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    Housing Benefit?

    My friend lives with her partner and she works part time with a young daughter. They have a joint mortgage on flat that they bought but their relationship isnt working out but he cant see it and wont leave. If she got the money together for a deposit for a rental, would she receive any help with monthly rent till her partner accepts that its over and either buys her out of flat or puts it on the market and it sells or would she be classed as still having somewhere to stay or intentionaly making herself homeless? her daughter is just starting primary school and she herself only works part time...Any idea what her options would be?

    Thanks all! I would have had her stay with me till it gets sorted but I stay 40 miles away from her , her daughters school and her work and I receive housing benefit myself so dont think thats an option.

    Any info or advice from anyone thats been through this or knows what she should do is appreciated...

    23 Comments

    I think she would be classed as intentionally homeless. Can't she ask him to leave?? Unless there's violence she can't force him to leave. Difficult situation i think.

    does she have family close?

    Mod & Ed

    Hiya, am not being funny, but you will get lots of flak from benefit haters on here and there are a fair few sanctimonious ones around at the mo, try posting this on netmums, they have a specific section on benefit advice and employ CAB staff to advise as well, hope it all works out for your friend, not a nice situation to be in

    Banned

    As she is intentionally homeless there's a good chance she won't get housing unless there are mitigating circumstances such as violence. And if she would still be paying the mortgage it would lessen her chances even more as she would have the funds to pay rent but is putting it into a mortgage which could be seen as an investment

    She will quite rightly get nothing under these circumstances

    If she can pay a mortgage,then she can pay rent.

    No hate but there are a lot of people in much worse circumstances than her.
    Edited by: "boothy" 12th Aug 2010

    Original Poster

    No I guessed that I will get some stick but am sure there are people on here who may have been lucky enough to get a council house or LHA before they sold off so many that there are now none available for us. Or had an ex who was nice enough to ensure his kids had a roof over their heads when the relationship broke up! be nice to live in affordable housing in a location where there were good job opoortunities and good public transport, or you had family who could help with childcare and an ex who lived in country and was more than just a weekend dad once a year if he can manage over! will give netmums a try and see what advice there is! Thanks!

    she needs to get to her local housing department and explain the situation to them, they are the ones who will be able to give the correct advice, as she has a child she probably will be okay if she says that she really cannot stay there with him but she needs to talk to the people there. good luck to her!

    We are also automatically assuming that the kid would be better off staying with the mother..may not be the case.

    If she is daft enough to make herself intentionally homeless then may be better to have the kid stay with dad,until the mum gets her act together
    Edited by: "boothy" 12th Aug 2010

    Original Poster

    not sure what will happen, her partner pays mortgage and she used her money for food and her daughter as other half paid the bills cos he works full time.

    Original Poster

    unless you think a chid being brought up watching her dad play video games and only tv she gets to watch is when dad gets a job away or top gear, simpsons and other young guy cr*p not really aimed at 4-5 year olds then she is definately better with the mother who takes her out to parks and does edcucational things with her.

    Original Poster

    By lucky I meant year ago when housing stick was better and btw when I split with husband I qualified but as i worked then only option at time due to housing stock was to move into b+b and wait till i got housed out of it but i hung on till husband and I sold house and then used my profits to support my family when i was unable to work.

    Banned

    Obviously your going to pick up for your friend but who has the full time job and is paying the bills. And he isn't trying to run away to get a house of the housing association. There are 2 sides to every story. And she made her bed by having a child and buying a flat with him so its not the goverments responsibility to pay for her mistakes.

    If he is paying the mortgage and the bills then is the flat not in his name? Surely that means she will get nothing from the sale anyway.

    Sorry, missed the joint mortgage bit!

    Difficult one. Basically as she half owns a property and has somewhere to live, then if she moved out, like others said, she would be making herself homeless.

    If she finds herself a place, she would get top up credits ( as you said she works ) remember she would still be legally bound for the property her and her partner have mortgage on...
    If she really isnt happy and it cannot be resolved the only way would be to end it, sell up and start a fresh... though maybe he needs a realization, rude awakening as they say.

