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    how do you ever get over losing someone?

    just looking for some hope,been 5 weeks now since I lost someone very dear to me and j just don't know how I'm ever going to accept never seeing them again

    61 Comments

    I don't think you ever do.... it just feels less and less raw...

    Not sure you ever will get over it, you just have to learn to cope with it, which you will in the end, time and fading memories are your friend.

    You never get over losing someone. You just take 1 day at a time and remember the good times

    time is a great healer, try to look at all the positive rather than the negative, it will get easier.

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know it's a cliche, but time really does help with the pain. You'll start to smile instead of cry when you think of the person who touched your life. It was 23 years on the 29th since I lost my mum (I was very young at the time) & if I've learnt anything from this, it's to keep talking about the person, the good times, the funny times & even the bad. Although you won't see the person again, keeping the memories fresh in your mind helps to keep their memory alive. Let you emotion & anger out. The worst thing you can do is bottle it up. I found going for a run when times were dark helped to calm my mind. Big hugs & best wishes. xx

    Original Poster

    thanks all just my chest feels so tight, hurts so much, have my good moments and lucky I got two wonderful kids that I have to be strong for, it's just so hard accepting you will never see them again...
    Edited by: "vixie2" 30th Oct 2016

    vixie2

    thanks all just my chest feels so tight, hurts so much, have my good … thanks all just my chest feels so tight, hurts so much, have my good moments and lucky I got two wonderful kids that you have to be strong for, it's just so hard accepting you will never see them again...


    You might see them on the other side one day. You never know.

    Piper247

    I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know it's a cliche, but time really … I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know it's a cliche, but time really does help with the pain. You'll start to smile instead of cry when you think of the person who touched your life. It was 23 years on the 29th since I lost my mum (I was very young at the time) & if I've learnt anything from this, it's to keep talking about the person, the good times, the funny times & even the bad. Although you won't see the person again, keeping the memories fresh in your mind helps to keep their memory alive. Let you emotion & anger out. The worst thing you can do is bottle it up. I found going for a run when times were dark helped to calm my mind. Big hugs & best wishes. xx


    So true, the best response to any question I have seen on here.

    Banned

    4 years nearly since my mother died. spent the last 6 months looking after her 24hrs a day 5 days a week.

    Still have disturbing vivid dreams & flashbacks.

    So sorry, I cant answer your question of when it ends.

    Original Poster

    CookinBat

    You might see them on the other side one day. You never know.



    ​yes I hope so, not a religious person but so hard to accept that when your gone that's it. I've never lost anyone before finding it so hard, death is such a scary thing can't imagine not being here for my children, it scares me so much. Just wish I could see him again and give him a hug life is a gift even if it doesn't feel it sometimes..

    Original Poster

    YouDontWantToKnow

    4 years nearly since my mother died. spent the last 6 months looking … 4 years nearly since my mother died. spent the last 6 months looking after her 24hrs a day 5 days a week.Still have disturbing vivid dreams & flashbacks.So sorry, I cant answer your question of when it ends.



    ​so sorry

    As hard as it may be, be thankful for having known the person.

    We will all go at some point, some sooner than others. Reflect on the good times, recall your memories, be thankful that you had the chance to have this person in your life.

    I lost my nana few months ago. She looked after me since I was 3. It still hurts that she is not here with us. I always try to remember the happy memories of her. It really helps me to cope.

    First of all, sorry for your loss, its not easy coping with the loss of a close dear person. Secondly instead of mourning their death, celebrate their life (in the words of Eminem) I lost my gran two and half years ago and it was hard transitioning from seeing her all the time to never again, time just helps make it feel less raw, one day at a time is the best way to take it, and just remember it is never truly goodbye as a 'until we meet again'

    Original Poster

    thanks everyone xxx

    vixie2

    thanks everyone xxx



    I welled up so much reading what you're going through still am.

    What you're feeling is the worst feeling in the world, but remember it's totally natural, time does help, but hand on heart I don't think it ever heals. Just hope you get through it and you're so lucky to have two beautiful girls to concentrate on.

    The you lost would want you to be happy not sad love is wonderful evert hinges about it and they say it last for ever like titanic movie style ( my heart will go on....)

    The one you lost

    Not sure I'm the best person to give advice but I suppose the fact you feel something is a good thing.

