Expired

Friends

56
Found 9th JunEdited by:"mutley1"
How do you tell a friend who fancies you that you don't fancy them?

Is there a good way to do it that won't hurt their feelings so that you won't lose them as a friend?
Community Updates
Ask
Top comments
3 blokes in a relationship is always going to be awkward.
mutley19 m ago

you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just …you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just make him jealous and suspicious when there is nothing going on or ever will be. my husband is aware that other people fancies me so this won't be news to him even if i did tell him.i want to tell my friend that i don't fancy him as i don't want to lead him on but i would like to do so with as little consequence as possible.


I come across judgemental as This has actually annoyed me. I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely shocked!

-You are married
-your friend is coming on to you and actually MAKING PASSES at you and your asking how you can stay friends with him!
This 'friend' doesn't respect your marriage or your husband so why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody like that?

I would be so hurt if my husband was doing what you are doing. (I don't have one)
You are leading this guy on And you are married.

ask yourself why would your husband "suspicious"? Because it's not right that you are allowing it.

Sorry for coming across judgemental but you act like that you will get judged.
LeahsMintytoutou5 h, 41 m ago

I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely …I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely shocked!


Oh yeah, you're quite new here aren't you.

Hopefully, you, and even better if there were others, can now see what a troll mutley is. Virtually every thread he posts is a figment of his imagination and it pains me, it really does, to see so many honest and well meaning members going out of their way to offer genuine, helpful advice to his while he sits laughing his thingy off at the lot of you.
Just do us all a favour mutley and bore off.
56 Comments
Mention you like someone else.

That's what I usually do. That way they understand you don't return their feelings without being explicit.
hearts2210 m ago

Mention you like someone else. That's what I usually do. That way they …Mention you like someone else. That's what I usually do. That way they understand you don't return their feelings without being explicit.


this is what i have done in the past. when someone fancies me and i don't want to upset their feelings, i tell them that i have a boyfriend and if i don't have one at that time, i still pretend i have a boyfriend.

however, this current situation is tricky as he knows i am married and when he makes passes at me, i laugh them off and remind him that i am married, but this doesn't stop him making passes at me.

i wonder if i should tell him that i don't even fancy him so nothing is ever going to happen. but i really like him as a friend and i am concerned that if i tell him that i don't fancy him, he will feel hurt and i will lose our friendship.
sleep with their ex?

cross posted with yours.
Why areyou worried about staying friends with someone who persists in making passes at you when he knows that you're married? Or are you saying that you are in the habit of having boyfriends while married?
Edited by: "mas99" 9th Jun
mas9912 m ago

sleep with their ex?cross posted with yours.Why areyou worried about …sleep with their ex?cross posted with yours.Why areyou worried about staying friends with someone who persists in making passes at you when he knows that you're married? Or are you saying that you are in the habit of having boyfriends while married?


people make passes at me all the time even though i am married and they know that i am married so it not unusual for him to be making passes at me. i still like him as a friend even though i don't fancy him. we are very good friends so i don't want to lose that.
mutley19 m ago

people make passes at me all the time even though i am married and they …people make passes at me all the time even though i am married and they know that i am married so it not unusual for him to be making passes at me. i still like him as a friend even though i don't fancy him. we are very good friends so i don't want to lose that.


He obviously has no respect for you if he's making passes at you while your married why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody who is willing to do that! He doesn't seem bothered by losing your 'friendship'.
in my eyes you are totally leading him on if you don't put him in his place. It's shows you like the attention And he seems a total selfish prick

i cant believe what I am reading! Or can I
Edited by: "LeahsMintytoutou" 9th Jun
LeahsMintytoutou8 m ago

