Posted 28th Jul 2022
I've seen this coming for a while. But now something has happened to make it materialise.

Brief Backstory.

In April 2021 Mum was fast tracked home to me where we live under Notice of Intent. District Nurses visited often if only to count the vials or morphine. A 'care package' was in place when she came home. I nursed Mum back to how she was prior to the two weeks the NHS got their claws into her. As time passed the District Nurses visited less and then stopped visiting. Their contact went to a phone call every month. My GP told me I was doing a good job. I got Carers reduced but couldn't get rid of them - and there it all began.


In April Mum's back began with 'something'. A patch of redness that spread and spread. The 'carers' - "who have to come because they know what to look for" - told me to put Conotrane on it. It kept spreading but I thought they knew what they were doing . In the end my Mum's back was terrible and I was going to go to the GP about the time they told me to. Since then till now nobody has really known what was the problem. She's had countless creams and antibiotics. Then the Twilight Zone hit. The District Nurses made a Safeguarding Alert to Social Services about me, causing my Mum's back problem!

The phone call was I "had bought creams off the internet and used them on Mum!". Yes Sudocrem and Drapolene but I had not used them on her back and rarely used them at all. I just put on what the GP said when he said the entire time.

Today Social Services called at the house out of the blue while I was feeding her. This is the problem....(yes finally sorry)..COVID

Mum is high risk in the 85 and over age group.
Her main vax was ChAdOx1..not effective in preventing sypmtomatic disease now.
BA5 immune escape & reinfecting.
Omicron 75% as pathogenic to the Omicrom naive (Mum).
Mum in line for the top five of the top ten killing co-morbidities with COVID.

AND NOW Social Services turn up, wanting to 'speak to Mum' (who can't talk) while they are not wearing any masks at all, say they don't need to, ask me AFTER TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF SHIELDING only dealing with carers nurses and GP's to TAKE OFF MY MASK!!! tell me they don't have COVID (40% asymptomatic and 20% -ve LFT are false -ves, and tell me I don't need to shield anymore to protect Mum. There was more including some outright lies and willfully endangering Mum further but now after about 1 year of doing everything for my Mum and doing it well this Safeguard is looking to trigger more carers and more care visits = COVID exposure. Eg The D. Nurses asked me to turn Mum every two hours and yet Super Social Services Woman says one person can't turn another. Well the last person to turn Mum was a District Nurse and she turned Mum by herself. When we had two carers one carer would turn the other would change her pad. WHAT THE HECK IS THIS SOCIAL SERVICES WOMAN THINKING??. Whatever she seems dead set on getting more unrequired unwanted carers in which can only lead to Mum being very ill and dying for what?

If I said I'd come clean her dishes that she didn't need me to come and wash your dishes, and didn't want me to wash because she can do it fine herself, but 'hey there is a 1 in 17 chance I might give you a very infectious virus that will kill you is that OK?'...she'd call the Police!

Where the hell do I stand here? No Power Of Attorney but Mum never wanted to go into a Nursing/Care Home to be looked after by strangers. That is known by all the family.That is all I got.

My replies may be v short as Mum takes loads of my time up needing constant care. Then I get to eat.

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  1. Wolfout's avatar
    Ok this is a three parter.
    Firstly the skin issue.
    is your mum incontinent? And does the pad leak so that she ends up getting pee on the affected area? Sorry have to ask as urine can have serious affects on the skin.

    I know you have said you have tried all the creams and I’m sure they are too numerous to mention, but have you been given AproDerm or Cavilon? These are barrier creams and should be used on anyone that is prone to pressure sores.
    is she on a pressure mattress? if not the district nurses need raking over the hot coals.

    also Epimax or aqueous are moisturisers that help older people who are prone to dry skin. Do you manage to get at least 2lts of fluids in your mum?

    A steroid cream that is given for bad types of eczema is xemacort (only thing that worked for my grandad)

    You can turn/roll a person on your own with in reason. Obviously if they are extremely heavy you can hurt yourself and/or them if not done properly.
    If your mum is unable to assist with the turn and is classified as a double (meaning needs 2 carers) then the way it should be done is that while one carer is rolling your mum towards her/him the second carer is pushing your mum towards the first carer.
    Also you must not pulling your mum by the arm and such. You should have your hand behind her shoulder and hip of the opposite side to the side you are and then talking to her and telling her what you are doing and what is expected of her (Roll to me) complete the action.
    hope that makes sense.

    There are videos on YouTube that show correct repositioning of a patient.

    the third part

    CQC maybe able to help, they are the ones that are supposed to monitor everyone else but they can also be completely useless if you get the wrong person.

    here in Southend we have the following services and wherever you are should have similar service, our one’s maybe able to help with numbers.

