked on favourably. Also, the children won't be 'dragged' through the courts, they will be spoken to briefly by a Court Officer (CAFCASS) and will not know anything about court unless one of you (Parents) tell them.If a contact order is made, it would be extremely unlikely that anything would happen to her if she did not follow it, but the fact that there is one there usually spurs people into complying.


You will have parental rights for your youngest two children if you jointly registered their birth with your partner. The law changed Dec 2003 as prior to this it was only automatically awarded if you were married to the childs mother at the time of the birth. With regard to the 5 year old you would need to make an application to your local county court for a seperate parental responsibility order. This can be done without your partners agreement which by the sounds of things she's highly unlikely to give, although the costs are then higher - around £175 last year. My husband had to do this for his daughter who was born in 2001 even though she lives with us and has done for over three years!

Basically parental responsibility gives you the right to have a say in the welfare of your children from where they live (as in area) to what school they should attend. If you and your ex partner cannot agree on important decisions such as these you can ask the courts to make the decision if you're happy to do this. What it also means is that you could ask the court to prevent her from moving with your children which the court would do if they considered it not to be in their best interests. You would need to make the court understand why it would be detrimental to your childrens well being.

There was a good post on here not long ago about free legal advice and I got some really helpful answers to my emails - can anyone help with the link for this?

I have a friend in a very similar situation to yourself and so far i'm afraid it's not a success story. He can't afford to go to court and his ex wife knows it so he's in a no win situation. She's gradually turned his child against him and he's at the point where he's thinking about giving up which sounds dreadful but the stress and pain has changed him as a person and ruined any new relationship he's attempted to have. This being her aim I think, never mind what she does to her child in the process. She is a lunatic though so hopefully your ex is trying to get evrything her own way by playing these games as opposed to being deranged in some way!

I hope this is of some help to you and I wish you good luck. I can't agree with this post more in that you can't let her walk all over you no matter how tempting it is to give her everything she wants. She will definately just push you for more.

The blurb below was taken from the direct gov website:

Unlike mothers, fathers do not always have 'parental responsibility' for their children. With more than one in three children now born outside marriage, some parents may be unclear about who has legal parental responsibility for their children.
What is parental responsibility?
While the law does not define in detail what parental responsibility is, the following list sets out the key roles:

providing a home for the child
having contact with and living with the child
protecting and maintaining the child
disciplining the child
choosing and providing for the child's education
determining the religion of the child
agreeing to the child's medical treatment
naming the child and agreeing to any change of the child's name
accompanying the child outside the UK and agreeing to the child's emigration, should the issue arise
being responsible for the child's property
appointing a guardian for the child, if necessary
allowing confidential information about the child to be disclosed
Who has parental responsibility?
If the parents of a child are married to each other or if they have jointly adopted a child, then they both have parental responsibility. This is not automatically the case for unmarried parents.

According to current law, a mother always has parental responsibility for her child. A father, however, has this responsiblity only if he is married to the mother or has acquired legal responsibility for his child through one of these three routes:

(after December 1 2003) by jointly registering the birth of the child with the mother
by a parental responsiblity agreement with the mother
by a parental responsiblity order, made by a court
Living with the mother, even for a long time, does not give a father parental responsiblity and if the parents are not married, parental responsiblity does not always pass to the natural father if the mother dies.

All parents (including adoptive parents) have a legal duty to financially support their child, whether they have parental responsibility or not.
Applying to the courts for parental responsibility
A father can apply to the court to gain parental responsibility. In considering an application from a father, the court will take the following into account:

the degree of commitment shown by the father to his child
the degree of attachment between father and child
the father's reasons for applying for the order
The court will then decide to accept or reject the application based on what it believes is in the child's best interest.

firstly i wanna say good luck to the opening poster. hope you get given what is right for your and your kids.

secondaly on a general note i want to say is it pretty sad that mums get given more rights than farthers, on the basis simply becuase she is a mum. im sure enough there are many mothers who dont deserve the title of mum. there are also plenty of fathers who have been both a mum and dad to their children, these qualities gets overlooked when it comes to who gets to keep the kids. its bad enough for the mother and father but even worse for the children, not in the short term but in the long term it will effect thier lives. a lesson in love should be given to majority of these people so they can understand others peoples point of feelings, especially the children. could go on for ages but whose gon read it :whistling:

and once agian good luck to the opening poster. hope you get past this hard time mate. and just dont give up, for the sake of your kids:thumbsup:

kevskiuk;2475904

I left her with everything eg house money to make sure my children did … I left her with everything eg house money to make sure my children did not go without. So i have had to start from scratch.



