How to read horse for sale ads

1 reply
Found 3rd Oct 2008
Horse Humour from saddler.co.uk

BIG TROT
Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch

NICELY STARTED
Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

TOP SHOW HORSE
Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane

HOME BRED
Knows nothing despite being home-grown

BOLD
Runaway

GOOD MOVER
Runaway

ATHLETIC
Runaway

NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER
Runaway

NEEDS EXPERIENCED RIDER
DEAD Runaway

DEAD QUIET
Just dead

SPIRITED
Psychotic

RECENTLY VETTED
Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse

ANY VET CHECK WELCOME
Please pay for us to find out what the [email protected]#$ is wrong with him!

BIG BONED
Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow

DOING COURSES
When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before

WELL MANNERED
Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED
Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

STARTED O/F
Started overfeeding because can't ride

SHOULD MATURE 16 HANDS
Currently 13hh, dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15hh, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow

TO GOOD HOME ONLY
Not really for sale unless you can:

Pay twice what he is worth
Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and
Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

NO VICES
Especially when he wears his muzzle

LIGHT CRIBBER
We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw

NO TIME FOR HIM
He's lucky to be fed

EXCELLENT DISPOSITION
Never been out of his stable

GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX
Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him

FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME
Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

WELL BRED
Mother and father are also brother and sister

BLACK
Brown and/or dirty

SUIT EVENTING
No brakes

SUIT DRESSAGE
No accelerator

SUIT ANYONE
Except us, we hate him

ALWAYS IN RIBBONS
The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered

ALWAYS PLACED
The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class

GOOD AT Show Jumping
All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)

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1 Comment

love it lol
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