He obviously has no respect for you if he's making passes at you while …He obviously has no respect for you if he's making passes at you while your married why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody who is willing to do that! He doesn't seem bothered by losing your 'friendship'.in my eyes you are totally leading him on if you don't put him in his place. It's shows you like the attention And he seems a total selfish prick i cant believe what I am reading! Or can I


i am wondering if i don't tell him then i would be leading him on and normally people making passes at me isn't an issue as they are either not friends or not close friends but this is different as we are close friends so it becomes a bit more tricky, which is why i am considering telling him that i don't actually fancy him.

i am hoping to be able to do it in a way that doesn't upset his feelings as he is a nice guy and i want us to remain friends.
"My friend thought it would be a good idea to book a posh restaurant so I went along with it as it would nice to go to one. However, I realised after he had booked it that there is actually a dress code."

is it this friend? I think by now you should realise he should be kicked into touch.
joesmum5 m ago

"My friend thought it would be a good idea to book a posh restaurant so I …"My friend thought it would be a good idea to book a posh restaurant so I went along with it as it would nice to go to one. However, I realised after he had booked it that there is actually a dress code."is it this friend? I think by now you should realise he should be kicked into touch.


yes, we have been friends for a while and he has always fancied me and i have always known this but i have never fancied him, nonetheless i really like him as a friend as we get on really well. but i am thinking i need to tell him i really don't fancy you. i just need a diplomatic way to say so, if such is possible.
The thing is if he really likes you that much then the best thing would be to stay away from him until his feelings go away or he gets attracted to someone else. Not telling him anything will be in his mind an encouragement, I assure you. He'll take it as you like it and want this to continue.

If you don't want to clearly tell him he has to stop flirting, then distancing yourself for a while could save the friendship.
mutley131 m ago

i am wondering if i don't tell him then i would be leading him on and …i am wondering if i don't tell him then i would be leading him on and normally people making passes at me isn't an issue as they are either not friends or not close friends but this is different as we are close friends so it becomes a bit more tricky, which is why i am considering telling him that i don't actually fancy him.i am hoping to be able to do it in a way that doesn't upset his feelings as he is a nice guy and i want us to remain friends.


Have some respect for you husband and yourself. Nobody has the right to 'make passes' at anybody when it's unwanted. I don't know anybody that would allow this if it was unwanted and you not tell him to stop and state you are happily married! Is your husband ok with theses people throwing theirselves at you and making passes at you?

How would ypu feel if els if your husband was doing the things you are doing and having women making passes at him and him not saying I'm not interested.

I would be seriously hurt and I would not stand for someone doing that to me.

Sorry but it definitely seems your loving it.
Edited by: "LeahsMintytoutou" 9th Jun
hearts224 m ago

The thing is if he really likes you that much then the best thing would be …The thing is if he really likes you that much then the best thing would be to stay away from him until his feelings go away or he gets attracted to someone else. Not telling him anything will be in his mind an encouragement, I assure you. He'll take it as you like it and want this to continue. If you don't want to clearly tell him he has to stop flirting, then distancing yourself for a while could save the friendship.


this sounds like a good idea. i have tried to spend less time with him by pretending to be very busy and i have encouraged him to find a girlfriend. i think i should continue to encourage him to find a girlfriend so that will distract his amorous attention elsewhere.
LeahsMintytoutou12 m ago

Have some respect for you husband and yourself. Nobody has the right to …Have some respect for you husband and yourself. Nobody has the right to 'make passes' at anybody when it's unwanted. I don't know anybody that would allow this if it was unwanted and you not tell him to stop and stare you are happily married! Is your husband ok with theses people throwing theirselves at you and making passes at you? How would ypu feel if els if your husband was doing the things you are doing and having women making passes at him and him not saying I'm not interested. I would be seriously hurt and I would not stand for someone doing that to me. Sorry but it definitely seems your loving it.



you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just make him jealous and suspicious when there is nothing going on or ever will be. my husband is aware that other people fancies me so this won't be news to him even if i did tell him.

i want to tell my friend that i don't fancy him as i don't want to lead him on but i would like to do so with as little consequence as possible.
My mum used to tell my dad when one of their friends was coming on to her, it happened quite a lot during my primary school days.

