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    Friday Afternoon laughter

    Just read this and All true apparently..............

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for "cherrypickers" and "cheesemongers"?

    Contestant: Homosexuals.

    Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.



    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.

    Theakston: There's a clue in the title.

    Contestant: Leicester.



    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

    Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

    Contestant: Er. . .

    Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . ..

    Contestant: Blimey?

    Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .

    Contestant: (Silence.)

    Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

    Contestant: Walked?



    BBC NORFOLK

    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant: I don't know.

    White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

    Contestant: Arm.

    White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?

    Contestant: Strong.

    White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

    Contestant: Louis.

    White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?



    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

    Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?

    Contestant: France.

    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.

    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.

    Contestant: Paris.



    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?

    Contestant: The Conservative Party.



    BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton

    DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?



    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

    Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

    Contestant: Goosey?



    GWR FM, Bristol

    Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

    Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



    RTE RADIO 2FM, Ireland

    Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The. .?

    Caller: Mohicans.



    RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))

    Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

    A: Forrest Gump.



    LINCS FM PHONE-IN

    Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

    Contestant: Barcelona.

    Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

    Contestant: I'm sorry; I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.



    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

    Q: What is the world's largest continent?

    A: The Pacific



    RICHARD AND JUDY (C4))

    Presenter: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

    Contestant: Er. . .

    Presenter: He makes bread. . .

    Contestant: Err...

    Presenter: He makes cakes . .

    Contestant: Kipling Street?



    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

    Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

    Contestant: Magna Carta?



    BREAKFAST SHOW (RADIO 1)

    Chris Moyles: Which 's' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?

    Contestant: Ummm. . .

    Moyles: It begins with 's' and rhymes with 'perm'.

    Contestant: Shark.



    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

    O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

    Contestant: Well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth. . . er . . . Three?



    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

    Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?

    Caller: Japan.

    Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

    Caller: Er . . . Mexico?



    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

    Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

    Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.



    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

    Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?

    Contestant: Holland?

    Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.

    Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?

    Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?

    Contestant: No.



    THE VAULT (ITV)

    Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

    Contestant: Nostalgia.



    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (RADIO 2)

    Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

    Contestant: Jesus



    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

    Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?

    Contestant: Basketball.



    DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)

    Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord Of The Rings?

    Contestant: Enid Blyton.



    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

    Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and . . ?

    Contestant: Jelly.



    FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)

    Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.

    Team: Chedpit.



    SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)

    Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?

    Contestant: Six.

    Tufnell: Higher!

    Contestant: Five.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)

    Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?

    Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it? ]



    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

    Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'j' is where two roads meet?

    Contestant: Jool carriageway?



    QUIZMANIA (ITV)

    Greg Scott: We're looking for an occupation beginning with T.

    Contestant: Doctor.

    Scott: No, it's 'T'. 'T' for Tommy. 'T' for Tango.

    Contestant: Oh, (pause) Doctor.



    BIG QUIZ (LBC)

    Gary King: Name the funny men who once entertained kings and queens at court.

    Contestant: Lepers.



    DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

    Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year?

    Contestant: I need a clue.

    Kelly: OK. What do beans come in?

    Contestant: Cartons?



    TALKSPORT

    Andy Townsend: How many wheels does a tricycle have?

    Caller: Two.

    Townsend: The Beatles were known as the Fab...?

    Caller: Five.



    MAGIC 52 (NORTH-EAST ENGLAND)

    Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?

    Contestant: Erm...

    Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.

    Contestant: 1965?



    WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? (ITV)

    Chris Tarrant (asking the audience): 'Jambon' is the French for which food?

    11 per cent of the audience: Jam.



    DAVE LEE TRAVIS SHOW (BREEZE FM)

    DLT: In which European country are there people called Walloons?

    Contestant: Wales.



    JANICE FORSYTH SHOW (BBC RADIO SCOTLAND)

    Forsyth: What is India's currency?

    Contestant: Ramadan.



    OWEN MONEY SHOW (BBC RADIO WALES)

    Money: In 30 seconds, name as many well-known politicians as you can.

    Caller: Er. . . Tony Brown. . . and Nigel Benn. (Silence.)

    8 Comments

    LOL, nice one the top half are particularly funny!

    lol, thats hilarious, me and the missus cant stop laughing. esp jool carriageway

    Excellent; I'm weak from crying with laughter.:lol:

    LMAO Brilliant! TY :-D

    Superb! love these type of things!

    Nearly choked laughing - like that guy from Jeux sans Frontieres years ago.

    Havent laughed so much for ages, thanks so much, have a great weekend

    He he he......:giggle::giggle:
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