Groups

    Getting married abroad- Am i being unreasonable?

    I have been with my missus for 8 years and we have always said that we want to get married abroad for several reasons really. Firstly there is no need to invite people you do not really want and therefore a smaller and more enjoyable wedding and secondly you get a great location as well as a holiday all rolled into one! Well the time has come for us to start arranging.

    So we have found a venue in portugal- the algarve to be precise and we have now written our guest list which consists of 33 people.
    So we have invited obviously parents, grandparents and some aunts and uncles. Well I have invited all my aunts and uncles but my girlfriend didnt invite her fathers brothers and sisters basically because they are all rough and would probably end up making a scene at the wedding.

    The problem I have though is that i am pretty close to one of my cousins, his wife and children ( i want them there) but I cannot invite them without inviting other cousins as well as inviting my girlfriends cousins, and if we start inviting her cousins then we really need to invite all the rough aunts and uncles.... So we thought it would be easier to not invite my cousin with whom I am close with.

    Now my parents have kicked up a fuss saying that they think it is disgusting I am not inviting my cousins (most of them I only see once a year),and that if i do not invite them my aunt and uncle will not come !! but if we do invite cousins our list jumps from 33 to just under 70- The whole reason why we wanted to go abroad to get married.

    What do you lot think of this?

    Im one of these people who think that if family members are going to get upset about not being invited to my wedding and will hold it against me for ever then they are not really worth bothering with. Its a sad way of thinking but thats the way I am, we are not a close family by any means but i did not think it would kick up this much of a problem.

    What do you lot think of this?

    Im not up for abuse etc etc...just some thoughts!

    Thanks

    40 Comments

    Just invite the people that you want to be there. Definitely invite your cousin and family - you are close to them, so do it.
    Mums are generally correct in my experience.;-)
    Your username is still awful.

    Original Poster

    Sorry I forgot to mention that, we are going to plan a massive party for when we get home for all friends and family who were not there!

    It's your wedding, do what you want, never mind any family members that complain...

    ljfx;5287551

    I think its your wedding so you should do what YOU want!!Maybe have a … I think its your wedding so you should do what YOU want!!Maybe have a small party/reception with all the cousins, family etc when you get home



    +1
    good luck - you both go and have a lovely day - it may be the one and only time you do:-D

    Surely your cousins who are not really close to would understand the situation.

    We have the same problem in our family - there are almost 200 cousins so basically the cousins don't get invited to weddings even when they are held here cos it just spirals out of control. My cousin is getting married next weekend and I haven't been invited whereas my mum (his aunt) has and I fully understand the reasons

    Original Poster

    chesso;5287560

    Just invite the people that you want to be there. Definitely invite your … Just invite the people that you want to be there. Definitely invite your cousin and family - you are close to them, so do it. Mums are generally correct in my experience.;-)Your username is still awful.



    Thats my thinking in that I would invite my closest cousin, without inviting the others but my mother thinks that its a disgusting idea and that I should be ashamed to even contemplate doing it!

    As for my username...i agree and unfortunately I cannot change it!

    brettytopbanana;5287561

    Sorry I forgot to mention that, we are going to plan a massive party for … Sorry I forgot to mention that, we are going to plan a massive party for when we get home for all friends and family who were not there!



    Ahh well they should be happy with that and plus I think if you did invite them they wouldn't go to the expense (no offence to you) but the hotel, flights etc would add up for someone they are not really close to

    Congratulations btw - hope it all goes well

    Its your special day do what YOU want. If people are having problems with it then they will just have to deal with them. Weddings are bad enough trying to plan for yourself never mind planning it for everyone else too.

    Good Luck xx

    My daughter got married in florida last week, she invited me, my husband and my other daughter and it was absolutely beautiful, she had a pre-wedding party here 3 days before where she had a buffet and everyone was invited with invitations etc, then when she comes home she is having a blessing where again everyone will be invited, I think she has done it perfectly FOR THEM, they are now still in Orlando then up to New York next week so they have spent a fraction of the cost and had a beautiful location. I am sure everyone who loves you will understand, invite parents both sides only, that is the fairest way

    Sounds like your in-laws are like mine.

