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    Funeral advice?

    Hi, my Dad passed away last week. I am waiting on the death certificate from the coroner. He didn't have insurance/ funeral plan, and I don't receive any benefits so I can't get any help from gov funding etc. I have been looking at costs and I'm coming to the conclusion burials are a lot more than cremations. I would much prefer a burial, and for the children too as I don't think they would understand cremation, but I think they are triple the amount of a cremation?
    What happens with a cremation? Is there a place you can go with flowers?
    I guess I will get the information from a funeral directors once I register the death.h. Just feel so out of my depth and don't have any other family so trying to manage it bbest I can.
    Thank you in advance.

    17 Comments

    Hi. Sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my Mum 2 years ago. She was cremated but we made a little shrine in the corner of our garden and buried some of her ashes in a little urn there. So she's still with us and we don't have far to go to put flowers and stuff on for her.

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    Original Poster

    Thanks deeky , sorry for your loss ,hope it gets easier?

    Hi sorry to hear about your dad I lost my dad 2 years ago you can get his ashes buried in a grave and still have a stone or you can have a stone placed in a memorial place and scatter the ashes

    You can also have jewerlly made out of the ashes which I think is a lovely idea

    Its called ashes into glasses might just be something u might want to look into

    Again I'm sorry again for your loss x

    Sorry for your loss, out local grave yard also has a wall you can have the ashes put in and a plaque with their name on and a flower pot. There might be somewhere similar in your area. Good luck sorting it. Xx

    Sorry for your loss. I lost my stepdad a few years ago, his ashes are buried at a plot in the church grounds, he has a marble stone in the grass. It's got vases etc to place flowers in too.

    Just came across your post, sorry to hear about your loss and may your father RIP

    Sorry for your loss, organising a funeral is hard. You ask what happens at a cremation. The cremation process can seem quite harsh as without some thought it is over quite quickly. The Funeral Director will arrive with the coffin and any mourners at a specified time slot, at our local crem the process takes about half and hour. The coffin will enter the chapel followed by the mourners, there follows the service, followed by the committal where the coffin either disappears behind a curtain or may go through a door, or may be lowered from sight. The mourners then exit through a different door so that they do not cross paths with the next funeral group waiting to enter. The key to a good cremation is to have a speaker or two. If you have a vicar known to you or the family then great, but you can hire a clergyman/woman of a suitable faith (or none). If you take a little time to give him background on your father, often they do very well even though they don't actually know him. Anyone from the family can stand up and make a statement or play music, anything to personalise the ceremony improves it. Humour is definitely a good thing. You can also choose suitable hymns to sing if you want and arrange for an appropriate piece of any type of music to be played. Sadly I had to do this for my Dad when I was 25 and hadn't a clue what to do, it was a very poor send off, but I learnt from the lesson and my mums cremation was much improved by having the right words and music said.
    Hope this helps.

    sorry for your loss, i lost my dad last july, worst time of my life.

    it may seem callous but ring around different funeral directors for estimates, most have a basic price, and if you've got family willing to help, get them involved,
    i just had my gf (now wife) for help and it was a massive strain what with clearing the house and work, the funeral director should take over once he's got the go ahead.
    there is no rush after the cremation, my dads still behind our settee!

    one thing, if you want to take the ashes out of the town to spread them, i'm sure you need permission too, not sure if its everywhere or because ours is a parish council?

    i cant help but sorry for your loss i will have you in my prayers

    Hi so sorry to hear you have lost your dad. I lost my mam in June of this year so probably have a good idea how you feel right now. You are right in the assumption that a burial works out more expensive than a cremation. If you choose cremation you can keep the ashes or arrange to have them interred if you so wish. You can keep the ashes and have the ashes interred at a later date when finances permit. You receive a certificate after the cremation which is required should you choose a different "resting place" eg scattering etc. You can have a plaque or a small flower pot at the crematorium. You can also choose an engraved headstone or arrange to have an inscription put into the Remembrance Book - all of these things come at an additional cost. We looked at the various costs and some of the items come with a 10 year licence fee which would need renewing at some future date or left to expire.

    We chose one piece of music only (no words) and then three more songs with words. The family wrote down their special thoughts and memories and the Rev. put together a "Tribute" using our notes. She sent us a copy prior to the service to see if we wanted any changes. We also chose a poem to be read out. To be honest we were too upset to do the reading ourselves, so the Rev did this on our behalf.

    Also I am not sure if you are aware but there is a service called Tell Us Once - see the info on this link gov.uk/aft…nce and if you complete the form for this, then all the different authorities are informed of your father's death. They deal with things like council tax, TV licence, pensions etc. It saves a lot of phone calls and letter writing and we found this was particularly helpful.

    Once again, so sorry to hear of your loss x
    Edited by: "Obidashi" 21st Jul 2014

    As per all above - sorry for your loss

    Not sure if anyone else has made the same comment as there's a lot to read here (but it does show the love and respect from many HUKD members - big respect)

    All I would say with cremations (and I fully understand your frustration with regards the cost and what you would prefer) is you only need to find "that special place" - somewhere to place/scatter the ashes or just a tree/bush/bench or if you can a grave stone etc... just somewhere you (and your family/friends) can go when you need to to talk to your father, have a cry and to tell him you love him and miss him, somewhere you can go annually to pay your respects.

    Sorry for your loss like yourself and others here I have been through this too.

    I think airbus330 has given a very good description regarding what to expect if you choose cremation, although our service didn't appear hurried and at the end we also left through the main entrance. We had a minister at our service so this might be an idea for yourself. Don't worry about the children they will understand whatever decision you make and will most likely be of great comfort to you as well, they just naturally do this and I hope you all find strength together, you could maybe get them to help choosing the music and hymns if you choose or something else like the colours of the flowers which involves them in the process.

    My dad was cremated because there was no room in the family plot but the funeral director told us that graves can be opened after a few years so we had this done one month after the funeral and the ashes were buried and memorial plaque added. Only immediate family attended this day and it was an easy process where we took the ashes and the grave was already opened so it was like a second mini funeral, only it was just us and the kids who said their little things and we all did a little private goodbye. This last one wasn't too expensive either so if you already have a family plot this may be an option, otherwise the memorial gardens are beautiful places and you will be able to do the same thing and also visit just like a normal grave which is what I would have been happy with if I didn't have the former option.

    sending love and peace for you and your family

    It's hard, the pain and difficulty you are having to go through. For religious reasons, I did much research on finding a perfect burial site and found the most beautiful place.
    Depending on where you are in the country and what sort of final resting place you are looking for, a coffin, burial and plaque can come in at less than £1000. If you like the idea of your dad being buried in a beautiful place, that isn't necessarily a church grounds, I recommend you search "natural burials". You can find many burial sites-the one we used was near Sheffield.
    I hope you find something that you are happy with. My thoughts are with you.

    Personally in my religion we are always cremated, and I personally like the idea of my ashes being scattered somewhere beautiful. Its something you and the kids could do together to say goodbye. Yes, you can have a memorial plaque still in the cemetary even with a cremation. I would call Co-op funerals if you have one locally to get a free consultation.

    Sorry for your loss

    just to point out that you don't have to use a funeral directors. If you contact your local crematorium, they will guide you through the process if you want to do it yourself.
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