How about some silly short jokes ? Anyone got any funnies ... ?

    Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
    A. Marking the camels that kick.

    Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
    A. A refund.

    Q. Why did the tree fall down?
    A. The koala forgot to let go.

    Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

    Q. What do you do if a bird poohs on your car?
    A. Don't ask her out again.

    Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
    A. Because they taste funny.

    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

    Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A. Still no eye deer.

    Q. Why are women like condoms?
    A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your d....

    Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
    A. The Tooth Fairy

    Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
    A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!

    Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
    A. The car salesman can probably drive!

    Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
    A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.


    Man walks in to a bar


    Original Poster

    Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
    A. He's all right now.

    Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
    A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

    Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A. A nervous wreck.

    Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    A. Anyone can roast beef.

    Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
    A. Right where you left him.

    Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
    A. Ugly sheep.

    Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
    A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

    Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
    A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

    Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
    A. Fill it with gas.

    Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
    A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

    Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
    A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

    You should always give 100% at work...
    12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

    Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    A. Ground beef.

    Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
    A. The taste!

    Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
    A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

    Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
    A. A beer and a mop.

    Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
    A. Once were worriers.

    Q. What's a hindu?
    A. Lays eggs.

    Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
    A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.

    Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
    A. Clever Dick

    Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
    A. The porcupine has the *****s on the outside.

    Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
    A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.

    Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
    A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

    Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
    A. He left his foot on the accelerator.

    Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
    A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!

    Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
    A. Swim!

    Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
    A. Because it was dead.

    Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
    A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.

    Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
    A. Soup.

    Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
    A. Because there was a face off in the corner.

    Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
    A. Football.

    Why did the baker have brown and sticky hands?

    Because he kneaded a poo.

    Original Poster

    Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
    Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"


    When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.


    A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"


    "I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."


    Innkeeper: The room is £15. a night. It's £5. if you make your own bed.
    Guest: I'll make my own bed.
    Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.


    In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

    you lot work for a christmas cracker company ?

    Original Poster


    I thought both could remove Klingons

    yeah, good thinking ...... lol

    I don't get the Koala and tree joke ...doh

    Read this one today, thought it was funny (I dont take offence at scouse jokes, even though I am a total liverpudlian!)

    Why wasnt jesus born in Liverpool?
    God couldnt find 3 wise men and a virgin

    a little girl was sitting on santa's knee,
    santa said" hello little girl what do want for christmas ?"
    little girl saids"I want barbie and commando joe"
    santa says" i thought barbie came with ken"
    little girl"no she likes ken, but she definitely only comes with commando joe"
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