    I lost my Dad 3 years ago, to this day i haven't felt a single thing about it, like it doesn't even matter, clearly something is wrong I know I should but i just don't.

    But what I am saying is feeling the way you do is good and part of processing it healthy.. I hear you never forget and it doesn't get easier but you get used to it.

    My thoughts are with you. Go with how you feel, cry when you want to and don't feel guilty when you're happy. You can't bring them back but you have always got them in your heart. I still miss my dad (lost him over eight years ago) but I can now think about him without crying and we talk about him often. Having his hat really helps me. It hangs beside my bed with a lovely photo of him. The early days and weeks are the most painful and all the firsts. We sent a Chinese lantern up on the first Christmas. Don't bottle up your feelings. Love and hugs

    I know what you mean.... I still feel very raw after having lost someone.. very special......to me!
    But as a human you do get through, it's tuff, it's very difficult and the pain of loss remains but life must continue... and so with a part of your heart broken you continue to live another day, and yet another day and then one day (hopefully) you can get contentment and joy to continue living and enjoying life and able to reflect on that special person you lost and know that you shall never forget them but have to accept that they have departed and ... you have to live your life!

    Original Poster

    thanks all. i go from anger to sadness, to guilt for smiling, its just such a roller coaster x

    So sorry for your loss. Like others have said - time does make the pain less raw, but I still can cry at the drop of a hat many years later. I really struggled in the beginning and signed up to free counselling sessions with CRUSE bereavement - they offered me group therapy, which I was reluctant to take, but it was the best thing I could have done. Somehow listening to other people's stories of loss and understanding that I wasn't the only one filled with all of this emotion really helped. I left the group 8 weeks later, feeling like I could face the world again. I highly recommend that you think about signing up - it might help to have an outlet for your grief away from home. Best wishes

    So sorry for your loss. :(. Time is a great healer but you will be in a daze and shock for
    quite a while. Everyone goes through it differently. Involve other family and friends
    and so you are not going through all by yourself. Some days will be tougher than others.

    good luck. The only way to get through it is to get through it.

    I know what you mean , I lost my mum in March and it's still tough each and every day. Try to make them proud. For me I carry a pice of mum with me every day. You don't get over it. You learn to live on as horrible as it sounds. Keep strong and do what you can. Shows how much you care

    Sorry for your loss, i lost my dad when i was 14 and my mum when i was 28. It's hard to carry on sometimes because you feel a big whole in your life where they should be but with time you learn to carry on and cherish the good things that happen. It's hard but having been through some awful times it makes you appreciate happy moments so much more. My kids help keep me strong every day and its terrifying to know that one day i wont be there to comfort them and they may feel the pain i do

    Whilst your memories are fresh in your mind, make a book of your memories of this person. Maybe add photos. Write down funny stories or things you did together. Whwt they liked to do, hobbies or just simple stuff that thry liked to eat, their favourite things.

    It will be bittersweet as you do it but in the future if you feel down or you are missing them or just the king of them you can pick up your book and enjoy the memories.

    It might help your children to be involved if they were also close to this person.

    Never stop talking about them and feel good that this person was very lucky to have been cared about by you.

    Sorry for your loss. Time will heal the rawness of your emotions.<3

    Original Poster

    thanks everyone i really appreciate your comments, just finding it so hard, i feel like im in a daze half the time... doing the simplest things like going shopping and i just feel angry to everyone as they all seem so happy, i know you never know what's going on in someone's personal life but just feels that way.. then when people ask me if im ok i just cry, people i don't really know ask and i just want to shout at them no I'm not, but i can't i jusy have to smile politely and pretend i am... i really do appreciate you all taking the time to reply it does help and im sorry for all your losses too, i guess its completely normal what i am going through and i can't expect to get over it like you say i just got to live with it

    Supermod

    vixie2

    thanks everyone i really appreciate your comments, just finding it so … thanks everyone i really appreciate your comments, just finding it so hard, i feel like im in a daze half the time... doing the simplest things like going shopping and i just feel angry to everyone as they all seem so happy, i know you never know what's going on in someone's personal life but just feels that way.. then when people ask me if im ok i just cry, people i don't really know ask and i just want to shout at them no I'm not, but i can't i jusy have to smile politely and pretend i am... i really do appreciate you all taking the time to reply it does help and im sorry for all your losses too, i guess its completely normal what i am going through and i can't expect to get over it like you say i just got to live with it



    Sorry to hear about your loss and the way you're currently feeling. Its never easy to lose someone you care about. The things said above make so much sense but only when you're at the point of coming to terms with what has happened because right now you're still grieving. You'll always feel sorrow but as time passes the sorrow will lessen and you'll replace it with happier thoughts of the time you spent together.