    Carers Hub
    Tel: 01702 393 933

    Address: Southend Carers' Forum, SAVS, 29-31 Alexander Street, Southend-On-Sea, Essex SS1 1BW.


    Monday to Thursday 9am - 5pm

    Fridays 9am - 4:30pm.

    Southend Cares

    Telephone: 01702 393933

    Help and Advice for Carers

    Contact Adult Social Care

    Telephone: 01702 215008

    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    It's not wee or poo. Up till just this week ! she had been holding everything in so when I change her I give her a tickle and she wees/poos in the pad. That gets changed and she sits in a clean pad till next change. Currently not doing that tho. A dermatologist said irritant contact dermatitis based on a photo, but it was infected too.

    She is on a pressure mattress but here is the thing I lay her only on her back and left hand side. The thing started and has persisted on her right hand side of her back. Even when laid on her back she tilts to the left. TLDR the area that was the main problem gets the least pressure. Most people say it isn't a pressure sore. Currently on MediHoney barrier cream.

    I'm no way getting that fluid into Mum. She is too tired most the time. Then 'talks' while eating / drinking. Doesn't close her mouth and doesn't swallow. Just lately has started to spray food and drink out instead of swallowing. I know it's not good.

    Turning .. this is the worry from the SSW. She would NOT accept I could do it. Mum is 40Kg or likely now much less. She is immobile but I can turn her. The D Nurses know I can and Continuing Health Care know....but this SSW just won't have it. If this is their view and they won't listen?

    CQC will monitor SS?

    Thanks for the numbers!
  2. FellowCarer's avatar
    I can sympathise ! I have had my husband returned to me from hospital no less than 4 times since 2011 in a worse state than he went in. The Gold Standard Framework is not fully understood nor is its protocal properly followed and practised. It should have been put in place with your full understanding and approval. Also treatment of your husband should be undertaken within that Framework which means that you as your Mum's principal carer and her family should be considered and consulted every step of the way. It is designed to give you extra help and support, both from your mother's doctors and care workers. Doctors do not always understand it and tend to look upon it as an indication that a patient is imminently terminal ie 'green' coded instead of 'blue'. Did they make sweeping alterations to her medication when it was put in place? That could be the source of your troubles. Also multiple antibiotics destroy intestinal flora and make the body less able to defend itself on many fronts including the skin, so probiotics may help. BUT do not start her on probiotics without close monitoring if she in on Warfarin. Probiotics produce vitamin K so more Warfarin will be needed to compensate. Another note on Warfarin - it is enhanced by Paracetamol which can therefore increase INR and cause bleeding. It may be useful to return to whatever worked for her before all this trouble arose. I have used Conotrane for 5years without adverse effects, but cannot rule out allergy in your Mum's case. I understand fully the feeling that they consider that one person cannot manage by themselves therefore you must be stressed and at the end of your tether and also your frustration with the system and the feeling 'if only they would leave you alone and stop meddling' - that is the stress element, not the job of caring. Being realistic, you need to relieve asap the condition of your mother's back which is horrifying. My advice would be o ask for a consultant specialist to diagnose and treat her. That will relieve you and pass the responsibility onto someone who should know how to deal with it-the carers will have to follow the advice given.
    innocent's avatar
    Extreme valuable comment. Learnt a lot. To be honest, hadn't even heard of Gold Standard Framework. Googled it and it led to palliative care, end of life care and so many other things. Thank you.
  3. HellRazer's avatar
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    I will try but just given Mum a little picosulfate to move her bowels so tomorrow might be not the day. You think CAB will have the insight? Thought it would be a very specific thing for a specialist. On here really on the hope this happened to someone else and they know the ropes for advice and what happens etc.
  4. .MUFC.'s avatar
    I sympathise with you and it seems you're doing an amazing job given the circumstances. What an awful time for you and your mum. Best wishes to you both.
  5. Bargainhead's avatar
    Things to think about.

    When social services come round, state you are recording everything and do record it on your phone. That way you have proof of what they saying.

    You say your mother can’t speak but is she sound of mind and can communicate other ways or not?

    Social services are there for your mothers best interest, the district nurse contacted them for a reason, you may not like it but a home maybe the best place for her so she gets the care she needs, you also get your life back.

    As for wearing masks, if it’s your house you can make the rules, you don’t have to let them in, again record this. Only thing with this if they think it’s safe guarding issue they can go to court to get access. But takes time.

    others have give suggestions and you seem to have an excuse eg, shielding, mam had something for her bowels. If this is important you would of done something more than asking on here. Do you think the careers what come round are not going out all the time, they could bring something in as much as you by you going out.