My parents laughed about it, Dad spoke to the guy about it and things were resolved.

A friend worth having is not one who is willing to ruin your marriage so the solution is fairly simple really; they back off or you walk off.
mutley19 m ago

you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just …you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just make him jealous and suspicious when there is nothing going on or ever will be. my husband is aware that other people fancies me so this won't be news to him even if i did tell him.i want to tell my friend that i don't fancy him as i don't want to lead him on but i would like to do so with as little consequence as possible.


I come across judgemental as This has actually annoyed me. I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely shocked!

-You are married
-your friend is coming on to you and actually MAKING PASSES at you and your asking how you can stay friends with him!
This 'friend' doesn't respect your marriage or your husband so why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody like that?

I would be so hurt if my husband was doing what you are doing. (I don't have one)
You are leading this guy on And you are married.

ask yourself why would your husband "suspicious"? Because it's not right that you are allowing it.

Sorry for coming across judgemental but you act like that you will get judged.
mutley110 m ago

you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just …you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just make him jealous and suspicious when there is nothing going on or ever will be. my husband is aware that other people fancies me so this won't be news to him even if i did tell him.i want to tell my friend that i don't fancy him as i don't want to lead him on but i would like to do so with as little consequence as possible.


Surely you owe it to your husband to be open and honest with him and share your concerns? Not telling him this is going on is really deeply disrespectful to him and your relationship.

You said that you’ve told this ‘friend’ before that you’re married and not interested in him in that way. If he is still pursuing you then he is not a person worth being around and you should cut ties as they haven’t respected you, your wishes, your relationship or your husband.
mutley11 h, 9 m ago

people make passes at me all the time even though i am married and they …people make passes at me all the time even though i am married and they know that i am married so it not unusual for him to be making passes at me. i still like him as a friend even though i don't fancy him. we are very good friends so i don't want to lose that.



Wow! you must be really hot, or maybe you just think you are, why don't you post a pic so we can mark you out of 10.
3 blokes in a relationship is always going to be awkward.
Fic1 m ago

3 blokes in a relationship is always going to be awkward.



jaketheplumber1 h, 29 m ago

Wow! you must be really hot, or maybe you just think you are, why don't …Wow! you must be really hot, or maybe you just think you are, why don't you post a pic so we can mark you out of 10.


no, i am not hot, lol. i do attract people but i don't think it is purely for my looks. it may be my money, lol. only joking.
sicklysweet1 h, 46 m ago

Surely you owe it to your husband to be open and honest with him and share …Surely you owe it to your husband to be open and honest with him and share your concerns? Not telling him this is going on is really deeply disrespectful to him and your relationship. You said that you’ve told this ‘friend’ before that you’re married and not interested in him in that way. If he is still pursuing you then he is not a person worth being around and you should cut ties as they haven’t respected you, your wishes, your relationship or your husband.


i think you are right. i will tell him more firmly that i don't think of him that way even though i like him as a friend and that him making passes at me will only put my marriage into jeopardy and i don't want to get into trouble with my husband.
Are we back on the school playground or what?
You just tell him straight that you are married and you would never cheat on your husband because that is obviously what this so called friend wants you to do. If he takes the huff and does not want to be friends then he obviously is not interested in you as a friend anyway and is more than likely just trying to get you into bed, that is not a friend, your marriage should come first, and if you have to keep secrets from your partner about what this friend is upto especially if you think it would hurt your husband's feelings then this so called friend needs kicking to the Kerb, let him go and try destroy someone else's marriage if they are daft enough just don't let it be yours.

