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    How long would you leave it before going into school?

    My daughter is 4 and in reception at school. Shes very quiet and shy and has been having problems with another 4 year old boy in the other reception class. I went into school a few weeks back about it and they said they would speak to him and sort it. He was pinching, kicking, punching and pushing my daughter over in the playground.

    For a while my daughter said he had left her alone. But the past week there has been incidents almost everyday. She has told me about them and her teacher has mentioned it twice to me since wedensday. Today being the latest. He had kicked her in the leg and she has a bruise there

    The school know theres a prob and have said there dealing with it.. how long would u leave it before going in again? I dont want it to look like im whinging but it just seems too many incidents are still happening

    27 Comments

    whinge as much as you can, as they are aware of this happeneing they should definately be making more than an effort to make sure it does not happen again

    Weekly review how things are.

    Make appt with the head if not happy. Make appt, don't expect it will be taken seriously just having a quick word with the head.

    Does not matter that your daughter is shy or not, should not be happening

    id rather they view you as whinging if it means your daughter is safe. You should make it hard and stern. If it happnens again, go for a chat

    masterruckus;6830784

    whinge as much as you can, as they are aware of this happeneing they … whinge as much as you can, as they are aware of this happeneing they should definately be making more than an effort to make sure it does not happen again



    They won't make any effort by just whinging. Make appt, shows you are serious and not just having a moan

    I'd go now, and ask that the boys parents be brought in to deal with it. Is the boy only picking on your daughter or is this normal behaviour for him with any child? Don't let your daughter be put off school by this boy, you've already said she is shy so don't let her get any worse. Demand something is done now before it goes too far.

    iglimpse;6830805

    They won't make any effort by just whinging. Make appt, shows you are … They won't make any effort by just whinging. Make appt, shows you are serious and not just having a moan



    I didnt actually mean whinge lol , i assumed that they had had a chat with the teacher and to just do that again

    id ring the headmaster up and say why the hell isnt this sorted yet!? the teachers should be looking out for your daughter especially if its been made aware that she is being bullied!

    Banned

    I would be going in straight away if it were my daughter.
    The school have told you they are dealing with it, well in my view, if your daughter is coming in with bruises still and the kid is still hitting her, then they aren't dealing with it. Simple as that.

    Don't put this off for a second.

    Go into the school tomorrow morning and ask for a meeting with this child's parents and the headmaster/headmistress.

    Have had previous experience of stuff like this and believe me, it won't go away by itself x

    I'd complain again, AND again, AND again!!!

    Speak to the headmaster/mistress if need be and if you still don't get any joy, go to the governors. You'll be surprised how quickly things get sorted then.

    I have kids aged 8, 6 and 4 and have been down this path before. Even had one teacher who thought by putting the kids on the same table would 'force them to be friends'.

    I work in a school, and the fact that it is still happening shows that what they are doing is not working. The child's behaviour is not acceptable and if it was my child i would be into the head straight away. If it carried on i would want the other child moved to a different class. I would also threaten taking it further (governors, out of school agencies) if it wasn't dealt with immediately and the parent of the child informed.

    i would go in and punch the wee boy, a bit of his own medicine, in no way are you whinging, this is bullying and should not be accepted the school arent doing their job

    EDIT: i wouldnt actually punch the boy:lol: maybe his father

    As they admit that they are aware of the problem, its disgraceful that they have not resolved it. They are 4 year olds so need very close supervision anyway.
    I would put things in writing asap and give the letter in person to the head. They need to understand that you mean business. Your little girl needs to feel safe and happy at school. Totally unacceptable to be getting injured and bullied!:x

    As they have said they are aware of it i don't think you can moan enough until it is resolved.

    Insist something is done if this continues. The boy can be segregated from the other children at playtime if need be.
    Do not feel you are whinging. Schools like to gloss over everything but from my experience of 8 years or so at primary school with my boys it was the parents who were firm but polite to the headmaster and teachers who got things done.
    I would even consider taking your husband in with you if this continues to speak with the headmaster as they have a tendancy to think mums over react with everything. If dad goes in as well it shows you have seriously thought this over and not just rushing in everytime you child is upset.
    Your daughter is entitled to enjoy school and there should be not place for bullying.
    In saying that it may be the boy himself may come from a decent home...kids go through all sorts of phases some of them not always good. I remember my oldest kicking a girl once,,,i was mortified. If thats the case the head should definitely be speaking to the parents who hopefully with the schools help will put a stop to his behaviour.
    Good luck.

    Unfortunately many people are more concerned with their own necks than anything else and will only take things seriously if they are made to be accountable!
    Putting everything in writing makes the school more accountable. If your daughter is injured again afterwards they are in trouble and will have to explain themselves to the authorities.
    In my experience its one way to protect your child.

    hi...my daughter is 6 and also quiet ...if she came home today bruised from a kick i would be straight into school in the morning,ask to see the head and let her know that you want it sorted out THERE AND THEN...and you want the boys parents involved and made aware(if it was mine id want to know!!),also mention keeping them apart,and suggest they keep him in (stipulate your daughter is not to be kept in)at playtime etc....this is totally UNUNNACEPTABLE and they need to teach this little boy his behavior is wrong...where are the playground assistants when this is going on?also ask what punishment they have given to the boy(we have golden time and its taken away for naughty behaviour...etc)...this needs consistancy...he needs to continue to be told its not acceptable to behave like this and it needs delt with NOW...not monitored/kept an eye on/dealt with later.....this must be awful for your daughter...i would also tell her to lift her foot and kick him back(if she is anything like mine the thought of hurting someone else...even a bully....goes against their nature )....i hope you get it sorted...its worrying enough leaving them at school at that age...but this needs sorted TOMORROW....how must she feel waking up and knowing she has to go to school....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx........