    For starters she needs to get a full time job

    How long have they been together?

    Why can she not stay in the flat until it is sold or either party bought out,i assume he is not knocking her about or anything?
    Edited by: "boothy" 12th Aug 2010

    probably not a rare situation, amazing all those people assuming she is after council housing??

    think if she did manage to get a rental there should be no problem claiming a rent rebate that will be means tested on her income so she might still not be able to afford both paying a share of the mortgage and rent.
    the local council decide the amount of rent benefits available speak to them.

    Why should she be entitled to anything? she is not in danger and she is not being abused! Fair enough the relationship may not be working but it cant be that bad if he cant see it. There are people in 100x worse situations, those being physically abused etc who need the system. Not scroungers who want a house because they are not "getting on"!

    She should be spending her time arranging the sale of the flat and sorting her life out than contemplating the thought of claiming money to pay for a house when she already has a roof over her head!

    It is quite possible that she will be entitled to housing benefit/Local Housing allowance.
    It would have to be looked at by the local authority.

    Get her to book an appointment, and they will be able to tell her if she is entitled to it.

    Original Poster

    Thanks for all replies - even the ones from those who have never been in that situation...You would be suprised how many marriages in Uk etc do continue because the woman cannot afford to leave and is scared of coping on their own with childcare etc to organise so have to put up with being unhappy, and their kids noticing it too. And I believe both parties have to agree to the house sale before it can be put on market and sold. She already warned him a year ago and he hasnt changed and now that her daughter will be in school full time from mid-September I believe she will be hoping by then her other half sees sense and agrees for house to be sold so she can look at buying herself. Her mother has a document re money in the house as they bought her old house when she moved so she will be due her moeny back after the bank get the mortgage paid and before my friend and her partner. She is looking into things and has asked me to also before she jumps in but I think she id considering moving near me as rents here are way cheaper and she drives so work wont be a problem for her, and she will have me and her mother to help with childcare if hours are unsociable as then you cant use childcare and get tax relief\assistance with it as you cant claim if person does childcare in your house and she wont want her daughter sleeping in someone elses house!

    nefertiti6969

    Can't she ask him to leave?? Unless there's violence she can't force him … Can't she ask him to leave?? Unless there's violence she can't force him to leave.



    I'm sorry but people like you make me sick. Why should he move out of his house and why do you assume he may have been violent towards her or the kids.

    nikkiandmidgets

    unless you think a chide being brought up watching her dad play video … unless you think a chide being brought up watching her dad play video games and only tv she gets to watch is when dad gets a job away or top gear, simpsons and other young guy cr*p not really aimed at 4-5 year old's then she is definitely better with the mother who takes her out to parks and does educational things with her.



    So a working man comes home and can't watch his TV on the channels he wants to watch?. If she is so educational with her kids then why are they in front of the TV anyway. She could just walk out and go on benefits, but what would that teach them? to quit when things get tough? sponge off benefits?.

    She needs to talk to him to come to an agreement if that does not work she should seek help from a family mediator.

    BTW I have been in this situation with a ex who cared more about her cigs then our Daughter. Guess what? I lost because I was a man and the courts are of the opinion that kids are better off with there mums. 16 years on and I see her once a year. Happily married now with a boy on the way.
    Edited by: "markvirgo" 13th Aug 2010

    nikkiandmidgets

    unless you think a chid being brought up watching her dad play video … unless you think a chid being brought up watching her dad play video games and only tv she gets to watch is when dad gets a job away or top gear, simpsons and other young guy cr*p not really aimed at 4-5 year olds then she is definately better with the mother who takes her out to parks and does edcucational things with her.



    So did she only notice this after getting married and having a kid??


    She knew what she was taking on when she had a child and got married to him to then decided you no longer want this is unfair to him and to the kids , she seems like a selfish person to me.

    I guess when he works all day long and wants to come home to chill and watch a bit of tv is a bit too much to ask of her , who probably wants to be a housewife watching Desprate housewifes all day long.