Another way is to think how you would feel if your husband had a lady friend who kept hitting on him despite knowing he was yours. I am not saying you will go there but remember cheaters are very selfish people, they not only cause great hurt but also risk there partners, sexual health who is unaware, especially when you are having sex with both, being cheated on by someone you genuinely love can cause the same pain and hurt as losing a family member, hence why many people need counciling afterwards. Ditch this so called friend before it is to late.
Edited by: "SOUTHWALES" 9th Jun
SOUTHWALES12 m ago

You just tell him straight that you are married and you would never cheat …You just tell him straight that you are married and you would never cheat on your husband because that is obviously what this so called friend wants you to do. If he takes the huff and does not want to be friends then he obviously is not interested in you as a friend anyway and is more than likely just trying to get you into bed, that is not a friend, your marriage should come first, and if you have to keep secrets from your partner about what this friend is upto especially if you think it would hurt your husband's feelings then this so called friend needs kicking to the Kerb, let him go and try destroy someone else's marriage if they are daft enough just don't let it be yours.Another way is to think how you would feel if your husband had a lady friend who kept hitting on him despite knowing he was yours. I am not saying you will go there but remember cheaters are very selfish people, they not only cause great hurt but also risk there partners, sexual health who is unaware, especially when you are having sex with both, being cheated on by someone you genuinely love can cause the same pain and hurt as losing a family member, hence why many people need counciling afterwards. Ditch this so called friend before it is to late.


yes, very true. if he only wants to sleep with me and that is the only reason he wants to be friends then he is not a true friend. you are right.

i guess this is the time to test our friendship.
LeahsMintytoutou2 h, 30 m ago

I come across judgemental as This has actually annoyed me. I cannot …I come across judgemental as This has actually annoyed me. I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely shocked! -You are married -your friend is coming on to you and actually MAKING PASSES at you and your asking how you can stay friends with him! This 'friend' doesn't respect your marriage or your husband so why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody like that? I would be so hurt if my husband was doing what you are doing. (I don't have one) You are leading this guy on And you are married.ask yourself why would your husband "suspicious"? Because it's not right that you are allowing it. Sorry for coming across judgemental but you act like that you will get judged.


i guess as i am so used to people hitting on me, including friends, it doesn't seem anything out of the ordinary. i think someone being a friend and fancying you are two separate things, that they can be your friend but still fancies you.

having read the replies, i am coming round to the thinking that i need to stop him making passes at me and if he only wants to be friends to get into bed with me, then he is a friend i can't keep. it has certainly made me think about what is happening from a different perspective.
mutley114 m ago

yes, very true. if he only wants to sleep with me and that is the only …yes, very true. if he only wants to sleep with me and that is the only reason he wants to be friends then he is not a true friend. you are right.i guess this is the time to end our friendship.



Updated that for you.
mutley15 m ago

i guess as i am so used to people hitting on me, including friends, it …i guess as i am so used to people hitting on me, including friends, it doesn't seem anything out of the ordinary. i think someone being a friend and fancying you are two separate things, that they can be your friend but still fancies you.having read the replies, i am coming round to the thinking that i need to stop him making passes at me and if he only wants to be friends to get into bed with me, then he is a friend i can't keep. it has certainly made me think about what is happening from a different perspective.


Tell your friend to33950339-gWa0g.jpgOff
Edited by: "summerof76" 9th Jun
probably after one of your many properties.
mutley129 m ago

i guess as i am so used to people hitting on me, including friends, it …i guess as i am so used to people hitting on me, including friends, it doesn't seem anything out of the ordinary. i think someone being a friend and fancying you are two separate things, that they can be your friend but still fancies you.having read the replies, i am coming round to the thinking that i need to stop him making passes at me and if he only wants to be friends to get into bed with me, then he is a friend i can't keep. it has certainly made me think about what is happening from a different perspective.


There's no real friendship if one of the two people is infatuated... You being kind etc. will always get misunderstood by the guy as interest and liking the attention.
You can be friends with him once he stops fancying you but I don't think he can if you keep seeing each other.
He needs to stop trying to flirt and understand you are not available and find some other woman to focus on in that way.
jaketheplumber3 h, 19 m ago

Wow! you must be really hot, or maybe you just think you are, why don't …Wow! you must be really hot, or maybe you just think you are, why don't you post a pic so we can mark you out of 10.