    Go and get legal advice, book appointment with a law firm. You said your mother doesn’t want to go into a home and other family know that as well, get them to look after her or go to solicitors..

    i hope everything works out, but don’t make it a battle with social services and ruin the last time remaining you have with your mother. They are there to help..

    good luck..
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    I've had SS around before and asked permission to record the meeting. Not one would give consent.
    I have CCTV footage of carers removing Mum's mask (an FFP2) while they wore their poxy surgical masks, blocking me form putting Mum's mask back on, and threatening to "get someone to take her away" if I didn't leave the room - my own home, my own Mum, for strangers to deal with her - that she would not want either. Hours later I was being questioned by Paramedics and CID. Yes days after being fast tracked home under Notice Of Intent the 'carers' tried to get Mum taken away. I'd happily throw them under a bus. And did Social Services even look or listen to that video? No they refused to because IIRC I did not get permission to record. Did they look into the 'carers' scooping poo from Mum's bottom while she ay on her back, up over her privates and out the front and leaving her coverd in her own faeces all over her privates? No...because I complained about it but did not use the line this is a complaint. And SS have my Mum's best interest? So why no mask? Asking me to remove mine - when I could get it and 100% pass it on. Why wouldn't SSW tell me what the issue was because she would not say. How am I supposed to explain if I don't know? And why the lie(s) as I was told I had refused to let the Continuing Health Matrons in the house when they visited to do an assessment? How can a telephone call that turned into an over the phone assessment offer morph into people outside the house being told to go away? I'm not buying it. Seems to me this SSW is hell bent on something and being open frank transparent listening SAFEguarding best interests in killing her isn't it.

    Do you think the careers what come round are not going out all the time, they could bring something in as much as you by you going out.

    That is exactly why I don't want them doing any more than the current - which SSW is trying stop and increase. Now they and the D nurses stand 'down wind' of Mum in a very good ventilation system I made to keep her safe. Now their breath goes straight out the door. It's when it turns to people moving around in the room for any time the aerosol could get to her. Her p2's don't fit well and p3's can upset her / hurt her. I've looked after Mum very well like this for about one year and the only cock up is the 'carers'. They have done nothing good, only caused trouble, and stand to bring C19 as you said. What the heck is the point of that?

    Do you know who has the ultimate word on this? SS or the Continual Health Care Matrons? I hope to God it's not anyone like SSW.

    Now turning in to a rant "a home might be the best place for her". I've not the time to type it all out but this is it. Last year Mum was fine. Then she got a DVT and had to go to hospital. She was awake over 30 hours. This was like a normal person being awake 5 days (she slept 18 a day at the time) . When we left A&E to "come back the next day be ready for 7am" (for a scan) I said this time in A&E would take Mum weeks to recover from and couldn't it wait - we had the blood thinner. They didn't listen. When we came back Mum looked like a corpse. They took her away from me. Two weeks under the NHS "care" (1 in hospital 1 in a nursing home) they brought her back for End of L. They absolutely destroyed her in 2 weeks. Now you understand my deep deep hatred for i'health professionals? All they needed to do was look at their own Hospital records to see how long Mum had been in Hospital. Then when the Ambulance was called. And they'd see why she was looking so bad - put it this way they discharged us from A&E - it was the aftermath of that kicking in that made her look so ill - just like I said it would.

    I just see them destroying her one last time just for he sake of ....? Keeping themselves in a job? She doesn't need more carers. More C19. More aggro. More poorer care than I do. etc

    Yes my Mum was ill but fine. Could feed herself slowly, sit in a chair, clap hands, speak. And they forcibly take her away and bring her back 2 weeks later fast tracked becasue she is dying! You ever ha that happen? And I've had the same (swear words) happen time and time again since. I trust one of my GP's and that is it. (edited)
  6. mrt2k9's avatar
    Where are you based? If you feel you have a duty, you can raise a complaint but also
    If you participate in the safeguarding, if you have nothing to worry about, you have nothing to explain and be worried about
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    "If I participate" well so far I feel locked out. For instance the Social Services Woman (SSW) wouldn't specify what she was concerned about, did not listen to most of my explanations and actually walked off into the distance as was explaining something about the care package/carers.

    I am worried they may just decide to take her away or something based on f all.