    At least you are refreshingly honest about the situ - rough people are rough people and the last thing you - and your wife to be- need on your special day is the whole thing turning into a war zone.

    You also need to be enjoying it instead of worrying where the next argument or embarassing scene is coming from.

    With this in mind, i would say invite who you and your wife both feel comfortable with- it is your big day and nobody else's and if other folk can't/won't/don't respect it then that is their hard luck.

    On your wedding day, it is up to other's to respect your wishes & make allowances for you and your needs.

    Good luck and hope it goes well.:thumbsup:

    I had this with my wedding. My mum insisted on me inviting aunts and uncles and thier kids who now have kids etc etc. Most of them wouldn't recognise me in the street, or they didn't even know my sons name. In the end i said to my mum, it's my wedding and it's my guest list.

    If you want to invite your cousin because you are close then do it, people will understand that you only have limited space for guests.

    Good luck with the arrangements :thumbsup:

    brettytopbanana;5287576

    Thats my thinking in that I would invite my closest cousin, without … Thats my thinking in that I would invite my closest cousin, without inviting the others but my mother thinks that its a disgusting idea and that I should be ashamed to even contemplate doing it!As for my username...i agree and unfortunately I cannot change it!



    Oh, I see - I had mis-read. Well in this one instance, Mum is wrong IMO; there's always a first time.:roll:

    FH has a point but it might be a chance for the unwanted ones to do their hols as well. Don't risk it.

    Invite who you want and no one else. Put Mum on here and I'll have a word with her.:p

    chesso;5287631

    Oh, I see - I had mis-read. Well in this one instance, Mum is wrong IMO; … Oh, I see - I had mis-read. Well in this one instance, Mum is wrong IMO; there's always a first time.:roll:FH has a point but it might be a chance for the unwanted ones to do their hols as well. Don't risk it. Invite who you want and no one else. Put Mum on here and I'll have a word with her.:p




    And so the world domination begins :w00t:


    Agreed - it is a risk and one I wouldn't like to take. Its your big day, so its your call, don't be bullied into making everyone else happy

    Its your big day. They can still be there for you thinking of you if they are not there. If there going funny about your big day and not going to support you then forget them, Go ahead, portugal is lovely have a fantasic wedding day!!!!. xxxx

    Original Poster

    The thing is a lot of my girlfriends family members are not that well off so the chances are they couldnt afford it but I guarantee if we asked them they would come.

    fireheaven;5287650

    And so the world domination begins :w00t:Agreed - it is a risk and one I … And so the world domination begins :w00t:Agreed - it is a risk and one I wouldn't like to take. Its your big day, so its your call, don't be bullied into making everyone else happy


    Haha :giggle: Have to start somewhere.:roll:

    Yes, looks like we all agree.:thumbsup:

    Banned

    Tell them you'll invite them to the next one.

    Original Poster

    FilthAndFurry;5287729

    Tell them you'll invite them to the next one.



    that made me lol!

    Most of them won't go anyway, unless you're paying for the travel?

    you've come up against the old "but my family will sulk..." experience of wedding.

    It's just one day, your marriage is going to last the rest of your lives.

    Make it how you want to remember it 20yrs from now. Those who cause trouble for you on YOUR day aren't worth worrying about.

    Have a lovely wedding day xx

    Can I come?

    Invite who you want to be there and don't invite the ones you don't want to be there. Just because someone is a relative doesn't mean you have to like them or put up with them. If your parents are saying you should invite them then tell them you will, if THEY pay for them.

    Our wedding was kept to a nice "compact" 120 people with lots of family members left out. I didn't invite my cousin because I haven't seen him in 17 years, but I did invite my aunt (his mother) who I do see fairly regularly.

    I went to the Algarve during Easter break and it was awesome.

    I don't think any friends or families that you are not very close to would mind that you are not inviting them to Portugal. They might even be a little relieve since they won't have to worry about transportation and accommodation costs. Unless you are paying for them, then that's another story.