    MAIA;6831069

    Unfortunately many people are more concerned with their own necks than … Unfortunately many people are more concerned with their own necks than anything else and will only take things seriously if they are made to be accountable!Putting everything in writing makes the school more accountable. If your daughter is injured again afterwards they are in trouble and will have to explain themselves to the authorities.In my experience its one way to protect your child.



    Very true.

    happened to my girl at same age - went into school on a few occasions - but when i picked her up one day and her face was scratched really badly - i had had enough - just happened that they lived in next road - so i waited next morning to catch up with her - had a word - she knew nothing about it and was really apologetic - had a stern word with her boy (stern meaning she kicked off really bad in the road - threatened the lad with the devils retribution!! - even i was scared)- :-D and it stopped

    i didnt know the woman beforehand - so i think i was lucky she was good about it

    could work with you - try and suss out the mum first though!!

    If it was me i would definately not leave it and would be in as soon as my child said some more stuff had happened! Just keep on at them to sort it out! Thats terrible for a 4 year old to be like that! Not Nice! Hope you get it sorted!! xx

    Another thought...a letter to school governors usually goes a long way to sorting problems out.

    Original Poster

    Ive seen his parents and know from friends who live in their street that they are parents that dont really care about their kids.. apparently shes a prostitute and hes on drugs. Im just glad that hes in a different class. He does it to other children too but it seems hes picking on my daughter more prob because shes quiet.

    Her teacher has said that she knows this boy has issues but i just get upset thinking of her going to school to be picked on in the playground. Shes only just starting to come out of her shell a bit aswell in school so dont want her to go backwards..

    Thank You to everyone for their comments... its made me feel better about approaching the school again!

    CuteKitty26;6831522

    Ive seen his parents and know from friends who live in their street that … Ive seen his parents and know from friends who live in their street that they are parents that dont really care about their kids.. apparently shes a prostitute and hes on drugs. Im just glad that hes in a different class. He does it to other children too but it seems hes picking on my daughter more prob because shes quiet. Her teacher has said that she knows this boy has issues but i just get upset thinking of her going to school to be picked on in the playground. Shes only just starting to come out of her shell a bit aswell in school so dont want her to go backwards.. Thank You to everyone for their comments... its made me feel better about approaching the school again!



    the teacher saying she knows this boy has issues has nothing to do with your daughter...tell her his issues are now creating issues for my daughter...she loves school but is scared to come now and cries at home etc(lay it on thicker if you need to.)..say you sympathize with the little boy as he has issues but your priority is your little 4 year old...you can always go in tomorrow and ask to see the head/and teacher and say "i know i have been in but yesterday was the final straw....my daughter is now scared of playtime ,can you keep the boy inside at break until this is sorted out"......good luck...dont you leave that school in the morning unless your happy that your daughter is going to looked after as she should be!!xx

    I got this off teachernet,gov.uk a government website with info for teachers....

    "Head teachers have a legal duty under the School Standards and Framework Act 1998 to draw up procedures to prevent bullying among pupils and to bring these procedures to the attention of staff, parents and pupils."

    Phone the school and make an appointment to see the head teacher. Then write a letter to the Head saying that you have an appointment at such and such a time/day and at that meeting you wish to see:
    The school's anti-bullying policy
    The incidents reports made by the form teacher
    Copies of correspondence sent to the boy's parents/carers

    and you wish to discuss:
    What happens next
    How the situation will be monitored

    Hand this letter in to the school and keep a copy for yourself
    After the meeting ask the Head to write to you to confirm what was discussed and agreed at the meeting.
    Hopefully this will stop the problem but if not then send copies of correspondence to the Head of the Governors and ask that one of the Governors attend a further meeting with the Head and copy this letter to the Head.

    All of this will show that you will not be fobbed off....I hate these stories of bullies getting away with it. Unless this is taken seriously now, that little boy could become a big thug.

    My daughter is the same age as yours and in reception too and I feel for you I really do. I certainly wouldnt back down. Tell them that what they have done isnt good enough and you wouldnt be leaving your daughter at school knowing this is happening.

    I am not great with words, reading back the advise people have given is spot on.

    Really genuinly hope you sort it asap, your poor daughter x

    Get straight in there as soon as you can . If theres another problem the next day do the same again, and again, and again until sorted. My 3 year old got grabbed round the neck by this little boy in his class and left marks which the teacher completly negleted to tell us about.

    I was on the phone within the hour and in the next day to see her. Apparently the other chil has learning difficulties but im sure most people will agree that thats not an excuse and teachers should be a little more on the ball.

    How awful for this to happen to your daughter. Like other parents on this thread, I have a daughter at primary school and she was hit by same boy on two separate occassions. The teacher acted swiftly in speaking with the parent of the boy and I felt he had earned his Christmas card!

    I have tried, and still trying, to teach my daughter to be more assertive but she is a gentle soul and doesn't really understand about defending herself. Thankfully, the boy is not a bother any more.

    I agree that if the boy's aggressive behaviour does not settle then a meeting with headteacher and boy's parents should be insisted. Does your daughter have any close friends? If you know their mums then perhaps you can ask them to encourage their child to stick together more and help ward off the bully (not easy when they are so very young). Or you could try inviting your daughter's friends to play at your house to strengthen their friendship so that when they are at school, they might be more willing to help each other out.

    If there is a repeat of bullying at my daughter's school, I would visit the school at lunchtime to see whether my daughter is doing okay.

    Good luck and I hope you find a solution soon. Big warm hugs to your daughter.
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