    EDIT NW England (edited)
  7. deleted2283869's avatar
    Anonymous User
    First off they should be wearing masks as they are still working in a health and social care environment. Second of all I advise you to go and get legal advice/aid and document absolutely everything down to the final letter. I know this sounds like a real pain in the backside but having written accounts of phone calls, doctor appointments, medication issued, bath times etc will help you a heck of a lot. If your mum is on any medication at all asked a local pharmacy to print off a MAR chart so you clearly show medication given.
    Fight this to the bitter end!
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    Prob is with shielding I can't go and get much, only telephone but other than CAB ..who? There is a Carers Center and Age UK but they don't know anything about this to help (I asked previously when trying to get rid of carers).
  8. joebham's avatar…es/…ts/…re/…nts

    Hi - saddened to hear of your family circumstances

    above are links for some of Local Authority adult social care in NW regions - if yours is none of them then google your LA adult social care complaints team and keep copy of the complaint

    On completing complaints process if not satisfied then contact Ombudsman
    Social services often work on - whats working well / what are we worried about / whats needs to happen
    My hypothesis from the information is there is more to be worried about than working well - the blame game is irrelevant

    It is clear adult social care workers believe there is a suspicion of neglect given professional district nurse referral and evidence of physical harm - given there also appears a history of LA social care perception you are a barrier to their assessment / doing their job - it is expected that SW will be concerned if

    There is link below to what is neglect…ts/

    Your mother could request an advocate - that could be you but it may be more appropriate to have a professional health trained professional - ideally one that understands patients needs i.e. has extensive experience and qualifications / reputation / credibility…te/

    Finally - co-operate - co-operate and co-operate some more

    Hope situation improves for your mom and family - good luck
    joebham's avatar

    Replying to

    you have made it very clear, for your own reasons that you dont want external carers,
    the reality is such a sore doesnt happen overnight - appears preventable, unless you can prove an allergic reaction to Conotrane it would suggest the injury was otherwise obtained
    you could procrastinate at length or submit a complaint as suggested previously if genuinely feel aggrieved
    debating the issue here will not provide you with your desired outcome
    those advising solicitor - do not acknowledge you should exhaust complaints process where possible prior to legal actions
    i would infer you may come across as vexatious claimant / complainant
    please recognise all comments are a hypothesis from information provided - i do not profess to be an expert of your relationship or care of your mother
  9. mrman007's avatar
    I’m afraid I can offer little advise due to the insightful members above but you are doing a fantastic job and should be proud!
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    Thanks . It actually means a lot to me right now.
  10. JimboParrot's avatar
    A very sad and difficult situation, but surely now you need to think about your Mother going into care. You must be exhausted. Presumably your siblings are not able to help with her care at home? That rash should never have been allowed to get to the state it is now and needed obviously much stronger prescription only creams/medication.

    Very easy for us - who are on here looking for shopping deals and 'wander' into this section to comment, but I think the time has come for you to make possibly the hardest decision you have ever had to make. I assume you don't have a wife or children who need you?
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    That would be the worst case possible. Above up there I had a rant about how Mum was fine till NHS screwed her up, then took her off me (I know this guy sounds suspicious cuz this doesn't happen right?) and returned her to me two weeks, just two weeks, later for End Of L care (can't even type it). So no way is she going back to that system . Also Mum always made it plain she never wanted to ever go into a care home. Principally because she didn't want strangers taking her to the toilet etc. She still knows me so presumably knows who she doesn't know aka strangers. So that would be letting her into the place she never ever wanted to go to too.

    I don't mind being exhausted for her. You know what I often think about? Marriage vows. For better for worse, richer, poorer, sickness, health. That is what I'm dedicated to for her. I do my best. I sleep and eat when I can. Just me and Mum against the world.
  11. Meathotukdeals's avatar
    This btw is the "reaction" to Conotrane - the cream the D. Nurses and Carers were all telling me to put on this ever growing area of redness. My beautiful mum did not deserve this suffering at the hands of pen pushers and yes I've cried a lot and am still, crying posting this. ANd they report ME for doing what I was told to 100% of the time And now it might very very well kill her.

  12. optrex10's avatar
    Unpopular opinion, it seems you are terrified of covid and that's the reason you don't want anyone in to help. 2 person rotation and lifts it's always a thing for social services and it would have been a occupational therapist not a social worker who comes to assess this..
    I would suggest you work with them in the best interests of your mum an try to not let covid rule your life.
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    Should I be kept in the dark about what is happening? Eg Didn't know there was an investigation till they questioned me on the phone - as in no time to prepare answers. Didn't tell me they would visit. Now you talk about OT - again not been told this would happen. Just a phone call out the blue and a visit out the blue. Is this procedure of are they supposed to keep me informed of what they are doing? CHC have contacted me for an assessment - would this be the OT part?
  13. Meathotukdeals's avatar
    If anybody is subscribed, how's this strike you?

    Going through my records. The first time the District Nurses called to see Mum's back at my request, one of them said it looked like an allergic reaction to her pad.