    To many people don't stick marriage out due too many selfish people about , only thinking of own needs.


    I guess she does not care about what the kids want but only she counts i guess.



    Im all for council housing and helping desperate and venerable people but i don't find her to be one and for that reason she shouldn't get any help.

    HB is complex and they take EVERYTHING into consideration when deciding entitlement. In the North East they are very strict. Check on entitledto.co.uk, check on your local council's website (ours has a calc). But she wont know for sure until a claim is submitted and processed, which obviously needs to be done after a move.

    Original Poster

    So did she only notice this after getting married and having a kid??


    She knew what she was taking on when she had a child and got married to him to then decided you no longer want this is unfair to him and to the kids , she seems like a selfish person to me.

    I guess when he works all day long and wants to come home to chill and watch a bit of tv is a bit too much to ask of her , who probably wants to be a housewife watching Desprate housewifes all day long.


    To many people don't stick marriage out due too many selfish people about , only thinking of own needs.


    I guess she does not care about what the kids want but only she counts i guess.



    Im all for council housing and helping desperate and venerable people but i don't find her to be one and for that reason she shouldn't get any help.



    No they are not married. They have been together since an accidental pregnancy 5-6 years ago. No he doesnt come home from a hard days work. He is often home waiting for a job to come up and gets up in morning and straight on the games machine. His daughter doesnt get to watch tv programmes at all - and I personally think some programmes are educational for kids and show them how things are made and teach them letters, numeracy etc. his partner doesnt get to watch tv either because he is usually playing computer games, and when he switches it off he watches top gear etc. She goes to work after getting her daughter up and fed, off to nursery when its not holidays, picks her back up after the 2 hours nursery, then gives her lunch then either her partner looks after her daughter or if he says he cant manage, she gets a family member to help out, or even has to phone her work and say she cant manage cos her partner has suddenly had to go away, or been held up from getting home, and her sister and his grannie cant manage either. she is not allowed to get a job which involves evening work as he says his daughter doesnt settle at night with him. They were scrimping and saving money - my friend hoped they would get back garden sorted and decent fencing put up and skirtings\architrave put in living room after they got new flooring 2 years ago but instead when they remortaged he used his savings and extra borrowed to fund a £19k car he had to have. A car he will not let her do car boot sales with incase it gets messy so she runs aorund in an old car her dad gave her which sounds like its on its last legs and which he didnt pay for repairs for cos he wanted his dream car. She has tried to make this work, has tried talking to him, explaining her side of things but he thinks life is fine, and doesnt understand why she has an issue with him sitting playing his PS3 once daughter bedded and she stripped and painted the hall on her own as she was fed up waiting for him to agree when they were going to do it together. Sh got pregnant stupidly young when she wasnt living with guy and had only been seeing him for just over a year but as she didnt believe in abortion she had the baby and they decided to make a go of things. They tried it, hasnt worked but he hasnt got a problem with his life and doesnt understand why she has. and she works 4week days a week, and soemtimes at weekends depending if her shifts get changed or she is asked to work extra. He could work onshore when he is home but since he got his car funded he hasnt been so keen to spend much time in workshop. he can always be home for periods of 4-6 weeks straight, not just a couple of days. And she is thinking of her daughter in all this. Her dad would probably be a better dad and spend his time with her in a more quality way if they didnt live together and as he doesnt do much parent stuff with his daughter when he is home, it most likely wont bother her. And I know about trying to make marriages work, I personally have the badge, t-shirt and book but when it got to the stage that my daughters didnt want us to relocate and daddy to live with us again, I admitted defeat after sped 3 years forgiving him for things I shouldnthave forgiven him for to have him finally admit he has never been able to love anything apart from his work and his ambitions. Although he did have feeling for his daughter he didnt love her, that he was incapable of love, though great at faking emotions and being who you wanted him to be. He said he doesnt even feel guilt for his actions, just regretted that he couldnt change who he was, and that he thought he could.
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