    Find someone who feels the same or someone you can pick the phone up to for a chat when you feel like you're about to hit a low. Bottling it up won't help and make sure you take care of yourself too.

    Banned

    vixie2

    thanks everyone i really appreciate your comments, just finding it so … thanks everyone i really appreciate your comments, just finding it so hard, i feel like im in a daze half the time... doing the simplest things like going shopping and i just feel angry to everyone as they all seem so happy, i know you never know what's going on in someone's personal life but just feels that way.. then when people ask me if im ok i just cry, people i don't really know ask and i just want to shout at them no I'm not, but i can't i jusy have to smile politely and pretend i am... i really do appreciate you all taking the time to reply it does help and im sorry for all your losses too, i guess its completely normal what i am going through and i can't expect to get over it like you say i just got to live with it



    You do know (as well as grief) people can suffer from post traumatic stress disorder?

    you will get better

    As has been said you need to for you brain to process this, its different for everyone, but we all go though it,

    Its 4 years in November since my Mother passed, I am not over it and never will be, but the days get better, we have not celebrated Christmas since, it used to be a very big event in our lifes, not sure I will ever face it again.

    The person is always with you, you do not have to be religious to feel this, there will be signs they are there, I find white fetheres all the time, even in the house, they sometimes come to you in dreams, just be open minded

    be patient with yourself, you are expecting too much too soon, the physical pain will go, but you must remember you are going through a very difficult time that is new to you, try and find something that lets you relax and lets your mind wonder, time out is an important part of healing.

    talking also is a great healer

    nhs.uk/liv…spx

    the 5 stages of grief

    denial,
    anger,
    bargaining,
    depression,
    acceptance

    grief.com/the…ef/

    Original Poster

    yes i have people i can talk too but their going through it too so sometimes i don't want to upset them in case they are having a good day x

    Original Poster

    YouDontWantToKnow

    You do know (as well as grief) people can suffer from post traumatic … You do know (as well as grief) people can suffer from post traumatic stress disorder?



    ​i was there when it happened so i guess its possible x

    In summary, one day at time! Together will shall get there!

    I really feel for you, life is cruel beyond words. I suffered several losses and to this day i still don't know how I get up in the morning. I lost my grandad in 04 my nan in 05 my 1st husband in 06 then a stillbirth in 2011. I hate grief, it's a bitch but not all days are bad x

    Banned

    vixie2

    ​i was there when it happened so i guess its possible x



    You dont even have to be there. Just one event or a series can trigger it x

    Original Poster

    loumar76

    I really feel for you, life is cruel beyond words. I suffered several … I really feel for you, life is cruel beyond words. I suffered several losses and to this day i still don't know how I get up in the morning. I lost my grandad in 04 my nan in 05 my 1st husband in 06 then a stillbirth in 2011. I hate grief, it's a bitch but not all days are bad x



    ​so sorry

    Original Poster

    thanks i will look into that too i have had a few panic attack style things since which ive never experienced, my chest just feels so tight and painful when i do things with my kids and try to be 'normal' i feel so guilty. xx

    vixie2

    thanks i will look into that too i have had a few panic attack style … thanks i will look into that too i have had a few panic attack style things since which ive never experienced, my chest just feels so tight and painful when i do things with my kids and try to be 'normal' i feel so guilty. xx



    ​you can't feel bad for that your kids need you and you need their sillyness to get you through the day. kids are the best distraction you could hope for xx

    vixie2

    thanks i will look into that too i have had a few panic attack style … thanks i will look into that too i have had a few panic attack style things since which ive never experienced, my chest just feels so tight and painful when i do things with my kids and try to be 'normal' i feel so guilty. xx


    Sorry to read what you're going through at this time, Vixie.

    Nice to see so many people identifying, caring and sharing - lots of really decent people in Misc.

    I can't offer you much more than others already have in the way of advice; I don't think we ever get over it, but we do learn to live with it.

    God bless


    Edited by: "tryn2help" 31st Oct 2016
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