    A subsequent visit. A different District Nurse said - it looked like an allergic reaction to her pad.

    Fast forward to a senior nurse coming because Mum's back now looked like a wound it had gone so bad - 'looks like an allergic reaction to her pad'. So from the very start they had identified it as this, but didn't do whatever it was they were supposed to have done - but in the mean time decided to blame me for some FUBAR idea because they saw some creams (yes that is the entire basis of the idea) - therefore I must be responsible for this mess.

    Meanwhile me and Mum are suffering as we have to undergo Assessment after Assessment and I really don't think people are being straight with me. I'm stressed and distracted from giving Mum full care she deserves from me.

    PS she never wanted to go into a care home because she never wanted strangers taking her to the toilet / washing etc. This was widely known. And that's what she might get more of because of this...before she gets C19 of course.
  14. JimboParrot's avatar
    I think there must be a very high percentage of people in care homes or hospital who have said they never want to go into one, but sadly things happen.

    You are not married to your Mum - your second paragraph above, to me, does not quite 'sit right'.
    Meathotukdeals's avatar
    It's about truly caring , through thick and thin. Not marriage. Thought obvious.
  15. Meathotukdeals's avatar
    Can I tell you how my Mum went into hospital? I was 1 year into Shielding for her. We woke about 11pm...I worked round the clock - whenever she was ready, so was I. I took her to the shower and noticed her leg swollen. Out of Hours phone call about midnight and the option was to contact my GP in the morning and have a nurse come round. That's what I decided. I washed her. Got food. Decided to keep her up depending on what the GP / Nurse said. So come 8am I phoned. Shortly a call back "Our nurse don't deal with medical emergencies - this is a medical emergency. I'm sending an ambulance". Then another call "We can take a blood sample to test for a DVT and I should get the results back before I go home". The people came to take blood but - and without solid reasons - they said "something isn't right she need to go to hospital for an MOT". An ambulance is again called. We get to A&E around 1pm. We are subject to many many blood tests - non for D Dimer. Something doesn't add up because I'm told the blood tests were for things other people aren't corroborating. Whatever they were testing for she seemed to pass them all. at 8PM, yes, 8PM, they finally take a blood sample for her D dimer. It confirms a DVT. I'm given injections and we wait for an ambulance. We get home at 4:30AM. That was my Mum had been awake for over 30 hours, when she was typically sleeping 18 hours a day. Also in A&E she was masked and I didn't let her drink, thinking "We will be home in 2 hours time". So we left A&E with the "Come back for a scan, be ready by 7AM for a 9am appointment". I asked if that was needed as this would destroy Mum and she'd need weeks to get over this. Again the "professionals" come back with "Something wrong if thats the case". So we go back and Mum looks awful. She is taken away and I'm locked out. I say I want to be with her and they threaten to "make me leave". The two weeks later she is returned fast tracked with morphine medazolam and other injectables for her death. I HATE them all. In the first 24 hours of them taking her - and they could have checked their OWN data on how long we had been in A&E and why she was discharged home after what tests to see the part of the story they are implicated in and why Mum looks so awful. So I get phone calls like "she is fighting against us, we cant even get her to sit on the bed never mind in a position to stand". MY MUM COULDN'T STAND UP! She was wheelchair bound! No wonder she was fighting. She must have been petrified with Alzheimer's and only knowing her home and me for a full year. It must have been like an alien abduction....strange place, stranger people, doing strange things to her. And that is just one part of the story of the destruction of my Mum by Professionals. I still have a video of me stuffing food into her mouth and I say I don't want to keep her up too long but there's someone coming to do a blood test". That was the last time I saw my Mum in such good health....sat in her chair and said she was full. Life was great before they came along.

    My Mum died this week. I think she might have died in agony. That might have also been because of the District Nurses.

    I wanted to die with Mum some how. But now I'm left with nothing. I shielded with her for over 3 years in total. When she was returned bed bound and so Ill all I've done is try and look after her. All I've had from the professionals apart from my GP is absolute horrendous treatment. Some carers came and because I didn't want to leave the room they actually tired to get her taken away again based on made up stories! An ambulance came and everything. And knowing how I'll thye made her on passage 1 you damn well know how I thought it would turn out if it happened again. And these are "care givers". I really HATE them all the life they have given us over the past two years.

    Sorry. Thank you for your reply. I only see one reason to keep on living and that is to tell the world what they did to me and Mum.
  16. AC-ZEP-GEN-DC's avatar
    You sound like a far better person than I could ever be. You cared and bless you for that.

    Please try to focus on the positive memories.

    I wish you well.
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