wow thats pretty sad. and wow agian for thinking of the kids.
[SIZE="5"]
save this thread and show them it when there old enough and ask them what they think about it[/SIZE]

and as for the title of the thread, fathers rights

fathers have no rights comapred to mothers

which is a shame as many fathers are better then the mothers

monkeybrains;2478548

and as for the title of the thread, fathers rightsfathers have no rights … and as for the title of the thread, fathers rightsfathers have no rights comapred to motherswhich is a shame as many fathers are better then the mothers



If a father with 'parental responsibility', has the same rights as a mother according to the law.

The problem is that these rights/responsibilities are not known by the authorities and even most parents have little knowledge.

twinks;2481699

Spot on, another problem is Schools take little notice of a father with … Spot on, another problem is Schools take little notice of a father with 'parental responsibility' and dont realise that a seperated Father has as much right to attend parents evenings, sports days, recieve school reports etc etc



True, but you have to shoulder some of the blame with the fathers that have these rights and do not exercise them. Too many complain, but ask them if they have been up to their children's school to see how they are getting on there, and they go silent.

The schools want an easy life, so do not seek to contact fathers for their input because it may bring a conflict where the parents do not agree on matters.

twinks;2482573

Yes, and it's such a shame, because when you think it's the Schools that … Yes, and it's such a shame, because when you think it's the Schools that actually have the biggest amount of contact with the child. I know there are many single mothers that dislike having the absent father involved with their child's schools,and seeing their child other than set access, when in an ideal world the father should enjoy equal time spent with the child.



Spot on :thumbsup:

thesaint;2482428

True, but you have to shoulder some of the blame with the[COLOR="Red"] … True, but you have to shoulder some of the blame with the[COLOR="Red"] fathers that have these rights and do not exercise them.[/COLOR] Too many complain, but ask them if they have been up to their children's school to see how they are getting on there, and they go silent.The schools want an easy life, so do not seek to contact fathers for their input because it may bring a conflict where the parents do not agree on matters.



this is exactly my dilemma, i wish parents who deny access could see it from my situation, my ex just don't bother with any of their schooling anymore, i wonder if he even knows how my 3 are doing, or if he knows what after school clubs they participate in etc, he calls randomly and may have them every 6 weeks if they are lucky, when we agreed fortnightly (could be more but he lives quite a distant away) i think he has used all the excuses so many times we are going around them again! - he also makes promises he does'nt keep which makes me mad - i dont expect him to buy them latest gadgets etc etc but as far as im concerned if you cant - dont promise! - ive told him to stop promising the world and just to stick to seeing them, they will appreciate that more, but he just carries on with the false offerings, he also pays nothing towards them in way of maintenance, and laughs at me when i mention school trip costs etc,so i say to the op's ex, welcome the absent parent where ever possible, firstly for the kids sake but could be helpful for their own support too if it can be amicable! - she clearly dont know how lucky she is!

Original Poster

I would just like to say a big thank you 2 every1 for there support and comments. I got to see my children for a couple of hours today and hopefully get too take them swimming on Saturday fingers crossed. I will just have to be patient for the time being as the mother of my children is totaly irrational and obviously in need of physiatric help lol. I have an appointment with a solicitor on thursday which i will enquire about drafting up a letter in relation to my proposals to be presented to her. I dont really want to go to court and at the end of the day this is a woman who i have spent 8 years of my life with and is the mother of my 3 great kids, I dont really want to play tit 4 tat and lower myself to what she is doing, I just want to be my childrens Father and not just a Dad. Heres hoping she comes to her senses:thumbsup:
Post a comment
Avatar
@
    Text
    Top Discussions
    1. I want to talk about the WEATHER no politics no religion19247633
    2. The never ending counting with pictures thread !4604811
    3. South Park: The Fractured Butt Hole Preorders - Ubisoft Store (Free Season …34
    4. Just heard this...2 ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ congrats to all on 392k ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★7769471

    See more discussions