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    feeling generous........

    Banned
    I am willing to rep for laughs



    do your worst

    32 Comments

    I eat poo in a panini

    :lol::lol::lol:

    why was there rabbits in the middle of the road?

    It was a dual cabbage way.

    How can you tell if theres an elephant in your fridge?

    Footprints in the butter.

    Whats yellow and dangerous?

    Shark infested custard.


    you think thats bad? i know worse haha :lol:

    I failed my english assignment today. If I don't get some laughs, I'm gonna drop out of the damn course.

    okay - this is a laugh at my expense

    Today in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap

    Why did the boy eat 50p?


    Cos it was his dinner money!

    (Sorry)

    true story btw - am still soggy

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
    "Da-ad..." "What?"
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
    "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
    "Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
    "WHAT?"
    "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
    "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
    "Five minutes later...
    "Daaaa-aaaad..."
    "WHAT??!!"
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

    Rhianne;7001096

    Why did the boy eat 50p?Cos it was his dinner money!(Sorry)



    Lol

    Why is a Christmas tree better than a man?

    It stays up for 12 days and nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on :-D

    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']Wonderful English from Around the World **

    In a Bangkok temple:
    IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
    [/FONT][FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

    Cocktail lounge, Norway:[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

    LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

    Doctors office, Rome:

    SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

    Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
    DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS

    In a Nairobi restaurant:[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

    CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


    On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi:
    TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

    On a poster at Kencom:[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

    ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

    In a City restaurant:
    OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

    In a cemetery:
    PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


    Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
    GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
    OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

    In a Tokyo bar:
    SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

    Hotel, Yugoslavia:
    THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


    Hotel, Japan:
    YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery (DF - I like this one):
    YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
    IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.[/FONT]
    [FONT='Times New Roman','serif']


    Hotel, Zurich:
    BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THEOPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

    Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
    WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

    Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
    WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

    A laundry in Rome:
    LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.[/FONT]

    Original Poster Banned

    I eat poo in a panini



    I giggled but not quite a laugh

    why was there rabbits in the middle of the road?It was a dual cabbage … why was there rabbits in the middle of the road?It was a dual cabbage way.How can you tell if theres an elephant in your fridge?Footprints in the butter.Whats yellow and dangerous?Shark infested custard.



    corny lol

    I failed my english assignment today.

    why would I laugh? hahahaha


    okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting … okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap



    Sorry but I did laugh. Poor you.

    Why did the boy eat 50p?Cos it was his dinner money!(Sorry)



    that is seriously bad



    all repped anyway

    How to make love!

    Ingredients...
    4 laughing eyes
    4 well shaped legs
    4 loving arms
    2 firm milk containers
    2 nuts
    1 mixing bowl
    1 firm banana

    Method...
    1 Look into laughing eyes
    2 spread well shaped legs with loving arms
    3 squeeze and massage milk containers gently
    4 gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.
    5 as heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night
    6 the cake is done when banana is soft, if banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5.

    If unfamiliar with the kitchen
    1 wash utensils carefully, before and after use.
    2 Do not lick mixing bowl
    3 if cake rises, leave town

    whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
    ..............a carrot.

    The one that always gets me is:

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    ....Because it was dead :oops:

    You've got to laugh at the pathetic attempts at humour ;-)

    bossyboots;7001092

    okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting … okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap



    Sorry Bossy but I did :lol:

    Was it cold in the water?:p

    niggit;7001262

    How to make love!Ingredients...4 laughing eyes4 well shaped legs4 loving … How to make love!Ingredients...4 laughing eyes4 well shaped legs4 loving arms2 firm milk containers2 nuts1 mixing bowl1 firm bananaMethod...1 Look into laughing eyes2 spread well shaped legs with loving arms3 squeeze and massage milk containers gently4 gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed.5 as heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak, preferably not over night6 the cake is done when banana is soft, if banana doesn't soften, repeat steps 3-5.If unfamiliar with the kitchen1 wash utensils carefully, before and after use.2 Do not lick mixing bowl3 if cake rises, leave town



    That's good.

    a man goes to the doctors, but he's abit nervous as its about his *you know what*.

    he says to the doctor, "I've got a bit of a problem down there, I'll show you but you've got to promise not to laugh.
    the doctor agrees, and the man pulls down his pants. straight away the doctor bursts out laughing uncontrollably.
    the doctor screams 'that is the smallest pen1s i have ever seen', manages to calm down and asks him whats wrong with it.


    the man says glumly... 'its swollen'





    'mods alter dont delete if words arent suitable!'

    POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE!

    how do you make a gay man have sex with a women?

    take a dump in her ****!

    why did tigger have his head down the toilet?

    he was looking for pooh

    :giggle:

    what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
































































    a wonkey!

    Three men crash land near an African tribe. They are captured and taken to their King. The tribes King gives the a task. The King said..."go into the forest and find three fruits and come back to me."
    So the three men set off into the jungle to find three fruits....the first man comes back with three oranges in his hand and shows the King. The king then tells him, "Now stick all three oranges in your butt, but if you make a noise you will be killed and go straight to hell."

    So the man starts but fails on the first orange. He is killed and sent to hell.
    Along comes man number 2 carrying berries....the king informs him of the rules and the guy starts....1....2....but with the third berry he just busts out laughing....of course he is killed and sent straight to hell.

    Down in Hell, guy #1 asks guy #2..."Why did you start laughing...you were almost done?!!?!" Guy #2 replies, "I saw guy #3 walking back with pineapples!"

    J4GG4;7001071

    I eat poo in a panini



    Shouldn't that be 'mankini'?

    Hope you've dried out now Bossy!

    my puppy stole a strangers hanky ran away with it

    MikeL;7001723

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT2HbXbZ_kQ



    Strange why did he make a man come out???

    Marina;7001315

    Sorry Bossy but I did :lol:Was it cold in the water?:p



    yes it was!!!! A man who was walking his dog came over to help me and I could see the smirk on his face!!! I just panicked as my dog is gettin on in years (12) and wanted to get her out asap !!

    Worst thing was I had my Ugg boots on :-( so dont know how they will be once they have dried out - but as long as haggis is okay lol then so am I :-D

    (thanks Chesso ! am fine now !!)

    Original Poster Banned

    some good ones there. My rep is expired today but will rep tomorrow

    TVM

    toshapetriji;7002055

    some good ones there. My rep is expired today but will rep tomorrowTVM



    Hi Tosha, how are you hun? xx

    Dont need the rep just sayin hi xxxx

    :friends:

    bossyboots;7001092

    okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting … okay - this is a laugh at my expenseToday in Glasgow we have been getting bad gales and I was taking my dog out - the wind caught her and she fell into canal, I also fell into canal trying to fish her out lol - she was doing the doggy paddle and got out other end - I was doing the duck waddle and got out covered in shopping trolleys and crap



    bossyboots;7001101

    true story btw - am still soggy



    Fancy sharing a hot steamy bath to warm things up? :whistling:
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