    I got married in Zante - we told all the family and left it upto them to make their own arrangements. We helped our parents book but gave the details of where, when, what flight we were on to the rest of the family and friends and anyone who turned up was more than welcome. Most of our close family did, my sister inlaw couldnt afford it but wished us all the best. We had a great holiday.

    congratulations and are we all invited too???:p

    Aren't we invited?:?

    congratulations....
    jst do what you and better half want too....
    but big hint...ive never been a bridesmaid.....and ive always wanted too

    :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D

    Banned

    My advice...dont get married

    Original Poster

    thanks for some great replies.

    The thing is i am not doing it through nastiness or spite, im doing it through who i want to be there.
    We have an awkward family at the best of times and a petty family at that. My father has not really got on with his brother for 20 years, yes they spoke but they wouldn't go out of each others way to do so. All of a sudden because my grandparents kicked up a fuss the family has been forced back together and surely the rest of my family can see that its false.

    No my parents are saying that if i invite one cousin but not the others, my grandparents will not come and neither will my aunt and uncle.

    Thats what I have got to put up with.

    Your wedding,you have there who wants to come,if someone being awkward cos their whoever else ain't coming then too bad.

    You might find a lot don't attend anyway as you going to Portugal,it's not as simple as staying local for some.

    why not have a lil recepion for the rough people when u get back

    Do what you want its your wedding - far too many people stick their noses in and at the end of the day its only 2 people that should be making these decisions
    My brother is getting married next year - having a smallish do and is only inviting 1 of our cousins (with his family) out of 5. we arent particulary close to the others so why should they be invited!?
    Invite who you want to invite - if people get mardy about it then so be it but who cares!!

    Original Poster

    nothing in my family is easy!

    brettytopbanana;5289569

    nothing in my family is easy!



    Well yeh it's like that,it's same with anything,reason why we get annoyed about stuff is because there are always others interfering.

    shotgun weddings can be for the family instead of the groom.

    Me & my misses got married in Barbados last Sept - just the two of us, no family.

    No stress or aggrevation & the hotel sorted EVERYTHING out for us !

    We had a reception when we came back though.

    It's YOUR day, so do what YOU want !!!!

    I think you've already got quite an impressive number of people invited for an abroad wedding. Usually only direct family members go to the actual ceremony abroad and other family members and friends attend the reception in the UK.
    Do whatever you want to do, it's your day.

    And if push comes to shove just you two go and uninvite everyone else lol!

    Banned

    good call not inviting the riff raff on the other side of the family .. don't want any punch ups etc

    brettytopbanana;5289238

    thanks for some great replies.The thing is i am not doing it through … thanks for some great replies.The thing is i am not doing it through nastiness or spite, im doing it through who i want to be there.We have an awkward family at the best of times and a petty family at that. My father has not really got on with his brother for 20 years, yes they spoke but they wouldn't go out of each others way to do so. All of a sudden because my grandparents kicked up a fuss the family has been forced back together and surely the rest of my family can see that its false.No my parents are saying that if i invite one cousin but not the others, my grandparents will not come and neither will my aunt and uncle.Thats what I have got to put up with.



    send everyone you want to be there an invite with a note saying that you will be honoured and blessed by all who wish to share your wedding with you and for those who cannot be there on the day for whatever reason you totally understand and will be thinking of them and missing them.

    Then get on with it and enjoy yourselves.

    Up to them if they wanna miss it

    brettytopbanana;5289238

    No my parents are saying that if i invite one cousin but not the others, … No my parents are saying that if i invite one cousin but not the others, my grandparents will not come and neither will my aunt and uncle.Thats what I have got to put up with.




    So I take it that your grandparents, aunt and uncle always seek your opinion/permission over guest lists for any occasion they have ?

    As others have said, this is your wedding, not theirs, and you should be able to do what you and your missus to be want. Explain to them that you can not afford to invite everyone, and if any relatives choose not to come along on the big day because they don't agree with your guest list, then you'll miss them and will be very sorry not to see them on your big day. :thumbsup:
    Post a comment
    Avatar
    @
      Text
      Top Discussions
      1. Just heard this...2 ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ congrats to all on 392k ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★7767104
      2. Well Done Turkey, Education improvement1429
      3. Royal Mail chat says I am not allowed to send paper of any kind to Hong Kon…1223
      4. HUKD Satellite Information & IPTV Thread48710944

      See more discussions