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    Friday Laugh - Old joke

    Apologies to the female HUKD first. This is quite an old joke, but always cheer me up :).

    Girlfriend 2.0 - 4.0 Upgrade

    I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I have been having some problems lately. I have been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases I have tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that Drinking Buddies runs fine as long as Girlfriend is ran in background mode and the sound is turned off.
    Unfortunately, I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. Therefore, I have to run both of them separately. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some form of timing incompatibilities.

    I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right, as soon as I purged my cache, and realized that no one in their right mind is installing new token rings, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.

    Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 3.0 beta. Unfortunately, there was a bug in the program and the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time I used SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of Girlfriend and communicates with it in some way. This results in the immediate removal of both versions.

    The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality.

    Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts and I have never liked how GirlFriend is “object-oriented.”

    A year ago a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girlfriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiance 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space: He can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it supposedly came bundled with a feature called FreeSex Plus.

    Well, it turns out the resource requirements of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to trying installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before uninstalling itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install because of insufficient resources.

    P.S. Watch out for the K-I-D-S virus because they have an insatiable appetite for memory and CPU time over and above everything else above.

    19 Comments

    Managed to get as far as 'I'm currently'...

    My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/A9KfKenpqNDfa/giphy.gif

    deeky

    Managed to get as far as 'I'm currently'...


    I skimmed the essay in 2 seconds. (_;)

    Instead of installing Girlfriend why not just google xhamster?

    Mr.Weasle

    My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map … My ex was an absolute treasure. By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.



    ​i used to call mine treasure, I think she was more worried about me using the shovel and burying her.

    How did it handle Hotmail and outlook, with mine it was much easier to open?
    It probably didn't go into excel and did the spreadsheets need a bit of ironing out before you could use visual basic to C++ the finer points of dump memory?

    airfix

    Instead of installing Girlfriend why not just google xhamster?


    Just did, i was after a new wheel for our little fellow. That's disgusting.

    This "joke" is anti-humour - we should get the SJW's and millennials and sheepeople to protest and riot against the OP for attempting to use this to generate laughter/happiness

    Only joking but it's old, very old, almost Windows ME old I'm sure

    philphil61

    This "joke" is anti-humour - we should get the SJW's and millennials and … This "joke" is anti-humour - we should get the SJW's and millennials and sheepeople to protest and riot against the OP for attempting to use this to generate laughter/happinessOnly joking but it's old, very old, almost Windows ME old I'm sure


    I've never heard it before. Guess i've been lucky up until today. X)

    OldEnglish

    I've never heard it before. Guess i've been lucky up until today. X)


    This was posted 16 Dec 1997
    infolanka.com/jok…tml

    And consider yourself to be very very lucky as I have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you

    What's tomorrows lotto numbers please

    what a crappy joke nonsense

    Women are like tornados, when they arrive they are wet and wild, but when they leave the take your house and car.

    Well if the OP insists on resurrecting 20 year old jokes:

    The Rules of Bedroom Golf:
    1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
    2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
    3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
    4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
    5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
    6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
    7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
    8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
    9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
    10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
    11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.
    12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
    13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
    14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
    15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.



    Edited by: "spoo" 17th Feb

    FFS get me a rope. X)

    deeky

    Managed to get as far as 'I'm currently'...



    lol

    dereklogan7

    FFS get me a rope. X)



    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--gBceQDjTCQ/TVPytDXQW5I/AAAAAAAAARI/n7kYFfKpnJU/s1600/Airplane2.jpg

    http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/dam/assets/140203151415-02-new-to-netflix-horizontal-gallery.jpg

    fuzzydunlop


    Spot on. X)
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