Don’t get too excited, long term hukd members remember when mutley was male.
Edited by: "pinkleponkle" 9th Jun
Just out of interest, because of how you've phrased this whole thing.

What would you do if you did fancy him?
mutley14 h, 13 m ago

you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just …you seem very judgemental. i have not told my husband as this would just make him jealous and suspicious when there is nothing going on or ever will be. my husband is aware that other people fancies me so this won't be news to him even if i did tell him.i want to tell my friend that i don't fancy him as i don't want to lead him on but i would like to do so with as little consequence as possible.


I would now love to see your photo , to see who this mutley looks like
Your 'friend' has unmet needs, shame the government hasn't legalised this yet
How serious are these passes? I'm a bloke and part of the general day to day banter and chat with female friends, single and married, are the 'off the cuff' passes and chatting up. No one takes it seriously (here anyway). It goes both ways, with them making passes at me (often with my wife there). It's a bit like going to an art gallery - you admire the paintings, say how much you like them, but don't expect or want to take every one home.

One way to tackle it is to say ' I know its just friendly banter, but it's making me a bit too uncomfortable. If you can't reign it in a bit I will have to stop hanging around with you and you are a precious and dear FRIEND (emphasise that last bit).

Only you know what's been said and done, but if it's making you uncomfortable you need to nip it in the bud now.
Edited by: "mrty" 9th Jun
I've know muttles for many many years, I'm sure someone has hacked his account or taken over it, he was never, ever like this, such a shame
mrty33 m ago

How serious are these passes? I'm a bloke and part of the general day to …How serious are these passes? I'm a bloke and part of the general day to day banter and chat with female friends, single and married, are the 'off the cuff' passes and chatting up. No one takes it seriously (here anyway). It goes both ways, with them making passes at me (often with my wife there). It's a bit like going to an art gallery - you admire the paintings, say how much you like them, but don't expect or want to take every one home. One way to tackle it is to say ' I know its just friendly banter, but it's making me a bit too uncomfortable. If you can't reign it in a bit I will have to stop hanging around with you and you are a precious and dear FRIEND (emphasise that last bit).Only you know what's been said and done, but if it's making you uncomfortable you need to nip it in the bud now.


this makes a lot of sense. i get passes and i just laugh them off as friendly gestures and when i feel something is being offered as more serious, i just pretend i don't notice it or rebuff it politely if they are someone i know. things never get serious as the passes don't become intense when the person making the passes know that you are not interested.

the reason i need to do something else now is that this time the person is a close friend and we have been friends for a long time. although he has always fancied me, he has only made friendly passes which does not worry me as i can laugh them off and he in turn does the same. but in recent months the passes have become more intense so i feel uncomfortable and need to put a stop to it as i have no intention of sleeping with him.

i will try the words you suggest, they sound good to me. thanks.
@deeky Can you please stop coming onto Mutley. He doesn’t want to be your lover, only your friend.

Ta.























33952029-7j9hh.jpg
mas991 h, 34 m ago

Just out of interest, because of how you've phrased this whole thing.What …Just out of interest, because of how you've phrased this whole thing.What would you do if you did fancy him?


that would only make things a lot worse as then it would be even harder to rebuff the attentions. thankfully i am not in that dilemma.
Misslovely1 h, 13 m ago

I would now love to see your photo , to see who this mutley looks like


here you go

LeahsMintytoutou5 h, 41 m ago

I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely …I cannot believe you actually need to ask this question, I'm genuinely shocked!


Oh yeah, you're quite new here aren't you.

Hopefully, you, and even better if there were others, can now see what a troll mutley is. Virtually every thread he posts is a figment of his imagination and it pains me, it really does, to see so many honest and well meaning members going out of their way to offer genuine, helpful advice to his while he sits laughing his thingy off at the lot of you.
Just do us all a favour mutley and bore off.
Post a comment
Avatar
@
    Text

    Top Discussions

    Top Discussions

    Top Merchants